Linus discovers a new form of entertainment, and Malex receives… A letter. Give it a listen and let us know what you think.
Ladies and Gentlemen, for the record, I must point out that Malex is in no way qualified to “draft a constitution.” In fact, even his leadership is a bit suspect.
Now that I’ve got that off my chest, I got a new laptop!
Actually, that was a lie. I didn’t actually get a new laptop, per se, I just got new software for the old laptop. I erased OS X from my iBook and replaced it with Linux. (Fedora 8 to be precise.) The difference is like night and day! (I’ll leave it to you to guess which is which.)
My mobile computing experience has improved a hundredfold! The cold, black heart of this geek has melted and returned to its proper red and glistening sheen! Thank you Linux, thank you!
I’m not sure why I’m burdening you with all of this, as it has no substantial bearing on you. (If any bearing at all.) Perhaps it’s because I need to write something for this episode, and it simply must add up to the requisite number of paragraphs!
Actually I think it’s to imply, in a somewhat roundabout way, that things have been afoot.
I’ve learned, I think, not to mention any details or dates, but I have been working on something lately which may (or may not) become available sometime.
And really, that’s all that’s needed to keep us all happy, isn’t it?
Malex: Hey everybody, welcome to the Malex Minute!
Snufflefungus: (Extremely cheerful.) Hi!
Malex: Boy, have we got an episode planned for you. We’ll be talking about– Hey!
Snufflefungus: Watch where you’re going!
Linus: I can’t!
Malex: Is there any chance you could contain yourself for five minutes?!
Malex: Ladies and Gentlemen, sorry for the interruption. Linus has discovered the magic of spinning until he’s dizzy.
Snufflefungus: He’s gone far, far beyond that now…
Malex: That’s right, he’s been spinning as fast as he can for almost two days now, flailing his arms like a lunatic…
Linus: (Giggles) I’m sick with delight!
Snufflefungus: Not again!
Linus: Wow! That was exhilarating!
Malex: Finally stopped, eh?
Linus: Yeah, I– Egad! (Sobs) I’ve spun too much! I’m sorry! I’ll never do it again!
Malex: What? What’s the matter?!
Linus: I stopped spinning, but the room hasn’t! It’s still spinning without me!
Snufflefungus: Really? Where?!
Malex: Linus, that’s what happens when you get yourself that dizzy. It’ll pass.
Linus: But what does it mean?!
Snufflefungus: If the room seems like it’s spinning to you, maybe it’s really your brain that’s spinning inside your head!
Linus: (Sarcastic) That’s comforting.
Malex: So anyway, can we get back to my agenda?
Snufflefungus: Oh! Malex! Some important-looking men delivered this letter while you were at the store! They said to give it to you immediately.
Malex: Snufflefungus, the last time I went to the store was three days ago.
Snufflefungus: Yeah, that was– Actually, no, it was the time before that.
Linus: What does it say? My eyes are crossed.
Malex: It says, “Congratulations on being elected Prime Minister.”
Linus: Prime Minister? Prime Minister of what?
Malex: I can’t pronounce it. It’s one of those little countries in western Europe, I think.
Snufflefungus: Congratulations! Can we have a party?
Malex: How did this happen?!
Linus: Seriously. Don’t all those European countries hate Ohioville’s guts?
Snufflefungus: Aw, I like it here! There’s a lot of air in the sky!
Linus: That’s right, Snufflefungus. Tell it like it is.
Malex: There’s more to this letter. It says, “There is no need to report to your post in any specific time frame. You can perform your duties from home! In fact, this is preferable. If you would like to visit us, please don’t. Yours truly,” and another name I can’t pronounce.
Linus: This is going to change our plans for vacation, isn’t it?
Malex: They want me to help them draft a new constitution. What makes them think I’m qualified to draft a constitution?
Snufflefungus: I dunno. Maybe you could send them a bottle of laxatives. I mean, if they have problems with constitution.
Linus: That’s a different word, son.
Snufflefungus: Oh, okay.
Malex: So I guess it’s too late for me to deliver a dramatic, Shermanesque statement.
Linus: Who would care, anyway?
Malex: I’m guessing these people might.
Snufflefungus: So how do you be Prime Minister? Is it a hard job?
Malex: Well, it says here in the instruction packet that I need to go to their website and download their “Prime Minister 1.0” software. Then I use it to fill out forms every day for the next eight years.
Linus: Well that’s it. You’re on your own.
Snufflefungus: Malex, Linus started spinning again…
Malex: Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, I guess we’re out of time for this episode. Thanks for listening, and we hope you’ll join us again next week on the Malex Minute!
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Alex Markley and Peter Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.