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Malex Minute 209

Malex, Linus, Snufflefungus, and Mara are finally back in Ohioville and everything is back to normal. Yes, normal. Under those circumstances, how long can Malex’s new house possibly stay standing?

Episode Audio

Alex's Thoughts

What luck! We’re back on the air! I honestly missed our characters, as if some dear friends had gone backpacking across Europe for several months. You know they’re having a grand time, but you certainly weren’t invited.

Yes, we were on hiatus for eight months. That was a dark, dark time. But never fear! We have now flooded the compartment with that horrifying red emergency lighting that seems to be so popular in space. It might hurt your eyes, but really, what kind of emergency would it be if you could see clearly? Really.

Just so you are completely aware, this new Malex Minute quarter is designed specifically with you in mind. You don’t have to listen to all the old episodes! You don’t have to “catch up!” You can start listening at any point from here on out. And there’s never been a better time to be a listener of The Malex Minute!

These new and improved Malex Minute episodes are just a bit longer, they’re more standalone, and they’re more epic. In general, this quarter has all the awesomeness you’ve come to expect from the Malex Minute plus a little extra.

On another note, new stuff! You should definitely check around MarkleyBros.com if you haven’t already. Markley Bros. Entertainment is the new home of The Malex Minute, and it’s a whole new site with a completely new layout and experience. We have new Contradictionary comics for you to enjoy, and we’ve launched a brand new video show called Bucking Sailboat!

Again, this is all for you. So please check it out! And don’t forget to tell your friends! We have Facebook and Twitter buttons on everything, so it’s all very easy to share! Friends, not to sound desperate, but your help is critical to this mission.

Failure is not an option!

Okay, so maybe failure is an option. But it’s not a very fun option. So let’s pretend like it’s not an option at all. Awesome? Awesome.

Final note! We have a booth at Mid-Ohio-Con this weekend! We’ll be hanging out all day Saturday and Sunday. Definitely hope to see you there!

ttyl!

—Alex Markley

“Mister porcupine, your unwavering gaze is very unsettling.”

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Malex: Hey Snufflefungus, uh… Have you seen the glue?

Snufflefungus: Nope! Sorry, Malex!

Malex: Hm… Linus?

Linus: Hm?

Malex: (Frustrated.) Have you seen the glue?

Linus: Oh no, no. (Pause.) Not since I flushed it all down the toilet.

Malex: What?! Why? And how does a laptop flush glue down the toilet?!

Linus: Oh, I have my ways.

Malex: You make my head swim.

Snufflefungus: Why do you need glue, Malex?

Malex: Oh, (Sighs.) I was working on my Balsa World model. Mister Balsa’s face keeps falling off.

Linus: Has anybody ever told you how boring you are?

Malex: Well, you did. Just now.

Snufflefungus: But Malex, Linus has called you boring lots of times before!

Malex: Thanks Snufflefungus.

Snufflefungus: You’re welcome!

~~ Knock on the door.

Snufflefungus: I’ll get it!

~~ Door opens.

Alex Markley: Ingrates!

Snufflefungus: Thanks, you too! Would you like to come inside?

Linus: Uh…

Malex: You’re the one that keeps insisting that you’re Alex Markley, aren’t you?

Alex Markley: Of course I’m Alex Markley! You know how you can tell? I write and executively produce this marvelous show, that’s how! I’m the most important person here!

Malex: Amazing. Why don’t you tell us why you’re here and get it over with. We wouldn’t want you to waste too much of your radiant presence on our lowly selves.

Snufflefungus: (Gasps.) He glows?! Quick, turn off the lights!

Alex Markley: I’m here to chastise the lot of you! I’m upset! Very upset, I tell you!

Linus: This is going to be good.

Alex Markley: Why do you think I’ve been paying you all these years?!

Malex: You don’t pay us. Snufflefungus, please turn back on the lights.

Snufflefungus: (Very disappointed.) Aw, no radiant glowing!

Alex Markley: You’re supposed to be funny! I pay you to be funny! You haven’t been funny in over eight months!

Linus: What?!

Malex: You’re upset at us for being off the air for eight months?!

Alex Markley: Precisely!

Snufflefungus: (Extremely excited.) I know; I’ll be right back!

Malex: I’ll have you know, mister, we’ve gone through an absolute hell since our last episode!

Linus: Yeah! You have no idea!

Alex Markley: But it was funny, right? You could have been making episodes about it!

Malex: Excuse me, but you’re an idiot and you don’t know what you’re talking about. We had to hitchhike from New Civilatham back here to Ohioville!

Linus: Some of us had to… do things to pay our way! (Sobs.)

Malex: Oh shut up. That guy asked you to calculate Pi to a dozen decimal places.

Linus: It was horrible!

Alex Markley: I’m not satisfied! I’m going to sue you all for breach of contract!

Malex: Go ahead! There’s no contract anyway, so the whole exercise is moot!

Linus: Yeah! What he said!

Snufflefungus: I’m back! This will make you radiate for real!

Alex Markley: What?! Dear me!

~~ Beam sound.

Alex Markley: (Horrified.) What was that?!

Snufflefungus: (Cheerful.) Gamma radiation!

Malex: Oh my.

Snufflefungus: Now you can share your radiant presence with everybody!

Alex Markley: Why are my hands glowing?!

Linus: Don’t worry, it looks good on you.

Alex Markley: I’m falling over!

Linus: (Worried.) That’s normal, right?

Malex: Oh… my.

~~ Scene change.

Mara: Ah, what a pretty day it is! Such a great day for a walk to Snufflefungus’s house. I wonder why Snuffy asked me to come over? Did he remember that it’s my birthday? Yes! That must be it. Maybe there will be cake!

~~ Explosion.

Linus: Mara, save us!

Mara: What happened to the house?!

Malex: My house! Again?!

Snufflefungus: (Very happy.) Our fake producer has super powers now!

Alex Markley: By Jove! I’m full of scary powers!

Mara: Your friend sure is glowing.

Snufflefungus: That was me! I did that!

Malex: (Sadly.) I just rebuilt my house.

Alex Markley: What about my funny shows?! While you were working on your house, you could have been working on being funny!

Malex: You know what you are?! You’re an egregious sham! You keep blundering in, claiming– (Gags.)

Alex Markley: Silence!

Linus: Yipe!

Alex Markley: I can float now! Can you see me floating?!

Malex: (Choking affirmative.)

Mara: We sure can.

Alex Markley: Smashing!

Linus: No! No more smashing!

Alex Markley: (Gasps.) I just realized! With these powers, I can star in my own shows!

Malex: (Still choking.) That– That’s nice!

Alex Markley: And I’ll get all the ladies!

Mara: You might want to lose the Sir Topham Hatt look first.

Linus: Don’t give him any ideas!

Snufflefungus: Who’s Sir Topham Hatt?!

Malex: (Still choking.) Can… can you put me down?

Alex Markley: Of course! My apologies!

Malex: (Coughs.)

Alex Markley: I’ll be off now, have a good day! (Rockets away.)

~~ Further destruction.

Mara: Wow, so, your whole house. Wow.

Snufflefungus: Mara! You’re here!

Linus: Is this news to you?! She never leaves!

Mara: (Offended.) Excuse me?!

Malex: (Coughs.) Guys, I think I need an ambulance.

Linus: No need! Snufflefungus can pick you up with his tele-brain-thingy, and I’ll lead us to the hospital!

Snufflefungus: (Grunts.) Okay!

Malex: (Coughs.) No!

Linus: Run, run, run! Turn left! Now right! (Fading into the distance.) Run, run, run!

Malex: (Fading into the distance.) Blargh!

Snufflefungus: (Fading into the distance.) Yay!

~~ Silence.

Mara: (Sad.) But… what about my birthday?

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writer: Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by Susie Markley as Mara.

Post-processing director: Susie Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Oz

Thanks to themfish for use of the Glass House 1 sound effect.

Thanks to Belloq for use of the Small Rocket Flybys & Explosion sound effect.

Thanks to Rock Savage for use of the Crash & Glass sound effect.

Thanks to Mire Grobar for use of the Grenade 9 sound effect.

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

NameSizeAction
Episode Audio3.31 MB Download Now - 3.31 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration281 KB Download Now - 281 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

Gabriel's picture

Wow. Just wow.

It's so good to know that the malex minute is back. ^__^ Great job on editing, Susie! I love what you did with the gamma ray sound.

God answers my prayers. He lifts me up. He gives me my breaths and refills my cup.

Alex's picture

Yay!

Gabriel said:

It's so good to know that the malex minute is back. ^__^ Great job on editing, Susie! I love what you did with the gamma ray sound.

Indeed! And happy birthday, Susie! Grand times were had by all. :)

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

I REMEMBERED YOUR BIRTHDAY, MARA!

Poor Mara. I genuinely feel sad for her. But the rest of the episode is pure genuis. Seriously, I cannot pick a specific part I like because I like it all so much! I'm so glad the boys are back. I have really missed them too.

...

You know... Since Snuffy hops, being carried by him to the hospital cannot be a comfortable experience for Malex.

Everything looks perfect from far away.

Alex's picture

Ah...

Aisling said:

You know... Since Snuffy hops, being carried by him to the hospital cannot be a comfortable experience for Malex.

But Aisling, when exactly does Malex get to experience things that are comfortable?

These questions don't answer themselves.

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

"HEY I CAN FLIRT NOW!"

XD That was hilarious.

I object, though...you guys weren't totally inactive for eight months and you were still being funny.

and Happy birthday, Susie/Mara! =DD

Praise the Lord! Hallelu!

I don't care what the devil's gonna do!

The Word and faith is my sword and shield

And Jesus is Lord of the way I feel!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^_^

Ok, first, I'm so glad these are back! Second off....great minute you guys! I loved it all! Poor Malex though...Linus and Snuffy always seem to be destroying his house. Leela! Amazing job! I'm so glad you're going to become a regular! Again...thanks for an amazing minute you guys!

God gave us music, that we might pray without words

YEAH!!

Ok, so this is Sarah borrowing Rach's account. Anyway...

YEAH!!! I'm so excited you guys are finally doing Malex minutes again! Honestly i am obsessed with these things. I honestly listened to the entire series (1-208) in less than a week. I can't wait to hear what you have for future minutes :D

I'm not stalking you. If I knew you were going to be here I probably wouldn't have come.

Peter's picture

Yay!

I can't tell you guys how thankful I am for your enthusiasm! :)

Let's keep it up! ;)

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Alex's picture

Wheee!

Thanks so much for all the positive comments, guys! These are all very exciting.

By the way, don't forget to hit those "Like" and "Tweet" buttons! We need all the support we can get. :) :-D

Fyi, I'm typing with some tape around my fingers. It's harder than it looks. Even as hard as it does look, which is pretty hard. Grr, tired. Trying to finish up the demo reel for Mid Ohio Con before it starts in < 11 hours... Trying to get Bucking Sailboat 1x02 ready to go...

Waaargh!

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

At last!

It's so good to have these goofballs back. I've missed them all.

Poor Mara. Happy birthday, dear!

I love the sound effects and everything else about this minute. It's a very good minute with which to begin a new season. (Is that the right terminology?)

Keep up the good work, team. Here's to the Malex Minute! Long may it wave!

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

hahaha

Smashing. Absolutely smashing.

Alex's picture

Ha

gnomesweetgnome said:

Smashing. Absolutely smashing.

Yes, there absolutely was smashing. This caused much distress, and we promised ourselves we'd move on.

Anyway, welcome back to the site, gnome! Although there was no need for you to create a new user account; your old account is still perfectly good. ;)

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

Gnome!

Welcome home, gnome. :)

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

how kind

the gnome is flattered that the old account still existed...thought it would have been purged long ago. If the malex wants to keep things clean and neat, the gnome can take the old account back on and the new one can be removed...hmmm it would explain why the 'gnome' name was already taken. Was worried about identity theft.

Thank you Sangming, it is good to be back.

Alex's picture

Account Shuffle

You're welcome to use whichever account suits your fancy. If I removed the new account, that would cause your latest comments to become dissociated from any account. Which I would prefer to avoid, you understand.

Let me know in an email if you need help getting back in to your old account.

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

How sad

Alex said:

that would cause your latest comments to become dissociated from any account.

Disassociated comments, denied by their creator and shunned by peers, doomed to wander a vernacular limbo for eternity. For the love of all that's decent, gnome, DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN.

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

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