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Malex Minute 147

Merry Christmas, kids. Hope you don’t retain any severe head trauma! Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think.

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

This episode is exactly like Christmas at my parents’ house. The early morning start, the childish excitement, the groggy disorientation – it’s all there.

Malex in the kitchen is a generally terrifying proposition without severe brain swelling. Normally the worst he can do is burn the food or create something completely unpalatable, but you just toss a head injury into the mix and suddenly all bets are off.

I’ve been doing a lot of work in the kitchen of late, seeing as I’ve gotten a job, moved out of my parents’ house, and settled in to my new apartment. Responding more than occasionally to the incessant tolling siren song of the Bell of Tacos would be way too expensive, not to mention disgusting. But I’ve never really given more than a passing thought to providing food for myself, so I’ve been forced to wonder… how does one go about it?

I’ve actually taken to lurching around the kitchen in a mad parody of tasks I’ve seen other people accomplish. I don’t have a clue what I’m doing so I just dive in and replay vague half-memories. Sometimes dishes will get done, sometimes the floor gets mopped, but sometimes, if I’m very lucky, the process will unexpectedly result in food.

I’m always very grateful for the food.

ttyl!

——Alex Markley

“That’s very handy! Maybe we should burn it.”

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Snufflefungus: Merry Christmas, everybody! (Hushed excitement.) I’m the first one up. I don’t know what time it is, but… (Rising volume again.) The tree looks so shiny with all the lights and glittery things and presents piled underneath it! … It’s always my job to wake everybody up on Christmas Day– Why, Linus! Have you been sitting up all night staring at the tree?

Linus: What’s it to you?!

Snufflefungus: Didn’t you get any sleep?

Linus: (Bitter.) No. I’m only a laptop, remember? I don’t need sleep.

Snufflefungus: Aw, but you’re still my best friend!

Linus: Go wake Malex up already.

Snufflefungus: Malex, Malex, Malex, Malex, Malex, Malex, Malex!

Malex: (Moans.)

Snufflefungus: Wake up! It’s Christmas!

Malex: (Moans.)

Linus: No no, inexperienced youngling. You must impress a sense of urgency upon his unwilling soul. Observe. (Yells.) Malex, Malex! The house is on fire!

Malex: (Screams.) What?!

~~ Malex falls out of bed.

Malex: (Yelp.)

Snufflefungus: (Gasps.) Oh no, his head hit the floor! Malex, are you okay?

Malex: No, I’m feeling fine! What’s in fire?!

Snufflefungus: Nothing at all! It’s Christmas!

Malex: (Shaky.) Oh.

Linus: See? I told you it’d do the trick.

Snufflefungus: Malex, Malex, Malex, Malex! Let’s go open presents! Aren’t you excited?

Malex: (Tired noise.)

Snufflefungus: Yay! So am I!

Malex: Sure as you, but I first must get coffee…

Snufflefungus: Let’s go open presents!

Malex: You know Linus, one of these day you need to keep up your time to burnish. You see, you left it undone this time.

Linus: Yep, he’s pretty zoned.

Snufflefungus: …Malex, are you sure you’re okay? Your head hit that floor awfully hard.

Malex: Well if it hadn’t already, he would’ve had to try again.

Snufflefungus: Oh no! Should we call 911?

Linus: No, it’s closed.

Snufflefungus: Really?

Linus: Yeah, everybody is closed on Christmas. We’ll just have to wait ’til tomorrow.

Snufflefungus: Let’s go open our presents!

Linus: Okay!

Snufflefungus: Ooh, look! I got bigger presents than you! You can tell that they’re better.

Linus: (Sarcastic.) How scientific. I concede.

Malex: Present, please!

Linus: Here, toss him one of his.

Snufflefungus: Heads up!

Malex: (Grunts.) You’re welcome!

Snufflefungus: I’ll open this one from you, Linus! Let’s see… Ooh, Fuzzy Friends! Thank you so much, Linus! I love that movie so much– Hey, did you buy it from Movies Galore Rental?

Linus: Nope! You’ll need to watch it today. It has to be returned this evening.

Snufflefungus: You mean… I can’t keep it?

Linus: Sure you can! Just not forever. It’s just like keeping it forever, except a little less.

Snufflefungus: Okay!

Malex: Oh no! Breakfast is the thing!

Snufflefungus: But we haven’t even finished unwrapping all our gifts yet, let alone playing with them!

Linus: It’s a sacred ceremony, not to be interrupted!

Snufflefungus: Oh well. He’s gone into the kitchen already. I guess he’ll miss some of the unwrapping.

Malex: (Muffled.) Oops!

Linus: (Disappointed.) What the–? Malex got me books on stamp collecting? I don’t collect stamps!

Snufflefungus: I heard him saying something about “encouraging you to do something useful with yourself,” but I wouldn’t know.

Malex: (Muffled.) Oops!

Linus: I don’t believe it! I thought with his head injury I’d escape his overbearing spirit of (Shudder) responsibility. But it’s like he’s lecturing at me across the void of time!

Snufflefungus: Malex likes his lectures!

Malex: (Muffled.) Oops!

Snufflefungus: Oh look! He gave me a toy race track!

Linus: Yeah, yeah. I see it.

Snufflefungus: It’s nice, shiny, and new!

Linus: So it is. Malex is very kind.

Snufflefungus: I know!

Malex: (Muffled.) Oops!

Linus: Hey, what’s that smell?

Snufflefungus: Christmas ham!

Malex: (Muffled.) Oops.

Linus: It smells bad.

Snufflefungus: Look at all the smoke!

~~ Smoke alarm goes off.

Linus: Great, now he’s going to kill himself and it’ll be all your fault!

Snufflefungus: Malex, Malex, how did you set the oven on fire!

Linus: Looks like he put the Christmas ham in there and set it to clean.

Malex: Oops.

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Peter Markley and Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to Fonogeno for use of the Fire Alarm sound effect.

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

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Episode Audio3 MB Download Now - 3 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration271.1 KB Download Now - 271.1 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

XD

Awesome... simply awesome...

On a completely unrelated note, this episode reminds me of one time me and Dragonbro experimented in the kitchen. Dragonbro was trying to boil water and BURNED IT. I didn't know you could burn water! It was awesome! XD

A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous.

haha

That sounds just like Christmas at our house! Of course, breakfast hasn't burned I don't think..... Anyways, lol!!! That was really funny you guys! Great job!

God gave us music, that we might pray without words

So funny!!

This is surely one of the funniest episodes yet! I know I say that a lot, but I really mean it this time! Malex's verbal nonsense sent me into peals of laughter. I had to listen to it a couple of times.

Malex said:

You know Linus, one of these day you need to keep up your time to burnish. You see, you left it undone this time.

This line actually brought tears to my eyes. The line is hysterically funny, and Malex's delivery was priceless.

Linus is suitably surly as a newly grounded laptop rather than a mobile humanoid. And the illustration is a scream. And Malex's thoughts are really funny.

Malex said:

I’ve actually taken to lurching around the kitchen in a mad parody of tasks I’ve seen other people accomplish. I don’t have a clue what I’m doing so I just dive in and replay vague half-memories. Sometimes dishes will get done, sometimes the floor gets mopped, but sometimes, if I’m very lucky, the process will unexpectedly result in food.

ROFL!!

You guys just keep getting better and better!

Thanks!

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Peter's picture

Hehe

Thank you all for your comments! XD I’m very glad you like it!

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

ROFL!

This is the first episode in awhile that I actually laughed out loud. (Of course, that might have something to do with not being confined in a half a dorm room shaped private hell.)

Everything is just perfect here. Malex's garble reminded me of President Anchorman. But when he went into the kitchen and started saying "oops" my first thought was that he was making mistake after mistake. But during the second listen, I got the impression it was closer to him making the one mistake and then not knowing what to do about it. I got the picture of him standing like Rainman, shuffling from one foot to another, wringing his hands and plaintively calling for help in the only way he knows how.

Thanks for the Minute boys! You really brightened my day!

Everything looks perfect from far away.

Peter's picture

*lol*

Our pleasure! :D

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Lilly's picture

Rofl!

Poor Malex! :-O Somebody call 911!

I loved Linus' reaction to the stamp collection, and how annoyed he sounded when Snuffy got something he actually wanted :-P

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

hahahaha!

definitally one of my favorites.

it's sorta like malex's words are the ones running through an online translator loop this episode.

"oh no! breakfast is the thing!"

"I have no important quotes"

--Gooseman

Peter's picture

*lol*

Yeah… XD

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

LOL!!

This episode is simply amazing and hysterical!! It reminded me of Christmas morning at my grandparents house with four crazy dogs, only more dangerous and funny!

Graduation is coming, everybody grab your caps and gowns!

Peter's picture

*lol*

The Royal Shortness said:

This episode is simply amazing and hysterical!! It reminded me of Christmas morning, … only more dangerous …!

@-D XD I’m glad you liked it! *lol*

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

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