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Malex Minute 136

Malex, Linus, and Snufflefungus finally take a vacation. Their first stop? Tourism World! Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think!

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

Here our cameras catch a rare glimpse of the Malex stalking a wild Vacation in its natural habitat. The Malex has the element of surprise, but the Vacation is well-equipped and ready to defend itself against anything.

The Malex leaps! The Vacation reacts instinctively, like a coiled snake, and throws the confused Malex off-balance. The Malex tries another attack, but the element of surprise is lost, and the Vacation dodges easily. The Malex ups the ante and attacks with a Wallet. The Vacation, however, is experienced in taking Wallets, and in a devastating counter-attack, devours this Malex’s Wallet.

In seconds, the battle is over. The Malex, defeated, slinks away to lick its wounds. If the Malex is smart, next time it will know to bring a bigger Wallet.

Enjoy the episode and ttyl!

——Alex Markley

“Oh, you didn’t know? I figured… I mean, I’ve been thinking it really hard at you every day for six months.”

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Malex: Hey there Ladies and Gentlemen! We’re on vacation!

Snufflefungus: It’s so much fun! Oh wow, what a pretty bush! (Snaps a photo.)

Linus: Malex? Why are we going on vacation in October?

Malex: Well, this way we avoid all the big crowds!

Linus: But that’s because no one wants to vacation in October. It’s a bad time to vacation.

Malex: Not if you can fit it in your schedule!

Linus: Summer is over. It’s cold outside.

Malex: Well when we get cold we can just wear coats!

Snufflefungus: Yeah! I have a really warm fuzzy coat that keeps me all warm! (Excited.) Oh, that person looks really funny! (Snaps a photo.)

Malex: …Why are you staring at me?

Linus: You forgot to go on vacation all summer, didn’t you?

Malex: No, I– Well, you did too! If I hadn’t decided to go now, you never would have noticed.

Linus: Actually, Snufflefungus and I have been keeping track of how many days its been since you gave vacation a single thought. We’ve been putting sad-face stickers on the calendar.

Malex: That’s what those were!

Snufflefungus: Oh is that what we’re doing? I thought it was how many days it’s been since we saw my old friend fluffy the tiger! Oh, there he goes now! (Snaps a photo.)

Malex: Well either way, I hope you’re going to be adult about this and enjoy yourself anyway.

Linus: (Martyrs self.) Heaven knows I’ll try my best, with all this frostbite and dejection!

Snufflefungus: Oh look at the balloons, Malex! (Snaps a photo.)

Malex: Yes, here we are at ‘Tourism World,’ the biggest tourist trap on the planet!

Linus: And what is its claim to fame again?

Malex: That’s a funny story. In fact, it doesn’t have any claim to fame except being the biggest tourist trap on the planet.

Linus: How is that possible? I thought every tourist trap had some kind of legitimate tourist attraction at the center.

Malex: This place never did. They just dumped so much money into it that it was already bigger than every other spot on day one. They even hired people to pretend to be tourists so it would seem bigger for the first tourists.

Snufflefungus: All I know is, I’m having fun! Oh, look at that! (Snaps a photo.)

Linus: Ha! Taking pictures of everything… Isn’t that just tourism in a nutshell for ya’?

Snufflefungus: (Amused.) Why, Linus! What a dubious expression! (Snaps a photo.)

Malex: Apparently they have just about everything in this place. Rides, water park facilities, cotton candy, real mountain climbing, do-it-yourself, production-quality movie booths, and fully operational space shuttles.

Linus: What about a life-size, fully-functional Niagara Falls replica? I wouldn’t consider paying a penny to any lousy amusement park that didn’t have one of those.

Malex: Yeah, there it is on the map! Over in the “Water Fall Replicas” sector.

Linus: I know I’m impressed.

Malex: Well everything with price listings here is exorbitantly expensive. Going over the Niagara Falls replica in a barrel though is the one thing with no price listed. Anyone interested?

Linus: Me!

Malex: It’s only eleven miles away. Let’s jog!

Snufflefungus: Look, there’s a man eating spaghetti! (Snaps a photo.)

~~ Later…

Malex: Excuse me, sir! Is this where you go over the falls in a barrel?

Guy: (In the distance.) Oh no I’m going to die! (Recedes into the roar of the falls.)

Sickly Man: Yes, but the line wraps around the park thrice. Last time I bothered to look, it started about a quarter-mile that way.

Malex: Uh, thank you, kind sir.

Snufflefungus: Let’s get in line right now!

Sickly Man: Not so fast, you must pay for the ride before you can even get in line.

Malex: Uh, how much?

Sickly Man: Just sign your life insurance over to “Tourism World Enterprises, Inc.” That should cover it.

Linus: Is that even legal?

Malex: Maybe we’ll try the falls another time.

Snufflefungus: There’s somebody stepping off the Gravitizer ride! He looks like he wants badly to find a facility to relieve the Gravitization! (Snaps a photo.)

Malex: Oh my. It says here that they let loose the live dinosaurs into the crowds unattended every Tuesday and Friday, just to keep things exciting.

Linus: That would do it.

Snufflefungus: Is it Friday, Malex? Oh look, there goes a carnivorous dinosaur chasing a man! (Snaps a photo.)

Malex: Oh, look! At last, an attraction that doesn’t cost any money besides the park entry fee! Anyone up for slipping around in the ‘Butter Pools?’ The sign there says it’s free!

Woman: Oh for the love of goodness, you do not want to go in there! They installed that at their tenth anniversary, and they haven’t changed out the butter since that day!

Malex: Oh, uh… Thank you.

Woman: My skin is still burning!

Linus: Yes, thanks. We’ll stay away.

Snufflefungus: Say cheese, miss! (Snaps a photo.)

Linus: Okay, let’s leave.

Gate Attendant: Hey, where do you think you’re going?! You’re not allowed to leave yet!

Malex: Why on earth not?

Gate Attendant: It’s not closing time! Nobody’s allowed to leave until closing time!

Linus: Ludicrous!

Gate Attendant: Don’t call me names! You can’t leave yet!

Linus: I can’t believe we waited all summer for this! Next year let’s just skip vacation entirely!

Gate Attendant: What? Let me see your tickets! I just assumed you had been here all summer if you’re already planning to leave. You haven’t been here all summer?

Malex: Uh, no madam.

Gate Attendant: And you’re trying to leave? How dare you?! You walked in the gates, therefore you now legally owe us three months of your life.

Malex: I’m not sure I see how.

Snufflefungus: Freeze! Oh madam, if you would kindly make that despicable grin one more time for the camera…! (Snaps a photo.) Thank you!

Gate Attendant: If you don’t go back into the park and start having fun immediately, I’ll have to call security.

Malex: Just one more question.

Gate Attendant: Yes?

Malex: Is there anything whatsoever stopping us from jumping the turnstile and running for our freedom?

Gate Attendant: Not to my knowledge.

Linus: Run! Run for your sanity!

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Peter Markley and Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to Koops for use of the Festival Crowd 1 and Festival Crowd 4 sound effects.

Thanks to reinsamba for use of the Waterfall sound effect.

Thanks to acclivity for use of the Berber Farmyard 2 sound effect.

Thanks to Erdie for use of the Pigs sound effect.

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

NameSizeAction
Episode Audio4.14 MB Download Now - 4.14 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration277.75 KB Download Now - 277.75 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

First!

Woman: Oh for the love of goodness, you do not want to go in there! They installed that at their tenth anniversary, and they haven’t changed out the butter since that day!

Malex: Oh, uh… Thank you.

Woman: My skin is still burning!

... Horrifying... Amazing, but still horrifying...

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

His power levels are off the charts! ... We need to get some bigger charts...

A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous.

Lol!

Malex: Is there anything whatsoever stopping us from jumping the turnstile and running for our freedom?

Gate Attendant: Not to my knowledge.

Linus: Run! Run for your sanity!

The best ending to a Malex Minute ever. This was an amazing episode guys. I love it.

Guy: (In the distance.) Oh no I’m going to die! (Recedes into the roar of the falls.)

Oh, lol!

And the illustration is exceptional. The dinosaur is amazing and I love the perspective in the photo of the dog. And the restrooms...

Amazing Minute!

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"Technology is lovely when it works."

-my chemistry professor

Everything looks perfect from far away.

Susie Markley's picture

Yeppers...

I had totally forgotten that I did a voice in this episode... XP

Amazing picture, Quartz! XD

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I blew my nose and there I was. Face to face with a panda.

#HowManyLicksDoesItTake to change a lightbulb?

Peter's picture

Hehehe

Thank you all for your compliments on the illustration! XD I’m glad you like it!

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“Have you not heard that I determined it long ago? I planned from days of old what I now bring to pass …” –Isaiah 37:26, ESV

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Lilly's picture

Best part

Oh no! I'm gonna die!

----------------

No see, i'm looking for a knight in shining armor, not a fox on a skidoo.

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

Awseome minute!!!!

I think they have earned their vacation from their vacation, by means of running for their sanity. The illusrations are great too!

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CAUTION: Reality is for people who can't cope with theatre.

Graduation is coming, everybody grab your caps and gowns!

ah tourism world, reminds me

ah tourism world, reminds me of my old job at a theme park. Listening to people complain, cleaning vomit off ride, and watching as the rides would break down at least once a week. good times.

Jesus is Lord.

Jesus is Lord.

Peter's picture

*lol*

@-D X-| Yuck… :P

The Royal Shortness said:

The illusrations are great too!

Thanks! XD

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“Have you not heard that I determined it long ago? I planned from days of old what I now bring to pass …” –Isaiah 37:26, ESV

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Susie Markley's picture

*LOL*

***Leela pictures Rick Stone as a theme park employee.***

***Leela dies of laughter.*** XD

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I blew my nose and there I was. Face to face with a panda.

#HowManyLicksDoesItTake to change a lightbulb?

Very Good!

I loved this episode. I really liked the pace and thw feel of hectic-ness. The live dinosaur was so funny! And I could sure relate to the man in need of facilities to relieve the Gravitization!

I think the concept of the illustration being photos taken during the episode is uncommonly clever and fun. It invites the listener to identify the pictures.

BTW, is the reference to Fluffy the Tiger something we should remember or just a random comment?

When Malex addressed the Gate Attendant as "Madam," I laughed so hard. It had never crossed my mind that it was a woman!

Great work, everyone.

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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Peter's picture

*lol*

No, I don’t think anyone but [apparently] Snufflefungus remembers “Fluffy the Tiger…” :P XD

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“Have you not heard that I determined it long ago? I planned from days of old what I now bring to pass …” –Isaiah 37:26, ESV

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Peter's picture

Actually...

SangMing said:

I think the concept of the illustration being photos taken during the episode is uncommonly clever and fun. It invites the listener to identify the pictures.

Thank you! :) Actually I think that may have been Leela’s suggestion!

-------

“Have you not heard that I determined it long ago? I planned from days of old what I now bring to pass …” –Isaiah 37:26, ESV

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

amazing

Me too! I never assumed it was a woman, until Malex specifically stated so when addressing her. I was shocked! lol

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

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