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Malex Minute 115

The second half of a story arc wherein a crazy, crazy monster mails itself to Malex’s house. Madness! Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think!

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

Traditionally speaking, we try to avoid using any sort of post-processing to create the voices in the Malex Minute. Most types of voice alteration leave tell-tale artifacts in the finished product. Furthermore, as a voice actor who takes some pride in his craft, I generally consider it ‘cheating’ to use voice alteration at all.

But let the record state that, despite the heavy voice effects, (or perhaps because of them) the monster’s voice in this episode is absolutely hilarious.

I should also point out, for the curious among us, that we were planning to do this episode since before last episode was released. It may seem completely random and poorly-conceived, but both episodes were planned ahead of time. In fact, the script for this week’s episode started life as the last half of Malex Minute 114. It wasn’t split off into a separate script until very late in the production process.

Peter wrote the original script, which was very long already. And as I went over the script, editing for structure, flow, and humor, the episode continued to balloon in size. Meanwhile, we were barreling toward our production deadline for last week, and I realized that even if we were comfortable releasing a super-sized episode, we wouldn’t have time to produce it. So I made an executive decision and cut the episode in half.

Good thing, too, ’cause it’s hilarious this way.

For those of you who are panicking at the thought of another extended foray into continuity, I am here to assure you that the (so called) story arc is over now. Things will be returning to some semblance of normalcy next episode.

Anyway, enjoy!

ttyl

——Alex Markley

“Give me a hand over here, will you? I need to set this thing on fire.”

Transcript

Narrator: Last time, on the Malex Minute…

Linus: Oh dear, things are happening!

Snufflefungus: And people are saying words!

Malex: There’s some sort of conflict leading up to a greater plot!

Linus: The suspense!

Narrator: And now, the terrifying conclusion.

~~ Introduction

~~ Malex opens the package, out of which the monster bursts, roaring loudly. Everyone screams a lot.

Monster: Oh my gosh! Thank you so much for opening that package and letting me out! I was so cramped I felt like an undeployed air bag!

Linus: But– But– But– But– But–

Snufflefungus: (Cheerful) You’re the monster, aren’t you?

Monster: Yes I am. I suppose they’re looking for me, ain’t they?

Snufflefungus: Yeah, we heard about you on the news!

Monster: Mailing myself here was such a great idea! That little red squirrel was right, this is a great place to mail random, frightening, and potentially dangerous things!

Malex: Suddenly, everything comes into sharp focus.

Linus: (Yelps.) Malex! It’s the monster!

Malex: Yes Linus.

Monster: Hey, you guys don’t mind if I hide out here for a while, do you? I’d sure appreciate it a lot! I really need a place to lay low for a bit.

Snufflefungus: Dinosaur says that you seem a lot more well behaved than they said on the television. You don’t seem dangerous at all!

Monster: Thanks, little dinosaur! I’m definitely not dangerous.

Snufflefungus: (Very surprised.) Hey! Dinosaur waved!

Linus: This is no time to play games, Snuffy! (Still shocked anew.) There’s the monster!

Snufflefungus: But I’m not, Dinosaur really waved!

Monster: Say, I’m pretty hungry too. Would you guys be willing to give me something to eat? I haven’t had a chance to eat since I escaped.

Malex: Um… Here’s a banana. You want something else too? Like some leftover chili or something?

Monster: Sure! Thanks! Be careful with that in the microwave though, I hear they have a tendency to get dangerously hot.

Malex: Yes, I’m familiar with the microwave. I’ll just nuke it for a minute or so, it’ll be nice and warm.

~~ Fire erupts out of the microwave.

Monster: See, those microwaves get dangerously hot.

Malex: But I hadn’t even touched it yet!

Linus: It’s an omen!

Malex: Well I guess you’re not having any chili.

Snufflefungus: Well at least you have your banana!

Monster: You wanna hear something neat? If you wedge a banana in your nose – peel and all – and sneeze really hard, it’ll rocket lemon slices all over the room!

Malex: I think you’re mistaken.

Monster: Here, I’ll show you, it’s so fascinating!

Linus: You really don’t have to…

Monster: (Sneezes.)

Malex: Ah. Lemons.

Monster: I told you, isn’t it weird? It works because molecules sometimes have this tendency to break apart and reform into completely different substances. They call them ‘chemical reactions.’

Linus: (Disbelief.) What…?

Snufflefungus: Hey Malex, the couch has dissolved.

Malex: I see it has… It appears to have turned into wheat.

Monster: Oh, yeah. That’s too bad about your couch falling apart. They call that ‘gravity.’ It’s where the tension caused by the surface of an object actually makes it move. You should have made your couch out of something that would turn into rubber, so that it would fall upwards. Then chain it to the ground. That should keep it steady.

Snufflefungus: Malex, the rug just fell to the ceiling! And so did all the boots in the closet!

Linus: Help! Everything his deranged little mind thinks up comes true!

Malex: Mr. Monster, these things should not be able to happen. What are you doing to make them happen?

Snufflefungus: Dinosaur says, “Yes. Your definitions of gravity and chemical reactions are nontraditional.

Monster: Well little Dinosaur, I’ve never heard any other definitions.

Dinosaur: I haven’t either. This is rather compelling evidence.

Snufflefungus: Malex, Dinosaur just spoke without any assistance!

Monster: Why don’t we open the window to get some fresh air?

~~ Monster breaks the window.

Linus: Um… There are coffee cups floating outside the window!

Coffee Cup 1: You’re quite right.

Coffee Cup 2: Quite right indeed.

Coffee Cup 1: Our porcelain is mixed from high-tension substances and low-tension substances.

Coffee Cup 2: The high-tension pulls upward, the low-tension pulls downward.

Coffee Cup 1: Yes, upward and downward.

Coffee Cup 2: So here we are.

Coffee Cup 1: Floating.

Coffee Cup 2: Yes, floating. Like that suspicious substance on the drink you just ordered.

Coffee Cup 1: Throw the suspicious drink away.

Coffee Cup 2: Yes, throw it away. And never return to that seedy place.

Coffee Cup 1: That seedy, seedy place.

Dinosaur: I am made of wheat.

Linus: (Screams.)

Monster: Hey, maybe you two coffee cups should come inside and stay safe from the falling bricks. There could be another Democratic Party any moment.

Malex: Hold it, hold it! No falling bricks! Do not think that, that’s a bad thing for you to think! And no coffee cups are allowed in this house!

Monster: You heard the man, no coffee cups are allowed … in this house!

Coffee Cup 2: Thank you for your kind invitation.

Coffee Cup 1: Yes, thank you.

Malex: Wait, don’t come in! What part of, “No coffee cups are allowed in this house!” is unclear to you?!

Coffee Cup 1: Every part.

Coffee Cup 2: It’s quite unclear.

Coffee Cup 1: Quite unclear indeed.

Coffee Cup 2: For example, what are the ‘no’ coffee cups allowed to do once they come in your house?

Coffee Cup 1: Furthermore, we’re not no coffee cups. We specifically are coffee cups, so we’re confident that your statement simply doesn’t apply to us.

Monster: (Scholarly.) And in the absence of a clear interpretation, one must always assume an invitation to come in and stay for hours!

Malex: Why?!

Monster: It’s always been this way.

Malex: I will not allow any coffee cups, including those two, to be inside this house!

Monster: But there aren’t any coffee cups here…

Malex: How do you figure?!

Monster: One coffee cup, plus one coffee cup, equals zero coffee cups!

Snufflefungus: Oh no!

Linus: Not again!

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Peter Markley and Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to Farbin for use of the Cardboard Box Drop sound effect.

Thanks to Acclivity for use of the Fire sound effect.

Thanks to R. Humphries for use of the Glass Breaking sound effect.

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

NameSizeAction
Episode Audio4.08 MB Download Now - 4.08 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration181.77 KB Download Now - 181.77 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

LOL!

I can't even pick out a favorite part of this one because it's just, over-all, so stinkin' hilarious! I love the monster's voice too. He sounds very good-natured and yet ...

And as always, I love the illustration. I really like dinosaur. I wish I had a toy like that. But without the talking. Or waving.

Excellent work boys! *applaudes*

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"He speaks of Meow."

"Just feed the cat."

Everything looks perfect from far away.

Oh no!

I told Dad we shouldn't always talk to you kids like you were adults. I told him we'd sound like monsters spouting pseudo-scientific gobbledy-gook, but he wouldn't listen! Oh well, at least you got some comedic benefit from it.

Seriously, this episode is JUST SO FUNNY!! My favorite is the part about "no coffee cups." It made me dizzy. And this part:

Monster: Oh, yeah. That’s too bad about your couch falling apart. They call that “gravity.” It’s where the tension caused by the surface of an object actually makes it move. You should have made your couch out of something that would turn into rubber, so that it would fall upwards. Then chain it to the ground. That should keep it steady.

This sounds just like Oz!

I also like the way Linus's reactions are a bit slow. Like it takes a while for him to process shocking information.

Great work, guys! Thanks for another wonderful Minute!

BTW, Quartz. The picture is really funny. I love the shading on the monster's nose.

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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Lilly's picture

ROTFL!

This was an awesome episode! Definately one I'll want to listen to again. There were so many parts I really liked! My favorite parts though;

Narrator: Last time, on the Malex Minute...

Linus: Oh dear, things are happening!

Snufflefungus: And people are saying words!

Malex: There’s some sort of conflict leading up to a greater plot!

Linus: The suspense!

Monster: Mailing myself here was such a great idea! That little red squirrel was right, this is a great place to mail random, frightening, and potentially dangerous things!

Coffee Cup 2: Yes, floating. Like that suspicious substance on the drink you just ordered.

Coffee Cup 1: Throw the suspicious drink away.

Coffee Cup 2: Yes, throw it away. And never return to that seedy place.

Coffee Cup 1: That seedy, seedy place.

So horrible yet so funny XD

----------------

Yeah, that just gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside like the world is crushing down on my head. Thanks.

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

Peter's picture

Hehe

I’m so glad you all liked it so much! XD Thank you for your comments!

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“... But as for me, I trust in [God.]” -Psalm 55:23

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

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