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Malex Minute 084

Malex gets depressed and Linus answers the door! Give it a listen and let us know what you think.

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

In this episode, Evil Snuffy returns with a new plan. Is he likely to succeed? My instinct is to say no, but if an equal and opposite business model works for some other organization, who am I to predict failure?

At least the cake should prevent any of Evil Snuffy’s most dastardly plans…

As for Malex’s depression, it is timed perfectly to correspond with real events. This is a coincidence, since the script for this episode was written hours before the ‘incident’ in question.

There is no resolution yet to this problem, but one may be on the immediate horizon… Maybe.

Anyway, I could stretch this section out with more half-thoughts, but nobody wants that.

ttyl!

——Alex Markley

“What do you mean you don’t know what narcissistic paranoid schizophrenia is? It’s where you love your reflection. … But you keep hearing it secretly plotting to kill you.”

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Malex: Hi everybody! I feel completely drained, creatively. I just don’t even think I can do anything funny this episode.

Snufflefungus: Linus! Stop spreading cake on the wall!

Linus: Get over it, fuzzy!

Malex: Things have just gotten so routine, I’m starting to get depressed.

Snufflefungus: Malex, Linus is making art. The not good kind.

Linus: Don’t listen to him, he is full of lies!

Malex: I don’t even know if I can go on.

Snufflefungus: It’s okay Malex… It doesn’t matter if your comedy is utterly worthless, it’s who you are on the inside that counts!

Linus: Listen to all those lies. Get your worthless butt over here and help me spread this cake.

Malex: No, I will not help you spread iced cake all over my dining room walls. I’m hoping this is the only room you were planning on redecorating…

Linus: Well, it’s the only room that’s left.

Malex: Horrifying. Well I suppose I’d better eat some of it, if that’s alright with you.

Linus: I wouldn’t, it’s lead-based.

Malex: Now everything becomes clear. Not really.

Snufflefungus: I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to draw on the walls with crayons if there’s an inch-thick layer of cake on them.

Linus: See, with Evil Snuffy about, flying in his space ship, threatening doom… I just thought we’d better shield ourselves from anything he might have cooked up.

Malex: So you baked hundreds of lead-based cakes, iced them, and spread them all over the inside of my house. Very clever, I must say.

Linus: Thanks.

Malex: Never mind that lead is poisonous to me and Snuffy.

Linus: Right, well, if it’s toxic to Snuffy, it should be toxic to Evil Snuffy too.

Snufflefungus: He does have a point!

Linus: I’ve really thought this through. Evil Snuffy won’t be able to penetrate this fortress!

~~ A knock on the door.

Malex: Somebody else get that, I’m unhealthily dwelling on how un-funny this episode is.

Snufflefungus: I’ll get it!

Linus: No, I’ll get it!

Snufflefungus: Malex, Linus kicked me!

Linus: Sorry! (Opens door.) Hi– Whoa! You’re the ugliest little girl I’ve ever had the misfortune of laying eyes upon.

Evil Snuffy: Hi! I’m from the local Young-Female-Scout troop. I’m here to collect all of your cookies.

Linus: Is this for charity?

Evil Snuffy: Not even close.

Linus: But it’s one of those feel-good things, right?

Evil Snuffy: It makes me feel good.

Linus: I don’t think that’s quite what I meant.

Evil Snuffy: By the way, there’s a 10% surcharge for every minute of my time you waste flapping your gums.

Linus: So wait, you’re charging me to give you all of my cookies?

Evil Snuffy: That is how it works. Get used to it.

Linus: Snufflefungus, fetch my gun.

Evil Snuffy: Whoa, that’s not really necessary. Just hand over the cookies and nobody will get hurt.

Linus: Are you slow? Start marching!

Evil Snuffy: Fine! But I’ll find a way to get your cookies somehow!

Linus: Yeah? I’d love to see you try! But oh yeah, we have lead-based cake all over our walls! You are helpless in the face of the cake!

Evil Snuffy: What?

Linus: Did I say you could stop walking and ask questions! That was supposed to be my amazing one-line ending! And you ruined it!

Evil Snuffy: Oh, sorry…

Linus: Stinking amateur! Come back when you know something!

~~ Door slams.

Malex: Who was that at the door?

Linus: Nobody. Snufflefungus, take my gun.

Snufflefungus: Sure!

Malex: See?! Nothing interesting or funny is going to happen this episode, and it’s all my fault!

Snufflefungus: So Linus, I didn’t know you knew how to cook.

Linus: Well, you know, I’ve always had something of a knack for it. Especially for combining non-traditional ingredients and concepts.

Malex: Oh, yeah, who would have thought of making Lead Cake? What’s next, Mercury Milkshakes?

Linus: Actually, I’ve licensed an entire franchise out called Toxic Surprise. It’s going to be really popular.

Malex: Oh my…

Linus: Out of my hands now. I’ll have to watch it grow from a distance. Like a disowned child. Or an ex-spouse.

Snufflefungus: That’s so romantic!

Malex: I’m just going to call it quits for this episode. Bye!

Snufflefungus: Don’t worry Malex, you’ll feel better by next week!

Linus: (Cheerfully.) Or you’re fired!

Snufflefungus: Well, thanks for listening everybody, we hope you enjoyed this episode! Also, we hope you’ll come back and listen to the next Malex Minute! Which will come out next week on Friday! Just about when this one came out! And it should be funny too, even though it hasn’t been written or recorded yet!

Linus: That’s enough. I’m hitting stop.

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Alex Markley, Peter Markley, and Gabriel Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

NameSizeAction
Episode Audio3.24 MB Download Now - 3.24 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration174.53 KB Download Now - 174.53 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

LOL!!!

This is surely one of the very funniest episodes. There are so many funny parts, I'm not sure which is my favorite. The end thing about the cop is probably my favorite. I just love the nonsensical patter that's been showing up in the recent episodes. I admire Evil Snuffy's odd plan for garnering cookies. If he goes door-to-door, I wonder if he'd have any success. If he waits till Halloween, he should do fine. He has the costume and everything.

Quartz, this picture is a scream! I just kept chuckling at it throughout the episode.

Malex: Oh, yeah, who would have thought of making Lead Cake? What's next, Mercury Milkshakes?

Where are these restaurants going to open? I plan to be far away!

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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Hmm

I think Evil Snuffy is gathering cookies to stop Ultra Snuffy somehow. :-?

Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.

Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.

Cake and Cookies

I love this episode. Snuffy is so cute! As always. And Linus is really funny too.

Snufflefungus: Malex, Linus is making art. The not good kind.

It is so so so cute when Snuffy tattles. Snuffy and Linus are getting more and more like brothers everyday, with Malex acting as the daddy.

Snufflefungus: I'll get it!

Linus: No, I'll get it!

Snufflefungus: Malex, Linus kicked me!

Linus: Sorry!

Oh yeah, and the art is side-splitting. Evil Snuffy looks so funny dragging that dress behind him! And his expression looks just slightly crooked. It's so funny!

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A wise man once said, "A joke untold is one not laughed at."

Everything looks perfect from far away.

Funny lines

The way Snuffy delivers that line, "The not good kind," somehow reminds me of Roger Rabbit. Poor Malex gets all the trouble of being a parent with none of the compensatory joy.

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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Re-runs

I just listened to this episode again, and I must say, it's really stinkin' funny! The whole exchange between Linus and Evil Snuffy at the door is priceless and has some of the funniest lines. It's mostly Fop's and Quartz's delivery, I think. Like Linus's casual tone here: Snufflefungus, fetch my gun.

And ths exchange:

Linus: But it's one of those feel-good things, right?

Evil Snuffy: It makes me feel good.

You guys are just getting funnier and funnier. Keep up the good work!

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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Peter's picture

Ah!

Thank you all so much! It's responses like these that really make doing this show a blast! (<-- as in, a fun thing to do! XD) I'm really glad you enjoyed it so much. :)

-------

Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Alex's picture

*Blushes*

Aww, shucks.

Actually, I really love getting positive feedback on stuff like this. It helps motivate me to continue working harder. ;)

ttyl

--Alex Markley

"Crap, I have levitation class at 25:131. Better set the alarm to 'cinnamon'."

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

Lilly's picture

wait...

So you dont have fun pretending to be a happy ball of fluff? :-P

------------------------------

There is a heartbeat at 18 days,

And a soul from conception,

its a baby, not an it.

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

Peter's picture

Well, yeah

I do, because I can anticipate the audience's reactions! XD

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Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Peter's picture

*lol*

Malex said:

“What do you mean you don't know what narcissistic paranoid schizophrenia is? It's where you love your reflection. ... But you keep hearing it secretly plotting to kill you.”

Unrequited self-love! XD

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Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

That's so funny!!

Malex is so witty!!

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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Mariel 7's picture

wait?

when'd he say that :-? ... just randomly?

Whatever, it's amazing and I'm totally gonna quote it X-D

-------------------------

Truly Random Anime Quote:

Misao - Darn, my sense of style just won't let me rob a guy as poor looking as him. Did your wife run away from you or something?

Kenshin - I'M NOT MARRIED!!

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

Peter's picture

The quote

Malex had it as his signature at the end of Malex's Thoughts.

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Gaussian Blur fixes everything.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Mariel 7's picture

ah HA

cool :-) ... X-D <3

-------------------------

Truly Random Anime Quote:

Misao - Darn, my sense of style just won't let me rob a guy as poor looking as him. Did your wife run away from you or something?

Kenshin - I'M NOT MARRIED!!

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

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