Episode 087, wherein Mike shows up with an unyielding demand! Give it a listen and let us know what you think.
Ah, I feel clean again. Don’t get me wrong… Improvising last episode was fun, I just don’t want to have to do it again for a while. So a regular episode – with a script, characters, and sound effects – was quite welcome indeed.
Of course, Mike was not welcome. But that didn’t seem to discourage him from showing up last time, did it?
This startling new revelation regarding Ice-Cream Trucks is worrisome, to say the least. Perhaps some of them have refrained from joining the dark side, perhaps not.
Either way, kids, be careful when you run out into traffic!
“I like not knowing. I’d like to stop not knowing soon.”
Malex: Welcome to the Malex Minute, Ladies and Gentlemen!
Linus: Sorry for last week’s strangeness.
Snufflefungus: What are you talking about?
Malex: Yeah, Linus. That never happened, remember?
Linus: Oh yeah, right.
Snufflefungus: No, really. I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Linus: Nothing, nothing. Just take your dime and don’t ask questions.
Snufflefungus: (Cheerful.) Okay!
Linus: What? It’s his allowance!
Snufflefungus: (Happy.) It’s my “keep your mouth shut” allowance!
Snufflefungus: Keeping my mouth shut keeps piggy well-fed!
Malex: Well this is rather disturbing news.
Linus: It’s one of his games! He just says things, and I don’t know where they come from!
~~ Knock on the door.
Malex: I’ll get it. (Opens door.)
Mike: Thank goodness you opened the door! I was knocking for hours!
Malex: You knocked once.
Mike: But I was thinking about it though!
Linus: Do you need to exist?
Malex: Mike, what are you doing here?
Mike: I found this outside!
Snufflefungus: But Mike, road signs belong outside, don’t they?
Linus: Yeah, seriously.
Mike: But this one was shivering! The nerve of some people, dropping their pets off by the side of the road! They’re not prepared to fend off the wind, the rain, the traffic!
Malex: But this one is a yield sign. It’s particularly well-equipped to fend off traffic.
Mike: Yeah, but what about the cold! You think winter is going to yield for a little road sign! I don’t think so!
Linus: I have to ask… What in your fractured, deluded perception of reality are we going to do with this road sign that you’ve clearly stolen?
Mike: I didn’t steal him, nobody was taking care of him!
Malex: Nobody wants to argue this point with you, Mike.
Mike: We need to nurse it back to health!
Linus: In our house?!
Malex: No, Mike, we’re not doing that.
Snufflefungus: Aw, but look at how cute he is!
Linus: It’s a yield sign!
Snufflefungus: Exactly! It’s cute and yielding! You can just tell he was the runt of the litter – rejected by his peers and the rest of the world.
Linus: If you use this moment to segue into a song and dance about how crappy your childhood was, I’m going to be sick forever.
Snufflefungus: What are you talking about? My childhood was idyllic!
Malex: So, the slavery didn’t make an impact on you at all?
Snufflefungus: Oh yeah, that! I forgot.
Linus: If I rolled my eyes any harder, the microphone would pick up the sound.
Malex: Yeah, it would sound just like somebody playing Yahtzee, right?
Mike: Can we get back to my situation here?
Linus: I’m sorry, is our banter interfering with your insanity?
Mike: A little bit, yeah!
Malex: I’m sorry Mike, but there is exactly zero chance of me allowing you or your stolen yield sign into this house.
Snufflefungus: But, I want to take care of him!
Linus: It’s a sheet of metal on a stick! It probably has sharp edges!
Snufflefungus: He doesn’t mean to be though… He could be house-broken!
Linus: That’s it, I’m going to be sick forever.
Malex: Mike, what can I say to convince you to leave my porch and wander off somewhere else?
Mike: Nothing! I’ve made up my mind! Ooh, is that an ice cream truck I hear?
Linus: Couldn’t be, there aren’t any children for miles.
Mike: No, I hear it! I’m coming! I’m coming for some ice cream!
Malex: I say, Mike, don’t run into traffic…
Mike: Oh no! (Gets run over.)
Linus: Snufflefungus, don’t look.
Mike: Oh wow! That hurts, uh, that hurts a lot. I think I might need an ambulance over here! I mean, I’ll be fine, I just I think an ambulance might be a good idea.
Snufflefungus: Did that ice cream truck have teeth?!
Mike: Yeah, it did. I think it snarled on the way over.
Malex: It’s possible. Sometimes seemingly innocent vehicles are actually just on the hunt. For prey.
Linus: You know those little carnivals that pop up overnight where there should be no carnival? Run for your life man. Run for your life.
Mike: Yeah thanks for the tip, man. Uh, so can you call the ambulance now? Cause I think I might be starting to pass out over here.
Malex: They’re on the way already. Considering the frequency of our emergencies, I have the ambulance on auto-dial.
Mike: I appreciate that man. I really do.
Malex: Well everybody, I guess that’s it for this episode. Thanks for listening, and we hope you’ll join us again next week on the Malex Minute!
Mike: Snufflefungus… Snufflefungus, take care of Mister Yield for me! He’s too young to understand now, but if I don’t make it, you be sure to tell him about me okay?
Snufflefungus: You have my word, Mike. You have my word.
Linus: That’s it. I feel the sickness coming on now.
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Alex Markley and Peter Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.