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Malex Minute 214

Such wonder! In this epic Malex Minute episode, Malex goes out… for coffee! Also, Linus and Snufflefungus get up to mischief. Enjoy!

Episode Audio

Alex's Thoughts

All together now, let’s feel sorry for Malex! One, two, three: Poor Malex!

Now that that’s over with, do you realize this is the most epic Malex Minute episode this quarter? In fact, if you count sheer intensity and number of sound effects, this might be our most epic Malex Minute ever.

The amount of work involved in putting this week’s episode together was absolutely staggering. All those sound effects cost my sister a lot of time! And, also, $5.55. They cost that too.

So three cheers for Susie! And a little cheer for my wallet.

We all make sacrifices.

But those sacrifices are worth it when the episode turns out this well! My word, those discouraging emails have it all wrong! After an episode like this, I hardly feel like a talentless hack at all! In fact, I think I shall stop sending overly critical emails to myself.

Share and enjoy!


—Alex Markley

“Yet another bundle of hopes and dreams lost to the perilous depths of the female psyche.”


~~ Introduction

Linus: Well Malex, you’ve done it now.

Malex: What? What are you talking about?

Linus: You went to the grocery store and you forgot to buy more Chocolatey Chocolate Chocolates!

Malex: That horrible breakfast of the epic morning sugar high? I didn’t forget. I decided not to buy them.

Linus: This is an outrage! I won’t stand for this!

Malex: Linus, I don’t know why I have to keep pointing this out, but you are a laptop, and you do not eat.

Linus: What’s your point?

Snufflefungus: He’s been feeding me the Chocolatey Chocolate Chocolates!

Malex: (Gasps.) Linus! What have you been doing to the Snufflefungus?

Linus: I’ve only been drugging him a little bit… It’s so funny to make him act crazy! Can you really blame me?

Malex: Yes. I can, and I do.

Linus: This is nonsense.

Malex: We’re going to have to talk about this later. I have to go to a… a meeting. With, um. A different person. Than myself.

Snufflefungus: Sounds fun!

Linus: Yes yes, go to your meeting with yourself. We will do things of questionable legality in secret!

Malex: That’s nice, bye!

~~ Malex leaves.

Linus: Now, back to our project!

Snufflefungus: Yay! Onward to the secret lab!

Linus: (Epic.) Snuffy! Can you feel it?!

Snufflefungus: (Whispers.) I don’t know, can I?

Linus: Of course you can!

Snufflefungus: (Excited.) I can! I can feel it!

~~ Scene change.

Malex: Hey! Hi there. Uh, hello.

Echofly: Um, hello yourself.

Malex: Yes, uh… Quite. So, Echofly, I really appreciate you meeting me here.

Echofly: Why? It’s just a coffee shop.

Malex: Yes, so it is. Uh, perhaps I meant to say that I appreciate you meeting me at all.

Echofly: Oh?

Malex: Yes.

Echofly: Okay…

Malex: I mean, you could have said no, right?

Echofly: You mean, when you asked me if I’d like to meet for coffee?

Malex: Exactly!

Echofly: I see.

Malex: I’m sure you do. (Cheerful.) So how about that weather?

Echofly: It’s awful.

Malex: (Suddenly down.) I know, isn’t it? I was just thinking that same– (Nervous.) what you were thinking just now. (Front.) I mean, one minute it’s sunny, the next minute the sky is all blue. What’s up with that?

Echofly: (Laughs.) I guess it’s not so bad now. But the leaves are dropping quickly, which means that winter is just around the corner.

Malex: (Mock seriousness.) Ah yes, the capricious and dastardly change of the seasons.

Echofly: (Playful.) Capricious and dastardly indeed! Somebody should complain.

Malex: (Levity.) I’m sure President Anchorman would gladly agree to drink to forming a committee to discuss proposing a levy to fund an inquiry into the matter.

Echofly: (Levity.) No doubt.

~~ Scene change.

Snufflefungus: Whew! I think we’re finally done welding together the chassis!

Linus: Excellent! Excellent!

Snufflefungus: Linus, I never did ask… Why does it need to be so big?

Linus: It’s so you’ll be able to see over things!

Snufflefungus: Things like houses? And trees?

Linus: Exactly! Won’t that be exciting?

Snufflefungus: Yay!

Linus: Okay, I’m going to flash the latest firmware onto this thing and then we’ll be able to fire it up.

Snufflefungus: And you’re sure this automaton is the best way to help feed hungry people?

Linus: Absolutely! Not only can it serve the hungry faster with its seventeen whirling arms, but the best part is that – with the remote control helmet – you won’t have to go anywhere near the stench of hungry people!

Snufflefungus: Say, when are we going to make that remote control helmet?

Linus: Yes yes, we’ll get to that. (Excited.) But first, I need to download myself into this big guy and take it for a test drive!

Snufflefungus: (Worried.) Um…

~~ Scene change.

Echofly: So I have to ask. Why did you ask me to meet you here?

Malex: You mean… the coffee shop?

Echofly: No, I– I mean at all.

Malex: Right, of course. I– I suppose I asked you here to tell you something.

Echofly: Oh?

Malex: W– Well, you see, I– I just… I– I guess, since I saw you at the library, I– I realized… That is to say, I began wondering to my– myself that–

Echofly: Really? Now I’m curious what could possibly have the great Malex stumbling over his words so much.

Malex: (Nervous laugh.) Uh… Okay, here goes: When I saw you in the library, I realized how much I’ve missed you since you moved away.

Echofly: Oh. What? Oh.

Malex: And I’m glad to see you here in Ohioville again.

Echofly: I… I don’t know what to say.

Malex: (Nervously.) Well, if it would help we could just go back to talking about the clown overpopulation problem.

Echofly: Malex, (Hesitates.) I’m glad to see you too. To be honest… I’ve even missed you.

Malex: (Relief.) Really? Wow, I–

Echofly: But Malex, please.

Malex: Uh, yes?

Echofly: It’s– I just… You’re nice, and you’re funny, and all that… But look at the life you lead!

Malex: (Sympathetic non-verbal.)

Echofly: You always attract crazy people, crazy things, and unspeakable amounts of danger!

Malex: Well–

Echofly: I honestly fear for my life when I’m around you! And how can I possibly get emotionally invested in you, Snufflefungus, or Linus when I’m certain the next disaster will kill or permanently maim any one of you?!

Malex: Wait, wait. You’re afraid for Linus’s safety?

Echofly: Well, not in any real way.

Malex: Oh, okay. Uh, please proceed.

Echofly: Do you remember why I left Ohioville? We went on an insane quest, almost died countless times, and for what?

Malex: Snufflefungus is still known as the legendary hero who freed his people from slavery.

Echofly: That’s cute, but laughable.

Malex: I’m just saying… (Pause.) I– I’m just asking if you will consider being less distant.

Echofly: How can I get any closer, if I’m afraid for my life?

Malex: You won’t have to be! Things have changed! I’ve hardly had to narrowly escape death or maiming at all these last few months!

Echofly: (Pause.) That’s a lie, isn’t it?

Malex: Yes it is. But it could be true! I could move to a better part of town! I could install a security system! I could just say no if anyone tries to force me to go on a quest!

Echofly: (Pause.) Really?

Malex: Yes. Really, things are quiet. Stability is ours for the taking!

~~ Big steps from outside.

Echofly: Wow, you really want to make this work, don’t you?

Malex: (Laughs.) Yeah.

Echofly: Well, I guess, we could–

~~ Automaton crashes through front wall.

~~ Screaming.

Malex: (Shocked.) What in the… world?!

Snufflefungus: (Worried.) Linus, Linus, you forgot to use the door again!

Linus: (Inside automaton.) Ha ha! We demand coffee now! And those little cakes!

Snufflefungus: (Worried.) Linus, when are you going to be done test-driving the automaton?!

Linus: (Inside automaton.) I’ll stop when I’m sure it’s working. Make it snappy with those cakes, barista wench!

Echofly: (Upset.) See what I mean, Malex?!

~~ Sirens in the background.

Echofly: It’s something wrong with you! You’re just too dangerous!

Malex: Echofly, please! (Yells.) Linus, what’s wrong with you?! Stop terrorizing that barista wench! Echofly, this isn’t that bad, really. We can work with this!

Snufflefungus: Linus, stop trying to eat things; you don’t have a mouth!

Linus: (Inside automaton.) Shut up! It’ll work!

~~ Sirens stop.

Police: (Bullhorn.) We have you surrounded! Put the barista wench down and come out with your hands up!

Echofly: No, I can’t work with this! I have to leave! I have to leave!

Snufflefungus: There she goes!

Linus: (Inside automaton.) Come in here and make me, coppers! (Manic laughing, gets cut off.)

~~ End


Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Alex Markley

Voices: Alex, Gabriel, Peter, & Susie Markley, with a guest appearance by Rebecca Stout as Echofly.

Post-processing director: Susie Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Susie Markley

Thanks to Sage Tyrtle for use of the Coffeehouse sound effect.

Thanks to Sage Tyrtle for use of the Chair sound effect.

Thanks to Cinemafia for use of the Data Center Ambience sound effect.

Thanks to Patchen for use of the Foot Stomp A sound effect.

Thanks to Patchen for use of the Foot Stomp B sound effect.

Thanks to Rock Savage for use of the Crash & Glass sound effect.

Thanks to Guitar Guy 1985 for use of the Police sound effect.

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

Episode Audio4.65 MB Download Now - 4.65 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration269.9 KB Download Now - 269.9 KB View Now - Episode Illustration



If Linus had a face, I would slap it. Using Snuffy to ruin Malex's life. Bad, Linus, bad! Snuffy sounds so distressed. This episode is indeed very epic.

Snufflefungus: Linus, stop trying to eat things; you don’t have a mouth!

Linus: (Inside automaton.) Shut up! It’ll work!


Everything looks perfect from far away.

Sound Effects and Such

I had the honor of (mostly silently, she needed headphones to hear properly) watching Susie perform her mysterious art on the waveforms of this fantastic creation. It was magnificent to watch, and I believe she did a wonderful job! Kudos to you, Sweetheart! (heart)

Also I thought the tail was really funny. XD Great job, guys. :D

Und alvays rememba cheeldren: Delta ecks eqvals fee nought times time ploos von half accelerashun times time sqvared.

Lilly's picture


The cutest thing Snuffy has ever said:

Snufflefungus: (Whispers.) I don’t know, can I?

Snuffy is just too cute!

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

Love it!!

This episode is just so epic!! Linus is in his element and really having fun. This makes me think of a very old Spider Man comic. But much, much funnier.

Linus said:

Yes yes, go to your meeting with yourself. We will do things of questionable legality in secret!

This is sidesplitting!

Linus: (Epic.) Snuffy! Can you feel it?!

Snufflefungus: (Whispers.) I don’t know, can I?

Linus: Of course you can!

Snufflefungus: (Excited.) I can! I can feel it!

This is so cute and funny. I just love Snuffy. And Linus is unbelieveable.

I don't feel too bad for Malex, because at least Echofly seems to like him. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, right? Amazing job (as always) by the Rebecca Stout.

I like this episode very much, guys! I like the excitement and mayhem. And I especially like when Linus gets to have so much fun!

I think everyone involved in this episode deserves special kudos, because it's an awesome episode and I was witness to a lot of the effort that went into it. Thanks guys. It was totally worth it!!

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Peter's picture

Thanks everybody!

It's quite our pleasure. ;)

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

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