Malex can’t think of anything to talk about and Linus engages in wild speculation! Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think.
It finally happened, people. Linus bit off more than he could chew. Honestly, he’s been begging for this to happen for, well, ever. But do you think he’s learned his lesson? Of course not.
Any rational being would have realized by now that something needs to change. Linus is only halfway there. He does believe that change is the answer. In fact, change any one of the dozen severely flawed people around him and you’ll assuage some of poor Linus’s pain. As long as you don’t try to change Linus, because he’s perfect.*
And therein lies the problem with so many of us.
But let’s not talk about our own problems, let’s laugh at somebody else’s! Enjoy!
“Plan? The plan stopped applying about three hours ago. Now we’re just improvising.”
* - Hopefully you noted the deep, biting sarcasm.
Linus: And I was like, “That’s not cheese, man! That’s not–” (Exclamatory.) Oh, we’re on?! (Whispers.) Oh. Sorry…
Malex: (Clears throat conspicuously.) Hey everybody, welcome to the Malex Minute!
Snufflefungus: But Malex, we’re already in the Malex Minute!
Malex: (Awkwardly.) That’s right, Snuffy, but I was talking to the audience, and they’re not in the Malex Minute!
Snufflefungus: (Sadly) So you weren’t welcoming me to the Malex Minute?
Linus: Sorry Snuffy, Malex doesn’t know how to be nice.
Malex: Welcome to the Malex Minute, Snuffy.
Snufflefungus: Finally! It’s been almost three years since I first showed up, and I have now officially been welcomed!
Linus: Don’t let it get to your head, kid.
Malex: Well anyway, Ladies and Gentlemen, today I was hoping we could talk about– (Pauses.)
Snufflefungus: Talk about what Malex?
Linus: (Sarcastically.) Oh, the suspense…
Malex: I– I don’t– I don’t know! I– I don’t know what to talk about!
Linus: A little senility, eh Malex? That’s okay, your puny mortal body just can’t stand up to the ravages of time!
Snufflefungus: (Gasps.) Malex! Are you getting old?!
Malex: I’m not going senile! Normally I start by saying something like, “I thought we could talk about…” and before I get another word out, something totally insane happens, preventing me from ever saying what I wanted to say!
Linus: Do you mean to say you’ve gotten complacent in coming up with an agenda for every episode?!
Malex: (Defensive.) No no, not at all! I just… (Sheepish.) I’m– I’m just not used to being in control.
Snufflefungus: It’s okay Malex! You’re a great leader, even if you are complacent!
Linus: Well, if you’re not going to introduce a topic for this episode, maybe I will!
Malex: Sure, go ahead.
Linus: I’d like to talk about– About–
Malex: Having trouble there, buddy?
Linus: Shut up!
Snufflefungus: (Gasps.) Linus! You’re being ravaged by time too!
Linus: I’ve got a thousand awesome things on the tip of my tongue!
Malex: Eh, maybe they should vote and toss the runt of the litter overboard.
Snufflefungus: Then we’d hear what it has to say!
Malex: What about you, Snufflefungus? Do you have anything you’d like to talk about this episode?
Snufflefungus: (Cheerfully.) Nope!
Linus: (Gasps.) It’s as if the writers themselves don’t know what to write about!
Malex: (Disbelief.) No, that’s not– It couldn’t be!
Snufflefungus: I take it back! I know what to say!
Snufflefungus: Uh, I forget again.
Linus: I’m telling you, Malex, it’s the only explanation!
Snufflefungus: But the writers would never abandon us! We’re their characters!
Malex: I’m inclined to agree with Snufflefungus on this one, Linus.
Linus: But think about what it would mean!
Snufflefungus: What would it mean, Linus?
Linus: (Getting excited.) If the writers aren’t out there now, who’s to say they ever were?! Maybe there never were any writers, and we’re only here by accident!
Snufflefungus: But Linus, that doesn’t make any sense!
Linus: (Practically manic.) Maybe we are our own highest authority! Maybe we are the writers of our own destiny! (Laughs.)
Malex: Snap out of it, man! We’re fictional characters!
Linus: (Sincere.) I– I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.
Malex: Of course the writers haven’t abandoned us. Any idiot with half a brain can see that there must be a higher authority over our crazy little world.
Snufflefungus: Even I can see that!
Malex: Just because we don’t seem to have anything to talk about doesn’t mean that the writers don’t have a plan.
Linus: But what could that plan possibly be?!
Malex: How should I know?
Linus: I can’t stand it any more! I demand to know!
Snufflefungus: Linus, please! The hubris!
Linus: Well, if it’s my life, I ought to have some say, oughtn’t I?
Malex: Sounds like a logical fallacy to me…
Linus: I demand you come down here immediately! I demand that we form a committee for planning my life! I demand–
~~ A popping sound.
Snufflefungus: Linus! You’re back in your old laptop! Your virtual body is gone!
Linus: Help! Help! Give me back my beautiful body!
Malex: Wow! Looks like the orb which was powering your virtual body has inexplicably burned out.
Linus: Fix it, you!
Malex: I’m not sure how. There’s smoke pouring out of it.
Linus: But it’s not my fault! My mouth just keeps opening up, and I can’t control what comes out of it!
Snufflefungus: Don’t worry Linus, I think you make a very nice laptop!
Malex: Well Ladies and Gentlemen, I guess that’s all we have time for. Thanks for listening, and we hope you’ll join us again next week for another Malex Minute!
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writer: Alex Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.