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Malex Minute 138

Ah, the magic of autumn! The colors, the leaves, the horrifying slug remains… It truly is a wonderful time of year! Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think!

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

So here it is: Malex Minute 138!

One can never tell what exactly will happen in a Malex Minute episode. The story is like an untamed stallion, anxious to buck off anyone silly enough to try and ride it to its conclusion. I think you’ll find that to be particularly true in this episode.

Suffice to say, this episode involves a gargantuan pile of leaves and a vengeful city government. You’ll have to listen for yourself if you want to know the rest.

On another note, I’ve been so busy with web site development and related shenanigans for the past couple of weeks, I’ve barely even noticed those weeks ticking by. And yet, every Friday a new Malex Minute episode lands in my lap like an unexpected gift. And every Friday I get a wave of joy as I ceremoniously deliver it to you, the public at large.

It’s all thanks to my brothers, really. Without them I would never have been able to take the time off from the Malex Minute to work on critical things like the new site. Even with every new episode pre-produced until the end of November, my brothers do an incredible amount of work to keep this ball rolling every week. I’m sure they’d appreciate your hearty thanks. Or a lovely cake. With sprinkles.

As a final point of interest, I don’t believe it’s possible to climb up a chimney with a ladder. Even assuming the chimney was large enough, it just wouldn’t be possible to cram the ladder up through the fireplace. That is, unless you didn’t have a floor. And then you’d have a whole different set of problems.

ttyl!

——Alex Markley

“Yes, I know it doesn’t work! Can’t you see the bright side to anything?

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Malex: Welcome to the Malex Minute, Ladies and Gentlemen! I’m Malex, and I’ll be hosting the show.

Linus: Hey Malex, the house is buried in leaves.

Malex: Linus, stop exaggerating.

Linus: No seriously, Snufflefungus is having fun jumping off the roof into them, then climbing right back onto the roof from the leaves.

Malex: Oh my.

Linus: We need to set the leaves on fire, board up the doors and windows, and pray.

Malex: Do I have a track record of ever listening to your ideas?

Linus: Malex, this time… It’s the only way.

Malex: Well, seriously, how bad can it be?

Linus: Look out the window!

Malex: Hmm. Well, I see only leaves. But still, that doesn’t mean there are as many as you say.

Linus: Well then, Doubting Jerry, why don’t you skeptically waltz right out the front door and see how bad it is with your own eyes?

Malex: I think I will. (Grunts with exertion.) I’ll just– For crying out loud, the outer door won’t budge!

Linus: (Sarcastically.) Gee, I wonder why.

Snufflefungus: That was so fun! I’m coming in for a break. Malex can we make sure the leaves stay like this all year long?

Malex: I don’t think that’s possible Snuffy. They’ll start rotting and eventually turn into soil.

Snufflefungus: Oh, I have an invention in my mad scientist laboratory that can reverse that! I call it… the Decomposter.

Malex: But I don’t want the house covered in leaves at all, let alone all the time. There would be all manner of unsavory creatures and smells!

Linus: We’re already developing those problems.

Malex: Besides, that huge pile is completely blocking the front door! How did you get in, anyway?

Snufflefungus: I came down the chimney! It was fun!

Linus: It looks like he stuffed some leaves down first to cushion his landing.

Snufflefungus: It’s a wonderland out there! I just love jumping in leaves!

Linus: Yeah, yeah. It’s all fun and games until somebody discovers a slug! You’re jumping around and having a blast, and then, without warning, you have a slug in your face!

Snufflefungus: (Squeals.) I don’t like slugs in my face!

Linus: And then, in your panicked flailing you get slug juice in your eyes, nose, and even your mouth!

Snufflefungus: Slugs should stay away from faces! It’s better for everybody that way.

Malex: (Musing.) I wonder how all those leaves got there, anyway? They’re certainly not all from the few trees in our yard.

Snufflefungus: Oh, a big truck came by earlier and dropped a whole load of them off!

Malex: What?!

Snufflefungus: I went over to say hi, and it was the mayor driving the truck! I couldn’t believe my eyes!

Malex: Where does that little toady get off dumping leaves in our yard?!

Snufflefungus: He said they were all little blemishes from the city’s picture-perfect lawns. And they decided to punish us for persistently violating the home maintenance code by giving us all the leaves! I don’t see how it’s that much of a punishment, but to each his own!

Malex: Wait a minute, since when have we been in violation of the city’s home maintenance code?

Snufflefungus: Since we stopped mowing our lawn, according to the mayor.

Malex: I mow our lawn every week!

Snufflefungus: The neighbors mow twice a week. That mayor, he likes his comparisons!

Malex: This is ridiculous!

Linus: I told you not to vote for him last year, Malex. Didn’t I tell you he would bury us in his useless waste?

Malex: Actually, that was terrifyingly prophetic. But anyway, I didn’t vote for him!

Linus: That’s what you say with your mouth, but your eyebrows tell a different story!

Malex: We still have to decide what to do about the leaves outside.

Linus: I’m telling you, we have to sell the house and just move away. Far, far away from all the leaves! And fascist city governments! And suffering! And disease! And–

Malex: Snuffy, does your Decomposter have a reverse setting? That is to say, it can convert soil back into leaves, but can it convert leaves quickly to soil?

Snufflefungus: Yep!

Linus: Oh no! Malex, what’s going on in that creepy, mysterious little head of yours?

Malex: Well theoretically–

Linus: Whatever it is, I’m against it!

Malex: Theoretically, the soil – being much more dense than a pile of leaves – would be of a much lower volume at the same mass!

Linus: I’m against it!

Malex: Of course you are.

Snufflefungus: (Excited.) Yes! That would work! (Thoughtful.) At least, I think it would. (Excited again.) We can give it a try!

Malex: What are we waiting for? Let’s do it! Snuffy, you get your Decomposter. I’ll get a ladder so we can climb up the chimney.

Snufflefungus: Okay!

Linus: I’m coming along out of curiosity, but don’t let that distract you from the fact that I’m strongly opposed this course of action!

~~ On the roof…

Linus: We’re too high up! I want to go back down!

Malex: So… How does this ‘Decomposter’ work?

Snufflefungus: You just point it at the leaves and pull the trigger!

Malex: Okay, here goes!

~~ Malex fires the Decomposter.

Malex: What? Slugs?!

Snufflefungus: What? Oh no! I must’ve made a miscalculation! Slipped a digit in my math!

Malex: Every single leaf turned into a gigantic slug!

Linus: It’s– It’s so… Gross!

Malex: There’s too much slug! It’s spilling over the city like a wave!

Linus: Great! Malex, don’t you realize that our house is no match for the Army’s bombs?! All the city has to do is tattle on us and we’re history!

Malex: But it– It was just an accident! It wasn’t an act of war!

Linus: Just try explaining that to the mayor when he confronts you with that cow-eyed look of betrayal on his face! He had a dream… A dream that every house in his city could be radically conformed to a standard of beauty that would make him look like an artist to the mayors of all the neighboring cities! And you – you – had to ruin it!

Malex: Ladies and Gentlemen, I hope that’s all the time we have for today. Thank you for listening, and we hope you join us again next week for more Malex Minute!

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Peter Markley and Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to Soarer for use of the North Sea sound effect.

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

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Episode Audio3.96 MB Download Now - 3.96 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration220 KB Download Now - 220 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

First!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It has been a while sence I have said anything but you guy just keep getting better and better. I am really lookink forward to the next episode. The episode really made me laugh, and the picture was perfect. thanks guys and keep up the good work.

Mike- Hey Bob, you know what I hate?

Bob- What’s that Mike?

Mike- Giant Snakes that pop out of nowhere and kill ya.

Bob- You know, I hate those too.

“Crash.”

Random guard tower guy- Wow, good thing that was the guard tower next to us.

I hate jumping in leaf piles.

Malex said:

As a final point of interest, I don’t believe it’s possible to climb up a chimney with a ladder. Even assuming the chimney was large enough, it just wouldn’t be possible to cram the ladder up through the fireplace. That is, unless you didn’t have a floor. And then you’d have a whole different set of problems.

Wow! LOL! I didn't even think of that!

I really liked the voices you guys did for the tail. And the logic was so skewed.

Another brilliant masterpiece, boys!

*begins humming Groucho's song "I'm Against It"*

Everything looks perfect from far away.

Susie Markley's picture

*lol*

Malex said:

I mow our lawn every week!

Snufflefungus said:

The neighbors mow twice a week. That mayor, he likes his comparisons!

X-D *lol* X-D

#HowManyLicksDoesItTake to change a lightbulb?

Vastly entertaining!

Great job! Again!

Linus: Yeah, yeah. It’s all fun and games until somebody discovers a slug! You’re jumping around and having a blast, and then, without warning, you have a slug in your face!

Snufflefungus: (Squeals.) I don’t like slugs in my face!

Linus: And then, in your panicked flailing you get slug juice in your eyes, nose, and even your mouth!

Snufflefungus: Slugs should stay away from faces! It’s better for everybody that way.

This was just one hilarious bit. I loved the whole thing. And the nightmare of a property maintenance code is just too close for comfort! 0_0 Chilling!

JFK is right. You guys really seem to be hitting your stride. I just love these episodes.

BTW, that slug noise was truly disgusting.

Thank you so much for NOT having anything disastrous happen to the small fish in the tail.

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Peter's picture

Hehe

Thank you all for your encouraging comments! XD I’m really glad you like it!

*lol* I didn’t even think of the ladder/chimney problem either… Oh well. :P

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

X-D X-D X-D

Malex: What? Slugs?!

Snufflefungus: What? Oh no! I must’ve made a miscalculation! Slipped a digit in my math!

Malex: Every single leaf turned into a gigantic slug!

Linus: It’s– It’s so… Gross!

Malex: There’s too much slug! It’s spilling over the city like a wave!

All i can say is... LOL X-D X-D X-D

A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous.

Peter's picture

!

Which is good! XD

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. SLUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT HAPPENS!?!?!? WHAT HAPPENS!??!?!?!

in him am i strong. in him do i find peace in him am i complete. in him am i perfect. in him there is rest. in him there is hope. in there are infinite possibilities. in him i find true friendship. in Him , in Him in Him is all i need or will ever need fo

My comments

Wow. The plot in this episode is full of unexpected, illogical, impossible twists. I got spun around listening to it, and I'm still dizzy. That's great! Lol, it's a hallmark of Markley Bro Entertainment, haha! I love how Linus is SOOOO against Malex's plan. His plan makes so much sense, and it sounds like it's going to work perfectly, but for some unknown reason, Linus thinks it's an awful idea--and he ends up being right! I'm surprised he didn't rub it in Malex's face posthaste. But then, he was probably too horrified by all the slugs to be thinking of that. He thought the plan would end badly, but I don't think he expected a city-wide slug infestation!!!!! hehe, great job, guys :)

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

Peter's picture

***Bows.

Thank you! Thank you! XD

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

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