Malex goes to the grocery store, leaving Linus and Snufflefungus to patiently wait in the car. But nobody really expects them to do that, do they? Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think!
Here we have a so-called ‘Malex-lite’ episode, wherein the primary focus is on Linus and Snufflefungus and what goes on when Malex isn’t around. Awesome, right? I’m pretty sure Linus and Snufflefungus interacting is one of my favorite things ever. They just have this chemistry that’s hard to beat.
Even cooler, Peter wrote this episode solo. I didn’t have to move a muscle! I just went over and hollered at him for a while, and a couple of hours later, this finished script magically appeared!
Apparently the Chess match Peter wrote in is actually based on the Scholar’s mate, a trap which Linus (as an artificially-intelligent computer) should have been able to deftly avoid. Sadly, Linus was never designed to play Chess, so despite wanting to get better at it, he remains a staggeringly incompetent player. In fact, Linus has been beaten by everyone he’s ever played. Yes, even that hamster that one time.
As for Snufflefungus, his Chess skills have substantially improved since Malex Minute 104. Back then, he barely knew the names of the pieces or how they moved. Apparently he’s had more than a few Chess altercations since then, since he’s now clearly capable of playing speed chess in his head.
But you don’t want to hear about Chess! I don’t even want to write about it!
Let’s just hope that we get the pleasure of hearing more of Linus and Snufflefungus hanging out while Malex is away. Let’s also hope that, next time, they keep the property damage to a minimum.
“Quick, kill it! It’s as big as a house!”
Malex: Okay now, you two stay here and be good! I’ll just be in the store for a little while.
Snufflefungus: Okay, bye!
Linus: Yeah yeah, go away.
Snufflefungus: Wow, we’re waiting in a parking lot! Isn’t this exciting?
Linus: Yeah sure… No. It isn’t.
Snufflefungus: Oh look at that! It’s someone else pulling up! They’re going into the store too! What a coincidence!
Snufflefungus: Oh look, Linus! That other car over there has a dog in it! (Yells.) Hi Doggy! We’re waiting for our driver to finish in the store too!
Linus: (Fake excitement.) Oh look up there, Snuffy. A security camera on the top of the building. Moving back… and forth… and back… and forth…
Snufflefungus: That’s not so exciting…
Snufflefungus: I’m bored. What do you wanna do, Linus?
Linus: Drive away. But that would be illegal.
Snufflefungus: I meant, maybe we could play a game or something!
Linus: Like what?
Snufflefungus: Maybe I spy! Okay… I’m thinking of something big and red, that says “Mr. Grocer’s Happy Mart!”
Linus: The big red letters on the front of the store?
Snufflefungus: Yes! …Maybe that’s a little too easy.
Snufflefungus: Okay, I have another one! I’m thinking of something tiny and grey!
Linus: That describes every pebble in the parking lot and every corner of brick on the building. Give me more details.
Snufflefungus: Okay… It’s made of metal, and it’s shaped like a donut!
Linus: Is it one of the links on the chain dangling from the bottom of the shopping cart right there?
Snufflefungus: Yep! You got it!
Snufflefungus: Maybe we should play something else. Oh I know! How about we play chess in our heads?
Linus: (Excited.) You’re on! Take the first move if you dare.
~~ Very rapid chess game.
Snufflefungus: E2 to E4!
Linus: E7 to E5!
Snufflefungus: D1 to H5!
Linus: B8 to C6!
Snufflefungus: F1 to C4!
Linus: G8 to F6!
Snufflefungus: H5 takes F7 – checkmate!
Snufflefungus: Oh look, Linus! I found some binoculars in the glove compartment!
Linus: Oh good, maybe you could stare at the sun with them. That sounds pretty funny.
Snufflefungus: (Confused.) But Malex says not to stare at the sun because it’s bad for–
Linus: Fine, don’t do it. See if I care.
Snufflefungus: Hey look, a birdie!
Linus: Woe is me! Malex got fed up with us! He was lying when he said he’d be back, and really he has left us to the buzzards!
Snufflefungus: But… the birdie I was looking at through the binoculars wasn’t a buzzard–
Linus: No, of course not… (Trailing off.) That would be too conspicuous…
Snufflefungus: Here, Linus! Look at the birdie!
Linus: Get those things out of my face!
Snufflefungus: …What does a buzzard look like, anyway?
Linus: Alright, give those here!
Snufflefungus: See, right over there!
Linus: No, that’s no buzzard… Hey… Look, another bird! It– It looks like it’s attacking the first one!
Snufflefungus: (Gasps.) Lemme see!
Linus: Hush! … Yeah, it’s attacking it!
Snufflefungus: Oh Linus, we have to do something!
Linus: Here, maybe if we go shove that cart toward them it’ll scare off the attacker.
Snufflefungus: Let’s do it! Quick, before it’s too late!
Linus: Alright, wait here.
~~ Linus leaves the car.
Snufflefungus: Oh, I hope it works…
~~ Linus re-enters the car.
Linus: There, that should do it.
Snufflefungus: Um… Linus? The cart is headed towards– (Gasps.) It hit that person’s car!
Linus: Oh no! Their car is rolling down the hill!
Snufflefungus: And it just hit the pillar to that gas station, causing the gas station to collapse entirely! What are we going to do?!
Linus: We’re not going to move a muscle!
Malex: Okay guys, I’m back. Glad to see neither of you are dead or missing. That looks like quite an accident over there… I wonder what happened?
Snufflefungus: There was a bird! And it was attacking another bird! And a cart!
Malex: Never mind, I– Just… I don’t want to know.
Linus: Let’s go, please.
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writer: Peter Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.