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Malex Minute 087

Episode 087, wherein Mike shows up with an unyielding demand! Give it a listen and let us know what you think.

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

Ah, I feel clean again. Don’t get me wrong… Improvising last episode was fun, I just don’t want to have to do it again for a while. So a regular episode – with a script, characters, and sound effects – was quite welcome indeed.

Of course, Mike was not welcome. But that didn’t seem to discourage him from showing up last time, did it?

This startling new revelation regarding Ice-Cream Trucks is worrisome, to say the least. Perhaps some of them have refrained from joining the dark side, perhaps not.

Either way, kids, be careful when you run out into traffic!

ttyl!

——Alex Markley

“I like not knowing. I’d like to stop not knowing soon.”

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Malex: Welcome to the Malex Minute, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Linus: Sorry for last week’s strangeness.

Snufflefungus: What are you talking about?

Malex: Yeah, Linus. That never happened, remember?

Linus: Oh yeah, right.

Snufflefungus: No, really. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Linus: Nothing, nothing. Just take your dime and don’t ask questions.

Snufflefungus: (Cheerful.) Okay!

Malex: Linus…

Linus: What? It’s his allowance!

Snufflefungus: (Happy.) It’s my “keep your mouth shut” allowance!

Malex: Linus!

Snufflefungus: Keeping my mouth shut keeps piggy well-fed!

Malex: Well this is rather disturbing news.

Linus: It’s one of his games! He just says things, and I don’t know where they come from!

~~ Knock on the door.

Malex: I’ll get it. (Opens door.)

Mike: Thank goodness you opened the door! I was knocking for hours!

Malex: You knocked once.

Mike: But I was thinking about it though!

Linus: Do you need to exist?

Malex: Mike, what are you doing here?

Mike: I found this outside!

Snufflefungus: But Mike, road signs belong outside, don’t they?

Linus: Yeah, seriously.

Mike: But this one was shivering! The nerve of some people, dropping their pets off by the side of the road! They’re not prepared to fend off the wind, the rain, the traffic!

Malex: But this one is a yield sign. It’s particularly well-equipped to fend off traffic.

Mike: Yeah, but what about the cold! You think winter is going to yield for a little road sign! I don’t think so!

Linus: I have to ask… What in your fractured, deluded perception of reality are we going to do with this road sign that you’ve clearly stolen?

Mike: I didn’t steal him, nobody was taking care of him!

Malex: Nobody wants to argue this point with you, Mike.

Mike: We need to nurse it back to health!

Linus: In our house?!

Malex: No, Mike, we’re not doing that.

Snufflefungus: Aw, but look at how cute he is!

Linus: It’s a yield sign!

Snufflefungus: Exactly! It’s cute and yielding! You can just tell he was the runt of the litter – rejected by his peers and the rest of the world.

Linus: If you use this moment to segue into a song and dance about how crappy your childhood was, I’m going to be sick forever.

Snufflefungus: What are you talking about? My childhood was idyllic!

Malex: So, the slavery didn’t make an impact on you at all?

Snufflefungus: Oh yeah, that! I forgot.

Linus: If I rolled my eyes any harder, the microphone would pick up the sound.

Malex: Yeah, it would sound just like somebody playing Yahtzee, right?

Mike: Can we get back to my situation here?

Linus: I’m sorry, is our banter interfering with your insanity?

Mike: A little bit, yeah!

Malex: I’m sorry Mike, but there is exactly zero chance of me allowing you or your stolen yield sign into this house.

Snufflefungus: But, I want to take care of him!

Linus: It’s a sheet of metal on a stick! It probably has sharp edges!

Snufflefungus: He doesn’t mean to be though… He could be house-broken!

Linus: That’s it, I’m going to be sick forever.

Malex: Mike, what can I say to convince you to leave my porch and wander off somewhere else?

Mike: Nothing! I’ve made up my mind! Ooh, is that an ice cream truck I hear?

Linus: Couldn’t be, there aren’t any children for miles.

Mike: No, I hear it! I’m coming! I’m coming for some ice cream!

Malex: I say, Mike, don’t run into traffic…

Mike: Oh no! (Gets run over.)

Linus: Snufflefungus, don’t look.

Mike: Oh wow! That hurts, uh, that hurts a lot. I think I might need an ambulance over here! I mean, I’ll be fine, I just I think an ambulance might be a good idea.

Snufflefungus: Did that ice cream truck have teeth?!

Mike: Yeah, it did. I think it snarled on the way over.

Malex: It’s possible. Sometimes seemingly innocent vehicles are actually just on the hunt. For prey.

Linus: You know those little carnivals that pop up overnight where there should be no carnival? Run for your life man. Run for your life.

Mike: Yeah thanks for the tip, man. Uh, so can you call the ambulance now? Cause I think I might be starting to pass out over here.

Malex: They’re on the way already. Considering the frequency of our emergencies, I have the ambulance on auto-dial.

Mike: I appreciate that man. I really do.

Malex: Well everybody, I guess that’s it for this episode. Thanks for listening, and we hope you’ll join us again next week on the Malex Minute!

Mike: Snufflefungus… Snufflefungus, take care of Mister Yield for me! He’s too young to understand now, but if I don’t make it, you be sure to tell him about me okay?

Snufflefungus: You have my word, Mike. You have my word.

Linus: That’s it. I feel the sickness coming on now.

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Alex Markley and Peter Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to Walter Odington for use of the Car Revving sound effect.

Thanks to DJ Griffin for use of the Ice Cream Truck sound effect.

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

NameSizeAction
Episode Audio3.22 MB Download Now - 3.22 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration147.65 KB Download Now - 147.65 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

Wow...

This Episode was funny and strange but in a good way. :-) I really like the ending. By the way, sorry I have not posted anything for a will. I've been busy.

........

I really don't believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mike- Hey Bob, you know what I hate?

Bob- What’s that Mike?

Mike- Giant Snakes that pop out of nowhere and kill ya.

Bob- You know, I hate those too.

“Crash.”

Random guard tower guy- Wow, good thing that was the guard tower next to us.

Peter's picture

That's okay!

I'm glad you liked the episode! XD

-------

Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Lilly's picture

Mister yield

Oh man this episode was funny! Poor little mister yield :-P

------------------------------

There is a heartbeat at 18 days,

And a soul from conception,

its a baby, not an it.

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

Mariel 7's picture

English Class

Linus: I have to ask... What in your fractured, deluded perception of reality are we going to do with this road sign that you've clearly stolen?

Mike: I didn't steal him, nobody was taking care of him!

Malex: Nobody wants to argue this point with you, Mike.

Hey Lilly, Dragon ... doesn't this remind you of English Class yesterday: {uber-flashback}

Lord Smithius: But I didn't understand you when you answered the question: that means it's WRONG!

Ricky Bobby: But, hey, hey, now you know, so, like you can give me back my points, right?

Lord Smithius: But I didn't know that AT THE TIME!

Ricky Bobby: Right, but just listen, now you do, so I was right!

Lord Smithius: Do you think that logic actually works in the real world!!!

Ricky Bobby: Well, who cares? I'm still right.

Lord Smithius: *crickets* :-|

(PS. Don't worry, these aren't their real names, thank goodness ;-) . Smithius is our teacher. R.B. is ... an idiot ... who sits right behind me :-(| )

-------------------------

Truly Random Anime Quote:

Yahiko - I don't care how ugly Kaoru is, I'm not going through her underwear. I'm from a long and distinguised line of samurai.

Sano - (insulted) So, ya' saying it's ok for me to, punk?!

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

LOL

Linus: I'm sorry, is our banter interfering with your insanity?

Mike: A little bit, yeah!

------------------------------

A wise man once said, "A joke untold is one not laughed at."

Everything looks perfect from far away.

This is TRULY a momentous occasion!

An ice cream truck with teeth?? News of this makes me so happy, I could Rip out my intestines and skip rope with them!

(can you believe Mariel7 and Lilly say I'm mad? HA!)

A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous.

The flashback was amazing, mariel. acurate, too!

The very Essence of Madness emanates from that man... or is it just Stupidity? Either way, His Madness will never cease until I, the Prince of Madness say so! if anyone says differently, I'll Pluck out their eyes with a chainsaw!

in all seriousness, though, yes, my dear mariel, the man is a total idiot, in every sense of the word. The Man Without Logical Thought is a threat to all our sanity! may he never find this site... 0_0

A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous.

Mariel 7's picture

uggh

may he never find this site...

*the world weeps with horror*

We can only hope, I mean, look what happened when we finally got YOU here :-O ;-)

(P.S. what's your avatar? I thought you'd be Black Mage ... or Saito)

-------------------------

Truly Random Sci-Fi Quote:

Eugene - Life is full of near misses and absolute home runs. Full of missed phone calls and banana milkshakes. So take a deep breath and savor life, because one day soon it'll all be

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

my avatar

Mariel 7: what's your avatar? I thought you'd be Black Mage ... or Saito

you see, Mariel, the Deadric Prince of Madness is no paltry Black Mage! My powers are not limited to Dark Magic and destruction spells! My magic takes the laws of reality and Turns them inside out! i could turn you into a newt! or it rain flaming canines! i could have Lilly marry a pickle! or make Malex fall in love... WITH A CLOUD!!!

on another note, there is no way i would classify myself under the same category as some crazed cop who only knows one attack.

I am SHEOGORATH! The Prince of Madness! and my avatar is my portrait.

A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous.

Mariel, i feel i should be insulted.

Mariel 7: We can only hope, I mean, look what happened when we finally got YOU here :-O ;-)

I didn't notice this part the first time i read it. I feel like i should be insulted. But, do you really think the Prince of Madness cares what you foolish mortals think of me? (evil laugh) Well, I do. But! You should be HAPPY I finally came to the site! Look how interesting I've made you're pointless lives already!

Anywhat, I completely agree with you about the hoping of He-Who-Cannot-Make-Sense never coming here X-| . Even though i only see him once a day, He had made my Already dangerously low amount of brain cells disentigrate trying to make sense of what he says! >.< oh well. I'm sure he'll make sense eventually.

Tah! come talk to me again, or I'll make it rain spoiled milk!

A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous.

I like the Avatar.

I think the avatar suits your personality.:-) And I think I know who your talking about because I can hear some the stuff your class says because, I am in the next room over in Physics. I also think that it is great that you are happy hear. See you at school.

...........

I realy don't believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mike- Hey Bob, you know what I hate?

Bob- What’s that Mike?

Mike- Giant Snakes that pop out of nowhere and kill ya.

Bob- You know, I hate those too.

“Crash.”

Random guard tower guy- Wow, good thing that was the guard tower next to us.

Psychosis

Gee, guys, Mike seems to have made a complete break with reality. It's one thing to mistake Snuffy for an abused dog, but to bring a road sign in from the cold?

I can testify from personal experience as to the untrustworthiness of "charming" little trucks like ice cream trucks, milk trucks, and school buses.

Beware! Beware!

Snufflefungus: Keeping my mouth shut keeps piggy well-fed!

Malex: Well this is rather disturbing news.

Linus: It's one of his games! He just says things, and I don't know where they come from!

They sound like little children. I'm glad they're Malex's problem, not mine. :-P

------------------------------

I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Peter's picture

Heheh...

DragonManJ13 said:

Look how interesting I've made you're pointless lives already!

Yes, XD I'm certainly glad you seem to be getting comfortable here! It's always exciting to have new people add to the community.

However...

DragonManJ13 said:

may he never find this site... 0_0 ... Anywhat, I completely agree with you about the hoping of He-Who-Cannot-Make-Sense never coming here X-| .

I feel I must strongly support care when we're having our fun. :) What if this person does come to the site? (Assuming I'm correct about what all you people mean. XD) I believe I can say, as a representative of the Malex Media Network,™ that he'd be entirely welcome by us just as you were, DragonMan.

But don't let it dampen the spirit of things! XD

-------

Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

f they were my problem...

I'd have Linus over my knee in a heartbeat!

------------------------------

A wise man once said, "A joke untold is one not laughed at."

Everything looks perfect from far away.

Prince of Madness, eh?

I think I personally prefer logical madness over random insanity... Don't you agree?

------------------------------

A wise man once said, "A joke untold is one not laughed at."

Everything looks perfect from far away.

Lilly's picture

*borrowing ugly stick of beating*

Whats this about Lilly marrying a pickle? :-| You better hope i'm in a good mood next time i see you. >:-(

------------------------------

There is a heartbeat at 18 days,

And a soul from conception,

its a baby, not an it.

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

Mariel 7's picture

heh

tomorrow morning's gonna be REALLY interesting

(good thing you guys are gonna be setting up stuff, so I won't get in the middle of your blunt revenge 0_0 :-P (:) )

-------------------------

Truly Random Sci-Fi Quote:

Eugene - Life is full of near misses and absolute home runs. Full of missed phone calls and banana milkshakes. So take a deep breath and savor life, because one day soon it'll all be

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

awe

the gnome stands in awe...funny was the episode, funnier still the comments...

It doesn't stop being magic just because you learn how it's done.

Name a shrub after me...something prickly and hard to eradicate.

man without logical thought

the malex - man without logical though - has not only found this site, he CREATED it and here we all are...in the midst of organized chaos, experiencing random madness... @-D

It doesn't stop being magic just because you learn how it's done.

Name a shrub after me...something prickly and hard to eradicate.

Mariel 7's picture

no ... you see

the person of which we speak ... he's worse than Malex (no insult unintended) ... he's worse than ICEPUNK (insult probably unintended) ... heck, he's worse than DRAGONMAN!!!!!!!!! All of these have organized chaos and random insanity. Much better than the alternative :-| 0_0 :-(| @-D X-| ... (:) (:) (:) (:) (:)

-------------------------

Truly Random Sci-Fi Quote:

Eugene - Life is full of near misses and absolute home runs. Full of missed phone calls and banana milkshakes. So take a deep breath and savor life, because one day soon it'll all be

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

Heeeyyyy!!! >=-(

Mariel7: heck, he's worse than DRAGONMAN!!!!!!!!!

The Prince of Madness is not amused, Miss Mariel! Even though you are correct in that statement, i forbid you to use me in a comparison to... HIM... X-| [shudder] X-|

THE PRINCE HAS SPOKEN!!!

A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous.

Peter's picture

Hehe

Thank you, Gnome! XD I'm glad you enjoyed it.

-------

Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Thank goodness

the gnome stands in awe...

That's much better than the last time you stood in something. You little woodland creatures really need to watch your step! X-D

------------------------------

I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Stepping lightly

:-|

It doesn't stop being magic just because you learn how it's done.

Name a shrub after me...something prickly and hard to eradicate.

Just sayin'

The Gnome is speechless!!! And I did it!!! This is a moment to savor!

------------------------------

I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Peter's picture

*lol*

That's funny, but the splicky inside me isn't sure he likes that scowl. o_o I'mma' find someplace else to be! XD

-------

Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Follow me!

I'm heading someplace where there is water. I've heard that they don't like water...

------------------------------

A wise man once said, "A joke untold is one not laughed at."

Everything looks perfect from far away.

a picture's worth

the gnomish ones are not clods in the woods, nor do we step in them.

the gnome, dear aif, has a snorkle.

It doesn't stop being magic just because you learn how it's done.

Name a shrub after me...something prickly and hard to eradicate.

My advice

Swim fast.

------------------------------

I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Gnome Troubles

A little pointy hat sticking out of the water like a fin. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh-duh-duh..

------------------------------

A wise man once said, "A joke untold is one not laughed at."

Everything looks perfect from far away.

Mariel 7's picture

"Call Me ISHMAEL"

The great white gnome 0_0 :-(| - :-O - X-|

-------------------------

Truly Random Bible Verse:

Song of Songs 2:5 - “Strengthen me with apples, refresh me with raisins, for I am faint with love.”

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

Wow, Mariel

That is SO funny!! X-D X-D

------------------------------

I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

oh my

ishmael, the gnome is pleased with the accolade (sidenote - gnomes are not quite white or we wouldn't blend in the woods) but the gnome is certainly great.

It doesn't stop being magic just because you learn how it's done.

Name a shrub after me...something prickly and hard to eradicate.

Lilly's picture

happy placeish...

All this makes me want to go swimming. :-)

------------------------------

There is a heartbeat at 18 days,

And a soul from conception,

its a baby, not an it.

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

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