The citizens of Snuffleopolis give our heroes the warmest possible welcome! Also, a harbinger of doom arrives, harbingering doom. Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think.
I find myself in the position of writing thoughts in Malex’s stead as a birthday gift. He was too busy partying with friends yesterday to write, and all I gave him besides was a glove. One glove. So I felt I should extend some charity.
I just finished writing a five-page essay too, so my writing wits are nice and sharpened. But the transition from a topic on the controversy between world religions represented in the population of America to a comedy show is an awkward one, to be polite about it. Somebody must be playing a joke on me.
Once in the actual act of composing these thoughts, I have come to a stunning realization. We should hire a large number of monkeys and give them a computer until they randomly type a passable “Malex’s Thoughts” section. They’re cheaper than human labor since all they want is bananas, and the result would be just as good while saving Alex and I the time! Besides, it seemed to work for Shakespeare.
So anyway, I sincerely hope you enjoy this episode and harbor growing excitement at seeing* the plot unfold like a day-old diaper! Er– Well, maybe not.
Just listen to the episode and laugh. Because it’s funny.
“They were all packed together several car-lengths ahead of me playing patty-cake with their bumpers. Or hopscotch. I couldn’t tell which.”
* - Or hearing?
Snufflefungus: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! There are so many Snufflefungi here, Malex!
Malex: So there are!
Linus: A whole colony of them! I wonder if they’re all as gullible as you, Snuffy? My mind is overwhelmed with the possibility!
Philip the Snufflefungus: Alright! Almost everyone is assembled for the big meet!
Mara: Philip, you didn’t have to set all this up…
Philip the Snufflefungus: Nonsense! You are our guests here! (Addressing the crowd.) Everybody! As you all know by now, I discovered some new friends wandering out in the woods while on watch last night. I saved them from the flesh-eating zombie trees and brought them back here!
Malex: And we’re very grateful – for everything.
Philip the Snufflefungus: Now, we’re going to hear from a man who needs no introduction: Mayor Fluffsalot!
Linus: (Whispers.) Do they go to all this trouble for everyone who visits?
Mara: (Whispers back.) I have no idea.
Fluffsalot the Snufflefungus: Welcome, one and all, to this celebration… of friends!
~~ Crowd cheers.
Fluffsalot the Snufflefungus: As we all know, the first step in making new friends is the introduction! So, new friends, you already know Philip, and I am Mayor Fluffsalot. Now it’s your turn! Introduce yourselves!
Linus: Ooh! Me first! I’m Linus, and I live in a laptop. And (aggressively) I’m smarter than every one of you!
Malex: I apologize for him, he’s got a bad lappy mind. My name is Malex. I am a human, and the leader of our little group.
Mara: I am Mara. I am the token female and I have telepathy, despite the fact that everybody knows that humans don’t have telepathy. If you’re sensing bitterness, you may have telepathy. Or just a brain.
Malex: (Terrified.) Oh boy.
Snufflefungus: (Whispers.) Malex, is it my turn?
Malex: (Whispers.) Yes, go ahead.
Snufflefungus: Hi everybody! I am Snufflefungus!
Fluffsalot the Snufflefungus: Yes, we see that you are a Snufflefungus, but what is your name?
Snufflefungus: My name is Snufflefungus! Snufflefungus the Snufflefungus!
~~ Crowd gasps.
Fluffsalot the Snufflefungus: Do you mean to say that… Are you…?
Philip the Snufflefungus: Everybody look! It’s Snufflefungus the Snufflefungus, the hero who came to our home planet and set us free from our slavery!
~~ Crowd claps and cheers.
Fluffsalot the Snufflefungus: Snuffy, you are legendary! You came to our planet and, with your legendary eloquence, convinced our masters to see us as people and not property! With your legendary, passionate entreaty, you brought us all hope! A legendary hope!
Snufflefungus: Well, shucks… I wouldn’t thought, I mean… I only know what I do. Or, I do what I know. That is to say, thank you all, and merry Christmas!
Philip the Snufflefungus: Inspiring words!
Linus: Joy overdose! Arrgh!
Fluffsalot the Snufflefungus: Snufflefungus, on behalf of all the citizens of Snuffleopolis, and in keeping with the tradition of the New Friends Ceremony, we give you a free pass to the Candy and Joy Closet!
~~ Crowd cheers.
Snufflefungus: I– I– Candy and joy, Malex! Candy and joy!
Mara: I’m speechless. My faith in humanity is restored.
Malex: Why? I didn’t do anything.
Mara: Oh good! Then I still don’t have any reason to like you. Faithlessness restored!
Linus: Malex, she’s almost as bitter as I am! I think I’m in love…
~~ Seismic tremor.
~~ Crowd gasps.
Mara: What was that?!
Snufflefungus: That was a seismic tremor! That means the planet is shaking!
Linus: Great, Malex! You led us to a dying planet!
Sad Orange Riding Squirrel: If only you knew!
Malex: Sad Orange Riding Squirrel?! What are you doing here?
Sad Orange Riding Squirrel: I’m in mourning! I come bearing sad tidings of gloom and sadness!
Linus: Did Little Red Riding Squirrel finally bite it?!
Sad Orange Riding Squirrel: No! Little Red Riding Squirrel is still recovering from his slap fight, but he’s doing fine. This news is much, much worse.
Snufflefungus: Is the Candy and Joy Closet still okay after the earthquake?
Sad Orange Riding Squirrel: What are you talking about?
Snufflefungus: Oh, I tried to imagine the worst news possible! Whew… I’m glad it’s not that.
Sad Orange Riding Squirrel: Despair! Woe! Gloom! Agony! Tragedy! Weeping and gnashing of teeth!
Mara: Wow. This guy is a real downer, isn’t he?
Malex: Yeah, he’s depressed to the point of being worthless.
Sad Orange Riding Squirrel: That’s my life story. Isn’t it sad?
Snufflefungus: I just want the candy and joy. Quickly.
Malex: Sad Orange Riding Squirrel, you did kinda crash a party. You may need to shove along.
Sad Orange Riding Squirrel: Didn’t you feel that tremor?!
Mara: Yes, we did.
Sad Orange Riding Squirrel: Don’t you know what it represents?!
Malex: We have no idea. Is it possible you were planning to tell us?
Sad Orange Riding Squirrel: Well if you’re not going to wallow in despair with me, I won’t tell you anything! (Whining groan.)
Linus: Wow, did he just melt into the ground?
~~ Snufflefungus colony breaks into song.
Malex: I’ve never seen the Riding Squirrels move about in their own scary ways before.
Mara: Well it was horrifying.
Fluffsalot the Snufflefungus: Everybody, now that the scary earthquake is done and the horrifying squirrel has melted, we can return to our celebration of friendship and the return of our hero!
~~ Crowd cheers.
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Alex Markley, with input from Peter Markley and Gabriel Markley.
Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by Leela as Mara.
Post-processing director: Leela
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Drew Reed
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.