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Malex Minute 184

Malex and friends hold a meeting to discuss how bad things are. How bad are they? Pretty bad. That’s how bad they are. Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think.

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

As fun as last quarter’s finale was, I think this is my favorite episode in recent memory. It contains so many hilarious improbabilities! In addition, it really highlights some fun aspects of our characters’ personalities, as well as the interesting things that often happen when they interact.

As for the predicament our heroes find themselves in, now is probably a great time for me to inform you of some things.

Our heroes won’t be fixing the space ship. Our heroes won’t be leaving their new planet. And our heroes are certainly not going to be heading home any time soon.

For now, our heroes find themselves in a very strange new place, and we get to explore this strange new place with them. What sorts of challenges will our heroes face? What sorts of friends will our heroes make? What sorts of enemies? What manner of oddities will they encounter?

Well, it’s still the Malex Minute, so you can pretty well bet it’s going to be crazy.


——Alex Markley

“Why don’t you go suck on a mouthful of thumbtacks?”


~~ Introduction

Malex: Okay guys, so I’ve had time to really study the damage to our crashed ship.

Snufflefungus: (Excited.) Oh boy, oh boy! Can we take off soon?

Malex: No.

Snufflefungus: (Still excited.) Can we fly to a fun planet?

Malex: Um.

Snufflefungus: (Deflating.) How about a boring planet?

Malex: Well…

Snufflefungus: (Deflated.) Anywhere but here?

Mara: (Upbeat.) Snuffy, Malex is trying really hard. Let’s let him tell us where we’re at and what we might be able to do about it.

Snufflefungus: (Childlike.) Okay.

Malex: Thank you, Mara. So the good news is that, after carefully studying the documentation on the ship’s computer, I have a pretty good idea how it’s supposed to work from the factory.

Mara: Good work, Malex!

Malex: The bad news is, after carefully studying the actual ship, I’m pretty sure it will never be that way again.

Linus: Aha! I knew it! When you say, “The good news is…” you always have bad news too! Why?!

Malex: You have a hilarious little mind, friend.

Linus: (Curtsy.) Thank you.

Mara: So what all is wrong with it, Malex?

Malex: Well, you see this chip?

Snufflefungus: No!

Malex: I’m holding it right here. It’s right in front of your face.

Snufflefungus: I don’t see any chip! I only see a little black wafer of silicon and plastic!

Malex: Yes, that. It regulates the oscillation of power flowing through the engines. When the PSA fired on the ship, it sent a surge through most of the drive systems.

Mara: Oh no! Is that little chip burned out?!

Malex: Miraculously, no. This is the only chip that didn’t burn out.

Linus: Bother!

Snufflefungus: (Whispers.) I still don’t see any chip.

Mara: Well, maybe we can find replacement chips! They can’t be that rare!

Malex: Sure, we’ll go with that. Assuming we find all new replacement chips for the drive system, we’ll have to somehow find a way to replace the drive coil of the left engine, which was blown off from the force of the PSA’s blast.

Linus: Well, maybe it hit the ground somewhere in this vast desert. We could possibly even find it after years of searching!

Malex: Good idea! One step ahead of you, though. I calculated where it landed and hiked out there yesterday. This is what I found.

Snufflefungus: It’s a shiny rock!

Malex: Indeed. This sorry artifact is all that remains of the left engine’s drive coil, which apparently burned up in reentry.

Mara: Aw…

Malex: Rounding out the list of problems is the fact that the whole frame got quite twisted up in the landing. It will never lift off the ground on its own again. And even if it did, the hull would never pressurize, so if we flew into space we would die. Any questions?

Mara: Yes, I have one. Have you ever considered not being so negative?

Malex: Never.

Snufflefungus: But what about all those shows on television?! You say it’s not possible to create tension and drama, but then at the last minute you do it anyway and everybody cheers, right?

Malex: No.

Linus: When was the last time you shaved? You’re starting to look like a freaking wookie.

Malex: Alright, so if there aren’t any more questions, I’ll turn the floor over to Mara, who will give us a report on the status of the water-finding expeditions!

~~ Light clapping.

Mara: Uh… We haven’t found any water. Yet.

~~ Awkward pause.

Malex: Really?

Mara: (Practically interrupts.) Really.

Malex: Okay then, so what’s your plan?

Mara: (Defiant.) Mostly, continue to drink our meager water rations until they’re gone, then dehydrate and die.

Malex: (Upbeat.) Glad to see you’re staying positive, Mara!

Mara: (Defiant.) I hate you very much, and I wish I had stayed behind and let the PSA operate on my brain instead of following you to my doom.

Snufflefungus: But Mara! We can still find water!

Mara: Oh Snuffy, I’m so sorry to let you down, but there’s nothing left to do! We’ve searched for miles in every direction, and we haven’t found anything but sand!

Linus: (Suddenly.) I have an idea!

Malex: What’s that, Linus?

Linus: So, you know those scary predator animals with nine-inch fangs that have been prowling around the outside of the ship every night?

Malex: Why, no! We’ve all been asleep except you, since you’re the only laptop. When were you planning on telling us about these terrifying beasts?

Linus: (Dismissive.) Must’ve slipped my mind. Anyway, they must know where the water is! In fact, they probably sleep near it during the day! So all we need to do is follow them around and eventually they will lead us to the water!

Snufflefungus: Why don’t we just ask them?

Malex: Snuffy, did you miss the part about the nine-inch fangs?

Snufflefungus: Oh yeah, those would probably get in the way if they tried to talk. Poor beasts!

Mara: Does anybody else think this is criminally stupid, and probably fatally dangerous?

Malex: Why?

Mara: This is a desert. How can we possibly follow them without them noticing us? (Losing cool.) Or is the whole point to get mauled by nocturnal creatures of the night?!

Malex: (Condescending.) Stop being redundant, Mara. Calm down and tell us what’s on your mind.

Mara: (Disbelief and rage.) I just did!

Linus: (Siding with Malex.) I didn’t catch it.

Mara: Arrgh!

Snufflefungus: What if I use my telepathy to ask them where the water is? That way their teeth won’t get in the way!

Linus: Can you do it from inside the space ship?

Snufflefungus: Yes!

Malex: Can you do it without them knowing you’re doing it?

Snufflefungus: (Hesitantly.) Maybe.

Mara: I could help. I’m not as good at telepathy as Snuffy, but I have a lighter touch.

Malex: Great! We’ll try it tonight!

Linus: Oh joy.

~~ End


Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writer: Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by Leela as Mara.

Post-processing director: Leela

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Sang Ming

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

Episode Audio3.25 MB Download Now - 3.25 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration104.58 KB Download Now - 104.58 KB View Now - Episode Illustration


Lilly's picture

It seems like every character

It seems like every character Foppy plays has ideas all the time. Harold "I have an idea your majesty!" Lysander "I have an idea Hermia!" Linus: (Suddenly.) I have an idea! Foppy is the guy with the plan i guess ;)

The funniest part was when Malex was talking about the only chip that didn't burn up XD That and the picture, the picture is so cool.

Good luck with those 9 inch fangs! ^.^ *hides behind the safety of her laptop screen*

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City


Linus: When was the last time you shaved? You’re starting to look like a wookie.

XD "Can someone move this walking carpet out of my way?" *

...don't worry, Snufflefungus, I don't see the chip either. I wish I saw some chips with sour cream and onion flavoring... :-*

Malex: You have a hilarious little mind, friend.

Linus: (Curtsy.) Thank you.

XD I love the way Foppy said that, it REALLY contrasts with his previous statement, making it even funnier XD

Malex's "sig" said:

“Why don’t you go suck on a mouthful of thumbtacks?”

0_0 :-O >.O :-(| X-|

Anyway, I like this episode. .... Sorry but it reminds me of when Qui-gon and they landed on Tatooine and walked through the desert till they found other life...I just hope there's no sandstorm... :S

*[Star Wars episode IV (A New Hope) quote - Leia Organa - referring to Chewbacca.] Just in case you were wondering, yes, I'm a nerd. ^__^


My apologies for one of the most random posts I've ever posted. I'm quite scatterbrained today for many reasons. :P

Praise the Lord! Hallelu!

I don't care what the devil's gonna do!

The Word and faith is my sword and shield

And Jesus is Lord of the way I feel!

Lilly's picture

Thumbtacks = not food for thought!

gnnb94 said:

Malex's "sig" said:

“Why don’t you go suck on a mouthful of thumbtacks?”

0_0 :-O >.O :-(| X-|

That was about my reaction :-P

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

The truth

In listening to this episode I was struck by Malex's uncharacteristic cheer. He just sounds so happy as he outlines all the reasons for despair that face our heroes. Could it be that Malex truly is happiest when he's got reason for pessimism?

Was Snuffy expecting a potato chip? Honestly, sometimes I think Snuffy's personality is based on me.

Linus is really in his element here, also. At last everything all around him has gone sour and he seems to really be enjoying it.

And poor Mara. She had no idea what she was getting into, did she?

The illustration is marvelous, Quartz. That creature really is frightening!

This whole series has been top-notch, guys. I've enjoyed the whole thing and every episode is just really funny! You've really outdone yourselves.

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Peter's picture

Thanks a lot!

I'm glad you all like it! :D

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

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