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Malex Minute 175

Snuffy holds the world’s first Grand International Conference on Charity and the Distribution of Free Money to Every Person Ever! Many people take notice. Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think.

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

How amazingly epic! What incredible drama! Other superlatives!

Snuffy’s optimism has, unfortunately, led him down a path of some foolishness. Now there are so many people who feel like Snuffy owes them something. And they know exactly where he lives!

This is not to even mention all the really bad guys who want Snuffy for their own nefarious purposes. The illegal fur traders come to mind immediately. And oh, how about those shadowy guys at the end? Talk about creepy! Actually, I’m not sure I intended for those guys to be as creepy as they ended up being. Listening to the recording for the first time actually gave me the willies!

Really though, I’m terribly excited. The pace is picking up and things are starting to get pretty crazy. It’s been a long while since we’ve had a really good, plot-driven story arc, and I think we’ve been long overdue for one.

So we’ll just have to see where this one goes!

ttyl!

——Alex Markley

“Quick! Shave it off, before it curses at your mother-in-law again!”

Transcript

~~ Introduction

~~ Listening to the TV.

Anchor-Thing 1: In other news, a most striking occurrence, right here in the heart of suburban Ohioville!

Anchor-Thing 2: That’s right, Bill! The event everyone’s been talking about for weeks is happening tonight! Right here in Ohioville!

Anchor-Thing 1: Right you are, Jane! A local Snufflefungus named Snufflefungus is hosting a free money conference for every living person!

Anchor-Thing 2: You’re not kidding, Bob! Free money for every person alive!

Anchor-Thing 1: I couldn’t have said it better myself, Petunia! And the number of people flocking to receive their share – it’s absolutely elephantine!

Anchor-Thing 2: Well George, your choice of words is, once again, grounds for a sound beating.

Anchor-Thing 1: No! I didn’t mean to have a vocabulary on national television! I won’t do it again!

Anchor-Thing 2: We’ll be right back, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Anchor-Thing 1: I’m sorry–!

Anchor-Thing 2: In the mean-time, we’ll go to a live feed of the free money conference!

~~ Switch to a live feed of the free money conference.

Recording: –one orderly line to receive your free money. This offer is for all living human beings. While supplies last or until every person is served – whichever comes last. No special terms or conditions apply. (Pause as the recording loops.) Welcome to the world’s first, annual Grand International Conference on Charity and the Distribution of Free Money to Every Person Ever. Step right up to receive your free money. Every person will receive free money. Form one orderly line to receive your free money. This offer is– (Fade recording out.)

Snufflefungus: Ladies and Gentlemen! I am the Snufflefungus!

~~ Crowd cheers.

Snufflefungus: We are here today because of my dream! My dream to undertake the greatest philanthropic effort since Phil himself invented it!

~~ Crowd cheers.

Snufflefungus: (Fading out as we transition.) Today, I will endeavor to give money to every person in the entire world! This unprecedented event will be the greatness that returns our civilization to greatness! The goodness of mankind will shine through as we band together and agree to do something together! Something great! And that greatness will be reflected in our goodness! And money! And stuff! Nobody will have to be hungry anymore! Or homeless! We can take care of each other and everyone else, too! Now, let’s all sing the free money song!

~~ Shift transition to illegal fur traders.

Poacher 1: Hey, do you see that fur thing?! That’s the one I was telling you about! Look at that luxurious fur!

Poacher 2: Yeah! I see that! That’s unbelievable! It’s out of this world! What a fine price that would fetch!

Poacher 1: And now we know where to find him… (Dissolves into manic evil laughter.)

~~ Awkward pause.

Poacher 2: Are you okay?

Poacher 1: I’ll be fine.

~~ Silence, fading in to the crowd around Snufflefungus at the free money conference.

Snufflefungus: And what about you, lad? Will five dollars turn your life around?

Person A: How about a hundred?

Snufflefungus: Okay!

Person B: Hey! How comes I only got fifty?!

People: Yeah!

Snufflefungus: People, please! Stop shoving!

Person A: What about my hundred!?

Snufflefungus: Everybody, please!

~~ Crowd continues to grumble and murmur.

Malex: Snufflefungus, this will never work! You need to bail out before this gets out of hand!

Snufflefungus: But what about the goodness of people?! I can’t cancel the conference now!

Person C: Hey, did you hear him?! He’s going to cancel the free money conference!

People: (Outrage.)

Person D: That’s it! Everybody get down!

Person C: He’s got a gun!

Snufflefungus: What?! Why did you bring a gun to a free money conference?! Where is your goodness?!

Person D: I’ll use all my goodness deciding what to do with your money. I promise. (Menacing.) Now hand it over!

Snufflefungus: How much do you want?

Person D: (Screams.) All of it!

Snufflefungus: But– But– But what about the rest–?

Person E: I’ve got a gun too! Hand it all over to me!

Person D: No way!

Poacher 1: Finally! There you are, Snufflefungus! Come with us; we’ll only take your fur once!

Snufflefungus: (Screams.)

Linus: Snuffy! Watch out! He’s got a gun too!

~~ Flaming spatula maneuver.

Malex: Snuffy, what happened?!

Snufflefungus: Things were getting out of hand!

Linus: But… Where did everybody go?!

Snufflefungus: I sent them all home! Oh Malex, I’m so sorry! I should have listened to you!

Malex: Oh Snufflefungus, it’s– It’s so noble to want to help people, but it’s very important to find the right way to do it! And you have to remember that, given the option, most people will take advantage of your generosity!

Linus: No kidding! Just look at me!

~~ Back to the news anchors.

Anchor-Thing 2: Welcome back to the only news you’ll ever need! George is in the hospital, so we’ve asked a duck to fill in!

Duck: (Quacks.)

Anchor-Thing 2: (Seriously.) Yes. Yes, that’s true. So as you just saw, the Snufflefungus who was running the free money conference just displayed an unprecedented degree of telekinetic power! I’d bet some shadowy government organization would love to have seen that!

Duck: (Quacks again.)

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Alex Markley and Leela

Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by Leela as Anchor-Thing 2 and Person C.

Post-processing director: Leela

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to Lone Monk for use of the Approximately 800 Clapping 2 sound effect.

Thanks to Lone Monk for use of the Approximately 800 Clapping 3 sound effect.

Thanks to Koops for use of the Festival Crowd sound effect.

Thanks to Bebops for use of the Fire sound effect.

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

NameSizeAction
Episode Audio3.79 MB Download Now - 3.79 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration200.97 KB Download Now - 200.97 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

OMW!!!!!

The ending was the creepiest thing I've heard in a long time. *shudders*

Excellently done! The news reporters are a scream!! XD

Wow the whole thing was....wow. I am speechless. 0_0

Great, great work. :)

Praise the Lord! Hallelu!

I don't care what the devil's gonna do!

The Word and faith is my sword and shield

And Jesus is Lord of the way I feel!

Wow!

Great episode, guys! Wonderful job on the editing, Leela! :J

Poor Anchor-Thing 1. XD

Und alvays rememba cheeldren: Delta ecks eqvals fee nought times time ploos von half accelerashun times time sqvared.

Alex's picture

Thanks!

Thanks so much for the encouraging comments so far, guys! We're working really hard here, so it's nice to know that people are appreciating the results.

Oh, and Snuffy does not have horns; he's just drawn that way.

ttyl!

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

Peter's picture

*lol*

Malex said:

Oh, and Snuffy does not have horns; he's just drawn that way.

Oops, sorry... :P

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

That was great!!

LOL!!!

I LOVED this episode! (heart)

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

Proverbs 4:23

XD

Really awesome episode!

Rofl moments:

Anchor-Thing 2: Well George, your choice of words is, once again, grounds for a sound beating.

Anchor-Thing 1: No! I didn’t mean to have a vocabulary on national television! I won’t do it again!

Anchor-Thing 2: We’ll be right back, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Anchor-Thing 1: I’m sorry–!

Person D: I’ll use all my goodness deciding what to do with your money. I promise. (Menacing.)

Malex: Oh Snufflefungus, it’s– It’s so noble to want to help people, but it’s very important to find the right way to do it! And you have to remember that, given the option, most people will take advantage of your generosity!

Linus: No kidding! Just look at me!

Anchor-Thing 2: Welcome back to the only news you’ll ever need! George is in the hospital, so we’ve asked a duck to fill in!

Duck: (Quacks.)

Btb, i'm Lilly and I just realized i'm not logged in but I'm too lazy to do this all over again so i'm not bothering to log in. =P

well...

I must say this episode was interesting. The news anchors were funny, and the picture was cool. I liked the spatula action thingy...thats a novel idea..... (:)

God gave us music, that we might pray without words

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