The continuation of our wonderful plot arc! Give it a listen and let us know what you think.
Can you say ‘exposition?!’ That’s right, we’ve introduced the characters, set ourselves up for the main conflict, and set our clocks to count down the single short week before we encounter the stunning conclusion!
Can you tell I’m excited about this one? It’s been a while since we played around with anything even vaguely resembling continuity. This time around, the continuity is completely solid, and the whole thing is straight-up hilarious!
Next week is going to be interesting. I and one of my brothers have a conference to go to, so we have to get Malex Minute 095 together before Christmas. Otherwise our ‘stunning conclusion’ won’t be on time at all.
I am interested in saying more words, but I fear I am in imminent danger of rambling. So instead, I will shut up.
“Any day now,” said the slug to the coral.
Narrating Linus: It was a crummy situation alright. And not just regular crummy either. This was the kind of crummy you’d get if you fed an entire batch of chocolate chip cookies through a crosscut shredder. We had received a strange package, an ominous phone call, and a shady intruder. Little did we know, that that was just the beginning…
Snufflefungus: See, here are the postcards you sent! I saved them all! That’s your name right there.
Jack McOven: I realize that’s my name, but I never sent those! Why would I? I don’t even know you!
Malex: Look, buddy. You’re going to have to start explaining yourself pretty quick, or I might… I might…
Linus: He might sing a sad song in your ear.
Jack McOven: Oh, now I’m really scared.
Snufflefungus: See, here’s the time you sent a postcard about skydiving, here’s the one where you mention discovering a land stingray, and here you give an in-depth discussion about the native peoples of Paris, France!
Linus: Wouldn’t those be called ‘Frenchmen?’
Snufflefungus: He calls them ‘Frenchies!’
Malex: Whoa now, let’s not be offensive, people!
Malex: So, Jack, you’d better explain why you broke into my house, what this package is, and why everybody wants it so bad!
Jack McOven: Well, the first one is simple. I broke into your house because I want the package.
Malex: Fair enough. So what’s in this package, and why do you want it?
Jack McOven: Well, as you already know, I’m a secret agent of the Ohiovillain government. I was sent here to ‘retrieve’ an experimental weapon which was stolen by terrorists from up north.
Snufflefungus: (Gasps) Michigan?!
Jack McOven: No.
Snufflefungus: (Gasps) Canada?!
Jack McOven: No! Will you stop guessing?!
Malex: Please continue.
Jack McOven: You have this experimental weapon there, in that package. It must be returned immediately! Right now!
Linus: Isn’t that what ‘immediately’ means?
Malex: Well now there are more questions than when we started! What is this ‘experimental weapon,’ who are the terrorists that want it, and how did they manage to steal it in the first place?!
Jack McOven: Well… I’m not sure how much more I can tell you…
Linus: (Excited) Because it’s top secret? If you tell us you’ll have to kill us?
Jack McOven: No, because it would ruin the sense of mystery…
Malex: I think we can live with that.
Jack McOven: The package contains a prototype weapons-grade White Hole.
Jack McOven: You know, like a Black Hole…? Only more white-ish…?
Snufflefungus: See! I told you they exist!
Linus: What? This isn’t proof!
Snufflefungus: You keep telling me things, and they’re not always true!
Linus: Snuffy, there are no White Holes in nature.
Jack McOven: He’s right, little fluff. This White Hole is completely artificial.
Malex: Sounds horrifying.
Snufflefungus: What does it do?
Jack McOven: It emits constant, blinding radiation. If it’s ever let loose from its box, it will warp space and time around itself until nothing is left. Or until it collapses in on itself. Whichever comes first.
Malex: You don’t know for sure?
Jack McOven: Well we weren’t going to test it…
Linus: So who is this terrorist group?
Jack McOven: Sorry, can’t tell you.
Malex: So how did the Ohiovillain government manage to let somebody walk in and steal this thing right from under their noses?!
Jack McOven: It was that Mexican.
Linus: What? That guy?!
Jack McOven: Yeah, he was one of the scientists working on the project. His ‘Mexican’ impression would get everybody in the office to laughing. Seems he was a turncoat all along. Dirty frenchy…
Malex: Are… Are you using that word as a cuss word now? Don’t… Don’t do that.
Linus: So now what do we do?
Jack McOven: You can untie me, give me the package, and let me go.
Snufflefungus: Malex! Did you hear that?! Somebody just broke in!
Linus: It’s coming this way!
Narrating Linus: The sight of the beast that lumbered into our view made my blood run cold. It was morbidly obese. And when I say morbidly obese, I don’t mean the cute kind. This guy could barely power his own locomotion. Tying his own bootlaces simply wasn’t an option. The sight of his heaving gut made me want to do the technicolor yawn. All over the place.
Santa: (Santa Laugh) Snufflefungus, why don’t you come and sit on Santa’s lap! Santa will talk business with you.
Snufflefungus: Santa! (Cheers)
Malex: Oh no…
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writer: Alex Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.