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Malex Minute 179

Malex, Linus, and Snufflefungus find themselves on a farm in the middle of nowhere! Sound fun? Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think.

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

Before you say anything, this episode is not intended to pick on farmers. I know several farmers, and none of them are even a little bit like these scary, scary people.

You have to understand, Ohioville is a very dangerous place to be if you’re sane. I’ve come to this realization gradually, but Ohioville is populated entirely by lunatics, villains, and creatures that could never exist in a world where human beings might comfortably reside. We didn’t single out the farmers – everyone in Ohioville has a screw loose and an entire collection of absentee marbles.

If Australia is where the British sent their criminals, Ohioville is where we send anyone too weird to coexist with our society. It is, if you will, a depository of derangement.

So, just to reassure you, while our Ohioville farmers sound like they could power a weirdmill, I have the highest possible respect for real farmers and all the incredible work they do.

’Cause I really just can’t see myself shoveling manure.

Enjoy, and have a good week!

ttyl!

——Alex Markley

“But what of the pig?”

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Malex: (Groggy.) Ugh… What happened?

Snufflefungus: (Groggy.) Where are we?

Jobadiah: I’m the king of the woods!

Malex: Oh no.

Linus: We’re on a farm in the middle of nowhere.

Snufflefungus: (Suddenly very excited.) Is that a farmer?

Linus: He claims to be the king of the woods.

Malex: Help me up.

Snufflefungus: Steady on there, old chap!

Malex: Are you picking up sarcasm?

Snufflefungus: (Innocently.) No. Why?

Malex: Never mind. (Addressing farmer.) Good sir, is this your… incredible farm?

Jobadiah: I’m the king of the woods!

Malex: Yes! And we have come to ask for sanctuary in your woods. We are on the lam, seeking respite from our weariness. You see, multiple mobs of malevolent men are aggressively pursuing our poor selves, to cause harm where no harm is deserved, or, indeed, wanted! So please, if you have any compassion for your fellow man, furball, and scary floating laptop, give us refuge!

~~ Awkward silence.

Jobadiah: I’m the king of the woods!

Malex: Perhaps you didn’t understand.

Linus: Even I didn’t understand.

Malex: Good sir, we just–

Jobadiah: I’m the king of the woods!

Malex: None of us disputes that fact. You are clearly the– Whoa! Careful there, you could put out an eye!

Snufflefungus: He’s got a pitchfork!

Ethel: Jobadiah, you put that thing down! These here are our guests!

Malex: Ma’am, thank you for saving us. We are simply–

Linus: We’re in trouble and we’re looking for a place to stay.

Malex: Thank you, Linus. So, uh–

Ethel: Ethel.

Malex: –Ethel, are there any farms nearby we could walk to? Perhaps farms helmed by people who are not crazy?

Ethel: Goodness me, no. The closest farm is thirty miles from here.

Malex: Perhaps a cell tower or telephone? To desperately call for help?

Ethel: Those things are banned around here.

Jobadiah: I’m the king of the woods!

Malex: Perhaps if we start walking now, we could arrive at–

Ethel: It’ll be dark soon. You don’t want to be out there when the forest sharks starts wakin’ up.

Snufflefungus: Oh look! Chickens! I wanna play with the chickens, Malex!

Malex: No! It’s not safe to stay here!

Ethel: Nonsense! I made a meat for supper! You’re staying here and get yourselves warmed and eated right and sleep yourselves right better from your ills!

Linus: Charming, but I don’t think a home-cooked meal is any sort of remedy for being chased by scary people with guns.

Malex: You understood her words? I thought she was wailing.

Snufflefungus: Oh Malex, it’s so pretty out here among all the nature! And it’s so far away from the bad guys!

Linus: He is right, this is our best bet for staying off the grid and letting the whole thing blow over.

Malex: But I’m unreasonably creeped out.

Linus: And reasonably so, but you’ve got to look past reason and find the little elf of joy and wonder inside!

Malex: Try again.

Linus: I know you’re scared, but it’ll all be okay.

Malex: Much better.

Linus: Thanks.

Ethel: So you’re stayin’ for supper or not?

Malex: Yes, I suppose we’d better.

Ethel: And you can hide out here from your multiple mobs of malevolent men for as long as you want. Can’t they, Jobadiah?

Jobadiah: (Grunts in agreement.)

Malex: Well… If we are staying, I want to make sure we earn our keep. Do you have any odd jobs we can do while we are here?

Jobadiah: We sure do!

Linus: Do you have any electricity? I need a charge.

Ethel: Yes! In the house. And you, fluffy cute thing, you can help me in the kitchen.

Snufflefungus: Oh boy! I get to help in the kitchen!

Ethel: Oh, wait a minute! You’ve got yourself a glowing red bug in your fur! Lemme just give it a whack!

Snufflefungus: Thanks!

Malex: So, what can I do?

Ethel: Ask Jobadiah.

Jobadiah: You can shovel this manure.

Malex: Manure? Shovel? Shovel it where?

Jobadiah: Just shovel it.

Malex: Oh.

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writer: Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Leela

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

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Episode Audio2.78 MB Download Now - 2.78 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration180.39 KB Download Now - 180.39 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

WEEE!!!

I've always wanted to be a farmer!! :-* Alack and alas, we live out in the boonies and have most woods than yard. T^T

Now then, for the Minute...

That's Great XD I love how Snuffy wants to play with the chickens :D And Malex...oh, Malex... 0_0

;) Linus is very entertaining in this one =D

Favorite lines:

Malex: But I’m unreasonably creeped out.

Linus: And reasonably so, but you’ve got to look past reason and find the little elf of joy and wonder inside!

Malex: Try again.

Linus: I know you’re scared, but it’ll all be okay.

Malex: Much better.

XD

...little elf of joy and wonder... 0_0 oh dear...

I like the artwork, Quartz. Snuffy and Malex both look very groggy, and I love the rays of sunlight :-*

Brightened my day immensely :) Great work, or as Linus would say, "astonishing!"

Praise the Lord! Hallelu!

I don't care what the devil's gonna do!

The Word and faith is my sword and shield

And Jesus is Lord of the way I feel!

Peter's picture

*lol*

gnnb94 said:

I like the artwork, Quartz. Snuffy and Malex both look very groggy, and I love the rays of sunlight :-*

Brightened my day immensely :) Great work, or as Linus would say, "astonishing!"

Thanks a ton! :D

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Lilly's picture

Oh wow!

This entire episode was just so funny! Ethel's voice was terrifying once i realized who it actually belonged to ;)

Favorite bits and stuff:

Ethel: Nonsense! I made a meat for supper!

That sounds like something I would never ever eat o.o

Linus: And reasonably so, but you’ve got to look past reason and find the little elf of joy and wonder inside!

Malex: Try again.

Lol!!

Ethel: Oh, wait a minute! You’ve got yourself a glowing red bug in your fur! Lemme just give it a whack!

Snufflefungus: Thanks!

I almost expected to hear whacking sounds followed by crying sounds :-O

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

Very funny!

This episode is really funny, guys! I love the verbal humor. A definite Malex touch! Ex:

Malex said:

Yes! And we have come to ask for sanctuary in your woods. We are on the lam, seeking respite from our weariness. You see, multiple mobs of malevolent men are aggressively pursuing our poor selves, to cause harm where no harm is deserved, or, indeed, wanted! So please, if you have any compassion for your fellow man, furball, and scary floating laptop, give us refuge!

Ethel said:

Nonsense! I made a meat for supper! You’re staying here and get yourselves warmed and eated right and sleep yourselves right better from your ills!

Ethel said:

It’ll be dark soon. You don’t want to be out there when the forest sharks starts wakin’ up.

These are all so funny!

Beware, Snuffy. I don't trust Ethel or her cooking. What, after all, is a meat?!

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

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