Snuffy makes dinner and Linus tries to help! How can this not lead to a fire? Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think!
Microwaves have long been known to be insidious and unreliable creatures. They are not to be trusted.
By the way, I learned something you should definitely know. If a woman ever tells you her age, never respond with, ‘Wow.’* Especially if she’s an actress in Hollywood. Don’t ask me how I know this. It’s a painful memory.
Thoughts are short this week because it’s late and I’ve been a tad under the weather.** Enjoy the episode and we’ll see you next week!
“Good. For a minute there I was afraid I might actually feel joy.”
* - Leading researchers are still trying to determine if any response is safe.
** - Or because my mind is running on empty. Choose your favorite explanation.
Linus: (Aggressive.) Hey Snuffy, what’cha doin’?
Snufflefungus: (Suspicious.) I’m making supper, Linus! Why do you ask?
Linus: Oh, no reason…
Linus: Supper, you say?
Snufflefungus: Yep! I’m making frozen pizzas!
Linus: (Unduly excited.) Ooh, frozen pizzas? Can I help?
Snufflefungus: But Linus, you’re a laptop! You don’t even eat!
Linus: (Dismissive.) Well that doesn’t mean I can’t help, does it? Here, I’ll read the instructions for you, and you handle the gross motor skills.
Linus: These instructions are so ambiguous! I hate them!
Snufflefungus: Well maybe the different ways of interpreting them are different, equally acceptable ways of preparing it!
Linus: Balderdash! There’s only one way to do it – my way! Snuffy, you just leave the thinking to me, and supper will be ready in no time!
Linus: Great! So you put it in the microwave, set it for two and a half minutes, and press start.
Snufflefungus: Well, I’m not sure. I’ve had these pizzas burn around the edges before.
Linus: You’re not leaving the thinking to me, are you? Snuffy thinking slows down supper.
Malex: What’s going on in here?
Snufflefungus: We’re making supper!
Linus: I’m just helping Snuffy with the small details, like how to do the job.
Snufflefungus: (Cheerful.) I’m not allowed to think!
Malex: Linus! Snuffy knows how to make dinner! He does it several times a week!
Linus: You just keep your opinions to yourself, mister! We’re doing a fine job in here without you!
Snufflefungus: So I put the pizza in for two minutes and thirty seconds?
Linus: No, better make it five minutes, just to be safe.
Malex: Five minutes is an awfully long time. Why don’t you just put it in for forty-five seconds three times?
Linus: Quiet, you! Don’t kibitz!
Snufflefungus: Kibitz. Intransitive, informal verb. To offer meddlesome advice uninvited.
Malex: I’m not kibitzing, I’m just trying to prevent a catastrophe!
Linus: If this pizza burns, it’ll be yours.
Linus: Alright Snuffy, put it in and set it for five minutes.
~~ Microwave humming.
Linus: The suspense is killing me.
Snufflefungus: It looks like the sides are–
~~ Pizza catches fire.
Linus: (Screams.) Oh no! Stop it, quick!
Snufflefungus: (Stops microwave.) Wow! The very edge caught fire in a ring all the way around, but the middle is still frozen! (Blows the fire out.)
Malex: I did warn you – five minutes is far too long.
Linus: (Cheerful.) Great! Malex, this one’s yours.
Malex: It doesn’t look edible.
Linus: How is this supposed to work, anyway?! If we set it to any shorter time, the center will still be frozen.
Snufflefungus: We’ll set the next one to less than fifteen seconds, let it cool, and repeat until it’s heated!
Malex: You could just use the oven…
Linus: Too much trouble! We’ll try shorter intervals.
Malex: It’ll take a lot longer…
Linus: Set it for five seconds, Snuffy.
Snufflefungus: Five seconds. (Starts microwave.)
Linus: What?! It’s counting down from an hour! Didn’t you set it for five seconds?
Malex: Hit stop!
Snufflefungus: (Stops microwave.) Hmm…
Linus: Snuffy: Cancel, five seconds, start.
Snufflefungus: Okay! (Starts microwave.)
Snufflefungus: (Stops microwave.) That’s funny… It started counting down from an hour again!
Malex: That’s strange… Let me see. (Starts microwave.)
Linus: Why does it respect you?! Snufflefungus here couldn’t get the stupid thing to work at all!
Malex: I don’t know, I just entered my time and pressed start. Now it’ll be done in two… one– What?
Linus: (Screams.) It started over when it reached one second! It’ll burn! Quick, stop it!
Malex: (Stops microwave.) Something must be wrong with this microwave. Just cook the pizza in the oven, okay?
Linus: Open it, Snuffy!
Snufflefungus: (Grunts.) The door is stuck!
Malex: Oh, great…
Linus: (Whimsical.) Well, since we can always stop the stupid micro-brain before the pizza burns, let’s go ahead and heat it up in here, then worry about unjamming the stupid door! Hit it, Snuffy!
Snufflefungus: (Cheerful.) Okay! (Starts microwave.)
Linus: It’s time to stop it!
Snufflefungus: I can’t!
Microwave: Call me ‘stupid,’ will you?! (Laughs.)
Malex: Oh my.
Linus: (Panicked.) Unplug the stupid thing!
Microwave: I’ll have the last laugh!
Snufflefungus: (Unplugs it.)
Linus: Stupid, stupid, stupid–
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Peter Markley and Alex Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Leela
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.