Our heroes set out! Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think.
And with this episode, our heroes set out on a mission they don’t understand to save a planet they don’t yet know.
I should tell you flat out: This quarter wraps up a story arc that I have been planning for a long time. I will be putting pieces of the puzzle together that we first heard as far back as almost a year and a half ago. I promise, the climax to this story arc will be truly epic, and will absolutely be a fitting end to the first four years of the Malex Minute.
That said, give it up for Linus the Laptop, Ladies and Gentlemen! His insanity really should be measurable with some sort of tangible scale. Like kilograms.
The best part, in my opinion, is that his screams in the face of such an obviously harmless situation may seem, on first glance, to be completely counterintuitive. But on second glance his disproportionate reaction almost appears to have a premonitory quality to it. It is as if some part of his deranged lappy mind knows that it is in terrible, terrible danger, and yet finds itself utterly unable to form a rational response.
As a last note, you will observe that there is no new illustration this week. Peter has been quite overwhelmed with his college coursework when combined with Contradictionary and his work on Malex Minute illustrations. We have collectively deemed that his work on Contradictionary is both qualitatively and quantitatively more valuable than his work on Malex Minute illustrations, and so we have decided that it would be better for him to give us more Contradictionary instead of illustrations for each Malex Minute episode.
Instead of producing an illustration for each Malex Minute episode, Peter has produced for us a beautiful poster image representing Malex Minute Quarter Sixteen. I think it’s a very nice compromise. And I am always in favor of anything that brings us more Contradictionary.
So anyway, enjoy this episode! It’ll be a whole week until the next one.
P.S. Please check back tomorrow (Saturday, December 12th) for an important announcement about the Malex Minute and the wider Malex Media Network.® If you listen to the show or enjoy any Malex Media Network® productions, this announcement will affect you, so please don’t miss it.
Linus: So we’re back in the woods!
Malex: Thankfully this part of the woods isn’t full of zombie trees.
Mara: Just the same, I’d feel better if we had a guide to lead us through.
Malex: Philip’s directions were very clear. We keep heading east until we come to the edge of the woods, and there will be a plain. On that plain we’ll find a little village where we should be able to stop and replenish our supplies. Then we’ll make our way northeast to the marsh, and finally north to New Civilatham!
Snufflefungus: And we have new supplies, too!
Malex: That’s right! No longer must we sleep in a giant cardboard box!
Mara: Yes! We finally have tents to sleep under!
Snufflefungus: And sleeping bags!
Malex: Yes, well, remember these are sleeping bags made by and for Snufflefungi, so they pretty much come up to my knees.
Snufflefungus: And they’re cozy, too!
Malex: Yes. My ankles are cozy.
Linus: So when are we going to stop for the night?
Malex: Oh, I think we can probably make it another couple of miles before nightfall.
Linus: (Whining.) But I’m tired and my feet are killing me!
Malex: You don’t sleep and you don’t have any feet. You’re thinking of somebody else again.
Linus: Oh yes! For a moment there I thought I was Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Silly me.
Snufflefungus: But Linus! You are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle!
Malex: It’s true. You needed a soul, and his was the only one available.
Linus: But why would his estate give up his soul?!
Malex: It’s on loan.
Mara: How exciting, Linus! You’re a clever knight who believes in fairies!
Linus: (Sarcastic.) Great! Just make fun of the laptop. It’s not like I have feelings!
~~ Tiny Sound.
Snufflefungus: (Excited.) Shh! Did you hear that?!
~~ Tiny Sound.
Mara: Why are we always hearing strange things and then having them pop up unexpectedly?! Why can’t we just, for once, see something coming from a long way off?
Malex: Maybe it’s because this is an audio show, and nobody has yet invested in upgrading us to an animated series.
Snufflefungus: Too true, too true.
Linus: Quite a shame, really.
Malex: Believe you me, sister, we’d love to get into the visual gags… But, you know, there are challenges.
Mara: Look, there it is!
Creature: (Makes tiny sound.)
Linus: (Screams for a solid minute, before finally calming down.)
Snufflefungus: Linus, why are you scared? It’s fuzzy, cute, flying, and smiling!
Linus: It gives me the willies!
Creature: (Makes tiny sound, then bites.)
Linus: (Slower.) (Screams.) Arrgh! It bit me!
Malex: Well, maybe that’s because you screamed at it.
Linus: (Slower.) I think I’m gonna be sick.
Snufflefungus: Look, there are hundreds of them!
~~ Lots of tiny sounds.
Linus: (Slower.) Oh no!
Mara: Malex, maybe we should go?
Malex: Nah, they’re only picking on Linus. He can take it.
Linus: (Slower.) Numb. And cold. So cold.
Malex: And they’re so delightful to look at! Let’s camp here for the night!
Snufflefungus: Yay for the flying fuzzies!
~~ Tiny biting sound.
Mara: Oh, did one of them bite you too?
Malex: (Slurring.) Maybe we’d better not camp here for the night.
Snufflefungus: Malex, your face is sliding! Pick it up!
Malex: (Slurring.) What?!
Mara: Snuffy, don’t point. Everybody’s face starts to slide as they get older.
Malex: (Slurring.) Blargh!
Mara: On the other hand, that’s pretty extreme.
Malex: (Slurring.) Snuffy, help! (Falls over.)
Snufflefungus: I will save the day! Shoo! Shoo, flying fuzzies!
~~ Tiny sounds clear out.
Linus: (Slower.) My hero.
Malex: (Slurring.) Well Ladies and Gentlemen, thanks for joining this week! We should either recover or die, so check back next week and find out!
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Alex Markley, with input from Peter Markley and Gabriel Markley.
Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by Leela as Mara.
Post-processing director: Leela
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Drew Reed
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.