Malex, Linus, Snufflefungus, and Mara spend their first night outside of the spaceship. Inside a cardboard box. Will this give them the shelter they need from the great fanged beasts?! Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think.
First of all, I admit readily: nothing that happens in this episode makes any sense. Indeed, I might even go so far as to say that it is an affront to all reason – that one’s very sanity might be in jeopardy if one approaches too closely!
But that’s really what makes it so great, isn’t it?*
Anyway, this is the Malex Minute. And things are going to continue to get weirder.
So, you know, heads-up.
“You made your choice, she made her choice. We all make our own choices.” —Actual quote from a real movie. A really terrible real movie.
* - Feel free not to answer rhetorical question.
Snufflefungus: It’s like we’re playing house! Except I never liked playing house. Especially not in a doomful wasteland. But we can make it fun, right?
Malex: Okay, so we’re safely huddled underneath our cardboard box. We’ll see how safe we are from the beasts now.
Mara: I’ll give you a hint. Not safe at all.
Malex: Here, we’ll poke a hole in the side so we can watch out for any beasts. I’m sure that’ll make you feel better.
Mara: (Sarcastic.) Oh, lots.
Linus: You aren’t scared, are you?
Mara: Yes I’m scared! I’ve been saying so all day! Anyway, aren’t you?
Linus: Nah, I’ve heard about what it’s like for somebody’s throat to get ripped out. It’s not that bad.
Mara: Okay, are you going to need to shut up very, very soon? Only you can answer this question, Linus.
Linus: You only feel pain for a few seconds. It’s not the worst way to go.
Mara: You wanna find out the worst way to go?
Linus: And you’re an expert, are you?
Mara: If you keep pushing, you’ll find out!
Malex: Alright guys, hush! Night has officially fallen. The creatures are surely on the hunt, and if you keep making noise you’ll attract them!
Mara: Yeah, Linus.
Snufflefungus: It’s like Little House On the Prairie! Except they had wood instead of cardboard, and it wasn’t a desert. And the wolves were smaller than these beasts. Like one eighth as big!
Malex: Okay, everyone just be quiet!
~~ Slight pause.
Snufflefungus: (Meekly.) Sorry–
~~ Creatures snuffling about and wailing.
Mara: (Gasps, whispers.) There they are. I’m getting out the pepper spray!
Snufflefungus: We brought them down on us with our playful banter!
Linus: It’s all your fault, you know. I just thought you’d want to think about that while we all die.
Malex: (Whispers.) One’s approaching. Nobody make a sound.
~~ Scratching at cardboard.
Linus: The pepper spray, Malex! Spray him through the hole! Quick! He’s right there!
Malex: Take that!
~~ Creature wails.
Snufflefungus: Hey, it worked!
Mara: He’s… he’s dead!
Linus: Well, he won’t bother us again.
Mara: Because he’s dead.
Malex: Alright everybody, show’s over. Try to get some sleep. We’ll take two hour shifts watching for creatures, starting with me, then Snuffy, then Linus, then Mara. Sound good?
~~ Scene change.
Snufflefungus: (Yawns.) Good morning!
Mara: (Gasps.) Where’s Malex?
Mara: Malex, why didn’t you wake me up for my shift? Did you stay up all night?
Malex: Yes… But, it’s okay. They’re gone now…
Linus: I’m afraid he forgot to sleep.
Malex: (Dazed.) Okay guys, we need to eat breakfast and go.
Snufflefungus: Hey look! Who is that?
Nomad: Ahoy there!
Snufflefungus: (Whispering.) He looks like some nomadic man of the wilderness! I wanna be just like that when I grow up!
Nomad: How be ye?
Malex: We be well, thank ye.
Malex: And who might ye be?
Nomad: I’m me.
Malex: …I see.
Nomad: Which way go ye, hmm?
Malex: Go we this way.
Malex: To escape this desert.
Malex: Suggest ye another way?
Malex: Which way, I pray?
Nomad: That way.
Nomad: That way’s the longest possible way out of the desert, you know.
Malex: Well, thank ye heartily.
Nomad: Fair well ye!
Linus: Okay, what just happened?
Mara: Could you explain that to us, Malex?
Malex: Oh, he just said that we’ve been going the longest possible way to escape the desert, and we need to turn around and go the exact opposite way.
Mara: I told you I had a bad feeling about this direction.
Snufflefungus: Yay, we get to spend one more night near the spaceship!
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Peter Markley and Alex Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by Leela as Mara.
Post-processing director: Leela
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Drew Reed
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.