Jump to Malex Minute 001Malex Minute 181Malex Minute Archives...Malex Minute 183Jump to Malex Minute 216

Malex Minute 182

In this dramatic Quarter Fourteen Finale, Malex, Linus, and Mara rescue Snufflefungus with unexpected assistance from… Aw, just give this episode a listen and find out for yourself.

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

Wow. I think… this could be the best Malex Minute quarter finale ever.

I mean, it has everything! A drunken president seeking redemption, an abundance of strange verbal altercations, nearly-impotent villainy, gasping hysterics, and even a flying goat ship! (Not to mention all our lovable characters.) What more could one possibly expect from a Malex Minute? Or indeed, any Internet Audio Comedy?!

From a production standpoint, this was also certainly the most complex episode we had to produce this quarter, and I simply can’t thank my crew enough for getting this done. My brothers and sister have absolutely carried this quarter. Without them, the Malex Minute would have definitely crashed and burned this quarter. So they definitely deserve at least a couple hearty rounds of applause.

As for the future… What will our heroes find on this new planet? Will it be candy and joy? Will it?!

Come back next week and find out with us as we kick off Malex Minute Quarter Fifteen!

ttyl!

——Alex Markley

“Miss Stratham, really. The man is in prison because he believed every problem could be solved with either water or fire.”

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Mara: Guys, come on! We’ve got to decide what we’re doing. We can’t just stand here in front of PSA’s bunker!

Linus: Yeah, Malex. What are we doing?

Malex: Let me think! We can’t just bang on the door, we can’t try random combinations on the key pad, we can’t leave without Snuffy…

Linus: So that’s it then! We’re all going to die!

Mara: What?

Malex: We’re not going to die, what’s wrong with you?

Linus: I was just quoting the Hitchhiker’s Guide. I’ve always wanted to say that.

Malex: You said it twice in Quarter Three. And now you’ve said it again.

Linus: And yet I’m still not happy inside. Why is that, Malex?

Mara: What are you guys talking about?!

Malex: How doomed we are.

President Anchorman: Fear not young popsicles! I have arrived to take the burden of your burden on my weary shoulders.

Mara: (Gasps.) Mister President! (Disappointed.) You really talk like that in real life?

Linus: You cur!

Malex: Hey, that’s my line! You cur!

Mara: But, he’s the president!

Malex: That’s the man that led the PSA right to Snuffy!

President Anchorman: You speak the truth like a slimy badger. I was compelled in my tortured brain to do things I never would have otherwise thought in my heart to consider acting upon against the great toad of Atlantis!

Malex: You lost me at ‘great toad.’ What?

President Anchorman: I refuse to be a pathetic, puppetted president! I will speak the words that will open this door and allow your selves to enter it! And those words are… Open sesame!

Mara: Look! It just opened! …And silently, too.

Malex: That’s owing to our budget. Sound effects cost lives.

Linus: You’re kidding me. ‘Open sesame?!’

Mara: It just closed again.

President Anchorman: You said the words of opening twice. That means close.

Malex: Thank you. Have you ever considered not being drunk?

President Anchorman: Then I’d have to face the scary, scary world of pain. Like a vilified ostrich mournin’ her young.

Malex: Right. Open sesame!

Snufflefungus: Malex!

Malex: Snuffy!

Snufflefungus: Linus!

Mara: Snuffy!

Linus: Snuffy!

Snufflefungus: Mara!

Linus: Malex!

Malex: Linus!

Snufflefungus: Linus!

Malex: Malex!

Linus: Snuffy!

Malex: Snufflefungus!

Snufflefungus: (Happily.) Me!

Mara: Guys! Somebody’s coming!

Shadow A: Snufflefungus! You come back here!

Snufflefungus: No!

Shadow B: Get him!

Snufflefungus: I tried to keep them confused, but they got bored of singing about stacking blocks!

Mara: I’ll try to confuse them with my telepathy! Run for it!

Snufflefungus: No! They’re too powerful! It’s suicide!

Linus: Really? Do we really need to be so clichéd when (Screams.) our very lives are at stake?!

Shadow B: It’s astounding! That female almost placed a thought in my incredible brain! She must be telepathic!

Mara: It’s not working! I give up!

Malex: Come on, let’s make a run for it!

President Anchorman: You little ones run like bats out of a refrigerator! I’m gonna sacrifice myself for the nobler cause!

Shadow A: Get out of the way, old man!

President Anchorman: Come back here, you creepy devils! You’ll never heard the last of your disgrace for not standing here and beating up my frail body before settin’ the glorious fire of victory! But it will be a bitter victory, and your sleep, if you sleep, will be the sleep of a thousand wailing anthills! (Pauses.) Oh… I find myself alone by myself. With my pain.

~~ Scene change.

~~ Everyone except Linus is gasping.

Linus: Great! Now the PSA is right behind us, and they know all about Mara’s powers!

Malex: (Gasping.) Actually, they’re not right behind us! I think we lost ’em!

Snufflefungus: (Gasping.) Maybe we’re safe! Maybe we can live happily ever after in a world full of candy and joy!

Linus: They may not be right behind us now, they may not be right behind us tomorrow, but they will be soon, and for the rest of our lives!

Mara: Linus is right! The PSA will never stop hunting us! It’s what they do for a living.

Malex: We can’t spend the rest of our lives as fugitives! There’s got to be another way!

Snufflefungus: Malex, I have an idea! Let’s fly away in the spaceship I bought you!

Malex: But Snuffy, our house was completely ransacked! Somebody surely would have stolen the spaceship!

Snufflefungus: I know for sure they didn’t! Come on!

~~ Scene change.

Malex: So that’s why it wasn’t stolen.

Linus: (Screams.) It’s genius!

Malex: You disguised the spaceship…

Mara: As a gigantic, paper mâché goat?

Snufflefungus: (Overly happy. ) Isn’t he cute? I call him Billy. Open up, Billy! We need you to fly!

~~ Spaceship doors open.

Linus: It’s good to see they didn’t hurt your brain while you were in there, Snuffy.

Snufflefungus: We can go to a world full of candy! And joy! Come on!

Linus: I’m all for that. Let’s leave this dump!

Mara: Are you sure this is okay?! I mean, leaving the planet is a pretty big step!

Malex: You’re welcome to stay if you like.

Mara: I’m afraid! They know who I am now, so I’ll never be safe! I don’t know what to do!

Snufflefungus: Come with us, Mara! There’s plenty of room!

Malex: Come on, we go off into space all the time. Everything will be fine!

Mara: (Giving in.) Alright!

Linus: Let’s get out of here!

~~ Spaceship doors close.

Malex: Okay, let’s see if I can figure this out.

Mara: I thought you did this all the time!

Malex: Well, not with this spaceship.

Linus: This is a new one.

Snufflefungus: (Happily.) We couldn’t find enough pieces of the old one to put it back together!

Mara: I changed my mind! Let me out!

Malex: Too late, we’re in the air!

Linus: And we’ve got company!

Snufflefungus: Now who’s being clichéd?

Linus: Shut up! I couldn’t think of anything else to say! (Panicking.) And I’m panicking!

Malex: Holy moley, who knew the PSA had their own spaceship?!

Mara: What are we gonna do?!

Malex: Let’s try hyper drive!

Linus: They’re matching our speed!

Snufflefungus: Malex, this ship was the best on the market! Surely it can do better than hyper drive!

Malex: Let’s try epic drive!

Mara: There’s an epic drive?

Linus: They’ve matched us!

Malex: Mega drive!

Linus: Faster!

Malex: Uppity drive!

Linus: (Screams.) We need more power!

Malex: Infinity incredi-drive!

Mara: I want to go home!

Snufflefungus: They’re powering weapons!

Malex: Where do you see that? How can you tell?!

~~ Weapons fire.

Snufflefungus: That’s how!

Linus: That doesn’t make any sense! Malex, can’t you go any faster?!

Malex: Only if I engage the un-drive! It claims that nothing – including itself – can match its own speed. It tears a hole through the fabric of reality, space, time, and your mother’s tablecloth, to instantly appear at any point in the unknown reaches of the universe!

Mara: Well do it! They’re firing again!

~~ Weapons fire.

Linus: How do you do that?!

Snufflefungus: Do it!

Malex: But who knows what might–

Snufflefungus: (Screams simultaneously with Mara.) Too late!

Mara: (Screams simultaneously with Snufflefungus.) Too late!

~~ Spaceship is hit.

Linus: We’re hit! We’re going down! We’re losing altitude! We’re going to crash! We’re headed south for the winter! We’re–

Malex: Shut up! I’m trying to concentrate!

Mara: Can you land us on that planet?

Malex: Heck no! But if we’re very lucky, I might be able to crash us into it!

Snufflefungus: Yay! Candy and joy, here we come!

Linus: (Screams.)

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Alex Markley and Gabriel Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by Leela as Mara.

Post-processing director: Leela

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Aisling

Thanks to Aust Paul for use of the Possible Laser sound effect.

Thanks to D.J. Chronos for use of the Boom sound effect.

Thanks to Robin hood 76 for use of the Leaking Gas 1 sound effect.

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

NameSizeAction
Episode Audio4.55 MB Download Now - 4.55 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration175.51 KB Download Now - 175.51 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

Lilly's picture

OH MAN! Definitely the best

OH MAN! Definitely the best episode EVER!!!!! The dialogue was amazing through the entire episode, the action had me on the edge of my seat, and that picture is so gorgeous and and funny I forgot to listen to the episode for a second after I opened it!

This is a stunning job you guys! :-D

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

ROTFLOL

That was AWESOME XD XD

I laughed out loud so much Mom was asking me what was so funny :D

That was definitely one of my favorite episodes =D

My favorite exchange is probably:

Linus: And we’ve got company!

Snufflefungus: Now who’s being clichéd?

Linus: Shut up! I couldn’t think of anything else to say!

I think my favorite Malex quote is

Malex: ...It tears a hole through the fabric of reality, space, time, and your mother’s tablecloth,...

Snufflefungus: Yay! Candy and joy, here we come!

What??!! And you didn't bring me with you?! :-|

Snuffy definitely has the best outlook for the future XD

President Anchorman: You little ones run like bats out of a refrigerator! ...

... 0_0 ...

Malex's thoughts said:

My brothers and sister have absolutely carried this quarter. Without them, the Malex Minute would have definitely crashed and burned this quarter. So they definitely deserve at least a couple hearty rounds of applause.

Absolutely! :-D

***gnnb starts clapping

Praise the Lord! Hallelu!

I don't care what the devil's gonna do!

The Word and faith is my sword and shield

And Jesus is Lord of the way I feel!

Peter's picture

*lol*

Gee... Thanks a lot, both of you! :D I'm glad you were officially entertained.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

*lol*

Little and I agree...the best part is when you all start shouting each other's names! It was hilarious!!! And I also liked the tail. X-D

God gave us music, that we might pray without words

Hysterical!

This is the funniest episode I can remember! I like the part when everyone shouts everyone else's names. And poor little Snuffy with his dreams of candy and joy. It kind of makes me sad. Please, can he have some candy and joy, you guys? *puppy eyes*

There were so many funny parts that I can't quote all my favorites. Of course, I love President Anchorman. He just keeps sounding older and more world-weary. But I've noticed that that always happens to presidents.

The picture is such a scream! I hardly know what to think!

Thanks to all of you for not letting the Malex Minute crash and burn. I would have been so dreadfully disappointed.

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

The Future!

Ahh, the end of another Quarter. What next, but how, but why, but where but when? Great work to all involved. I'm still listening.

Jesus is Lord.

Peter's picture

Cool!

Thanks a lot, Drathmoor! :D Good to hear from you!

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Jump to Malex Minute 001Malex Minute 181Malex Minute Archives...Malex Minute 183Jump to Malex Minute 216