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Malex Minute 128

Malex, Linus and Snufflefungus have a whale of a time when something unexpected shows up in the backyard! Also, people start speaking in rhyme? Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think!

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

A secret despiser? Of course. That explains everything.

This episode appears before you largely as Peter originally conceived it. In editing, however, I did make one significant alteration. Under my gentle loving care, Tom of Tom’s Ship-A-Whale Service learned to conduct his business almost entirely in meter.*

Observing Tom’s interaction with Malex, it almost seems as though Malex is aware of Tom’s strange penchant and encourages it, communicating with Tom the same way Tom communicates with him. It is as if the addition of rhyme and rhythm forms a dialect of our beloved English, and without it, the conversation loses some of its meaning.

You might scoff, but do not forget, this is the Malex Minute. Anything is possible.

By the time you read this, SIGGRAPH 2008 will be winding down, and Peter and I will be exhausted out of our minds. I say this with confidence and authority because just getting ready for the conference already has me quite tired, and we haven’t** even left Ohio yet. So how tired do you think we’ll be after we’ve attended conference activities from 8:30 AM to 11 PM for five days in a row? Will we be doing cartwheels and singing about how energetic we feel?

No. We will not be doing that.

ttyl!

——Alex Markley

“In American Sign Language, this sign means, ‘Help! I am being mauled by a kitten!’”

* - Although Peter’s version of Tom did have a tendency to occasionally rhyme.

** - By the time of this writing, of course…

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Malex: Hey there Ladies and Gentlemen, and welcome to the Malex Minute! I’m Malex and I’ll be your host for today.

Snufflefungus: It feels like a brand new day! I bet something really exciting is going to happen!

Linus: You say that every day and it never comes true!

Snufflefungus: But you always say that, and it never comes true either!

Linus: What? It comes true sometimes!

Snufflefungus: And you know how statistics work! Just because you said nothing exciting will happen, odds are something exciting will happen very soon! (Conspiratorially) Mr. Statistics has a funny sense of humor.

Linus: (Screams.) Talking to you is like a carousel, only no one’s having any fun!

Malex: If you two don’t mind, I’m going to talk about something totally different now.

Linus: You’re a lifesaver!

Malex: So we got an email from–

Snufflefungus: (Gasps.) Malex! There’s a blue whale outside!

Malex: What?

Linus: Yes, Snuffy. There are many of them. They live in the ocean.

Snufflefungus: But it’s in our backyard!

Malex: Oh no!

Linus: (Laughs.) That’s new.

Snufflefungus: (Genuine concern.) Oh, poor thing! I hope it isn’t looking for its mommy!

Linus: Snuffy, it’s a grown whale. It doesn’t need its mommy.

Snufflefungus: Oh, that’s a relief!

Malex: I don’t know much about whales, but don’t they need to be in water to live?

Snufflefungus: (Gasps.) We have to do something!

Linus: (Sarcastic) No, we don’t have to do anything at all! It’ll be free meat for a week or two, and free aroma for months after that. Actually, sarcasm doesn’t cover it. Mr. Whale would become Mr. Rotting, and then do you know what would happen? Do you have any idea how hard we would die of the stink?!

Snufflefungus: (Realization.) Eww.

Malex: How did it get here though?

Snufflefungus: Maybe it flew! It has wings right there, see?

Linus: Sometimes I wonder about you, little one.

Malex: Aha! Look what I found pushed under the front door? It says, “Enjoy your whale, his name is Ernest. Courtesy Tom’s Ship-A-Whale Service!”

Snufflefungus: They shipped it here?

Linus: Well, it’s not like it could’ve been washed up here, we’re completely land-locked.

Snufflefungus: Oh, that explains everything!

Malex: But why did this happen?! I don’t want a whale in my backyard!

Linus: (Chuckles.) Maybe this could turn out to be a good thing. You know how funny the homeowners’ association people are when they get angry… We’ll be in for a real treat in a few weeks!

Snufflefungus: I don’t know, they do a lot of red-faced jumping and screaming. Remember when the ambulance came and took Old Neighbor Joe to the hospital?

Malex: (Panicked.) Guys, we really need to figure out how to get it outta here.

Linus: We’re proud of Malex. He’s got the brains.

Snufflefungus: The poor thing is foaming at the mouth! I think he needs water.

Malex: Well this note does have a phone number. We’ll just have Tom’s Ship-A-Whale Service come back and pick it up.

~~ Malex picks up the phone and dials.

Tom: (Sing-song.) If you know you’ll need a whale shipped, but you’re unprepared and ill-equipped, just call us on the phone today! We’ll get it done the Tommy way! (Friendly.) Hi, what can I do for you?

Malex: Um… Well, we have a slight problem.

Tom: (Gasps in horror.) Oh no! It’s unthinkable! A problem?

Malex: It’s true.

Tom: Oh please sir, you must tell me, what did we do? Did we crush your house? Did we overcharge?

Malex: No, but the whale you sent is much too large.

Tom: I can send you one smaller, and I can send it post-haste! We’ve a whale for you, whatever your taste.

Malex: Actually, the problem is that there’s a whale at all! I simply don’t want one, big or small!

Tom: What? You don’t want a whale?

Malex: Not in the least.

Tom: In that case, we’ll come pick it up right away.

Malex: Thanks a million, good sir, you’ll be saving my day.

Tom: Yeah, whatever.

Malex: Oh, and one more thing. Could you tell us who paid you to ship it here?

Tom: The transaction is registered under “A Secret Despiser.”

Malex: A secret despiser? Did they say anything about why they sent us a whale?

Tom: The comment memo reads, “A great place to mail random, frightening, and potentially dangerous things!”

Malex: Of course. Well, thanks for your time.

Tom: Bye. (Hangs up.)

Linus: Okay, do you have any idea how weird that conversation sounded from this end?

Malex: Just… Never mind. I worked it out, the whale is leaving.

Snufflefungus: Bye, Mr. Whale! Send me postcards!

Malex: Well Ladies and Gentlemen, this episode is well and truly done. We hope you join us again next week, when we’ll be completely free of whale-related foolishness!

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Peter Markley and Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

NameSizeAction
Episode Audio3.11 MB Download Now - 3.11 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration195.81 KB Download Now - 195.81 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

Alex's picture

Early

Due to Peter and I being at SIGGRAPH right now, I'm being forced to publish this episode a little early. (It's either that or publish it late tomorrow.)

Enjoy!

--Alex Markley

“Suddenly, the world was a bit more orange than usual. And the bunny didn't like it.”

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

Wow

That was great. It was random and funny. It also had rhyming and such. Also picture was great Quartz. See you next week guys.

............................

Mike- Hey Bob, you know what I hate?

Bob- What’s that Mike?

Mike- Giant Snakes that pop out of nowhere and kill ya.

Bob- You know, I hate those too.

“Crash.”

Random guard tower guy- Wow, good thing that was the guard tower next to us.

Mike- Hey Bob, you know what I hate?

Bob- What’s that Mike?

Mike- Giant Snakes that pop out of nowhere and kill ya.

Bob- You know, I hate those too.

“Crash.”

Random guard tower guy- Wow, good thing that was the guard tower next to us.

Lilly's picture

ROTFL!!!!!!!

This is the funniest thing i've heard in a long time!

I love the picture! So amazing!

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Big Ben is... big.

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

Heheh... Rhyming...

The Phone conversation with tom reminded me of Dr. Seuss books! Ah, good times... Good times...

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

He's a Guy that you should feel sorry for

He had the world but he thought that he wanted more

I owe it all to the mistake he made back then

I owe it all to my girl's ex-boyfriend

A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous.

Yes!

I was reminded of Dr. Seuss too! This is hilarious boys!

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"If they'd use more than their eyes,

They'd be able to see,

The heavenly beauty,

Inside of me."

-Echoing Green's Supermodel Citizen

Everything looks perfect from far away.

Susie Markley's picture

Indeed!

The rhyming made me think of Dr. Seuss!

Oh my there is a whale on the loose!

LoL! Great picture quartz! LoL!

XD

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Savage Karioke. Find your inner self.

Dragon Karioke. Don't ask.

#HowManyLicksDoesItTake to change a lightbulb?

Great foaming whales!

I hope the poor whale got safely back to its own home. I laughed out loud at the phone conversation. I liked Linus' reaction to the whale in the backyard:

Snufflefungus: But it’s in our backyard!

Malex: Oh no!

Linus: (Laughs.) That’s new.

It's good to see Linus happy.

Great illustration, truly funny episode, and great work everyone.

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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

More laughs

I just listened to the minute again with Grandpa and laughed again several times.

Linus: ...Do you have any idea how hard we would die of the stink?!

Linus: (Screams.) Talking to you is like a carousel, only no one’s having any fun! This pretty accurately describes a number of conversations I've had in the past 20 or so years.

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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Mariel 7's picture

yup

Linus's computer version of logic is almost as funny as his sense of sarcasm. The idea of how hard you would die of normal stink is simply hilarious to me. The only thing that could make that line and funnier is Snuffy's obligitory - ... Ewwww X-D

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Learn to laugh at yourself, and you shall never cease to be entertained.

~An Irish comedian whose name escapes me~

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

ASL

“In American Sign Language, this sign means, ‘Help! I am being mauled by a kitten!’”

You'll have to teach me this sign, Malex. After all, when I went to the vet today, I could have used it. A kitten up for adoption there was chewing on my finger. :-*

------------------------------

"If they'd use more than their eyes,

They'd be able to see,

The heavenly beauty,

Inside of me."

-Echoing Green's Supermodel Citizen

Everything looks perfect from far away.

Peter's picture

*lol*

Well thank you all for listening and for your comments! XD It’s a pleasure to read your reactions each week.

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“The Stone the builders rejected has become the Cornerstone. This is the Lord’s doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes.” –Psalm 118:22-23

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Awesome guys!!!

I really liked this episode, the picture is great too! It also reminded me of Dr. Suess, I couldn't stop laughing!

And on I different note, I am really excited because I am going to be learning ASL this year and hopefully I will becaome an interpreter in the future!!

---------

Gimme my gummi bears!

Graduation is coming, everybody grab your caps and gowns!

Peter's picture

Cool

That’s exciting! XD

The Royal Shortness said:

… I couldn't stop laughing!

Thanks! That’s what we like to hear! XD

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“The Stone the builders rejected has become the Cornerstone. This is the Lord’s doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes.” –Psalm 118:22-23

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

My thoughts

Comment 1: I loved the phone conversation! It was so Seussian! And I adore Dr. Seuss, to that's a great thing. I, too, loved Linus' reaction to the whale's presence, Mrs. Oz. I mean, really, after everything else that he has been through, should a whale in the backyard really be all that surprising?

Comment 2: There is absolutely no way that there is a single sign in ASL that can be accurately interepretted as "Help! I'm being mauled by a kitten!"

Comment 3: Wow RS!! That's so cool! ASL is like the funnest language ever (I know it's not a word, but as you can see, I don't care).

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

Peter's picture

Hehehe

Good observations! XD

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“The Stone the builders rejected has become the Cornerstone. This is the Lord’s doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes.” –Psalm 118:22-23

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

COOOOOL

Greatest illustration yet--no kidding!! The little details are awesome! (e.g., billowing chimney smoke, barking dog pulling on chain, inricately drawn rooftops, etc).

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

Peter's picture

Why

Thank you very much, Noble Wisdom!

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“The Stone the builders rejected has become the Cornerstone. This is the Lord’s doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes.” –Psalm 118:22-23

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

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