Malex, Linus, Snufflefungus, and Mara are finally back in Ohioville and everything is back to normal. Yes, normal. Under those circumstances, how long can Malex’s new house possibly stay standing?
What luck! We’re back on the air! I honestly missed our characters, as if some dear friends had gone backpacking across Europe for several months. You know they’re having a grand time, but you certainly weren’t invited.
Yes, we were on hiatus for eight months. That was a dark, dark time. But never fear! We have now flooded the compartment with that horrifying red emergency lighting that seems to be so popular in space. It might hurt your eyes, but really, what kind of emergency would it be if you could see clearly? Really.
Just so you are completely aware, this new Malex Minute quarter is designed specifically with you in mind. You don’t have to listen to all the old episodes! You don’t have to “catch up!” You can start listening at any point from here on out. And there’s never been a better time to be a listener of The Malex Minute!
These new and improved Malex Minute episodes are just a bit longer, they’re more standalone, and they’re more epic. In general, this quarter has all the awesomeness you’ve come to expect from the Malex Minute plus a little extra.
On another note, new stuff! You should definitely check around MarkleyBros.com if you haven’t already. Markley Bros. Entertainment is the new home of The Malex Minute, and it’s a whole new site with a completely new layout and experience. We have new Contradictionary comics for you to enjoy, and we’ve launched a brand new video show called Bucking Sailboat!
Again, this is all for you. So please check it out! And don’t forget to tell your friends! We have Facebook and Twitter buttons on everything, so it’s all very easy to share! Friends, not to sound desperate, but your help is critical to this mission.
Failure is not an option!
Okay, so maybe failure is an option. But it’s not a very fun option. So let’s pretend like it’s not an option at all. Awesome? Awesome.
Final note! We have a booth at Mid-Ohio-Con this weekend! We’ll be hanging out all day Saturday and Sunday. Definitely hope to see you there!
“Mister porcupine, your unwavering gaze is very unsettling.”
Malex: Hey Snufflefungus, uh… Have you seen the glue?
Snufflefungus: Nope! Sorry, Malex!
Malex: Hm… Linus?
Malex: (Frustrated.) Have you seen the glue?
Linus: Oh no, no. (Pause.) Not since I flushed it all down the toilet.
Malex: What?! Why? And how does a laptop flush glue down the toilet?!
Linus: Oh, I have my ways.
Malex: You make my head swim.
Snufflefungus: Why do you need glue, Malex?
Malex: Oh, (Sighs.) I was working on my Balsa World model. Mister Balsa’s face keeps falling off.
Linus: Has anybody ever told you how boring you are?
Malex: Well, you did. Just now.
Snufflefungus: But Malex, Linus has called you boring lots of times before!
Malex: Thanks Snufflefungus.
Snufflefungus: You’re welcome!
~~ Knock on the door.
Snufflefungus: I’ll get it!
~~ Door opens.
Alex Markley: Ingrates!
Snufflefungus: Thanks, you too! Would you like to come inside?
Malex: You’re the one that keeps insisting that you’re Alex Markley, aren’t you?
Alex Markley: Of course I’m Alex Markley! You know how you can tell? I write and executively produce this marvelous show, that’s how! I’m the most important person here!
Malex: Amazing. Why don’t you tell us why you’re here and get it over with. We wouldn’t want you to waste too much of your radiant presence on our lowly selves.
Snufflefungus: (Gasps.) He glows?! Quick, turn off the lights!
Alex Markley: I’m here to chastise the lot of you! I’m upset! Very upset, I tell you!
Linus: This is going to be good.
Alex Markley: Why do you think I’ve been paying you all these years?!
Malex: You don’t pay us. Snufflefungus, please turn back on the lights.
Snufflefungus: (Very disappointed.) Aw, no radiant glowing!
Alex Markley: You’re supposed to be funny! I pay you to be funny! You haven’t been funny in over eight months!
Malex: You’re upset at us for being off the air for eight months?!
Alex Markley: Precisely!
Snufflefungus: (Extremely excited.) I know; I’ll be right back!
Malex: I’ll have you know, mister, we’ve gone through an absolute hell since our last episode!
Linus: Yeah! You have no idea!
Alex Markley: But it was funny, right? You could have been making episodes about it!
Malex: Excuse me, but you’re an idiot and you don’t know what you’re talking about. We had to hitchhike from New Civilatham back here to Ohioville!
Linus: Some of us had to… do things to pay our way! (Sobs.)
Malex: Oh shut up. That guy asked you to calculate Pi to a dozen decimal places.
Linus: It was horrible!
Alex Markley: I’m not satisfied! I’m going to sue you all for breach of contract!
Malex: Go ahead! There’s no contract anyway, so the whole exercise is moot!
Linus: Yeah! What he said!
Snufflefungus: I’m back! This will make you radiate for real!
Alex Markley: What?! Dear me!
~~ Beam sound.
Alex Markley: (Horrified.) What was that?!
Snufflefungus: (Cheerful.) Gamma radiation!
Malex: Oh my.
Snufflefungus: Now you can share your radiant presence with everybody!
Alex Markley: Why are my hands glowing?!
Linus: Don’t worry, it looks good on you.
Alex Markley: I’m falling over!
Linus: (Worried.) That’s normal, right?
Malex: Oh… my.
~~ Scene change.
Mara: Ah, what a pretty day it is! Such a great day for a walk to Snufflefungus’s house. I wonder why Snuffy asked me to come over? Did he remember that it’s my birthday? Yes! That must be it. Maybe there will be cake!
Linus: Mara, save us!
Mara: What happened to the house?!
Malex: My house! Again?!
Snufflefungus: (Very happy.) Our fake producer has super powers now!
Alex Markley: By Jove! I’m full of scary powers!
Mara: Your friend sure is glowing.
Snufflefungus: That was me! I did that!
Malex: (Sadly.) I just rebuilt my house.
Alex Markley: What about my funny shows?! While you were working on your house, you could have been working on being funny!
Malex: You know what you are?! You’re an egregious sham! You keep blundering in, claiming– (Gags.)
Alex Markley: Silence!
Alex Markley: I can float now! Can you see me floating?!
Malex: (Choking affirmative.)
Mara: We sure can.
Alex Markley: Smashing!
Linus: No! No more smashing!
Alex Markley: (Gasps.) I just realized! With these powers, I can star in my own shows!
Malex: (Still choking.) That– That’s nice!
Alex Markley: And I’ll get all the ladies!
Mara: You might want to lose the Sir Topham Hatt look first.
Linus: Don’t give him any ideas!
Snufflefungus: Who’s Sir Topham Hatt?!
Malex: (Still choking.) Can… can you put me down?
Alex Markley: Of course! My apologies!
Alex Markley: I’ll be off now, have a good day! (Rockets away.)
~~ Further destruction.
Mara: Wow, so, your whole house. Wow.
Snufflefungus: Mara! You’re here!
Linus: Is this news to you?! She never leaves!
Mara: (Offended.) Excuse me?!
Malex: (Coughs.) Guys, I think I need an ambulance.
Linus: No need! Snufflefungus can pick you up with his tele-brain-thingy, and I’ll lead us to the hospital!
Snufflefungus: (Grunts.) Okay!
Malex: (Coughs.) No!
Linus: Run, run, run! Turn left! Now right! (Fading into the distance.) Run, run, run!
Malex: (Fading into the distance.) Blargh!
Snufflefungus: (Fading into the distance.) Yay!
Mara: (Sad.) But… what about my birthday?
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writer: Alex Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by Susie Markley as Mara.
Post-processing director: Susie Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Oz
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.