Linus has money? How?! And why? Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think.
So here we wrap up Quarter Twelve and say goodbye to our third solid year of weekly production. The Malex Minute is now three years old!
This episode really was a lot of fun to work on. We were literally rocking with laughter during both the writing process and during production. I hope you can see why once you’ve heard it…
Frankly, I think Linus is on to something. People are like sheep! I can’t really talk about why I think Linus is a genius though, that would spoil the episode for those of you who like to read my thoughts before you listen to the episode.*
What I will talk about, however, are socks. I am in no way exaggerating when I say that I have a veritable heap of socks in my apartment. They are all filthy and have filthy little minds of their own.
For one thing, I know there are never this many clean socks. It’s almost as if they multiply of their own volition, but only after they’ve been worn! They defy any attempt at corralling or herding into laundry baskets, and if I dare to try and wash them, they’ll escape!
They won’t escape all at once, mind you. They want to drive me crazy, so they’ll send one away just to mess with my head.
I don’t let it get to me though; if I need replacements I just leave the dirty socks alone to multiply some more.
Hope you enjoy this week’s episode as much as we did! See you next week as we kick off Quarter Thirteen!
“Well dang. I’d’ve guessed red. Or green, maybe. But blue?!”
* - Madness!
Malex: Snuffy, aren’t you gonna turn on the Wii?
Malex: You can’t play Rock Band without turning on the Wii first.
Snufflefungus: But I am playing, see?
Malex: No, you’re playing with the guitar controller. You can’t play unless you start the game.
Snufflefungus: But I see people doing it in concerts all the time!
Malex: That’s totally different! Wait, when have you been to any concerts?!
Snufflefungus: Linus takes me! I love the hard rock and the roll!
~~ Door opens in background.
Malex: When do you guys have time to–? And how can you possibly pay for–? Hey!
~~ Movers grunting.
Linus: Okay guys, just set it right there. No, a little to the left. Good!
Malex: What is this?!
Linus: An exercise bike, idiot. What does it look like?
Malex: Of course it’s an exercise bike! What is it doing in my house?!
Mover One: Uh, are we done here?
Linus: Yes! Thank you. I’d tip, but you smell funny.
Mover Two: (Grunts.)
Malex: Linus, what is this doing here?
Snufflefungus: Bye funny-smelling movers!
~~ Door closes in background.
Linus: Obviously I bought an exercise bike for myself.
Malex: You don’t have any legs.
Linus: Maybe that will change eventually. Besides, I like the look. Don’t you? Right there in the corner of the living room?
Malex: Linus, I can’t help feeling that this is a statement of some sort.
Linus: A statement? From me? Never!
Malex: Well, okay.
Linus: Far be it from me to suggest that your weight problem has gotten out of hand. Or that you badly need to start moving your pasty limbs and get some of your gelatinous blood oozing around in that filthy body of yours. No, no, I bought this exercise bike for me. But if you would like, you have my permission to use it.
Malex: Linus, for your sake and mine, I’m going to forget everything you just said.
Snufflefungus: Here, Malex! Let me help! (Grunts with exertion.)
~~ A bell.
Malex: An exercise bike?!
Linus: Yes, you bought it for yourself.
Malex: (Excited.) I did?
Snufflefungus: No, Linus bought it for himself!
Linus: Right! But you may use it if you like.
Malex: I just might do that. Hey! How did you get the money for this thing?!
Linus: Why, whatever do you mean?
Malex: I mean how did you get the money for this bike?!
Linus: I’m not telling!
Malex: You haven’t been working! You haven’t been earning money! You’ve just been sitting around watching movies and– Linus! You didn’t con Snufflefungus out of more money, did you?! I oughtta– You’ll be sorry mister! I’m gonna tan your hide! Or something! And then I’ll really think of a way to punish you! You’ll rue the day you decided to become a lazy, good-for-nothing so-and-so–
Snufflefungus: Malex! Linus didn’t use any of my money!
Malex: What?! Reduced to stealing?!
Linus: No! For crying out loud! I have been working!
Snufflefungus: Yay! Linus isn’t a lazy, good-for-nothing so-and-so after all!
Malex: You? Working?!
Linus: Yes! I’ve been working. Secretly.
Malex: I can’t believe it.
Linus: Well, believe it.
Malex: Snufflefungus, did you know anything about this?
Snufflefungus: Nope! Linus is good at keeping secrets!
Malex: What could he possibly be doing?!
Snufflefungus: Maybe he’s a secret agent!
Malex: I dunno, maybe. He’s got the demeanor.
Snufflefungus: Or a pizza delivery driver!
Malex: I somehow doubt he’s got the skill. Or the arms. Or the legs.
Linus: Blah, blah! Can you guys keep your speculation to yourselves?
Snufflefungus: Oh yeah.
Malex: Whatever it is, he’s gotta be doing it while we’re all asleep.
Linus: Fine! Gosh! I’ll tell you!
Malex: Please do!
Linus: I– I started a business online. … A website.
Snufflefungus: You started a website? Online?! What will they think of next?
Malex: (Suspicious.) A website? What do you do on this website?
Linus: I… (Sighs.) I insult people for money, okay?! I’m not proud of it, but it’s a living!
Malex: Wait, is that all? I thought– Eh, never mind.
Snufflefungus: People pay you to insult them?!
Snufflefungus: (Gasps in excitement.)
Malex: How do you get people to pay you to insult them?
Snufflefungus: (Super excited.) I’m’a get piggy!
Linus: (Shrugs.) It’s easy. People are like sheep. If you don’t insult them, they don’t feel as secure.
Malex: We’ll talk about that later… Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you so much for joining us! We hope you enjoyed our Quarter Twelve Finale. Join us again next week as we kick off Quarter Thirteen!
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writer: Alex Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.