Linus ticks somebody off. Also, an old acquaintance shows up. (So yeah, nothing new.) Give it a listen and let us know what you think.
After last episode’s blatant weirdness, we felt it would be necessary to return to a modicum of normalcy. As you can clearly see, we failed.*
However, I still hold out hope that you will find this episode hilarious, as we have.
As a point of interest, the rich bed of sound effects I produced for this episode were quite a joy to craft. The process consisted of barely more than bellowing into a microphone and hitting myself as loudly as I could for about a quarter of an hour. (Two tasks for which I am especially suited.)
You may sense a connection between our fictional “Super Alley Fighter” and some fondly-remembered fighting game from your own childhood. This connection is not to be discounted out of turn. We are, in fact, making fun of that very game, if not your childhood as a whole.
But I digress.
The very idea of defeating one’s opponent (which will henceforth be referred to as a ‘K.O.’ for the sake of simplicity) within the first half of the first second of such a match is quite ludicrous to me. Which is probably the reason for its inclusion.
Perhaps even more ludicrous is the fact that some people take these games seriously, but this is an entirely different subject.
By the by, do not forget about the party, which is still scheduled for Saturday, March 1st.
“Why do I feel like I’m forgetting something?”
* - But not in the way you might expect.
Malex: Hey everybody! Wanna guess why I’m happy?
Linus: Your doctor prescribed the wrong dosage again?
Snufflefungus: The world’s gonna be repainted with happy colors?
Linus: You just remembered that you forgot that yesterday was Valentine’s Day, but then you realized it doesn’t matter because you don’t have a valentine and you never will?
Snufflefungus: You had a piece of tasty candy? Er– Linus, why would that make him happy?
Malex: It wouldn’t.
Linus: Sure it would. He’s a freak! Just look at him!
Snufflefungus: I don’t think I want to participate in this guessing if you’re going to turn it into an opportunity to insult Malex.
Malex: Thank you, Snufflefungus.
Snufflefungus: So why are you happy, Malex?
Malex: The writers strike is finally over! (The writer’s strike was previously covered in Malex Minute 088. ——Alex)
Linus: Is it really?
Snufflefungus: Strike? What?
Malex: This one really didn’t last very long, all things considered. They only struck for about one hundred days.
Snufflefungus: Who was striking who?
Linus: The writers of all your favorite television shows were striking anyone they could get their hands on. It was a bloodbath.
Snufflefungus: (Gasps.) Oh no!
Malex: Snufflefungus, Linus is lying again. Remember that talk we had? About Linus lying?
Snufflefungus: Yeah, but I forget everything you said.
Linus: I offered him three cookies in exchange.
Malex: Why do I even try?
Jimmy Jimson: Aha! There you are, demon machine!
Linus: Do I know you?
Jimmy Jimson: Maybe not! But I know you! And so do my fists!
Malex: Little boy, how did you get into this house?
Jimmy Jimson: I sneaked in when you weren’t looking!
Snufflefungus: But that was hours ago!
Linus: Guys, I’m gonna–
Jimmy Jimson: I’ve been hiding in your chest freezer!
Malex: That’s bizarre and creepy.
Jimmy Jimson: No, you wanna know what’s bizarre and creepy? You’ve got some big men with clubs frozen in that freezer of yours. That is creepy.
Malex: Oh, well those guys have been trying to kill me for years so it’s all okay. (From all the way back in Malex Minute 015. ——Alex)
Snufflefungus: You didn’t have to hide next to them…
Jimmy Jimson: Oh yes. Yes I did.
Linus: I’m leaving now. Bye!
Jimmy Jimson: Not so fast, mister! I ain’t done with you!
Malex: Hey, kid, do I know you?
Jimmy Jimson: I doubt it. Why?
Malex: Well you just look familiar.
Jimmy Jimson: Oh yeah, you’re that guy with that creepy warehouse! You still owe me a hundred bucks! (A reference to TUAoMaI 1x50 ——Alex Again)
Malex: No, James, I don’t owe you any money. That’s Icepunk you’re thinking of.
Jimmy Jimson: It’s not James, it’s Jimmy! Jimmy Jimson!
Malex: Sorry, Jimmy. Let me introduce you to Snufflefungus, he’s one of my new friends!
Snufflefungus: Pleased to meet you, Jimmy Jimson!
Jimmy Jimson: The pleasure’s all mine. Did you just shake my hand with your mind?
Malex: And you seem to remember my friend Linus, although he was in the form of a laptop last I remember you seeing him.
Linus: No I wasn’t! I’m not… That is, I’m… I was a pygmy hippopotamus until about three weeks ago.
Jimmy Jimson: Liar.
Malex: So, Jimmy, what business do you have with Linus here?
Jimmy Jimson: This cheater stole the Super Alley Fighter championship from me!
Linus: I never!
Malex: What are you talking about?
Jimmy Jimson: It’s an annual illegal underground Super Alley Fighter tournament. People travel from all over the world to play, watch, and bet on the outcome!
Snufflefungus: Linus, you play Super Alley Fighter?
Malex: For the SNES?
Linus: Er, well–
Jimmy Jimson: Oh, he plays. He’s been setting his career up for this moment for years – strategically losing just enough to swing the gambling odds out of his favor. Then he bet all his money on himself and slaughtered me!
~~ Begin Tournament Flashback
Announcer: And now, the final round, Linus Smith vs. Jimmy Jimson!
~~ Heavy fighting & button mashing.
Game: K.O.! K– K– K.O.! K.O.!
Announcer: And Linus wins!
Jimmy Jimson: What? No fair!
Linus: You snooze you lose, butter face! (Chortles maddeningly.)
~~ End Tournament Flashback
Jimmy Jimson: Those creepy computer hands of his can hit buttons about a million times faster than any human.
Malex: Linus, you’re good at Super Alley Fighter?
Snufflefungus: For the SNES?
Linus: Er, well–
Jimmy Jimson: He’s a cheater!
Linus: No, I’m amazing!
Jimmy Jimson: You’re a cheater!
Linus: What are you gonna do about it?
Jimmy Jimson: I’m gonna beat you into a stinking pulp!
Linus: You’re four feet tall!
Jimmy Jimson: (Battle Cry)
Linus: (Terror Cry)
Malex: Well everybody, I guess that’s all we have time for. Thanks for listening, and we hope you’ll join us again next week on the Malex Minute!
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Alex Markley and Peter Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by Aisling as Jimmy Jimson.
Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley
Sound Design: Alex Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.