Happy New Year! Snuffy’s been playing with his new toys, and all kinds of people are taking notice. Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think!
The new year dawns! Terror!
In all seriousness, Malex and Friends have only experienced one full day of this thing we’re calling 2009 and they’ve already had more than their yearly share of trouble. How can this possibly bode well for the remaining 364? (But really, if they weren’t catching more than their share of trouble, would you even be listening to the show?)
Heck, I’ve lived through one of this new batch of days, and it was easily the most emotionally turbulent in recent memory. And yet I remain optimistic. Like that frog happily hopping across the road, I’m sure I’m gonna make it…
The Malex Minute production has definitely been an interesting challenge, given my full-time schedule at work and my distance from the rest of the team. We’re trying to find that groove, but it’s hard. Again, though, the optimism thing.
I know my persona is a facade which appears entirely devoid of optimism or joy, but that facade has cracks in it. I hope occasionally a ray of un-bitterness shines through those cracks and transfers a bit of warmth into your weary, tainted soul. One of those moments may soon be upon us, as I’m working on a new blog entry touching on some of the truly amazing things God has done in my life recently. I certainly don’t want to make you feel like you’re being ‘preached at’ or anything (this is, after all, the Malex Minute…) but I’ve been so overwhelmed by God’s goodness that I can hardly help shouting it from the rooftops.
So yeah, something to look forward to. Or not, if you’re going to be like that about it.
Excepting that bit of twisted and charred wreckage, this could be a lovely home. Don’t you agree, darling?
Malex: Hi, everybody! Welcome to the Malex Minute!
Snufflefungus: (Super excited.) Welcome to 2009!
Linus: (Sarcastic.) Oh yes, 2009. 2009 sounds like a blast. Three cheers for 2009.
Linus: No don’t… do that.
Malex: Well I’m excited. Who knows what wonder awaits us in the coming year? What manner of surprises will we encounter just around the next bend?
Linus: I saw that movie. It came out on Halloween.
Snufflefungus: Linus is talking about a slasher film!
Malex: Snuffy! What do you know about slasher films?!
Snufflefungus: (Excited.) Linus tells me all sorts of things! (Musing.) Some of them are bad…
Linus: Don’t– Don’t listen to him. He just reads too much.
Malex: So, Christmas has come and gone. Now that the dust has settled, what does everybody think?
Snufflefungus: I got a toy race track!
Linus: We know. We’ve all heard it running late into the night.
Snufflefungus: It’s a toy race track!
Malex: I’m still at a loss as to why you need to leave it running all night though. It seems like you’re not even playing with it.
Snufflefungus: Oh, I play with it! I play with it all the time!
Linus: When you’re sleeping?!
Snufflefungus: No, I dream about playing with it when I’m sleeping.
Malex: I’ve also noticed that race track drawing a lot of amperage.
Snufflefungus: I like it to go faster!
Malex: (Drawn out.) Right… So, what about you, Linus? How was your Christmas?
Linus: I had one thing on my wish list! One thing!
Malex: (Exasperated.) Linus, we’ve been over this! I’m not going to buy you Movies Galore Rental.
Linus: But it would solve every problem! I want to sustain a lifestyle of renting movies, and you claim it’s too expensive. Why not just make renting them free?!
Malex: You know, I came to the conclusion many years ago that you have special needs. I’m still just scratching my head as to what exactly they are.
~~ A knock on the door.
Malex: I’ll get it.
~~ Door opens.
Government Man: Sir, I’m from the FCC. Have you been making illegal modifications to otherwise harmless but insanely expensive and crappy Christmas toys?
Snufflefungus: I have!
Government Man: We’ve been getting a royal snot load of interference from your house. It’s getting pretty annoying.
Malex: (Timid.) Oh… uh… sorry?
Linus: Are you going to arrest him? That’d be funny.
Government Man: Not really. The worst we can do is fine you.
Malex: Oh wow. That’s a relief. We will, of course, cease the interference immediately.
Government Man: Hmm. Well, too bad your little shenanigans pulled me away from my vacation. I’ve been mulling over how ticked off I am the whole flight over. So, a little ‘sorry’ isn’t getting you out of this bad boy.
Malex: Uh… Does that say five thousand dollars?
Government Man: Merry freaking Christmas. And a happy New Year. Jerk.
Snufflefungus: (Cheerful.) Bye!
~~ Door closes.
Linus: You know Malex, if you had spent that money on me instead of your stupid fine, you wouldn’t be in this predicament now.
Malex: Okay, first, what?! Second, are you a lunatic?!
Snufflefungus: I’m gonna go play my race track now, bye!
Malex: No, wait!
~~ A knock on the door.
Snufflefungus: I’ll get it!
~~ Door opens.
Evil Snuffy: There you are. Have you been phoning home?
Snufflefungus: Evil Snuffy! Brother! I think I did phone home. Accidentally.
Evil Snuffy: Mom and Dad sent me to see if you were okay.
Snufflefungus: I’m fine! I got an illegal race track for Christmas!
Evil Snuffy: Illegal? Really?
Snufflefungus: It makes the government come!
Linus: It actually pukes up so much RF interference that our whole nation’s infrastructure can’t stand up to its power. They came to the door not five minutes ago begging us to release control of their systems so they could regain control of the country.
Malex: That’s quite a misrepresentation. In fact, the interference is just–
Evil Snuffy: I must have this device! Give it to me now!
Snufflefungus: Okay! I was done playing with it anyway.
~~ Snuffy hands over souped-up race track toy.
Evil Snuffy: At last! The day I’ve been waiting for has finally come! Now no one can stop me!
Malex: That’s great. Now, don’t forget this five thousand dollar fine that comes with it.
Evil Snuffy: A small price to pay!
Malex: I’m glad you think so.
Evil Snuffy: Thank you Snuffy! I will cherish this always!
Snufflefungus: Merry Christmas and New Year!
Linus: Wonderful. Everybody’s happy. Can you get out of here? My rental movie starts in five minutes.
Evil Snuffy: Bye!
~~ Door closes.
Malex: Your rental movie starts in five minutes?!
Linus: I’ve got a schedule to keep, you know. So many movies, so little time!
Malex: Snuffy, I’m sorry about the race track.
Snufflefungus: Don’t be! I was happy to give my brother something for Christmas.
Malex: Do you think… Will he actually pay that fine for me?
Snufflefungus: Who knows? We’re not sure he has a whole brain.
Malex: Well Ladies and Gentlemen, I guess that’s all we have time for this week. Thanks for listening, and we all hope you’ll join us again next time for another Malex Minute!
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Alex Markley and Peter Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.