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Malex Minute 158

Snuffy makes dinner and Linus tries to help! How can this not lead to a fire? Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think!

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

Microwaves have long been known to be insidious and unreliable creatures. They are not to be trusted.

By the way, I learned something you should definitely know. If a woman ever tells you her age, never respond with, ‘Wow.’* Especially if she’s an actress in Hollywood. Don’t ask me how I know this. It’s a painful memory.

Thoughts are short this week because it’s late and I’ve been a tad under the weather.** Enjoy the episode and we’ll see you next week!

ttyl

——Alex Markley

“Good. For a minute there I was afraid I might actually feel joy.”

* - Leading researchers are still trying to determine if any response is safe.

** - Or because my mind is running on empty. Choose your favorite explanation.

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Linus: (Aggressive.) Hey Snuffy, what’cha doin’?

Snufflefungus: (Suspicious.) I’m making supper, Linus! Why do you ask?

Linus: Oh, no reason…

~~ Silence.

Linus: Supper, you say?

Snufflefungus: Yep! I’m making frozen pizzas!

Linus: (Unduly excited.) Ooh, frozen pizzas? Can I help?

Snufflefungus: But Linus, you’re a laptop! You don’t even eat!

Linus: (Dismissive.) Well that doesn’t mean I can’t help, does it? Here, I’ll read the instructions for you, and you handle the gross motor skills.

Snufflefungus: Okay!

~~ Pause.

Linus: These instructions are so ambiguous! I hate them!

Snufflefungus: Well maybe the different ways of interpreting them are different, equally acceptable ways of preparing it!

Linus: Balderdash! There’s only one way to do it – my way! Snuffy, you just leave the thinking to me, and supper will be ready in no time!

Snufflefungus: Okay!

Linus: Great! So you put it in the microwave, set it for two and a half minutes, and press start.

Snufflefungus: Well, I’m not sure. I’ve had these pizzas burn around the edges before.

Linus: You’re not leaving the thinking to me, are you? Snuffy thinking slows down supper.

Snufflefungus: Sorry!

Malex: What’s going on in here?

Snufflefungus: We’re making supper!

Malex: ‘We…?’

Linus: I’m just helping Snuffy with the small details, like how to do the job.

Snufflefungus: (Cheerful.) I’m not allowed to think!

Malex: Linus! Snuffy knows how to make dinner! He does it several times a week!

Linus: You just keep your opinions to yourself, mister! We’re doing a fine job in here without you!

Snufflefungus: So I put the pizza in for two minutes and thirty seconds?

Linus: No, better make it five minutes, just to be safe.

Malex: Five minutes is an awfully long time. Why don’t you just put it in for forty-five seconds three times?

Linus: Quiet, you! Don’t kibitz!

Snufflefungus: Kibitz. Intransitive, informal verb. To offer meddlesome advice uninvited.

Malex: I’m not kibitzing, I’m just trying to prevent a catastrophe!

Linus: If this pizza burns, it’ll be yours.

Malex: (Sighs.)

Linus: Alright Snuffy, put it in and set it for five minutes.

Snufflefungus: Okay!

~~ Microwave humming.

Linus: The suspense is killing me.

Snufflefungus: It looks like the sides are–

~~ Pizza catches fire.

Linus: (Screams.) Oh no! Stop it, quick!

Snufflefungus: (Stops microwave.) Wow! The very edge caught fire in a ring all the way around, but the middle is still frozen! (Blows the fire out.)

Malex: I did warn you – five minutes is far too long.

Linus: (Cheerful.) Great! Malex, this one’s yours.

Malex: It doesn’t look edible.

Linus: How is this supposed to work, anyway?! If we set it to any shorter time, the center will still be frozen.

Snufflefungus: We’ll set the next one to less than fifteen seconds, let it cool, and repeat until it’s heated!

Malex: You could just use the oven…

Linus: Too much trouble! We’ll try shorter intervals.

Malex: It’ll take a lot longer…

Linus: Set it for five seconds, Snuffy.

Snufflefungus: Five seconds. (Starts microwave.)

Linus: What?! It’s counting down from an hour! Didn’t you set it for five seconds?

Malex: Hit stop!

Snufflefungus: (Stops microwave.) Hmm…

Linus: Snuffy: Cancel, five seconds, start.

Snufflefungus: Okay! (Starts microwave.)

Linus: (Screams.)

Snufflefungus: (Stops microwave.) That’s funny… It started counting down from an hour again!

Malex: That’s strange… Let me see. (Starts microwave.)

Linus: Why does it respect you?! Snufflefungus here couldn’t get the stupid thing to work at all!

Malex: I don’t know, I just entered my time and pressed start. Now it’ll be done in two… one– What?

Linus: (Screams.) It started over when it reached one second! It’ll burn! Quick, stop it!

Malex: (Stops microwave.) Something must be wrong with this microwave. Just cook the pizza in the oven, okay?

Linus: Open it, Snuffy!

Snufflefungus: (Grunts.) The door is stuck!

Malex: Oh, great…

Linus: (Whimsical.) Well, since we can always stop the stupid micro-brain before the pizza burns, let’s go ahead and heat it up in here, then worry about unjamming the stupid door! Hit it, Snuffy!

Snufflefungus: (Cheerful.) Okay! (Starts microwave.)

Malex: Uh…

Linus: It’s time to stop it!

Snufflefungus: I can’t!

Microwave: Call me ‘stupid,’ will you?! (Laughs.)

Malex: Oh my.

Linus: (Panicked.) Unplug the stupid thing!

Microwave: I’ll have the last laugh!

Snufflefungus: (Unplugs it.)

Linus: Stupid, stupid, stupid–

~~ Explosion.

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Peter Markley and Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Leela

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to Myst Is Cool for use of the Fire sound effect.

Thanks to Sandy RB for use of the Bomb sound effect.

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

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Episode Audio3.16 MB Download Now - 3.16 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration170.61 KB Download Now - 170.61 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

XD

ROTFLOL!!!!

That was hilarious!! I like how Linus commandeers Snuffy and then they burn the pizza XD

Snufflefungus: said:

I’m not allowed to think!

XD that sounds like me!

hehe During a big group project with my siblings, whenever I said something that started with "So I was thinking we could..." they would interrupt and tell me not to think! So whenever they did that, I started my next sentence with "So I was NOT thinking we could..." :D

Malex, Quartz, Fopsy, Leela, this put a big smile on my face, which is a good way to start a stressful, busy day! Thanks alot!

Praise the Lord! Hallelu!

I don't care what the devil's gonna do!

The Word and faith is my sword and shield

And Jesus is Lord of the way I feel!

Peter's picture

*lol*

gnnb94 said:

ROTFLOL!!!!

Malex, Quartz, Fopsy, Leela, this put a big smile on my face, which is a good way to start a stressful, busy day! Thanks alot!

Thanks a lot! That’s very encouraging! XD

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

... :D

*lol* I forgot to add that our microwave hates me. Or, as tyat would make me say, it strongly dislikes me with a passion of a thousand burning fusion reactors.

I'm convinced that it is demon-possessed... @-D

XD

Praise the Lord! Hallelu!

I don't care what the devil's gonna do!

The Word and faith is my sword and shield

And Jesus is Lord of the way I feel!

Peter's picture

*lol*

That’s funny… :P

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Demon possessed

This microwave sure looks possessed. Fabulous illustration, Quartz! I love it!

I think I encountered the very same microwave at Panera the other day.

Great work, guys.

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Susie Markley's picture

gnnb94

gnnb94 said:

ROTFLOL!!!!

Malex, Quartz, Fopsy, Leela, this put a big smile on my face, which is a good way to start a stressful, busy day! Thanks alot!

Yeah, this was the first episode that I edited really on my own. I'm going to be taking over for Fopsworth soon. :P (With editing that is) And eventually, Malex will put my name in the credits for that too. :J

Anyway, I'm very glad you guys liked it. :)

[This episode had so many microwave sound effects, it got really confusing, trying to put it together! @-D ]

#HowManyLicksDoesItTake to change a lightbulb?

Leela :)

Leela said:

[This episode had so many microwave sound effects, it got really confusing, trying to put it together! @-D ]

Well you did an excellent job! *high five!*

Praise the Lord! Hallelu!

I don't care what the devil's gonna do!

The Word and faith is my sword and shield

And Jesus is Lord of the way I feel!

Susie Markley's picture

*Really?*

XD Thanks! :P

#HowManyLicksDoesItTake to change a lightbulb?

Really?

Absolutely! :)

Praise the Lord! Hallelu!

I don't care what the devil's gonna do!

The Word and faith is my sword and shield

And Jesus is Lord of the way I feel!

rotfl

this reminded me of when I was five and we got a brand new microwave.....our old one had a knob that you would turn. 1= 1min; 2= 2min; and so on. Popcorn on our old microwave took five minutes, so you'd turn the knob to five and let her go. So, when we got our new microwave that had buttons I hit five ( 5 = 5sec) and let her go. When it beeped and it wasn't popped i hit 50 sec. when it still wasn't popped i hit 5 min. All together it had six minutes of cooking time. Needless to say the popcorn was burnt...really badly burnt...and there was a mark on the inside of my mom's brand new microwave. It stayed there until it retired two years ago.

Anyways, good job everyone! I really liked it. (Two thumbs up for Leela :) )

God gave us music, that we might pray without words

Oh No!

Microwave horror stories! :-O

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

:)

I am glad they aren't microwaving M&Ms.....

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

Proverbs 4:23

Peter's picture

*lol*

That would make a mess… @-D

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

lol

Actually...it doesn't, if you stop it in time at least....but it looks like lightning.

:) ;)

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

Proverbs 4:23

hmm

microwaving peeps and marshmallows is incredibly FUN! ...just sayin'... :D

Praise the Lord! Hallelu!

I don't care what the devil's gonna do!

The Word and faith is my sword and shield

And Jesus is Lord of the way I feel!

Since Gnnb mentioned peeps....

So a few Easters ago, my mom got us all peeps. None of us really like peeps. So, instead of eating the little mounds of inflated sugar, we had a jousting tournament. We stuck colored toothpicks through them, set the microwave to a minute, and whoever was poked first lost. it was SO much fun! Unfortunately our house smelled like burning sugar for the next month or so....

(¯`v´¯)

`*.¸.*´

¸.•´¸ .•*¨) ¸.•*¨)

(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.

Peter's picture

*lol*

Wow…

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Hilarious!

That sounds so funny! And creative! Something tells me that I'll be scraping burnt marshmallow goo out of my microwave too, if I buy peeps for the kids.

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Mariel 7's picture

<.< .... >.>

... skittles (:) ...

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

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