Our heroes have left the Inn and are now in the Great Marsh between the village and New Civilatham. And bad things happen! (Didn’t see that coming, did you?) Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think.
Oh no! How can it be?! The PSA Agent has finally caught up our heroes?! And his real name is Gilbert?!
This, friends, is a tragedy.
This episode’s recording session was a lot of fun* to record this past weekend, mostly because our usually trustworthy multi-track recorder malfunctioned during one of our recording sessions, causing us to lose an entire episode. I ’ave me doubts about the hard drive controller in this beastie, and I know the file system is bogus.**
Anyway, this episode was not the episode we were intending to record. We were intending to record a different episode first, working our way backward to this one, because this one has Agent Gilbert in it, and Agent Gilbert’s voice murders Gabriel’s throat. So after spending a couple of hours bringing the recorder back up to speed and not knowing when it was going to crash next, we opted to record this episode and reconvene at a later date (with different hardware) to record subsequent episodes.
I do have a nice new audio interface which I purchased as a replacement for the aging hard drive recorder, but it was in Cleveland at the time, and we didn’t have time for me to fetch it. Also, I hadn’t previously had time to get this new interface working and put it through its paces. At least, not in any meaningful way. I guess there’s no time like the present, eh?
Oh, and my siblings did a great job making this episode work this week. Everybody’s been getting busier and busier, so the episode didn’t get touched until Thursday. But my siblings still managed to pull the whole post-production shebang together in just a few hours on Thursday evening. So, procrastination or heroism? You decide! But not until you’ve had a listen. Enjoy!
“In time, you’ll come to hate me as I do.”
* - In this instance, the word ‘fun’ is being used in a purely sarcastic manner to mean something more like ‘torture,’ ‘horror,’ ‘disfiguring scars,’ and “wailing and gnashing of teeth.”
** - What sane FAT32 implementation goes bananas when you FSCK the volume? Seriously!
Mara: Oh, I wish we were back at the Inn! It was so much nicer than this… mud.
Linus: And those cockroaches! They were so preferable to this place!
Mara: (Sighs.) I know.
Snufflefungus: (Happy.) Hopping around in this mud is so messy when you have fur! (Sad.) But it smells so bad!
Malex: Let’s just get through this marsh. It’s very marshy, and on the other side we should find less marsh.
Mara: Clever. Isn’t New Civilatham over there somewhere?
Linus: Sure, if Philip was to be trusted, which I doubt, but what I’m really worried about is that horrifying mountain belching fumes and despair!
Snufflefungus: (Cheerful.) Oh yeah! It makes me want to run the other way as fast as my hops can carry me!
Mara: It smells like death. And I think everything near it dies.
Snufflefungus: (Still cheerful.) Oh, but look! There’s something green!
Malex: It’s not alive.
Snufflefungus: But it used to be!
Linus: No it didn’t. It’s a suit of armor on a corpse.
Snufflefungus: Which used to be alive, silly!
Malex: It’s only green because that knight was wearing a copper suit of armor when he died and now it’s all oxidized.
Linus: (Laughs derisively.) Silly, stupid knight! He’s dead because he was wearing a suit of armor made out of such a soft metal!
~~ Very pronounced rumbling.
Mara: (Explodes.) No, he’s dead because he got near the mountainy volcano… thing.
Malex: It’s called Mount Gloom. It is an active volcano and it belches up the molten remains of human souls.
Mara: How comforting.
Linus: Malex, how did you get that information? Philip never said that about the souls.
Malex: It’s on the tourist sign, right there.
Snufflefungus: “100 Miles to Carnage. That way!”
Mara: Stop reading the sign. It’s a depressing sign.
PSA Agent Gilbert: Halt! You are all now my prisoners!
Malex: Is that a firearm? Where did you get a firearm?
PSA Agent Gilbert: I stole it from the village, but– What does it matter where I got the firearm?! Why do you even care?!
Malex: I’m just surprised, that’s all. You were this spooky agent of the shadowy PSA on Earth. You chased us here in a spaceship and you’ve been hunting us for like four months, so I was kind of expecting you to arrive in some floating scooter thing with futuristic weapons and stuff, so this is a little disappointing.
Snufflefungus: Oh how the mighty have fallen!
PSA Agent Gilbert: What are you talking about?!
Malex: Well, you look a little bit like a wild animal and you’re waving a flintlock rifle.
PSA Agent Gilbert: Blitherers! How dare you speak like that to me?!
Linus: I’m sorry, but your unshaven parody of a face is just a bit hard to take seriously.
Mara: And you smell like your bathing habits need to be included in your new year’s resolution.
PSA Agent Gilbert: (Enraged.) Arrgh! Quit speaking and tie yourselves up before I shoot you all!
Malex: Um… you only have one shot. And what, pray tell, should we tie ourselves up with?
PSA Agent Gilbert: Only one shot?! Oh, I have many shots.
Linus: Maybe so, but it’ll take you half an hour to reload.
PSA Agent Gilbert: You lie! Besides, I can always beat you to death with the smoking barrel!
Mara: How elegant.
Snufflefungus: So, how are we tying ourselves up now?
PSA Agent Gilbert: Use this! (Proud.) I made it myself.
Malex: I have to tell you, mister– what do I call you?
PSA Agent Gilbert: I am PSA Agent Gilbert! Terror of the leavened fleece!
Linus: I hope he doesn’t elaborate.
Malex: Well, Gilly, I have to tell you–
PSA Agent Gilbert: Don’t you call me ‘Gilly!’
Malex: –your motivation seems a little stale here. I just don’t think anybody knows or cares what you want anymore.
PSA Agent Gilbert: But of course I’m seeking the secrets of Snufflefungus’s power!
Mara: Great Malex, you set him off. Now he thinks that explaining will make us care.
Snufflefungus: (Scared.) But Mara, he wants to take cross sections of my brain!
PSA Agent Gilbert: Yes! Yes I do! (Dissolves into mad laughter.)
Linus: Anyway, what are you going to do with the cross-sections of his brain? That’s the real question.
PSA Agent Gilbert: Have you ever seen Heroes?
PSA Agent Gilbert: Well know this: It is horrible! (More laughter.)
Malex: So should we even bother reasoning with you?
PSA Agent Gilbert: Of course not! I’ve been wandering in the wilderness for so long, I’m far past the point of reason!
Snufflefungus: Well Gilbert, I think that was a very introspective and candid assessment of your situation. Now, how long would you say you’ve had this problem?
PSA Agent Gilbert: Shut up or I’ll waste my first shot!
Malex: Easy there, Jeremiah Johnson, you might put somebody’s eye out.
PSA Agent Gilbert: Are you all tied up yet?
Snufflefungus: (Cheerful.) Yup! Good and tight!
PSA Agent Gilbert: Excellent! Now we can begin… (Dissolves into laughter again.)
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Alex Markley with input from Peter Markley, Gabriel Markley, and Leela.
Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by Leela as Mara.
Post-processing director: Leela
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Drew Reed
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.