Welcome to Malex Minute year four! What sort of insanity do you suppose we’ll get into this year? Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think.
I can’t believe we’ve completed three solid years of weekly production. It feels more like nine.
It’s all worth it though; if we didn’t have the Malex Minute, how could we possibly satisfy our urges to write about this sort of madness? I ask you!
Actually, there is something… And that something is called Contradictionary!
As of Wednesday, Ladies and Gentlemen, we have launched a brand new, all-original weekly webcomic!
This new comic features our own Peter’s impeccable art, and reveals
tantalizing terrifying glimpses into the life of Timby: A fox of some sort whose life seems pitted and marred by brushes with disaster, strange creatures, and near-catastrophic levels of stupidity.
Peter’s work on this has been absolutely top notch so far, and I’m excited and honored to share it with you.
“Well golly gee ma, I’ll eat it! Just pick the legs out first!”
Malex: Welcome to the Malex Minute everybody. Say hello to Quarter Thirteen and Malex Minute Year Four!
Linus: You’re inflating our numbers by referring to the year we just started. The show has only been running for three years, not four.
Malex: I know! There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?
Linus: Only that you’re a sneaky devil.
Snufflefungus: Malex! Malex! We missed a more important event a whole quarter ago!
Malex: What was that, Snuffy?
Snufflefungus: The beginning of last quarter – Quarter Twelve – was Malex Minute 144, which is twelve squared! And even more strangely, it was the first episode in December, which is the twelfth month of the year!
Linus: It’s an omen.
Malex: I don’t think so–
Snufflefungus: It’s like having every planet in the solar system line up unexpectedly!
Linus: What would they even call something like that?
Snufflefungus: An omen!
Malex: Well I’m more excited about the progress we’ve made in surviving three whole years of weekly production.
Snufflefungus: Yay! Let’s go buy cheap, alcoholic beverages!
Linus: Yay beer!
Malex: No! No, no, Let’s not.
Snufflefungus: Okay! Let’s throw colorful trash in the air and make a mess!
Linus: Sure, if you clean it up.
Snufflefungus: Let’s just hop around and hug everybody instead!
Malex: Ahem. Well now that that’s out of our systems–
Linus: Everyone is offended. Let’s celebrate again!
Snufflefungus: (Shocked.) Linus! Only one celebration per day is allowed!
Malex: N– Never mind all that! Let’s move on.
Snufflefungus: Malex, is the agenda you’re thinking of the same agenda I’m thinking of for today’s episode?
Malex: I don’t know.
Snufflefungus: Well the awfully creepy systemic eclipse we just had thirteen episodes ago got me to thinking. …
Linus: Is that the big news?
Malex: What is it, Snuffy?
Snufflefungus: (Hesitant.) Well… You know how I escaped from my home planet an unknown number of years ago and erased my memories three years ago before breaking into the studio?
Snufflefungus: Well let’s speculate that the spaceship I escaped to Earth in was a decommissioned cargo ship that was bought from McDoogle’s Hamburger Gateway.
Snufflefungus: Now let’s speculate that it was a quad-winged vessel with just two cargo bays, and that it was owned by a friend of mine from whom I borrowed it.
Linus: Where are you going with this?
Snufflefungus: Let us also speculate that I hid it somewhere before erasing my memories, forgetting that whoever I borrowed it from would be expecting it back!
Malex: That would be a bit of a situation…
Snufflefungus: Yes, it sure would.
Linus: You’re trying to make some grander point here. What is it?
Snufflefungus: Well let’s speculate that I suddenly had a flashback thirteen episodes ago.
~~ Begin flashback.
Snufflefungus: Now let’s see here. I’ve got this quad-winged, two-bay, decommissioned McDoogle’s cargo ship of Dr. Fuzzy’s, which he’ll be expecting back by March 2009. I’d better bury it in this landfill so it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands after I erase my memories.
~~ End flashback.
Linus: We’re still just speculating here, right?
Snufflefungus: (Biting lip.) Now let’s speculate that on Wednesday I finally found the landfill and dug up the ship. And now it’s sitting in the garage.
Malex: Oh no.
Linus: (Looking in garage.) Great king of the savages! That was the source of all that commotion!
Malex: Snuffy, who is Dr. Fuzzy?
Snufflefungus: I don’t remember! All I remember is that he wanted it back by March 2009. And I think he was seven foot nine… But I’m not sure about that.
Linus: (Screams.) Is he coming here?
Snufflefungus: I don’t know.
Malex: Snufflefungus, I think we’re going to have to find Dr. Fuzzy and return his spaceship.
Snufflefungus: Well let’s call my family and see what they know. (Dials number.)
~~ Phone rings.
Evil Snuffy: (Picks up.) Hello, you have incurred interplanetary connection fees by making this call. Please enter your bank account number and three digit verification code followed by the pound sign, and the fees may be waived.
Snufflefungus: Hi Evil Snuffy, it’s your brother!
Evil Snuffy: Oh. Hi! So… You won’t be giving me your account number?
Evil Snuffy: It was worth a shot.
Snufflefungus: I called to see if the name “Dr. Fuzzy” rang any bells.
Evil Snuffy: Yeah, actually I just got off the phone with him before you called. He said something about needing a spaceship from you. Do you know what he was talking about?
Snufflefungus: Uh… Yes…
Evil Snuffy: Anyway, I gave him Malex’s address. He said he’d be right over.
~~ Banging on the door.
Snufflefungus: Uh– I gotta go. Thanks a lot, Evil Snuffy!
Evil Snuffy: Sure thing. Talk to ya’ later! (Hangs up.)
Malex: Nobody panic. I’ll just open the door.
Linus: (Panicked.) Who’s panicking?! I love panicking!
Malex: (Opens door.) Hello– Oh. Are you Dr. Fuzzy?
Dr. Fuzzy: Yes. I need my spaceship now.
Malex: Great timing! We have it all ready for you in the garage!
Snufflefungus: Sorry about the long delay on returning it!
Dr. Fuzzy: Never mind! I just had to junk the one I arrived here in. Now I gotta run, so show me the spaceship fast or you guys will get it big time!
Malex: Uh… Sure thing! Just through there!
Dr. Fuzzy: Get that garage door open while I start the spaceship. I don’t have time to wait around sniffing petunias.
Snufflefungus: Bye, Dr. Fuzzy! Thanks for the spaceship!
Dr. Fuzzy: (Yelling out window.) Now I was never here, you hear me?! Just forget the whole thing!
~~ Spaceship takes off.
Snufflefungus: (Sighs.) Well, that turned out nicely!
Linus: Snuffy, how do you pick your friends?
~~ Banging on the door.
Police: (Muffled, through megaphone.) Police! We’ve got you surrounded!
Malex: Well Ladies and Gentlemen–
Police: Come out of the building with your hands up!
Malex: Er… Bye, uh… See you all next week! I hope…
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writer: Peter Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.