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Malex Minute 098

Snufflefungus tries to install some software and something bad happens. Give it a listen and let us know what you think.

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

It’s been a long time since I’ve been this excited about a Malex Minute episode. The mere concept of a computer trying to force you to concede to the idea that one plus one equals zero is sheer lunacy by any definition of the word, but this is a particularly delicious variety of lunacy… One that rocks my puny human body with peals of involuntary laughter every time I think about it.

It’s actually rather unseemly.

To be frank, if any one of my computers were to employ such a terrifying stratagem, I would probably boot it out the window. But not before trying to cast the demons out.

What I’m trying to say is that this fictional scenario is funny precisely because of its fictional nature. If it were any less fictional, it would likely inspire the knocking of many a human knee.

Also, for some reason, the Coffee Cups appeal to me. They appeal to me in a strange and fundamental way. Almost as if I see a part of my own soul reflected in their dark pools of caffeinated nectar.

And that, dear friends, is the scariest thought I’ve had all week.

ttyl!

——Alex Markley

“What he means to say is, ‘In the event of an uprising, I shall peel a banana.’”

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Snufflefungus: (Unrivaled cheerfulness) Look, Linus! I got some–

Linus: I don’t care.

Snufflefungus: (Undiminished cheerfulness) Look, Malex! I got some softwares!

Malex: Really? What kind of software?

Snufflefungus: It’s a game! You can play it, and it’s fun!

Linus: (Perks up.) Did somebody say, ‘Fun?’

Snufflefungus: It’s supposed to be a combination of solitary, tanks, and Taffy Duck.

Malex: What?

Linus: I always feel like blowing stuff up whenever I try to play Solitaire.

Malex: Who is ‘Taffy Duck?’

Snufflefungus: Can you help me install my software?

Malex: Well sure, Snufflefungus. Here, you sit in the chair, and I’ll teach you how to install software.

Linus: Great, now nothing will ever be the same again.

Snufflefungus: Okay, now what?

Malex: Well, first you place the CD in the drive.

~~ CD goes in the drive.

Snufflefungus: Okay! Now what?

Malex: Well, uh… The installer should come up in a moment.

~~ Installer chimes.

Linus: (Shudders) Why did I suddenly get a chill down my spine?

Snufflefungus: Okay… Now what?

Malex: I think it should be as simple as clicking the ‘Install’ button.

Linus: Maybe we should turn back.

~~ Error message pops up.

Snufflefungus: Uh oh! There’s an error!

Malex: It says, “The world is so cold… Are you sure you want to continue?”

Snufflefungus: But the only options are ‘Okay,’ and ‘Continue.’

Linus: It’s not too late to turn back!

Malex: Ah, what could go wrong? I think it’s safe to continue.

Snufflefungus: Okay! So… Now what?

Malex: Well, see the progress bar? It means that it’s proceeding to install your game. It’s… Uh…

Snufflefungus: Why is it going backward?

Malex: Well, sometimes it gets confused about how much work needs to be done.

Snufflefungus: The progressey stuff escaped from the left side of the window.

Malex: That’s impressive, actually.

Snufflefungus: It’s leaking.

Malex: Ah, there! It finished, see?

Snufflefungus: (Triumphantly) It says, “Finished to the Satisfaction.”

Linus: To the satisfaction?! To the satisfaction of what?!

Malex: It’s probably just a translation error. Or, you know, something…

Snufflefungus: Can I play my game now?

Malex: I think so. There’s an icon right there, simply click it and your game should begin.

~~ Error message pops up.

Snufflefungus: (Horrified.) Okay… Now what?

Malex: Well, it’s another error message. It says, “Error. One plus one equals zero.”

Linus: That’s it. All is lost.

Snufflefungus: Should I click, “I Concede?”

Malex: N– No, I don’t think that’s appropriate.

Snufflefungus: There are no other buttons.

Malex: Try clicking the X to close it.

Snufflefungus: It’s greyed out. I can’t click it.

Linus: I’m going to go hide in the corner.

Malex: Well, it’ll probably just crash, but you can go ahead and click, “I Concede.”

Snufflefungus: Okay!

Linus: (Whimpers.)

~~ Deep Sound

Snufflefungus: Ow.

Malex: Where are the walls?

Carpet: I welcome you. Stop standing on me.

Snufflefungus: Sorry, Mr. Carpet. We were just looking for the walls!

Carpet: They eloped. You are standing on my face.

Linus: I’m not! I’m curled up into a ball, sobbing!

Malex: We’re sorry, Mr. Carpet. Is there somewhere else you’d like us to stand?

Carpet: I don’t care.

Malex: The the ground is leaving in a huff.

Linus: Great! Now what do we stand on?

Snufflefungus: Look! Coffee cups are scooting along the ceiling!

Coffee Cup 1: We heard about your predicament.

Coffee Cup 2: Quite a shame, really. Not having anything to stand on.

Malex: Right, yes. It’s quite awkward. I think we might be falling.

Coffee Cup 1: We would offer to let you stand on us, but of course it would never work.

Coffee Cup 2: (Agrees) Never work…

Snufflefungus: Good sirs, can you recommend a solid place to stand?

Coffee Cup 1: The ceiling is a good place.

Coffee Cup 2: Yes, the ceiling. Stand here.

Linus: But how do you manage it?

Coffee Cup 1: Really, must we do everything for you?

Coffee Cup 2: Really! How childish.

Coffee Cup 1: Give them an inch, and they’ll take a scallop.

Coffee Cup 2: Yes, a scallop. Really, why don’t you find your own scallop?

Malex: We’re not seeking scallop, we’re seeking steady moorings!

Coffee Cup 1: Moor Things?

Coffee Cup 2: I think he said Moo Rings.

Coffee Cup 1: Good sir, we cannot stand by and listen to your nonsense. If you continue to spout irregularities, we shall have to intercede.

Linus: Malex, what are we going to do?

Malex: I think we might have to swim to shore.

Coffee Cup 1: We’re interceding now.

Coffee Cup 2: What he means to say is, “In the event of an uprising, I shall peel a banana.”

Snufflefungus: That’s not what he said…

Malex: You’re taking what I say and turning it into nonsense!

Coffee Cup 1: His intended message is, “Scream, and the world screams with you. Laugh, and your face will burst in flames.”

Linus: Why Malex, you’re making more sense than usual today!

Malex: You’re not helping! Coffee, I demand that you stop this at once!

Coffee Cup 2: Here the author means, “Thank you, dear Coffee, for translating my lunacy into pedestrian speech.”

Malex: (Screams.)

Snufflefungus: Ladies and Gentlepigs, thank you for participating in this, the next episode of the Malex Minute. In the future, more episodes will happen with equal tenacity. We hope you will have participated in them as well. Good day!

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Alex Markley and Peter Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Sound Effects: Alex Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

NameSizeAction
Episode Audio3.23 MB Download Now - 3.23 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration126.95 KB Download Now - 126.95 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

Malex in Wonderland!

This is wonderful! The script seems very Lewis Carroll inspired. I loved it!!

I especially loved the coffee cups. I can't remember when I've had such fun. My very favorite line was:

Coffee Cup 1: Give them an inch and they'll take a scallop.

Seriously, guys, this one was wonderful! Thank you for the lunacy.

------------------------------

I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Peter's picture

Thank you!

I'm so very glad you liked it! XD We difinitely had quite a lot of fun writing it, too.

-------

Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Surreality of my favorite kind.

And the world broke.

Snufflefungus: Sorry, Mr. Carpet. We were just looking for the walls!

Carpet: They eloped. You are standing on my face.

I love this episode!

Snufflefungus: The progressey stuff escaped from the left side of the window.

Malex: That's impressive, actually.

Snufflefungus: It's leaking.

The Malex Minute Crew's ability to gracefully slip from reality impresses me every time.

Coffee Cup 1: We heard about your predicament.

Coffee Cup 2: Quite a shame, really. Not having anything to stand on.

I love the voices of the coffee cups. There's something oddly soothing about them. Like psychologists: gently and non-threateningly attempting to pry your grasping fingers from that last strand of sanity.

By the by, I would love to know just where Snuffy got that game...

------------------------------

A wise man once said, "A joke untold is one not laughed at."

Everything looks perfect from far away.

Lilly's picture

My guess

By the by, I would love to know just where Snuffy got that game...

My guess is Jefery. X-|

------------------------------

There is a heartbeat at 18 days,

And a soul from conception,

its a baby, not an it.

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

Mariel 7's picture

you know what

I was thinking the exact same thing :-O :-(| X-|

------------------------------

Truly Random Chuck Norris Joke:

They say it's good to kill 2 birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed 4 birds with half a stone. You don't believe there's such a thing as half a stone? Neither did the birds

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

Hmm...

Who could have done such an evil thing... It could have been anyone!!!! X-|

------------------------------ I love giving hugs, cause you never know when one might be needed

Graduation is coming, everybody grab your caps and gowns!

Peter's picture

:-D

Aisling said:

I love this episode! ... The Malex Minute Crew's ability to gracefully slip from reality impresses me every time.

Thank you very much! XD Always a pleasure.

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Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Classic

This might just be me, but this installment of the Malex Minute reminded me of the classic installments back from the first and second quarter.

Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.

Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That had to be the most greatest display of randomness, funny, and all around goodness that I have ever seen. Thanks for britening up my day guy and see you again next week.

..............................

Orochimaru: I am so stealthy. No one could possible guess that I am Orochimaru in disguises.

Someone: Hey Orochimaru, we’re getting Chinese, you want any?

Orochimaru: I am not Orochimaru!! I, am, um, Steven, Viper!

Someone: Ok then, Steven, would you like any Chinese?

Orochimaru: Yes, General Tao.

Mike- Hey Bob, you know what I hate?

Bob- What’s that Mike?

Mike- Giant Snakes that pop out of nowhere and kill ya.

Bob- You know, I hate those too.

“Crash.”

Random guard tower guy- Wow, good thing that was the guard tower next to us.

Peter's picture

Oh

Thank you so much! XD It's such a delight to see that you like it so much.

The Shaman said:

This might just be me, but this installment of the Malex Minute reminded me of the classic installments back from the first and second quarter.

That's so good to hear! XD

-------

Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Alex's picture

Ah, good feedback!

Thank you all for your wonderful positive feedback. We really did have a lot of fun working on this episode, and I'm very glad to discover that people enjoyed listening to it. :)

ttyl

--Alex Markley

"Crap, I have levitation class at 25:131. Better set the alarm to 'cinnamon'."

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

Peter's picture

Quite

We sure did! XD

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Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

mwahaaha

This is probably my favorite one to date X3

-------------------------

Oh dear, I do believe my printer is ringing. Please excuse me while I go dig it out from under the mountain of loose, rabid paper clips.

Cool!

Wow, guys, this episode was great! And it was sooo...Malex-ish, lol. I love how you took elements of Lewis Carroll's work and adapted it to a story involving modern-day technology. Now that takes some imagination!! :) My favorite line was, "Scream, and the world screams with you; laugh, and your face will burst into flames." This line is perfect ludicrous, it is absolutely hilarious!! Kudos on a great job, guys :D

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

Lilly's picture

LOL!

The beginning of this episode sounds alot like computer problems i've had. No it never said 1+1=0, but i was so confused it might as well have been :-P

I loved the coffee cups!

------------------------------

His intended message is, “Scream, and the world screams with you. Laugh, and your face will burst in flames.”

Linus: Why Malex, you're making more sense than usual today!

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

Peter's picture

Hehe

I'm so glad! XD

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Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Peter's picture

Thanks a lot, guys!

I'm so glad you had fun with it. XD

-------

Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

0_0

Coffee Cup 1: His intended message is, “Scream, and the world screams with you. Laugh, and your face will burst in flames.”

My word, you guys have truly lost it, haven't you? seems the Prince of Madness is no longer necessary! you've gone off the deep end without me! just call me Dragonman now. or Dragon. or DragonmanJ13. Just don't call me sane.

* * * * * * * * *

War doesn't show who is right, only who is left.

A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous.

Mariel 7's picture

The Prince Returneth

about time (jk)

By the way, if you see this today...You're not doing anything today so, GO TO NEWARK :-| The Shortness wants her robe ;-)

Don't worry, no one would ever dare to call you sane X-D

------------------------------

Moo.

... what you expected something deep and intellectual? What universe are you from?!

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

Peter's picture

Hehehe

DragonManJ13 said:

My word, you guys have truly lost it, haven't you? seems the Prince of Madness is no longer necessary!

Wow, that means a lot, doesn't it? XD I'm honored!

-------

Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Nyuuu!

My computer seemed to grab the idea of this episode today....

I typed in on the calculator randomly "1,000 / 100" and the answer was 1....

I then pushed "9/3"and the answer given was "1"....

Then an error box came up and it prompted me with the following error message...

"Do you wish to change the existing "Normal"?"....

...

. . .

-------------

Someday you'll remember I was HERE.

Mariel 7's picture

Oh. My. Goodness ...

HOLY CRAP!!!!!! YOU GUYS ARE CONTAGIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!! (lol X-D X-D X-D X-D X-D X-D ) - wow :-J

------------------------------

Moo.

... what you expected something deep and intellectual? What universe are you from?!

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

hehe

Im not joking... i tried to screenshot it by my computer was in such a state of "Changing the existing Normal" that the screenshot key didnt work....

--------------

Someday you'll remember I was HERE.

"Do you wish to change the existing "Normal"?"

Yes, thank you. I think I would.

------------------------------

BAD DOG!

Everything looks perfect from far away.

Peter's picture

*LOL*

That's such a scream! XD Thanks for sharing it with us, Vox!

“Do you wish to change the existing ‘Normal?’” *LOL* Much more sneaky than “1 + 1 = 0. Do you concede?”

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Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Yeppers

"Do you wish to change the existing "Normal"?"....

I've always suspected that's what computers had in mind. They've already changed my "normal" settings too much! :-|

------------------------------

I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

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