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Malex Minute 197

Our heroes set out! Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think.

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

And with this episode, our heroes set out on a mission they don’t understand to save a planet they don’t yet know.

I should tell you flat out: This quarter wraps up a story arc that I have been planning for a long time. I will be putting pieces of the puzzle together that we first heard as far back as almost a year and a half ago. I promise, the climax to this story arc will be truly epic, and will absolutely be a fitting end to the first four years of the Malex Minute.

That said, give it up for Linus the Laptop, Ladies and Gentlemen! His insanity really should be measurable with some sort of tangible scale. Like kilograms.

The best part, in my opinion, is that his screams in the face of such an obviously harmless situation may seem, on first glance, to be completely counterintuitive. But on second glance his disproportionate reaction almost appears to have a premonitory quality to it. It is as if some part of his deranged lappy mind knows that it is in terrible, terrible danger, and yet finds itself utterly unable to form a rational response.

How exciting!

As a last note, you will observe that there is no new illustration this week. Peter has been quite overwhelmed with his college coursework when combined with Contradictionary and his work on Malex Minute illustrations. We have collectively deemed that his work on Contradictionary is both qualitatively and quantitatively more valuable than his work on Malex Minute illustrations, and so we have decided that it would be better for him to give us more Contradictionary instead of illustrations for each Malex Minute episode.

Instead of producing an illustration for each Malex Minute episode, Peter has produced for us a beautiful poster image representing Malex Minute Quarter Sixteen. I think it’s a very nice compromise. And I am always in favor of anything that brings us more Contradictionary.

So anyway, enjoy this episode! It’ll be a whole week until the next one.


——Alex Markley

P.S. Please check back tomorrow (Saturday, December 12th) for an important announcement about the Malex Minute and the wider Malex Media Network.® If you listen to the show or enjoy any Malex Media Network® productions, this announcement will affect you, so please don’t miss it.


~~ Introduction

Linus: So we’re back in the woods!

Snufflefungus: Yay!

Malex: Thankfully this part of the woods isn’t full of zombie trees.

Mara: Just the same, I’d feel better if we had a guide to lead us through.

Malex: Philip’s directions were very clear. We keep heading east until we come to the edge of the woods, and there will be a plain. On that plain we’ll find a little village where we should be able to stop and replenish our supplies. Then we’ll make our way northeast to the marsh, and finally north to New Civilatham!

Linus: Adventurous!

Snufflefungus: And we have new supplies, too!

Malex: That’s right! No longer must we sleep in a giant cardboard box!

Mara: Yes! We finally have tents to sleep under!

Snufflefungus: And sleeping bags!

Malex: Yes, well, remember these are sleeping bags made by and for Snufflefungi, so they pretty much come up to my knees.

Snufflefungus: And they’re cozy, too!

Malex: Yes. My ankles are cozy.

Linus: So when are we going to stop for the night?

Malex: Oh, I think we can probably make it another couple of miles before nightfall.

Linus: (Whining.) But I’m tired and my feet are killing me!

Malex: You don’t sleep and you don’t have any feet. You’re thinking of somebody else again.

Linus: Oh yes! For a moment there I thought I was Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Silly me.

Snufflefungus: But Linus! You are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle!

Linus: What?!

Malex: It’s true. You needed a soul, and his was the only one available.

Linus: But why would his estate give up his soul?!

Malex: It’s on loan.

Mara: How exciting, Linus! You’re a clever knight who believes in fairies!

Linus: (Sarcastic.) Great! Just make fun of the laptop. It’s not like I have feelings!

~~ Tiny Sound.

Snufflefungus: (Excited.) Shh! Did you hear that?!

~~ Tiny Sound.

Mara: Why are we always hearing strange things and then having them pop up unexpectedly?! Why can’t we just, for once, see something coming from a long way off?

Malex: Maybe it’s because this is an audio show, and nobody has yet invested in upgrading us to an animated series.

Snufflefungus: Too true, too true.

Linus: Quite a shame, really.

Malex: Believe you me, sister, we’d love to get into the visual gags… But, you know, there are challenges.

Mara: Look, there it is!

Creature: (Makes tiny sound.)

Linus: (Screams for a solid minute, before finally calming down.)

Snufflefungus: Linus, why are you scared? It’s fuzzy, cute, flying, and smiling!

Linus: It gives me the willies!

Creature: (Makes tiny sound, then bites.)

Linus: (Slower.) (Screams.) Arrgh! It bit me!

Malex: Well, maybe that’s because you screamed at it.

Linus: (Slower.) I think I’m gonna be sick.

Snufflefungus: Look, there are hundreds of them!

~~ Lots of tiny sounds.

Linus: (Slower.) Oh no!

Mara: Malex, maybe we should go?

Malex: Nah, they’re only picking on Linus. He can take it.

Linus: (Slower.) Numb. And cold. So cold.

Malex: And they’re so delightful to look at! Let’s camp here for the night!

Snufflefungus: Yay for the flying fuzzies!

~~ Tiny biting sound.

Malex: Ow!

Mara: Oh, did one of them bite you too?

Malex: (Slurring.) Maybe we’d better not camp here for the night.

Snufflefungus: Malex, your face is sliding! Pick it up!

Malex: (Slurring.) What?!

Mara: Snuffy, don’t point. Everybody’s face starts to slide as they get older.

Malex: (Slurring.) Blargh!

Mara: On the other hand, that’s pretty extreme.

Malex: (Slurring.) Snuffy, help! (Falls over.)

Snufflefungus: I will save the day! Shoo! Shoo, flying fuzzies!

~~ Tiny sounds clear out.

Linus: (Slower.) My hero.

Malex: (Slurring.) Well Ladies and Gentlemen, thanks for joining this week! We should either recover or die, so check back next week and find out!

Mara: Uh…

~~ End


Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Alex Markley, with input from Peter Markley and Gabriel Markley.

Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by Leela as Mara.

Post-processing director: Leela

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Drew Reed

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

Episode Audio3.18 MB Download Now - 3.18 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Quarter 16 Illustration254.26 KB Download Now - 254.26 KB View Now - Quarter 16 Illustration



Wow. I am pretty excited for the announcement tomorrow. ^___^ I do have a question, though. If Peter's busy making Contradictionaries and not making Minute illustrations, are we going to have a poster image at the end of each quarter or something? Speaking of the poster, is there any way I could get a copy of it?

Now on the Minute...

Linus: (Screams for a solid minute, before finally calming down.)

o.o Make it stooooooop >____< But, Foppy, kudos for, uh, keeping it going so long. And sounding so horrified. And manly. ;)

Oh my land... Malex and Linus sound somewhere between drunk and under anesthetic o.o

Overall, this was a great episode. It wasn't terribly disappointing to see the same epic picture as last time. :D

***gnnb gives it up for Linus the Laptop (and all the other "actors") even though she doesn't qualify as a lady or a gentleman ;)

Praise the Lord! Hallelu!

I don't care what the devil's gonna do!

The Word and faith is my sword and shield

And Jesus is Lord of the way I feel!

Good Job!

The screaming for a whole minute was quite a feat it sounds like. *clapping* Anyways, I am interested in what tomorrow's announcement might hold...it should be interesting indeed.

God gave us music, that we might pray without words

Lilly's picture


Wow, I have to admit I very much felt like slapping Linus to make him stop :-P Then I realized there was still 30 more seconds of it i had to listen to and hitting the laptop wasn't gonna make it go away... unless I hit it really _really_ hard....

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City


Wonderful! =D Great screaming. ;) XD But uh....good job everybody! :)

I do not think outside a box, I think outside of a circle! :P



Wow. The intensity of listening to a person scream for a solid minute is more than one would expect. One has to either laugh or get away from it. Or both. I thought it was hilarious.

I liked the sounds of the little flying fuzzies. I'm sorry Quartz couldn't draw us a picture of them, but I suppose it's better this way. I'd rather have the Contradictionaries.

This was a very funny episode, guys. It had a number of my favorite elements: Madness, screaming, cute little sounds and funny voice slurring. Yep, I had a real good time. :-D

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Mariel 7's picture


I only just got the chance to listen to the episode and I almost died laughing!! XD

My favorite lines this time both came from Malex:

Malex: Yes. My ankles are cozy

Malex: (Slurring.) Well Ladies and Gentlemen, thanks for joining this week! We should either recover or die, so check back next week and find out!

Very nice! ^__^

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano


how is ;inus sick with the disease if he is a laptop

to Him we are more precious than rubies/emeralds/diamonds/amysist/any gem

Alex's picture

Mariel 7 said: I only just

Mariel 7 said:

I only just got the chance to listen to the episode and I almost died laughing!! XD

Thanks so much, Mariel! I'm glad you enjoyed the episode. :-D

Emerald Girl said:

how is ;inus sick with the disease if he is a laptop

That is an excellent question. :) Perhaps the biting damaged something? Maybe there was an electrostatic discharge? Who knows?! :)

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

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