Linus and Snuffy go into business! What business? Trust us, it’s horrifying! Madness can only ensue when Malex and Mara tag along with Linus and Snuffy, and they all run into an old… friend.
In case you were wondering, busting ghosts is very unlike busting chops. In stark contrast, this entire field of endeavor is nothing to be trifled with and is unspeakably dangerous.* So obviously Linus is going to want a piece of that action.
There is a legitimate question as to why Linus keeps dragging Snufflefungus into these horrifically dangerous situations. In fact, Snufflefungus just thinks of Linus like a brother, so Snufflefungus likes to follow Linus around and do what he does. Linus, on the other hand, just likes doing bad things, and if Snufflefungus is around when bad things happen, that just means that the blame will spread around more effectively.
I have to admit, though, that I am confused what Malex could possibly have been thinking in allowing them to follow through with their plan, let alone tagging along with them. Did he think he could help if trouble ensued? This hardly seems likely, when you consider how bad he is at getting anything under control. Was he thinking that things can only get so bad in the library? Maybe. But this is all assuming that Malex carefully weighed the options and came to a rational conclusion, neither of which are necessarily safe assumptions.
If Malex had missed his morning coffee, there is every possibility that his brain was simply on hiatus from thinking.
On another note, I wonder if Mara finds herself having trouble getting along with people generally? After all, her telepathy must give her a window into a dark world which should never be peered into. Bridled emotions can only be so bridled. And if your personal brain/mouth filters are working well, you’re already doing your part to keep society in order right there. So one can hardly blame Echofly, can one?
Hm, ponder, ponder, ponder.
Finally – guys, gals – please remember to check out all the neat stuff going on at MarkleyBros.com! In addition to the glistening jewel that is the Malex Minute, we have Contradictionary (a webcomic) and Bucking Sailboat (a brand new video sketch comedy show), both of which are currently being updated every week! We work hard to bring you these, so I would honestly appreciate your feedback and your efforts to share your favorites with your friends.
Thanks a million, and have a great day!
“Excellent! I was afraid I would get some sleep tonight!”
* - Busting chops was once itself a dangerous sport, until the formal rules of the sport were changed in 1825 to ban all actual fisticuffs, forcing players to score points with only disparaging remarks accompanied by a sort of interpretive dance. Since this was at least 150 years before the emergence of the Rap Battle, these new rules baffled and disgusted all of the players, who resigned, leaving the sport in shambles.
Linus: Here, Snuffy, you carry this.
Snufflefungus: But Linus! I don’t have any arms!
Linus: Then carry it with your creepy mind powers!
Snufflefungus: (Astonished.) I have creepy mind powers?
Snufflefungus: Well I’ll be!
Linus: Yes. Yes you will.
Snufflefungus: Wait a minute! You’re a floating laptop! How did you hand this to me?
Linus: I don’t want to talk about it.
Malex: Hey guys!
Snufflefungus: (Happy.) Hi!
Linus: (Terrified.) Malex?! (Aggressive.) You don’t see us!
Snufflefungus: (Shocked.) He doesn’t?!
Linus: (Confident.) He doesn’t.
Malex: I’m pretty sure I do.
Linus: It was worth a shot.
Malex: That’s debatable. I couldn’t help but notice you guys seem to be up to something…
Snufflefungus: We’re going to the library!
Malex: Ah yes, that explains the vacuum cleaner.
Linus: Oh good! I was worried we’d look all suspicious.
Malex: Actually, you do.
Snufflefungus: We’re just going to the library to help them out with a little problem!
Linus: Yeah, Malex! I just put some ads up around town for my new business and the library is my first paying customer!
Malex: You are doing work?
Linus: (Flippant.) No, Snuffy does the work. I just boss around!
Snufflefungus: Mara is meeting us there! That’s how you know it’s a good idea!
Malex: That doesn’t reassure me at all.
Snufflefungus: Can we go? Can we?
Malex: (Indecisive grunt.) Against my better judgement, yes. But I’m going with you!
Linus: Great! You can carry the chainsaw!
Malex: I realize that, by asking, I am only signing myself up for sorrow upon sorrow, but… What are we going to the library to do?
Snufflefungus: We’re busting ghosts!
Linus: What Snuffy means to say is that we are paranormal pest extraction engineers! The finest of our kind!
Malex: Like I said, sorrow upon sorrow.
~~ At the library…
Echofly: We’re terribly sorry for the disturbance, sir! Please come back another day.
Linus: Everybody stand clear! We’re professionals!
Malex: Linus, please. Excuse me, miss? We’re here to– Echofly?!
Echofly: (Dismay.) It’s you. Of course it’s you.
Malex: (Gaping sound.)
Echofly: Malex, as horrible as it is to see you, I really don’t have time to chat. We have a library crisis on our hands.
Malex: But– But, I haven’t seen you in years! I thought you moved away!
Echofly: Yes. To get away from you. Then, despite a swarm of internal red flags and a screaming self-preservation instinct, I returned.
Snufflefungus: (Warm and happy.) Hi Echofly!
Echofly: (Softer.) Hi Snuffy.
Linus: All this sentiment makes me sick like a badger! What’s the situation here?!
Echofly: Aw… You know, Linus, I think I’ve missed you least of all.
Echofly: It all started with a couple of children hiding in the corner over there, crying.
Linus: Kids cry anyway. Big deal.
Echofly: Then the old ladies book club meeting broke up early.
Linus: Old ladies are completely unpredictable!
Echofly: They were all crying and I heard one of them muttering about the Great Depression.
Snufflefungus: Wow, they must have been really depressed.
Echofly: Even at that, I wouldn’t have called for help. But then my manager locked himself in his office with a bottle of vodka and a box of old Christmas cards from before his divorce.
Malex: So, the situation is grave.
Mara: Hi guys! What have I missed?
Snufflefungus: You missed the part where Echofly told us all about the horrible things that have happened today!
Echofly: Malex, is this your girlfriend? Do introduce me.
Malex: Uh– Oh, uh… Uh, Mara, meet Echofly. Echofly, Mara. But, you should know she’s not really my–
Echofly: Hi Mara, I’m very pleased to meet you.
Mara: She hates me.
Malex: I, uh, Mara has telepathy.
Echofly: Oh, that’s too bad.
Mara: Malex, you hung out with this girl?
Malex: Yes, well, on to business then?
Linus: So what paranormal pest do you think has been causing all your woes?
Echofly: Just give it a second. It knows we’re talking about it.
Ghost: I’m so sad.
Malex: (Groans.) Oh no.
Echofly: There we go. Hear that?
Mara: What was that?!
Ghost: Oh… just me.
Mara: Who are you?
Ghost: I’m… sad.
Mara: But what is your name?
Ghost: I never had a name.
Malex: Mara, don’t bother. We’ve run into this nameless sadness before.
Linus: Yeah, it’s useless arguing with it.
Snufflefungus: I tried everything to cheer him up! Everything!
Ghost: I remember that. You tried so hard to make me happy.
Malex: (Hope.) Yeah, we did! Surely that made you feel–
Ghost: It made me cry and cry and cry.
Echofly: (Angry.) You little weasel! You’re just a manipulative sociopath!
Ghost: (Tentative.) There– There is one thing that doesn’t make me sad.
Snufflefungus: Ooh, tell me! I want to help make you happy! What makes you happy?
Ghost: Spreading sadness doesn’t make me sad.
Malex: That’s it, I give up. Linus, fire up the vacuum!
Linus: My pleasure, boss!
~~ Vacuum cleaner starts.
Malex: Get him!
Ghost: Oh no! Being vacuumed up makes me so sad! (Screams pitifully.)
~~ Vacuum cleaner ends.
Echofly: Boy am I glad that’s over. That thing’s constant rhetoric was starting to color my view of the world. Which is, in itself, impressive.
Malex: Yeah, I can imagine. So are you glad enough to thank me– I mean, thank us?
Mara: Linus, why did you ask me to come again?
Snufflefungus: Oh, that was my idea!
Mara: But you didn’t ask me to do anything!
Echofly: Yeah, you do seem kinda useless.
Mara: You know what? I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this, but you leave me no choice!
Echofly: What are you doing, hating me from across the counter? It’s not coming through.
Mara: (Frustrated yell.)
Malex: And I think we’re out of time! Thanks for listening to the Malex Minute, and we hope you’ll join us again next week for more fun and madness!
Snufflefungus: (Happy.) Bye!
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Alex Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers, with guest appearances by Susie Markley as Mara and by Rebecca Stout as Echofly.
Post-processing director: Susie Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Susie Markley and Oz
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.