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Malex Minute 127

Snufflefungus builds a birdhouse as part of an insidious campaign to trick Linus into having legitimate fun. Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think!

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

It seems Linus has some sort of deep-seated aversion to having fun unless it’s at another’s expense. This sort of attitude simply cannot be tolerated, so I wholeheartedly support any attempt by Malex and Snufflefungus to break it. But, to be honest, it seems more likely that Malex and Snufflefungus are just minding their own business, and any fun-related conspiracy exists only in Linus’s fertile imagination.

At this time, I’d like to break with tradition and cease talking about this episode. In fact, I’d like to stop talking about the Malex Minute altogether.

Have you ever noticed how simply marvelous window air conditioners are? We finally got one in the office, and it has singlehandedly made life bearable this summer.

Last season we were at the mercy of the tenants downstairs, who camp on the only thermostat for the whole building. Since heat rises, and these people apparently hail from the torrid region, you may logically infer that our office regularly spiked up to unbearable temperatures. To give you some idea, the heat last August utterly fried one of my hard drives, and I was not looking forward to repeating that experience.

So we snagged a cheap window air conditioner, modified it so it would fit in the tiny window, and set it running. Magic! Mid-low 70s all summer! I’m pretty sure even Solomon didn’t bask in this sort of opulent luxury.

You might be wondering how this relates to you. I could make some sort of stretch about how comfortable artists are happy artists and happy artists are prolific artists, but I won’t bother. This whole tirade had nothing whatever to do with you, and the sooner you come to terms with that, the sooner you’ll accept the fact that I just wasted the last thirty seconds of your life.

Sheesh.

ttyl!

——Alex Markley

“If I could have anything I wanted? First I’d have infuriatingly inane questions like that one banned. Then, I’d exile the fools that repeat them to a desert island. …Oh, and if you ask what one thing you should take to your desert island, I’ll punch you in the face.”

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Malex: Hey there Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the Malex Minute!

Snufflefungus: Malex, what are we doing this episode?

Malex: Well I don’t really have anything. Do you have an idea, Snuffy?

Linus: Oh let’s make prank phone calls!

Malex: What? Linus, no.

Linus: Why not? Doing it on the air would be funny enough to justify it!

Malex: No it wouldn’t!

Snufflefungus: I was hoping we could–

Linus: Eww, how boring!

Malex: Why don’t we listen to Snufflefungus’s idea?

Linus: Because you know deep down that what you want to do is make prank phone calls.

Snufflefungus: Oh but I thought it would be better if we–

Linus: You thought wrong. Malex, follow your instincts! Listen to your inner desire!

Malex: I don’t believe I’m putting up with this.

Snufflefungus: But I had this idea of–

Linus: Oh, but–

Malex: Linus, shut up!

Snufflefungus: …You said earlier you would help me build my new birdhouse! Maybe we could do that for this episode!

Linus: I new I would regret being born as soon as you let him open his mouth! Wake me up when life carries on.

Malex: Snuffy, I think that sounds like a great idea. Why don’t you bring the kit here and unpack it?

Snufflefungus: Yay!

Linus: Oh my gosh! Are you actually going to do this on the show?

Malex: Well it’s not like you had a better idea. Besides, it might add a little something to the Malex Minute, ya’ know? Like an informational type deal.

Snufflefungus: Here we are!

Linus: Oh, please… What information could be less informational than how to build a useless box of wood that sits in your backyard to be infested by wild animals?

Malex: Well alright, maybe not informational exactly. But a fun how-to kind of thing!

Linus: There’s something you haven’t thought of. What if people find getting sick all over the place more fun?

Snufflefungus: Here are the square boards of wood. Are you supposed screw this one to this one?

Malex: No, this one fits in between.

Linus: Here’s a how-to for you, “How to make prank phone calls to delight your friends and offend your neighbors. Learn from Linus in ten easy steps!”

Malex: Linus, would you do me a favor and hand me that screwdriver?

Linus: No! I won’t do it! (Brief pause. Then, grudgingly.) Here…

Malex: Thanks, Linus.

Linus: Don’t get used to what I just did. It was very counter to my nature.

Snufflefungus: This is so fun! I bet the birds outside will be very happy to see it when it’s finished.

Malex: I bet they will, Snuffy!

Snufflefungus: There, it’s all screwed together!

Malex: The next step is to paint it! Linus, would you get the paint from over there?

Linus: Another errand? This is getting to be a habit with you people!

Malex: It’s just a few things. It won’t hurt you.

Linus: And how exactly is this going to entertain me? I won’t do it unless I’m guaranteed to have some fun!

Malex: You could derive some satisfaction from a job well done.

Snufflefungus: Yeah, like me! This is so fun!

Linus: I dunno how you guys can entertain yourselves with this drop dead boring process… Say, let me help paint!

Snufflefungus: I was thinking of using a technique to paint it similar to my Miscommunication painting since you said it didn’t look so good on the canvas.

Linus: Eh? I don’t follow you. It looks bad, so you’re going to try the same thing again?

Snufflefungus: Well I thought it might look better on the side of a birdhouse!

Linus: (Verbal cringe.) No! You’re talking international incident here. The bad kind. What you need is a modern sleek look to your birdhouse.

Snufflefungus: Sleek look?

Malex: Linus, do we really need a ‘sleek’ look? I mean, it’s just a birdhouse…

Linus: I’m just trying to prevent you guys from creating a dire travesty of style. The world would have talked about us behind our backs. It would have been awful.

Malex: Whatever you say.

Linus: Ooh! What do you think of this design, Snuffy?

Snufflefungus: Oh, I like that look! Let’s paint it like that!

Linus: (Excited) Okay!

Snufflefungus: There’s blue and white. Do you want to paint blue? Or white?

Linus: Why, I don’t know. I can hardly choose! Blue? No, white!

Snufflefungus: Okay! I’ll do blue!

Linus: Be careful, we want to make it look like the picture.

Snufflefungus: Oh, Linus, it’s amazing!

Linus: I know, aren’t I the best?

Malex: Well, Linus, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you having so much fun.

Linus: (Gasps.) Fun?! (Roars.) You tricked me! I was supposed to be having good, quality fun by now, making prank calls and causing mischief, and look what you made me do!

Snufflefungus: But Linus, we are having quality fun! Look!

Malex: Linus, it’s okay to enjoy yourself doing non-destructive things now and again. People won’t look down on you for it.

Linus: I’m not speaking to you anymore.

Malex: Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, I guess that’s all the time we have for today. We hope you enjoyed listening, and will join us again next week for another great Malex Minute!

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Peter Markley and Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

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Episode Audio3.2 MB Download Now - 3.2 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration222.26 KB Download Now - 222.26 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

Wow.

Wow that had to be the most disturbing and yet hilarius episodes yet. The picture was great as well Quartz. Keep up the good work guys.

PS

First again, and It only cost me 3 hours of sleep. I need to get more sleep. See you guys next week.

..............................

Mike- Hey Bob, you know what I hate?

Bob- What’s that Mike?

Mike- Giant Snakes that pop out of nowhere and kill ya.

Bob- You know, I hate those too.

“Crash.”

Random guard tower guy- Wow, good thing that was the guard tower next to us.

Mike- Hey Bob, you know what I hate?

Bob- What’s that Mike?

Mike- Giant Snakes that pop out of nowhere and kill ya.

Bob- You know, I hate those too.

“Crash.”

Random guard tower guy- Wow, good thing that was the guard tower next to us.

Peter's picture

Goodness

Well I’m very glad you enjoyed it! XD Thank you for the encouragement!

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“The Stone the builders rejected has become the Cornerstone. This is the Lord’s doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes.” –Psalm 118:22-23

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Birdhouses!

I remember painting birdhouses and other little objects that came in art sets when I was little. It was a lot of fun. For me. Not for Mom. She had to handle the clean up.

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"He speaks of Meow."

"Just feed the cat."

Everything looks perfect from far away.

Peter's picture

Hehehe

Wow. o_o

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“The Stone the builders rejected has become the Cornerstone. This is the Lord’s doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes.” –Psalm 118:22-23

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Yays

Wow. This episode was horrifying on so many levels i don't know where to begin! Great Job!

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams!

Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before!

Close your eyes, let your spirit start to soar!

And you'll live as you've never lived before ...

A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous.

Peter's picture

*lol*

Thanks!

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“The Stone the builders rejected has become the Cornerstone. This is the Lord’s doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes.” –Psalm 118:22-23

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Susie Markley's picture

Aww.

Aw. Linus was having fun painting a bird house! That's so sweet! ;) :P

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Savage Karioke. Find your inner self.

Dragon Karioke. Don't ask.

#HowManyLicksDoesItTake to change a lightbulb?

Peter's picture

Hehehehehe

:P

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“The Stone the builders rejected has become the Cornerstone. This is the Lord’s doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes.” –Psalm 118:22-23

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Great one!

Now, don't be too swayed by the opinions of the girls, because I'm sure you have lots of male fans who are just a bit less vocal, but I LOVE Linus having fun painting the birdhouse with happy little Snuffy! AWWW!!!!

And Snuffy sounded just TOO CUTE through the whole episode, but especially here:

Malex: Snuffy, I think that sounds like a great idea. Why don’t you bring the kit here and unpack it?

Snufflefungus: Yay!

Wonderful, as always guys. Thank you for the entertainment and laughs.

Great picture, too, Quartz. You're the best!

P.S.

Malex said, I could make some sort of stretch about how comfortable artists are happy artists and happy artists are prolific artists, but I won’t bother. I disagree. What about Tennessee Williams? If air conditioning had existed during his time, his plays would never have come into being. And where would we be without A Streetcar Named Desire?

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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Peter's picture

Hehe

Thank you! XD I’m so glad you like it!

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“The Stone the builders rejected has become the Cornerstone. This is the Lord’s doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes.” –Psalm 118:22-23

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

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