In this week’s episode, we interview Howdy Joseph, self-proclaimed Ridiculest and founder of the Thirteenth Church of Ridicule! Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think!
I imagine it’s safe to say that Ridiculest thinking is a radical departure from the more traditional philosophies. As far as I’m concerned, you can believe anything you want as long as you’re comfortable defending it rationally in casual conversation. (Of course, in my opinion, naming your philosophy after the root word ridicule isn’t exactly the place to start.)
Oh, and on a completely tangential point, if I hear one more person misuse the word ‘faith’ to mean, “believe what you’ve been told and don’t ask questions,” I may be forced to go insane and do something I’ll regret… Like watch one of those Lindsay Lohan movies. From start to finish!
No, seriously. Wow. I just scared myself at the prospect.
“I honestly don’t know which is more frightening: the first suggestion or its stark irrelevance. (Come to think of it, do we know for sure that it’s not relevant? Hmm…)”
Malex: Hey everybody! Malex here, and I’ve got quite a treat for you today!
Snufflefungus: Is it ice cream?
Linus: Even if it was, it’s not for you!
Snufflefungus: I know that. I was just wondering how Malex plans on feeding ice cream to our hundreds of thousands of listeners!
Linus: Oh, that’s easy enough. Since we really only have four listeners, five dollars oughtta cover it.
Snufflefungus: Malex, Linus is pessimistic so hard!
Malex: (Disappointed) Aw, not on the rug!
Linus: Wow, Malex! That wasn’t uncalled for or classless at all.
Malex: I just respect you too much, Linus. Only the best for you.
Linus: Is it too much to ask for us to turn our attention back to the show?
Snufflefungus: I just want to know what’s going on with the ice cream.
Malex: Snufflefungus, there is no ice cream. The treat is that we’re going to be interviewing somebody very interesting!
Linus: Not the Cookie Monster again!
Malex: (Chuckles) No, I’ve learned my lesson. Today we’re going to interview Howdy Joseph, a self-proclaimed Ridiculest and the founder of the Thirteenth Church of Ridicule.
Howdy Joseph: Yes, my child?
Snufflefungus: I’m sorry?
Howdy Joseph: You called my name.
Snufflefungus: I don’t remember that.
Howdy Joseph: You said Howdy.
Snufflefungus: Howdy yourself!
Howdy Joseph: My parents already did. I’ve been cursing them ever since.
Howdy Joseph: (Getting frustrated.) My name is Howdy Joseph.
Snufflefungus: (Laughs) Oh, I get it! This is a joke! Your real name is Joseph!
Howdy Joseph: (Frustrated.) Howdy!
Snufflefungus: Howdy to you too, Joseph!
Linus: Malex, should we interrupt? This could take hours.
Howdy Joseph: Joseph is my family name! My given name is Howdy!
Snufflefungus: There’s no need to be distracted! I appreciate the salutation, but I’m more interested in knowing your given name.
Howdy Joseph: Look, just call me Mister Joseph.
Snufflefungus: Howdy Mister Howdy Joseph!
Howdy Joseph: Wait, you got it right! That’s right!
Snufflefungus: What? What are you talking about? I just called you Mister Joseph… Howdy.
Howdy Joseph: Oh, it’s no use.
Malex: Anyway, welcome to the show, Mister Joseph!
Howdy Joseph: Yes, thanks. It’s a pleasure.
Linus: So, what can you tell us about being a Ridiculest?
Howdy Joseph: Well, it’s a movement born out of the law of opposites. Many people consider themselves Realists, and believe only in things they can see, hear, smell, taste, and touch.
Malex: I think those are Materialists, but go on.
Howdy Joseph: Well, we Ridiculests only believe in things that we can’t see, hear, smell, taste, or touch.
Snufflefungus: Are you stupid?
Linus: Now Snufflefungus, don’t ridicule other people’s religion– Oh wait…
Howdy Joseph: No, it’s alright. The whole point is that it’s ridiculous.
Malex: So, Mister Howdy Joseph, would you mind explaining to us the Thirteenth Church of Ridicule? That is to say, if you founded it, shouldn’t it be the First Church of Ridicule?
Howdy Joseph: (Completely serious.) Oh no. One is the loneliest number.
Linus: This is all starting to make a crazy kind of sense.
Malex: Mister Joseph, would you mind explaining to our audience what inspired you to start this religion? That is to say, what about this religion is superior, in your mind, to other religions?
Howdy Joseph: Well, that’s a very good question. I had a vision from a spirit who revealed a scripture written in an unknown tongue. But the spirit helped me translate his beautiful language, and now we have our religion!
Malex: What a mouthful! I must say, that’s very intriguing. And, hey, if you still have a written copy of the original scripture, it could be very compelling evidence for your new religion!
Howdy Joseph: Well, yeah… See, after we finished translating, the spirit whisked away all the evidence.
Snufflefungus: Did he say why?
Howdy Joseph: I’m not sure. It sounded like, (Sing-song) “Nah, nah-nah, boo boo.” I haven’t found anybody to translate it for me yet.
Malex: I need to brush up on my spirit-ese, but I’m pretty sure that translates roughly to, “So long, sucker.”
Howdy Joseph: I’m not sure about that…
Malex: So, what sort of evidence do you present to your new converts?
Howdy Joseph: Not evidence… We tell our Ridiculests to depend on faith, mostly. And liquor.
Linus: You know, it’s a common misconception that real faith is baseless, when in fact, real faith is often based on historical fact, personal experience, and intelligent reason.
Howdy Joseph: What’ll they think of next?
Linus: So if it’s not based on historical fact, personal experience, or intelligent reason, what is your faith based on?
Howdy Joseph: I saw the spirit, I felt the tablets, I heard the translation, what more do I need?
Linus: But I thought the spirit told you to only believe in things you can’t see, hear, smell, taste, or touch.
Howdy Joseph: Well crap.
Linus: So out of historical fact, personal experience, and intelligent reason, you’re one for three.
Malex: Linus, you really shouldn’t crush people’s foolish religions in less than five minutes. It’s not polite.
Howdy Joseph: I’m going to have to tear down the church, aren’t I?
Malex: Not if you don’t want to.
Howdy Joseph: I kinda do. I mean, believing that the IRS doesn’t exist hasn’t been working out for me.
Malex: Well, that’s… Yeah, wow. Okay, well… Looks like we’re out of time for this episode. Thanks for listening, Ladies and Gentlemen, and we hope you’ll join us again next week on the Malex Minute!
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Alex Markley and Peter Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.