Our heroes discover the way out of the desert, and meet up with a couple of old… friends. Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think.
Ladies and gentlemen, the implications!
I wish, at moments like these, that I could share with you the sense of elated triumph that I feel when the pieces fall together as well as they have for this story arc. This is going to be a very epic story arc. And hilarious, too.
I also wish that I could somehow share with you the actual details of our scheme. (What a scheme it is!) But alas, I cannot. So instead, I direct you to review all we know about the Nine Riding Squirrels, take your Think-Like-Malex Crazy Pills,* and imagine it for yourself.
Alternatively, just listen as it unfolds and bask in its hilarity.
“What would you like tonight? We’ve got Pizza and Frozen Pizza!”
* - Use only as directed by your physician.
Mara: I can’t believe you had the gall to pay for that map with a wet sneeze.
Malex: Neither can I! This map is terrible and that was a perfectly good wet sneeze!
Mara: (Sighs frustratedly.)
Linus: Malex, she’s getting that look again.
Snufflefungus: Mara, please don’t kill Malex, he can’t help it.
Malex: But just look at this map! It can’t possibly be accurate!
Snufflefungus: Why not, Malex?
Malex: Well, it shows the desert as being shaped like a gigantic frowny face.
Malex: With a green forest all the way around it.
Linus: Malex, you’ve gotta spell it out better. He’s not getting it.
Malex: Snuffy, I just don’t think this is very realistic. There’s no way the desert is a perfect circle.
Mara: I don’t know, we’ve seen stranger things.
Linus: Yeah, Malex! What about those smiley faces clustered in a giant rock formation near the water? Could that rock formation have been one of the eyes?
Snufflefungus: It all makes sense now!
Malex: No, it really doesn’t.
Snufflefungus: You’re right, but I’ve always wanted to say that it did!
Mara: Look! Everybody come look!
Malex: Well I’ll be.
Snufflefungus: There’s the tree line!
Linus: And it wraps around in an arc as far as the eye can see in both directions!
Malex: This just doesn’t make any sense! Why is this here?!
Little Red Riding Squirrel: It’s’a me! Little Red Riding Squirrel!
Malex: This just doesn’t make any sense! Why are you here?!
Little Red Riding Squirrel: I was looking for you! I’ve been swimming through the void of space for a century! I’m so glad I finally found you!
Malex: Swimming?! For a century?! Through the void of space?!
Linus: Why aren’t you dead?
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Are you sure I’m not…?
Malex: That’s unspeakably creepy.
Snufflefungus: But Little Red Riding Squirrel, we saw you just a few months ago!
Little Red Riding Squirrel: I couldn’t find you anywhere in the whole universe, and I ended up taking the long way around!
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Haven’t you ever heard of general relativity?
Malex: Oh, that actually makes sense. (Confused.) Wait, how fast can you swim through space?
Mara: (Interrupting.) Malex, who is this?
Malex: Oh, uh… pardon me. Mara, this is Little Red Riding Squirrel. Little Red Riding Squirrel, Mara.
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Pleased to meet you!
Mara: Malex, why am I so afraid of it?
Linus: (Emphatically.) Because that’s Little Red Riding Squirrel.
Snufflefungus: (Cheerfully.) He’s one of the Great Old Ones of the universe!
Mara: “Great old ones?” As in Lovecraftian horror?
Little Red Riding Squirrel: I like biscuits.
Mara: May I run screaming?
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Also, Cthulhu isn’t nearly as exciting at Great Old One parties as you might expect. He’s still sleeping.
Malex: Okay, fine. You can run screaming if you think it’ll help.
Mara: (Runs screaming.)
Snufflefungus: Telepathy has upsides and downsides!
Linus: Great, now we’re going to have to go find her, aren’t we?
Malex: Look what you’ve done. Are you happy with yourself?
Little Red Riding Squirrel: (Sadly.) Almost never.
Shadow: There you are, Snufflefungus! Finally back in my grasp!
Snufflefungus: (Screams.) It’s that guy, Malex! It’s the guy I was telling you about! The one whose mother never loved him! And now he’s taking it out on me!
Linus: Hey, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go run screaming after Mara.
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Excuse me, but just what is going on here?
Shadow: Stand aside, squirrel. My business is not with you.
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Says you!
Shadow: (Antagonistic.) Yeah, that’s what I said.
Little Red Riding Squirrel: (Antagonistic.) I couldn’t hear you.
Shadow: I don’t know if I can dumb it down any more for you, acorn brain. Get… out… of… my… way.
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Oh! That’s it! (Slaps Shadow.)
Shadow: (Gasps.) Did you just… slap me?!
Little Red Riding Squirrel: You know it! And there’s more where that came from!
Shadow: Bring it on!
~~ Slap fight fades out, followed by scene change.
Malex: Whew, that was close.
Linus: It’s a good thing we ran when we did, it looks like things are getting pretty ugly up there.
Snufflefungus: I’m just glad Teddy is safe!
Mara: Guys, let’s run deeper into these woods! They shouldn’t be able to find us if we hide in the woods!
Malex: Sounds good to me, let’s go!
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writer: Alex Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by Leela as Mara.
Post-processing director: Leela
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Drew Reed
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.