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Malex Minute 187

With their shelter in tatters, our heroes travel off into the unknown! What sorts of supplies will they need for their journey? What sorts of supplies do they have? Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think.

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

I’ve tried to start this paragraph about a dozen times now. Every time, the result was stranger than the time before. And so instead I adopt this meta-approach which should leave you less bewildered but also less informed.

So our heroes are forced to set off! What will they find in the vast expanse of this wasteland?! Probably more wasteland, you say? What about teeth and scary death? How exciting!

If you recall, last week I mentioned being ill. This week, I am still ill. I don’t know what to attribute this to, specifically. Generally, stress at work, stress about certification exams, and the horrible 90s video game soundtrack I find myself inexplicably listening to. These all certainly have their roles to play in the downfall of my health, physical, mental, or otherwise.

In other news, I find myself singing a lot more than usual. Bizarre!

See you next week!

ttyl

——Alex Markley

“iPhone face prints represent a whole new level of gross.”

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Malex: Alright everybody, we can’t stay here. The acid from those flowers completely pulverized the spaceship. We need to get on the move in order to escape this desert and find shelter for ourselves from these horrifying beasts.

Mara: I’m all for that. But do you have any ideas what direction we should travel?

Snufflefungus: So many possible directions!

Linus: I say we go in the direction of the beasts’ cave. It’s more rocky over in that direction, so we’re more likely to find shelter, and there also might be more water if we go further in that direction.

Mara: Are you kidding? I say we go as far away from those beasts as possible!

Linus: But that’s the only water on the whole planet that we know of!

Mara: Beasts!

Malex: Linus has a point, Mara.

Linus: I’m sure we can rustle up some protection from the beasts.

Snufflefungus: Maybe we could flip a coin!

Malex: Or maybe we could vote. Who’s in favor of traveling in the direction we know has water, rocky features we could probably find shelter in, and possibly even a way out of this desert?

Linus: Me!

Snufflefungus: Me!

Malex: And me, of course. And who of us is in favor of going deeper into this desert and dying of dehydration?

Mara: I hate you.

Malex: Great! So we’ll just go in this direction then!

Mara: But I just have such a bad feeling about it!

Malex: Now, what sorts of supplies do we have? What sorts of supplies do we need?

Mara: Those are two completely different lists.

Linus: Well let’s start with what we have!

Snufflefungus: Yes, let’s!

Mara: On the food and water side, we have water, about a week’s worth of dry rations, and several garbage bags full of spicy celery left to us by our friends who destroyed our spaceship.

Malex: From a technology perspective, we really don’t have much. Just what I’ve had in my backpack all along, Linus, a few solar cells, a couple of radios, and a bunch of electric lighting of various sorts.

Snufflefungus: I have my teddy!

Linus: We also have a fire starting kit, and a gigantic cardboard box full of garbage that was in the garage.

Malex: How did that get in here?

Snufflefungus: There wasn’t room for the flying goat in the garage unless we put all the things from the garage in the back of the goat!

Linus: (Accusing.) It makes perfect sense, Malex.

Mara: So what’s in the cardboard box?

Linus: The cardboard box contains such gems as pepper spray, a model rocket with fifty spent engines, an old DC Talk cassette, and a rusty harmonica.

Mara: Helpful.

Malex: Is there anything else in there?

Linus: Sure.

Malex: What about a tent, a gun, a compass, a knife, a shovel, firewood, explosives, rope, first aid kits, blankets, or signal whistles or flares?

Linus: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, yes, no, yes, no, and no.

Malex: Blast!

Mara: Wait, what?

Snufflefungus: Linus said we have blankets and rope! Yay!

Linus: Don’t forget the cardboard box.

Malex: Of course! Okay everybody, grab everything useful and let’s start off! I want to see how far we can get before nightfall!

Mara: I still have such a bad feeling about this.

~~ Scene change.

Malex: Alright, Linus can you guess how far we’ve come by now?

Linus: Well judging from the accelerograph chart of our journey so far, the position of Jupiter, and the expression on your face, I’d say we’ve gone about six miles past the beasts’ cave. Also, I have no idea. Does that answer your question?

Malex: Yes, thank you.

Mara: It’s getting dark fast.

Malex: Yes, we’ve made very good time so far. I feel good about stopping to camp for the night right here.

Snufflefungus: Whew! My hop is killing me.

Linus: Bah! I could float all day and all night with this solar panel!

Mara: Yeah, don’t rub it in Mister Luxury.

Malex: Okay, Snuffy, put the cardboard box over there. Linus, stake the torches around the perimeter here, there, and there. Mara, you just, uh… stand there. Looking frightened.

Mara: Can we make a fire? It would keep us warm and possibly protect us from the creatures.

Linus: Make a fire with what fuel?

Mara: Well, we have this cardboard box. Isn’t it for fire?

Malex: I was thinking we could sleep in it.

Mara: Sleep in that?!

Malex: Sure, that oughtta mostly protect us from the beasts.

Mara: That’s no protection at all! Why is it that every time I follow you anywhere you bring me ever more perilously close to pain and death?!

Malex: I’m sorry, Mara. I’m trying, I really am. But what do you want me to do?

Mara: Look at me! Look at Snuffy! Protect us like a man!

Linus: Don’t I get protected?

Mara: No, you get shipped off to a penal colony like the uncouth ruffian you are!

Malex: Mara, I don’t mean to be flippant. I’m really trying to keep us all safe. Please believe me.

Mara: That’s the weirdest part. If you keep leading me into danger, why do I keep following you?

Linus: Oh, that’s easy. The only other choice is certain death! And besides, you’re more afraid for Snuffy than you are for yourself, and you know you’ll never entice Snuffy to leave Malex’s side.

Malex: Linus, that was surprisingly insightful!

Mara: I’m going to punch you both.

Malex: Let’s set up for camp!

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Alex Markley and Peter Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by Leela as Mara.

Post-processing director: Leela

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Drew Reed

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

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Episode Audio3.59 MB Download Now - 3.59 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration88.37 KB Download Now - 88.37 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

First!!

Yay for me! I don't think I've ever been first to comment on a Minute before.

I really liked this installment in the story arc. I 'm seriously starting to worry about our heroes, though. Will they be alright? And will Snuffy ever find candy and joy?

I must say, I'm starting to feel honestly sorry for poor Mara. She never really asked for any of this, and it just seems to keep getting worse for her. Poor thing. She just sounds so sad and vulnerable.

Malex: Or maybe we could vote. Who’s in favor of traveling in the direction we know has water, rocky features we could probably find shelter in, and possibly even a way out of this desert?

Linus: Me!

Snufflefungus: Me!

Malex: And me, of course. And who of us is in favor of going deeper into this desert and dying of dehydration?

Mara: I hate you.

Malex: Great! So we’ll just go in this direction then!

Very funny!

Malex: What about a tent, a gun, a compass, a knife, a shovel, firewood, explosives, rope, first aid kits, blankets, or signal whistles or flares?

Linus: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, yes, no, yes, no, and no.

Hilarious!

Great job, everyone. Oh, Quartz, nice illustration. Mara's hair looks like it's got a life of its own.

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

LOL

This one made me lol quite a few times XD

My absolute favorite line that made me laugh the hardest is:

Malex: What about a tent, a gun, a compass, a knife, a shovel, firewood, explosives, rope, first aid kits, blankets, or signal whistles or flares?

Linus: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, yes, no, yes, no, and no.

Malex: Blast!

Mara: Wait, what?

XD I love it when people say "wait, what?" (often that's me ;)) And I like the English Malex's picked up ;)

The cardboard box probably wouldn't make for a nice bed...

Linus: The cardboard box contains such gems as pepper spray, a model rocket with fifty spent engines, an old DC Talk cassette, and a rusty harmonica.

*lol* never know when you'll need pepper spray... the rocket could... do something... the DC Talk cassette is the best thing so far, but worthless without a tape player... :-D

something I've noticed is that Snuffy hasn't been getting very many lines... It's still funnee but I've missed his impeccable logic and definitions =D

Great Minute, everyone :)

Praise the Lord! Hallelu!

I don't care what the devil's gonna do!

The Word and faith is my sword and shield

And Jesus is Lord of the way I feel!

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