Jump to Malex Minute 001Malex Minute 098Malex Minute Archives...Malex Minute 100Jump to Malex Minute 216

Malex Minute 099

Malex, Linus, and Snufflefungus go to the library! Give it a listen and let us know what you think.

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

You should know that this episode is based (loosely, but unexaggeratedly) on a real interaction I had with a real woman at the library.

She clearly had issues. The sort of issues that would make the average man or woman scurry away in fear. I, however, thought it had the potential to be one of the more entertaining interactions I’d had in quite a while, so I stuck around and ‘chatted’ with her for about forty minutes.

Now, I’ve never been officially schooled in the dark arts of psychology, but I do have enough of a morbid curiosity about the ailments of the mind that I have studied many of them. Schizophrenia and various neurological disorders, primarily. (Don’t get me started on aphasia, seriously. And read, “The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat.”)

I might even say that I am an armchair psychologist. But then you would ask, voice dripping with amused cynicism, what other kind of psychologist there is. I would then be forced to retreat from your verbal lashing like an emasculated dog.

So I won’t say that… Kennedy forbid.

This library woman isn’t the first schizophrenic I’ve encountered, either. I’m pretty sure I worked for one as a consultant when I was 15.

But that’s another story!

ttyl

——Alex Markley

“When they sound the alarming rate of growth into that new pair of suction cups they got for such a rainy day, wasn’t it?”

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Snufflefungus: I like the library!

Linus: Well nobody likes you liking the library. It’s bad for the universe.

Malex: Oh hush, Linus. It’s good for Snufflefungus to enjoy reading.

Snufflefungus: Can I have this book too?

Malex: Sure, Snufflefungus.

Linus: Don’t they have a limit? Of, say, fifty?

Snufflefungus: This book too!

Malex: Okay–

Snufflefungus: And this one!

Linus: Good grief!

Malex: Snufflefungus, this is getting a bit extreme. Do you really expect to have time to read all these books before it’s time to return them?

Snufflefungus: Wait, what?

Linus: You know, return? It’s what happens after you borrow. Unless you’re evil.

Snufflefungus: But I thought you said the library is where you go to get free books!

Malex: It is! Er, well, I mean…

Linus: He means that he lied to you.

Malex: No, what I meant is that you can borrow the books for free.

Snufflefungus: Okay, so…. What’s the point?

Malex: Well that’s how they make it free. See, any individual book can be read by hundreds or thousands of people, and the operating costs of the library itself are offset by fines, book sales, fund raisers–

Linus: Also, Malex’s taxes. So, you know, go wild.

Snufflefungus: So it’s a good idea after all! Yay!

Malex: Yes, Snufflefungus. Yes it is. Now we just need to go check out.

Linus: Well, this is odd.

Malex: Yeah, you don’t see that every day…

Snufflefungus: What?

Malex: See how there are two lines to check out? One is stretching back toward the non-fiction section, and the other is completely empty.

Snufflefungus: So let’s go with the empty one!

Linus: Yeah, it’s a no-brainer, Malex

Malex: Well… Surely we’re not the only ones to notice the available check-out lady… I wonder why nobody is going to her?

Snufflefungus: Excuse me, ma’am. Can we check out our books here?

Woman: Books? Those are books.

Linus: Right, can we check them out?

Woman: This is not Ohioville anymore!

Malex: I’m sorry?

Woman: This is not Ohioville! This is not Ohioville, and it hasn’t been since Kennedy died!

Linus: Could have fooled me…

Woman: And you’re all killers, too! You love to kill! You love to kill!

Snufflefungus: (Skeptical) I don’t think so. (Slightly despondent.) I just want to check out some free books…

Woman: Freedom isn’t free! You pay for freedom with the blood of other mothers’s sons!

Malex: Ma’am, I’m not sure what exactly you’re trying to accomplish, but complaining is about the most unproductive option I can think of.

Woman: I’ve gotta do something! I’ve been living under the– What do you know?! I’ve been living under the boot of oppression my entire life!

Linus: This is just taking “Hire the Handicapped” too far…

Woman: You didn’t see the way things were before! Now we’ve got wars and homeless wandering the street and obesity and disease and for what? It all ended when Kennedy died! You didn’t see the way things were before.

Malex: That may be true, but blaming the government for society’s problems is never the answer.

Woman: Answer?!

Malex: Yes, right. Look, if you want to do some good, why don’t you do what I do? Instead of complaining and waiting for a top-down solution, why don’t you take individual responsibility for caring and loving everyone around you? Everyone in your community? That’s the only real solution to society’s problems.

Linus: Hey, Malex? I’m glad you found a new friend, but can we get out of here? People are starting to stare.

Malex: Right. Ma’am, please just check our books out.

Woman: Check them out of the way to the supermarket is a great place to buy another sofa because the cat scratches hurt–

Malex: I’m sorry, I don’t understand.

Woman: Then don’t interrupt!

Linus: Look, see these books? It would be great if we could just check them out and leave you to your careening train of thought.

Woman: Oh, but there are too many books here. Simply too many. We can’t defeat them all unless we starve them out.

Linus: Is it too late to go back to the long line?

Woman: Starve them out. Starve them out of their holes, so they won’t compromise the foundation of the– Oh my goodness!

Malex: See? I have a library card here and everything. Just check out however many books you can, and we’ll come back for the rest next week.

Woman: Oh, but your card is too old. Old and cold. Cold and old.

Malex: Then let’s just renew it.

Woman: Sold! Just fill out the paperwork, it’ll only take a second.

Linus: What in the world?

Malex: But ma’am, this sheet of paper just has “Yin-yang / Boomerang” written on it in ballpoint ink.

Woman: Kennedy says to fill it out anyway.

Snufflefungus: How much longer is this going to take?

Malex: Look, I’ll circle ‘Boomerang’ okay?

Woman: Nobody has ever gotten that right before! Your generation is going to save Ohioville! You’re going to save Ohioville!

Malex: I’m going to try. Can we go?

Woman: I wanna shake your hand!

Malex: Ah… Okay…

Woman: Kennedy says to go. Take your books and go with his blessing.

Snufflefungus: Ah, books! I love books!

Linus: Malex, let’s never come here again.

Malex: I agree wholeheartedly.

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writer: Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance from Leela as the schizophrenic woman.

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

NameSizeAction
Episode Audio3.21 MB Download Now - 3.21 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration167.34 KB Download Now - 167.34 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

...

There are few words in my vocabulary to describe my thoughts on this Minute. However, i can say that the crazy library lady reminded me of my aunt...

* * * * * * * *

War doesn't show who is right, only who is left.

A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous.

Lilly's picture

thats... scary DragonMan

ROTFL! This episode was so hilarious!

Also, I'd be worried about your aunt DM...

------------------------------

His intended message is, “Scream, and the world screams with you. Laugh, and your face will burst in flames.”

Linus: Why Malex, you're making more sense than usual today!

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

Mariel 7's picture

Uggh

Everyone and their crazy aunts (you know who I mean Lilly and Dragon :-P )

I don't have a crazy aunt ... but I do have a scary uncle :-)

------------------------------

Moo.

... what you expected something deep and intellectual? What universe are you from?!

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

Schizo!

I like the way she just seems to degenerate throughout the episode. And I don't blame Malex for wanting to wash his hands so thoroughly.

*taps side of nose knowingly* It's a good thing things like this don't happen in real life. Right? ;-)

------------------------------

BAD DOG!

Everything looks perfect from far away.

Too much realism!

It's horrible! But I was a witness to the actual event upon which this interaction was based. And believe me, it was worse.

Leela! You did a great job. I liked the fact that people sometimes interrupted each other. This episode captures the lunacy and randomness of the first episodes. Great job, everyone!

Let's hear it for deinstitutionalization!!

------------------------------

I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Cautionary Words

Hey, guys. I am sorry, I know this post is going to make me sound like a wet blanket. However, since I am going to be working with Deaf children, I am having to learn a lot about people who have many different types of disabilities, including cognitive disabilities. I really felt that I needed to point something out. People who have Schizophrenia and other mental disabilities are just that--PEOPLE who have a disability. They have a soul, they have feelings, and they are capable of relatively intelligent and logical mental processes at least for part of the time. The fact is, people who have Schizophrenia are afflicted by a mental disorder that is extremely difficult to control, and which produces often terrifying delusions. Schizophrenia and the people who have it should not be treated lightly. To be honest, it's really not something to joke about. I'm sorry, I do NOT want to sound judgmental, and I am not implying that any of you were purposefully mocking people with Schizophrenia or being otherwise insensitive, because I know that was definitely not your intention. I just wanted to draw attention to the fact that many people who have Schizophrenia or who are related to someone who has Schizophrenia or a similar cognitive disability may find this Malex Minute to be inappropriate and offensive, even though you certainly did not intend for it to be so.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

:-o

That was awsome. I know I say this every week, but its true. Keep up the good work. By the way happy to see you again DM. Hope to see more of you in the future.

..............................

Orochimaru: I am so stealthy. No one could possible guess that I am Orochimaru in disguises.

Someone: Hey Orochimaru, we’re getting Chinese, you want any?

Orochimaru: I am not Orochimaru!! I, am, um, Steven, Viper!

Someone: Ok then, Steven, would you like any Chinese?

Orochimaru: Yes, General Tao.

Mike- Hey Bob, you know what I hate?

Bob- What’s that Mike?

Mike- Giant Snakes that pop out of nowhere and kill ya.

Bob- You know, I hate those too.

“Crash.”

Random guard tower guy- Wow, good thing that was the guard tower next to us.

Alex's picture

Making Light

Well, I have to say I agree with everything you said. Some people have a lot of serious and unfunny stuff to deal with. There's nothing sadder than a person who isn't able to function in society due to a severe mental disability.

However, some positions (such as are demonstrated in this week's Malex Minute episode) are clearly fallacious, and even people with no disabilities frequently adopt them with eagerness and tenacity.

Since some of these fallacious ideas are (I believe) fundamentally detrimental to our society as a whole, I do not consider it unhealthy to make light of them.

So yes, I am fully aware that this episode is likely to offend some people, but I will stand by my points as I feel that they are justified.

ttyl

--Alex Markley

"Crap, I have levitation class at 25:131. Better set the alarm to 'cinnamon'."

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

Fallacies?

I guess I'm confused, Malex. What kind of fallacious ideas are you referring to? I understand that the portrayal of the woman with Schizophrenia in the Malex Minute was a stereotypical representation of what many people view Schizophrenia as...is that what you mean? Could you clarify the specific fallacies that you are referring to?? Thanks :)

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

Hmm i dunno

I kinda agree with noble's first post... and yeah... i kinda do. >_>

After last wee'k MM, this one really pulled it down a lot i think....

*flees*

--------------

Someday you'll remember I was HERE.

Alex's picture

Eh...

"a stereotypical representation of what many people view Schizophrenia as...is that what you mean?" --NW

No. Many of the things that the woman was saying are common from a liberal viewpoint. While I wasn't trying to compose any kind of scholarly rebuttal, I was trying to use the situation to make light of that particular sort of liberal slant.

Perhaps you don't understand the reality of the situation I'm trying to convey. In its most uncomfortable sections, this episode is practically a transcript of a real conversation I really had last week.

I was at the Columbus library, and I was literally and specifically verbally attacked by a woman whose position was that supporting our soldiers in the army is tantamount to murder.

She honestly thought that I had some sort of bloodlust that could only be cured by running over to a middle eastern country and murdering children until I got bored.

And the best part here is that her schizophrenia isn't what planted that idea in her head - the liberal media and a world full of freaking hippies did that for her. The schizophrenia only made her scream it at full volume in the library.

So I still feel completely justified in trying to make light of that kind of liberal mudslinging, whether I actually succeeded in making light of it or not. :(

"After last wee'k MM, this one really pulled it down a lot i think..." --Vox

Maybe the root problem here is just that this isn't funny at all.

Oh well, can't win 'em all...

--Alex Markley

"Crap, I have levitation class at 25:131. Better set the alarm to 'cinnamon'."

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

Well...

It kinda bothered me a bit.

--------------

Someday you'll remember I was HERE.

Peter's picture

Hmm

I think we've been careless here... :-(| Often Malex uses surreal things that happen in his real life as inspiration for the crazy life of Malex the character on the Malex Minute. But this requires seeing them in a comical light, and I think we meant to do this from two angles here - the fact that Malex had something so odd really happen, and the liberal misconceptions the lady was saying. Not the fact that the lady was crazy, or her disability itself. But in our haste, we didn't realize that it would appear that way - that we were trying to make light of the fact that there are real crazy people out there... :(

I think simply the fact that this occurrence in real life was so incredibly unusual made us want to portray it actually quite faithfully so as to make it more believable. But I think that may have been the wrong direction to go. Since it's comedy, things are funny because of how unbelievable they are. So the result was that either one would think the episode was uproarious because one doesn't believe it, or one would think we're trying to make light of the fact that there are real schizophrenic people out there in real life because one does believe it.

And when I really let this second mentality sink in, it kinda makes me sick to my stomach that the Markley Brothers would release such a thing... :-(| So please believe us, everyone who took it this way, that we did not mean it that way. I'm sorry...

I may be entirely wrong about this whole assessment, but this is my impression.

-------

Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy, Contradictionary - Party

Quartz, you hit the nail on

Quartz, you hit the nail on the head. That is what I was getting at. I did not even realize that the Markley Bros were trying to make fun of a liberal viewpoint--I literally thought you were making fun of people who have Schizophrenia. I don't have any problem with making light of a liberal viewpoint, because I find it to be perfectly absurd. What I did have a problem with, was that the episode appeared to be mocking people who have Schizophrenia. It would have been fine if the woman hadn't had a cognitive disability. As it was, however, her comments sounded like the irrational and incoherent things that people with Schizophrenia sometimes say as a symptom of their disability...not the irrational utterances of a person who holds a liberal viewpoint. On the other hand, it is amusing to equate the comments made by a person who holds a liberal viewpoint with those of someone who has Schizophrenia. That's basically just like saying that people who have a liberal viewpoint say a bunch of nonsensical things. I can understand that (although I'm not sure that's what you were aiming for). Unfortunately, to me at least, it didn't come across that way. Sorry, guys :-( :-( :-(

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

Sorry

Malex, I apologize. Perhaps it was not appropriate for me to post these comments on MMN. I think it would have been better for me to email you. I am sorry.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

I love it!

When I listen to a Malex Minute, I usually like to listen to it again a few days later. I'm not sure why, but that seems to help me form opinions about it. And after the second listen, I've reached a conclusion:

This episode was just funny. All controversy aside, it was just funny. Leela's performance was disturbingly convincing, and everyone's performances were really good! I've laughed more over this episode than over many others.

As to the controversy...I guess I wonder why this portrayal of an odd person is more provocative than others in the past. Why, for instance, does Mike's madness not raise hackles?

I suspect the difference is in the fact that Malex's thoughts made it clear that this was based on a real interaction. If that had not been known, no one would have been offended. Just sayin'.

------------------------------

I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Not exactly...

See, well here's the thing... In Mike's case it was general insanity, which made it very funny as it wasn't poking fun at anyone with anything specific, just someone who was a tad confused. Here its pointing fingers at a specific category of an illness-- schizophrenia...

Here... what if someone on the MMN turns out to be schizophrenic either now or later on in life, or what if someone coming in is schizophrenic and listens to this episode in particular... Schizophrenia is diagnosed in about 1/100 people, so imagine if there were thousands of people coming to the site, say, 10,000. There's a good chance that 100 of those people will have and/or be diagnosed with schizophrenia... it would be very bothersome and not all that good of an impression....

Just...

my...

thought....

--------------

Someday you'll remember I was HERE.

Mike vs. library lady

In fact, I think Mike was based on someone real. The portrayal may have been less accurate than the one of the library lady, but it was apparent to me. So I stand by my opinion that this was more disturbing to some people because of the declaration of the inspiration.

At first reading your comment, I thought that the figure of 1 in 100 people being schzophrenic seemed inflated. But the sites I went to to check, said about 1/123. That still seems high to me, but I'm not sure what that means. Let's say I'm skeptical, but not of you, Vox. I'm going to look into it.

Also, as far as that goes, why is the portrayal offensive, since it was more or less lifted from real life? Yes, there are schizophrenics in the world. Yes, we encounter them, and yes they say peculiar things. And realistically, we are disturbed by our encounters with them. We're not sure what to make of them and whether or not to fear them, at times.

So was it just the idea that this encounter was worthy of laughing at that is offensive?

------------------------------

I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Well

Not all schizophrenics are disturbing...

I think people get schizo. confused with psychopaths too much.

schizophrenics are (Generally) peaceful and non-violent, but mostly just misunderstood... its like...

living half in one world and half in another...

its really hard...

The lady here sounded more psycopathic, as they have little to no feelings for anyone or anything and generally are violent.

--------------

Someday you'll remember I was HERE.

Alex's picture

Fine Lines

I think everyone here is still fundamentally missing my main point.

The jokes I make on the Malex Minute almost universally revolve around making light of some position, opinion, or thought. Usually these things are demonstrably fallacious, but for us to lambast them effectively, they must be held by some character.

Take Episode 056 as an example. In it, a mother has lost her child, but does not seem to care. Am I lambasting all mothers here? No! Should all mothers be offended? No!

Instead, I am criticizing the degradation of motherhood which pervades our culture. Maybe this will offend a working mother. (Or, as I like to call them, run-from-home moms.) An unfortunate side-effect, but it cannot be helped. And if I can make a person think twice about their position through a joke on the Malex Minute, I've done my part for the greater good.

So, to recap, I am trying to tread the fine line between making fun of a person and making fun of something a person thinks. There is a subtle, but extremely important difference here, and I try to keep it in mind with every joke I write.

Again, I'm sorry if somebody was offended by this episode, but (surprise) I'm still going to stand by it.

--Alex Markley

"Crap, I have levitation class at 25:131. Better set the alarm to 'cinnamon'."

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

Vaguely Disappointed

--------------

Someday you'll remember I was HERE.

Alex's picture

:)

Don't worry about it, NW, I appreciate the feedback. And even when I'm upset, I still appreciate the value of a lively discussion.

If this particular misunderstanding is common, I would much rather my defense be made public and appear in context for anyone to see.

ttyl

--Alex Markley

"Crap, I have levitation class at 25:131. Better set the alarm to 'cinnamon'."

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

Peter's picture

I think...

I said:

I think simply the fact that this occurrence in real life was so incredibly unusual made us want to portray it actually quite faithfully so as to make it more believable. But I think that may have been the wrong direction to go. Since it's comedy, things are funny because of how unbelievable they are. So the result was that either one would think the episode was uproarious because one doesn't believe it, or one would think [the episode was offensive] because one does believe it.

The more I think about it, the more I think this may actually be the core issue. Obviously we don't want people to come onto the Malex Media Network™ and feel personally attacked by something they see, and I thank you very much for continuing to be wary and for having enough confidence in us to tell us your feelings. :)

But I think they would only feel offended by this episode for the same reason that some of you are offended (if that would be the right word for your feelings). As I said, I regret that we made that possible and I'm sorry. :( But I think that a real schizophrenic person would only find this episode objectionable because of what I described in that paragraph of my original comment.

-------

Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy, Contradictionary - Party

Hmmmm

Well, Malex, I think that is just it. When I heard the episode, it sounded as though it was poking fun at a particular person or group of people, rather than a particular viewpoint. Of course, I know you too well to believe that you actually meant to pick on people who have Schizophrenia...I am not trying to argue that this is what you have done. However, I am trying to point out that, to me at least, that is how it appeared...and appearances can be decieving. I am not asking you to erase all record of this episode, or anything like that. It's just that the episode made me feel genuinely uncomfortable, and, as your friend, I felt that I ought to tell you the truth. I REALLY hope that I haven't offended people in the process...and I am truly sorry if I have. I love the Markley Bros and the Malex Minute...and it was kinda awkward to have to post my thoughts on this episode.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

Mariel 7's picture

yeah

I think the fact that it really happened just made it to ... wierd. After the amazing surrealism of last week's episode, I think we were all expecting something different. Just my opinion :-J

------------------------------

Moo.

... what you expected something deep and intellectual? What universe are you from?!

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

Peter's picture

Thanks

I agree. :)

-------

Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy, Contradictionary - Party

Peter's picture

Linky

-->here<--

Thank you very much Noble Wisdom! :) It's fine.

-------

Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy, Contradictionary - Party

Jump to Malex Minute 001Malex Minute 098Malex Minute Archives...Malex Minute 100Jump to Malex Minute 216