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Malex Minute 190

Our heroes discover the way out of the desert, and meet up with a couple of old… friends. Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think.

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

Ladies and gentlemen, the implications!

I wish, at moments like these, that I could share with you the sense of elated triumph that I feel when the pieces fall together as well as they have for this story arc. This is going to be a very epic story arc. And hilarious, too.

I also wish that I could somehow share with you the actual details of our scheme. (What a scheme it is!) But alas, I cannot. So instead, I direct you to review all we know about the Nine Riding Squirrels, take your Think-Like-Malex Crazy Pills,* and imagine it for yourself.

Alternatively, just listen as it unfolds and bask in its hilarity.

ttyl!

——Alex Markley

“What would you like tonight? We’ve got Pizza and Frozen Pizza!”

* - Use only as directed by your physician.

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Mara: I can’t believe you had the gall to pay for that map with a wet sneeze.

Malex: Neither can I! This map is terrible and that was a perfectly good wet sneeze!

Mara: (Sighs frustratedly.)

Linus: Malex, she’s getting that look again.

Snufflefungus: Mara, please don’t kill Malex, he can’t help it.

Malex: But just look at this map! It can’t possibly be accurate!

Snufflefungus: Why not, Malex?

Malex: Well, it shows the desert as being shaped like a gigantic frowny face.

Snufflefungus: Yes!

Malex: With a green forest all the way around it.

Linus: Malex, you’ve gotta spell it out better. He’s not getting it.

Malex: Snuffy, I just don’t think this is very realistic. There’s no way the desert is a perfect circle.

Mara: I don’t know, we’ve seen stranger things.

Linus: Yeah, Malex! What about those smiley faces clustered in a giant rock formation near the water? Could that rock formation have been one of the eyes?

Snufflefungus: It all makes sense now!

Malex: No, it really doesn’t.

Snufflefungus: You’re right, but I’ve always wanted to say that it did!

Mara: Look! Everybody come look!

Malex: Well I’ll be.

Snufflefungus: There’s the tree line!

Linus: And it wraps around in an arc as far as the eye can see in both directions!

Malex: This just doesn’t make any sense! Why is this here?!

Little Red Riding Squirrel: It’s’a me! Little Red Riding Squirrel!

Malex: This just doesn’t make any sense! Why are you here?!

Little Red Riding Squirrel: I was looking for you! I’ve been swimming through the void of space for a century! I’m so glad I finally found you!

Malex: Swimming?! For a century?! Through the void of space?!

Linus: Why aren’t you dead?

Little Red Riding Squirrel: Are you sure I’m not…?

Malex: That’s unspeakably creepy.

Snufflefungus: But Little Red Riding Squirrel, we saw you just a few months ago!

Little Red Riding Squirrel: I couldn’t find you anywhere in the whole universe, and I ended up taking the long way around!

Linus: What?!

Little Red Riding Squirrel: Haven’t you ever heard of general relativity?

Malex: Oh, that actually makes sense. (Confused.) Wait, how fast can you swim through space?

Mara: (Interrupting.) Malex, who is this?

Malex: Oh, uh… pardon me. Mara, this is Little Red Riding Squirrel. Little Red Riding Squirrel, Mara.

Little Red Riding Squirrel: Pleased to meet you!

Mara: Malex, why am I so afraid of it?

Linus: (Emphatically.) Because that’s Little Red Riding Squirrel.

Snufflefungus: (Cheerfully.) He’s one of the Great Old Ones of the universe!

Mara: “Great old ones?” As in Lovecraftian horror?

Little Red Riding Squirrel: I like biscuits.

Mara: May I run screaming?

Malex: No.

Little Red Riding Squirrel: Also, Cthulhu isn’t nearly as exciting at Great Old One parties as you might expect. He’s still sleeping.

Malex: Okay, fine. You can run screaming if you think it’ll help.

Mara: (Runs screaming.)

Snufflefungus: Telepathy has upsides and downsides!

Linus: Great, now we’re going to have to go find her, aren’t we?

Malex: Look what you’ve done. Are you happy with yourself?

Little Red Riding Squirrel: (Sadly.) Almost never.

Shadow: There you are, Snufflefungus! Finally back in my grasp!

Snufflefungus: (Screams.) It’s that guy, Malex! It’s the guy I was telling you about! The one whose mother never loved him! And now he’s taking it out on me!

Linus: Hey, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go run screaming after Mara.

Little Red Riding Squirrel: Excuse me, but just what is going on here?

Shadow: Stand aside, squirrel. My business is not with you.

Little Red Riding Squirrel: Says you!

Shadow: (Antagonistic.) Yeah, that’s what I said.

Little Red Riding Squirrel: (Antagonistic.) I couldn’t hear you.

Shadow: I don’t know if I can dumb it down any more for you, acorn brain. Get… out… of… my… way.

Little Red Riding Squirrel: Oh! That’s it! (Slaps Shadow.)

Shadow: (Gasps.) Did you just… slap me?!

Little Red Riding Squirrel: You know it! And there’s more where that came from!

Shadow: Bring it on!

~~ Slap fight fades out, followed by scene change.

Malex: Whew, that was close.

Linus: It’s a good thing we ran when we did, it looks like things are getting pretty ugly up there.

Snufflefungus: I’m just glad Teddy is safe!

Mara: Guys, let’s run deeper into these woods! They shouldn’t be able to find us if we hide in the woods!

Malex: Sounds good to me, let’s go!

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writer: Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by Leela as Mara.

Post-processing director: Leela

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Drew Reed

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

NameSizeAction
Episode Audio2.98 MB Download Now - 2.98 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration186.89 KB Download Now - 186.89 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

*rofl*

that has to be one of the funniest minutes I've listened to in a while! I love that squirrel.....

Favorite Parts:

Malex: Oh, uh… pardon me. Mara, this is Little Red Riding Squirrel. Little Red Riding Squirrel, Mara.

Little Red Riding Squirrel: Pleased to meet you!

Mara: Malex, why am I so afraid of it?

Linus: (Emphatically.) Because that’s Little Red Riding Squirrel.

Snufflefungus: (Cheerfully.) He’s one of the Great Old Ones of the universe!

Mara: “Great old ones?” As in Lovecraftian horror?

Little Red Riding Squirrel: I like biscuits.

Mara: May I run screaming?

Malex: No.

Little Red Riding Squirrel: Excuse me, but just what is going on here?

Shadow: Stand aside, squirrel. My business is not with you.

Little Red Riding Squirrel: Says you!

Shadow: (Antagonistic.) Yeah, that’s what I said.

Little Red Riding Squirrel: (Antagonistic.) I couldn’t hear you.

Shadow: I don’t know if I can dumb it down any more for you, acorn brain. Get… out… of… my… way.

Little Red Riding Squirrel: Oh! That’s it! (Slaps Shadow.)

Shadow: (Gasps.) Did you just… slap me?!

Little Red Riding Squirrel: You know it! And there’s more where that came from!

Shadow: Bring it on!

~~ Slap fight fades out, followed by scene change.

GO LLRS GO!!!! X-D

Great job everyone! I loved it!!!

God gave us music, that we might pray without words

Cthulu? Really?

Although I've always been extrememly repulsed by the Riding Squirrels, I never dreamed that they were secretly part of the Cthulu Mythos. It's horrible!

Great job with the illustration, Quartz.

This episode is very funny, guys. To have somehow incorporated mention of the Great Old Ones and a slap fight in the same episode is a masterstroke of convolution! Way to go!

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Amazing episode! I love the

Amazing episode! I love the slap fight! The slapping sounds are side-splitting.

But I think my favorite part is...

Little Red Riding Squirrel: I like biscuits.

Mara: May I run screaming?

Malex: No.

Little Red Riding Squirrel: Also, Cthulhu isn’t nearly as exciting at Great Old One parties as you might expect. He’s still sleeping.

Malex: Okay, fine. You can run screaming if you think it’ll help.

Mara: (Runs screaming.)

Snufflefungus: Telepathy has upsides and downsides!

Everything looks perfect from far away.

*is procrastinating* =D

This episode was amazing. =D X-D

the map looks utterly pointless, but maybe worth the sneeze if they can figure it out (:)

Quite the funny episode. Thanks a lot, everyone =D

Praise the Lord! Hallelu!

I don't care what the devil's gonna do!

The Word and faith is my sword and shield

And Jesus is Lord of the way I feel!

Lilly's picture

I just love the way LRRS says

I just love the way LRRS says "Biscuits" it's so horrifying and so funny XD

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

Still the same.

For a while now I have not been listening to the show because of school or just because I needed a break from it, but in a little under a day I got caught up and listened to it today. The show is just awsomw and this episode is truely that, and the artwork is also spectacular. By the way I wasn't really far behind, I stoped listening around I think 163. I can't be sure though. But I am glad to be back. Keep up the good work guys.

Mike- Hey Bob, you know what I hate?

Bob- What’s that Mike?

Mike- Giant Snakes that pop out of nowhere and kill ya.

Bob- You know, I hate those too.

“Crash.”

Random guard tower guy- Wow, good thing that was the guard tower next to us.

Alex's picture

Wow

The Real JFK said:

The show is just awsomw and this episode is truely that, and the artwork is also spectacular.

Thanks so much to all of you for your positive feedback! I'm definitely excited about the direction this is all going, and it's good to hear that you're all enjoying it as well.

The Real JFK, I really want to thank you for your time, too. I know there are a multitude of ways one could spend one's time in this day and age of constant busyness, and I always appreciate it when somebody takes time out of their day to enjoy something we've worked hard on.

Have a great day everyone!

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

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