Malex goes to work, leaving Linus and Snufflefungus to clean house. Instead, they go on a questionable adventure. Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think!
And so we have another ‘Malex-lite’ episode of the variety I previously warned you about.
In fact, I had the idea for this episode brewing in my little skull many weeks before I actually got it down on paper. But now that it’s done, I’m very glad it came together the way it did. It’s very amusing, and it’s quite different from our normal fare. That is to say, Linus is still Linus and Snufflefungus is still Snufflefungus, but somehow the episode is still surprising.
The fact is, Malex must be at work much of the time. And that whole time, Linus and Snufflefungus are hanging out, doing… what? The answers to that question could likely fill a series of its own, but this episode provides a tiny peek, and needless to say, it’s horrifying.
Linus says whatever comes to mind first (especially if it’s wrong) and Snufflefungus can’t help but believe him. Even when Snufflefungus knows for a fact that Linus behaves in an untrustworthy manner, he cannot help but follow Linus around and believe everything he says.
In many ways, Linus almost takes the role of a big brother in his relationship with Snuffy. But if he is playing the role of a big brother, it’s that substance abusing half-brother who’s been in and out of jail a few times. You know the type, a really bad influence, but you do your best to love him anyway.
By the way, Malex’s futile attempts to impress his guests must have failed miserably, because I can guarantee you we’ll never hear from them again.
Oh, and baby telephone poles? Hilarious!
“No, these are not getting shorter…”
Malex: Alright, guys. I’m going to work.
Snufflefungus: Aw, Malex, do you have to?
Malex: Yes, Snuffy, just like every other day.
Linus: I say good riddance! Who needs Malex to have fun?!
Malex: Oh, that reminds me. You guys need to get your chores done today. I’ve got people coming over tonight, so it’s very important that the house gets clean!
Snufflefungus: Oh, oh, are these people our friends?
Malex: Well you know, I just met them, so they’re not friends yet. But I like them very much, so we need to make a good first impression!
Linus: Whose idea was it to make a good first impression, anyway? It just sets the other person up for disappointment for the rest of the relationship! On the other hand, if you make a bad first impression, they can only be pleasantly surprised from then on!
Malex: Or perhaps they can decide they don’t like you and never see you again.
Linus: Oh yeah. Well, that works for me too.
Malex: Oh shoot, I’m going to be late. Don’t forget guys, I’m counting on you. Snufflefungus, don’t let Linus distract you! Bye guys!
~~ Malex leaves.
Linus: Finally! He’s gone! Let’s watch TV.
Snufflefungus: (Shocked) Linus! Malex is counting on us, didn’t you just hear him?
Linus: Are you sure you heard him right?
Linus: Okay, different tactic. Let’s watch TV.
Snufflefungus: That’s not different! You’re trying to distract me, aren’t you?!
Linus: Not at all! I guess I just misunderstood. While we sort this out, why don’t we watch some TV?
Linus: Play some chess?
Linus: Go to the mall?
Linus: Oh come on!
Snufflefungus: Linus, if you want to waste time, feel free. But I’m not going to join you!
Linus: But then I’ll feel all guilty and stuff!
Snufflefungus: Exactly! Now come help me set up the vacuum.
Linus: (Grumbles exaggeratedly.) Fine! Stinking so-and-so Malex wants us to work.
Snufflefungus: Great! We’ll be done in no time!
Linus: Well, no time just passed, so you lied.
Snufflefungus: No, some time passed. Just not enough time. We’ll be done in no time, you’ll see!
Linus: Now what?
Snufflefungus: You vacuum the floors, and I’ll clean the windows!
Linus: Yeah, yeah, whatever…
Snufflefungus: (Hesitantly) Linus, uh, how do I clean the windows?
Linus: Oh, well, not with that. You’ve gotta clean them with, uh, Wonderflonium!
Snufflefungus: (Disbelief) Wonderflonium? What’s that?
Linus: Yeah, it’s some… It’s Malex’s favorite window cleaner. It’s the only kind he uses.
Snufflefungus: But I’ve never seen him use it!
Linus: You know, it’s a new thing. He just got attached to it, like, last week.
Snufflefungus: So where does he keep it?
Linus: Um… Under the sink in the bathroom.
Snufflefungus: Okay, I’ll go get it.
Linus: Don’t– Don’t bother, we’re, uh… we’re out.
Snufflefungus: Huh? Then how are we supposed to clean the windows?!
Linus: There’s nothing for it! We’ll have to go out! And get some.
~~ They leave the house.
Snufflefungus: Hey, you’re not trying to distract me again, are you?
Linus: Who, me? I wouldn’t dare.
Snufflefungus: So where do we get this Wonderflonium?
Linus: It’s a bit of a walk. Oh, see that pest control shop?
Linus: They make their money going around town and rounding up the rats, mice, and bugs that plague the city.
Linus: But what people don’t know is that underneath their shop they have hundreds of tunnels that they use to let all the pests right back into people’s basements!
Snufflefungus: (Gasps) Oh no! Poor pests!
Linus: Oh look! It’s the demon barber of fleet street!
Snufflefungus: Oh no! Wait, isn’t he fictional?
Linus: Yeah, but do you know what isn’t fictional? They re-use old barber’s razors to make barbed wire. Hence the name!
Snufflefungus: I never knew that!
Linus: And that’s why you never want to get cut with barbed wire. You’ll get an infection from all the old shaving cream and hair particles!
Linus: See that telephone pole?
Snufflefungus: It’s so tall!
Linus: And it just keeps getting taller! In fact, every couple of years, the telephone company has to come by and trim a couple of feet off the top.
Snufflefungus: Wow, that’s crazy!
Linus: Then they use the extra to plant new, baby telephone poles!
Snufflefungus: But Linus, why haven’t I ever seen any baby telephone poles around?
Linus: Silly Snuffy, what do you think mailboxes are perched on?
Snufflefungus: Oh, that makes perfect sense!
Linus: See, Uncle Linus has all the answers!
Snufflefungus: Oh, Linus, look in there! Dolls!
Linus: Oh Snuffy, you don’t want to play with those dolls.
Linus: Those dolls used to be inmates at the state penitentiary! They just never made parole, and so the state shrunk them down and turned them into playthings for unwitting children!
Snufflefungus: The world is so full of surprises, if you only know where to look!
Linus: I know. I’ve been trying to tell Malex for years, but he’s too bitter and soulless to understand.
Snufflefungus: Say, Linus, where is that Wonderflonium store? We’ve been walking a long time!
Linus: Oh, I know.
Snufflefungus: And we’re starting to get into the (shudders) bad end of town.
Linus: There’s only one place in the world to buy Wonderflonium Window Cleaner. Oh look, train tracks!
Snufflefungus: Whee! I love trains!
Linus: Let’s walk along the tracks for a bit!
Snufflefungus: Say, Linus, you’re not trying to distract me again, are you? We need to get that Wonderflonium and get back home so we can clean!
Linus: What, you don’t think I’m taking you to get Wonderflonium?
Snufflefungus: No, it’s not that…
Linus: You think I’m just yanking your chain and goofing off?
Snufflefungus: Well, I mean… It wouldn’t be the first time.
Linus: Well I never! Good sir, you’ve cut me to the quick!
Snufflefungus: But Linus, there are no stores around here!
Linus: Is that what you think? Look again!
Snufflefungus: What? Where?
Linus: Right there. See? Under the train platform!
Shady Vendor: Boo!
Snufflefungus: (Screams.) Beady little eyes! Beady little eyes!
Shady Vendor: Are you here to buy something?
Linus: Yes, we need–
Shady Vendor: Can I interest you in this dead rat?
Snufflefungus: I don’t think so.
Shady Vendor: Are you sure? It’s got an excellent coat of fur, very multipurpose! And if you shake it like this, it almost looks alive!
Linus: We just need some Wonderflonium Window Cleaner.
Shady Vendor: Oh, well why didn’t you say so?! Five dollars, please.
Malex: Hey guys, I’m back! Wow, this place looks great!
Snufflefungus: We worked so hard!
Malex: It looks like it, too. Hey, it even looks like you cleaned the windows!
Linus: We sure did.
Malex: Did you use that new stuff? That (hesitates) Wonderflonium?
Linus: Yeah. We were out of it here at the house, so Snuffy and I had to run out and get some.
Malex: All the way out there by the train tracks? That’s awesome! You guys are my heroes!
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Alex Markley and Peter Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.