Jump to Malex Minute 001Malex Minute 182Malex Minute Archives...Malex Minute 184Jump to Malex Minute 216

Malex Minute 183

In this implosive kickoff to Quarter Fifteen, Malex, Linus, Snuffy, and Mara all find themselves stranded on a barren wasteland of a planet! Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think.

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

So! We kick off Malex Minute Quarter Fifteen… With a crashed space ship and an unfriendly desert! Will Malex be able to fix the ship? Will Mara find water?! Will the PSA descend like a pack of vultures on their unsuspecting prey?!*

In the mean time, what will they find on this new planet? If you ask Linus and Snuffy, they’ll tell you that excitement is always just around the next bend! Is it? The only way to tell for sure is to listen.

At this very moment, I am so tired my fingers seem to have taken on a life of their own, and they are typing strange things I don’t recall instructing them to type. I keep having to erase phrases like, “the dancing of the timeless wow jangle,” and, “in the full moon, enjoy entirely wholesome Wheaties.” This all leads me to conclude that maybe President Anchorman isn’t drunk after all. Perhaps he just needs a long nap. And so, it seems, do I.

Goodnight!

——Alex Markley

“Why?”

* - Yes, I realize that vultures only prey on things that are already dead, but I still maintain that such prey is ‘unsuspecting,’ as dead prey cannot reasonably be expected to suspect anything. You may also argue that our heroes aren’t dead yet. To that I say, “Ha!” and point out that, if they don’t find water soon, they might as well be.

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Malex: Ugh… Is everybody okay?!

Snufflefungus: I’m feeling great!

Mara: Nothing broken over here.

Linus: Malex, did we just crash land into an alien wasteland of a planet?!

Malex: Yes, Linus, ‘crash land,’ except for the landing part. We just crashed. Ugh.

Snufflefungus: Well, I’m excited! I bet when we open that door, we will find a world full of candy and joy! Candy and joy, Malex!

~~ Spaceship door opens.

Snufflefungus: Malex, where is the candy and joy?

Malex: There is no candy or joy, Snufflefungus. There just isn’t any.

Mara: Try again. If you close it then open it again, maybe it won’t be a barren wasteland the second time.

Linus: Malex, she must have hit her head. She’s got brain trauma.

Snufflefungus: Aw, Mara, don’t look so sad! It’s not the end of the world. It’s the beginning of a new, scary one!

Mara: Why did I ever listen to you, Malex?! I should never have come!

Malex: Hey! You wanted to get away from the PSA because they plan on doing scary experiments with your head. We were headed in that direction, so I offered you a ride. It’s not my fault they blasted our ship out of the sky, so don’t you blame me!

Mara: Well, you did make it sound like a good idea! (Searching.) You– You shouldn’t have been so persuasive!

Malex: Are you kidding me?! If I didn’t think escaping Earth was a good idea, I wouldn’t have done it myself! Snuffy, Linus, and I are all in this boat too, Mara. It’s not all about you.

Mara: (Bursts into tears.)

Snufflefungus: There there, Mara. Malex isn’t always mean. He’s just worried right now because he can’t fix the space ship, and all our lives are in danger!

Malex: What?! I can so fix it! I just need parts! And tools! And a manual! And a team of engineers! And a smarter brain! (Breaks down.)

Linus: (Fake.) There there, Malex, you don’t always let us down. Only when we need you the most!

Malex: Okay, no. Seriously. I’m not willing to give up on the idea of fixing the ship just yet. I– I just need time to really study the damage.

Mara: Would it help if we went and searched for water? Snuffy and Linus and I?

Malex: Yes, I think that would be best. Our water rations will only last about a week, if we’re careful.

Snufflefungus: Hooray! We can explore the whole planet! We’ll find new friends, we’ll have adventures, it’ll be so much fun!

Mara: Yeah! We’ll be explorers! Watch out, untamed desert, you’ve met your match now!

Snufflefungus: Yay!

Linus: (Sarcastic.) Oh joy.

Malex: Here, Mara, take these radios and this water. Linus, use this solar panel to stay charged. You three stay together. Contact me if you get into any trouble and be back in three hours.

Mara: (Incredulous.) Radios? Really?

Malex: (Exasperated.) Yes, really. It’s an unknown, uncharted planet. It could be warm and fuzzy or full of death traps. And, we don’t know what the PSA are up to. They clearly know we crashed on this planet.

Mara: (Realization.) Oh…

Malex: I don’t know how easy it will be for them to find us, but we have to assume they’re looking. So be careful.

Mara: Will do.

Snufflefungus: Explorers march! Up! Two knees bore. Up! Two knees bore. (Fades out.) Up! Two knees bore. Up! Two knees bore.

Malex: Okay, they’re gone. (Pauses.) Now watch – and be amazed – as I transform this twisted wreckage into a working spaceship with nothing more than a toothpick and my own spittle! (Sings theme music.) Okay, that’s it. I am a loser, and we are going to rot on this planet.

~~ Scene change.

Mara: Wow, this planet sure is a wasteland…

Linus: (Cheerfully affirmative.) You said it.

Mara: There’s no vegetation, no water, no signs of life of any kind!

Linus: (Cheerfully affirmative.) You said it.

Mara: And aside from those mountains way in the distance, there aren’t even any features on the horizon!

Linus: (Cheerfully affirmative.) You said it.

Mara: It’s just sand! As far as the eye can see.

Linus: (Cheerfully affirmative.) You said it.

Mara: You know, you’re very agreeable today. It’s almost suspicious.

Linus: (Cheerful.) Oh, I’m not agreeing. I’m just pointing out that you’ve already said all those things. You’ve been repeating yourself for an hour.

Mara: Have I?

Snufflefungus: You do keep making the same observations over and over again.

Mara: Well it’s not like there are any new observations to make! There’s no vegetation, no water, no signs of life of any kind!

Linus: (Cheerfully affirmative.) You said it.

Mara: Oh for crying out loud! There’s got to be something out here!

Snufflefungus: Oh, Mara, don’t worry! Something exciting is bound to happen any moment now!

Mara: What? Really?

Linus: He’s right, you know. This is the Malex Minute, after all.

Snufflefungus: Yes, see, on the Malex Minute, something amazing always happens! If we don’t have anything amazing going on, something amazing suddenly happens to us! Somebody will knock on the door, magically appear somehow, or call us on the phone, and bring lots of excitement!

Mara: Hm, that doesn’t make any sense!

Linus: That’s true, it doesn’t make sense, but nevertheless, any time things start to get even a little bit dull, something crazy happens and shakes everything up. That’s probably why Malex is starting to develop all those twitches and grey hairs.

Snufflefungus: So all we have to do is be patient and keep walking. (Excited.) Any moment now, some cute little creature will pop up and we’ll exchange some hilarious banter!

Linus: (Laughing. Excited.) Or maybe a water monster will rise up from an oasis, and when we defeat it, the mass of water will be released, bringing life back to the desert!

Snufflefungus: (Laughing. Even more excited.) Yeah! Or maybe we’ll start to sink into a puddle of quicksand, but before it’s too late we’ll realize it’s just chocolate, and we have to eat our way to freedom!

Linus: (Even more excited.) Ooh! Or maybe we discover that this whole desert is an elaborate hoax, and it all fits inside an alien’s shoebox!

Snufflefungus: Oh yes, any minute now, and something exciting will happen.

Linus: You can count on it.

Mara: Oh– Oh, I’ve got one! Maybe what happens is we– (Cut off in the middle of the word.)

~~ Pause

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writer: Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by Leela as Mara.

Post-processing director: Leela

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Sang Ming

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

NameSizeAction
Episode Audio4.01 MB Download Now - 4.01 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration137.39 KB Download Now - 137.39 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

Lilly's picture

Still fun

Snufflefungus: So all we have to do is be patient and keep walking. (Excited.) Any moment now, some cute little creature will pop up and we’ll exchange some hilarious banter!

Linus: (Laughing. Excited.) Or maybe a water monster will rise up from an oasis, and when we defeat it, the mass of water will be released, bringing life back to the desert!

Snufflefungus: (Laughing. Even more excited.) Yeah! Or maybe we’ll start to sink into a puddle of quicksand, but before it’s too late we’ll realize it’s just chocolate, and we have to eat our way to freedom!

Linus: (Even more excited.) Ooh! Or maybe we discover that this whole desert is an elaborate hoax, and it all fits inside an alien’s shoebox!

Snufflefungus: Oh yes, any minute now, and something exciting will happen.

Sounds like someone had lots of ideas and couldn't decide on one =P That or someone was filling up time so that something amazing can happen next week!

If Snufy really wants some candy and joy I know where Candy Mountain is. No seriously. It's a short drive from my grandparents, I laughed so hard when I saw the signs XD

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

Peter's picture

*lol*

Wow! Who'd'a thought it was real? :P

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy, Contradictionary - Party

xD

Linus is so funny in this one XD

Mara, don't cry!!! :-/ *sniff*

Malex's thoughts said:

Yes, I realize that vultures only prey on things that are already dead, but I still maintain that such prey is ‘unsuspecting,’ as dead prey cannot reasonably be expected to suspect anything. You may also argue that our heroes aren’t dead yet. To that I say, “Ha!” and point out that, if they don’t find water soon, they might as well be.

hehe nice point :P ok that was a GREAT point. XD

One of my favorite lines:

Linus: (Fake.) There there, Malex, you don’t always let us down. Only when we need you the most!

Mara: It’s just sand! As far as the eye can see.

Linus: (Cheerfully affirmative.) You said it.

Mara: You know, you’re very agreeable today. It’s almost suspicious.

Linus: (Cheerful.) Oh, I’m not agreeing. I’m just pointing out that you’ve already said all those things. You’ve been repeating yourself for an hour.

hahaha

Malex: Okay, they’re gone. (Pauses.) Now watch – and be amazed – as I transform this twisted wreckage into a working spaceship with nothing more than a toothpick and my own spittle! (Sings theme music.) Okay, that’s it. I am a loser, and we are going to rot on this planet.

XD

Malex: What?! I can so fix it! I just need parts! And tools! And a manual! And a team of engineers! And a smarter brain! (Breaks down.)

Malex don't cry!! I believe in you! you can fix the ship!!!!

Linus: That’s true, it doesn’t make sense, but nevertheless, any time things start to get even a little bit dull, something crazy happens and shakes everything up. That’s probably why Malex is starting to develop all those twitches and grey hairs.

o_o Malex has grey hairs? XD

*Snuffy's and Linus' ideas for rescue* (See Lilly's post ;))

That's my kinda talk!!! What's this? Linus is being NICE to Snuffy? and having FUN with him? :D I really like this episode and maybe that's why... :D then again it could be the fact that chocolate's mentioned...I like chocolate... =D

Mara: Oh– Oh, I’ve got one! Maybe what happens is we– (Cut off in the middle of the word.)

~~ Pause

~~ End

AUGH!! NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!! X-| X-| X-|

Does someone attack them? Does someone rescue them? What was Mara's idea? Did the recorder run out of tape? o_o *groans* ooooh I can't stand the suspense!!!!!! X-|

*PS Sorry it's such a long comment :P just too many good things in this episode...try to cut back on the amazingness, will you Malex? ;) just teasing :D

Praise the Lord! Hallelu!

I don't care what the devil's gonna do!

The Word and faith is my sword and shield

And Jesus is Lord of the way I feel!

Very funny!

This is a very funny episode, guys. I like it! I sure hope Snuffy finds some candy and joy, eventually.

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Jump to Malex Minute 001Malex Minute 182Malex Minute Archives...Malex Minute 184Jump to Malex Minute 216