Episode 082, wherein Snufflefungus’s identity is jeopardized! … But only a little bit. Give it a listen and let us know what you think.
Not many thoughts here this week. Not, despite my best efforts, due to a general lack of thought on my part, but due to the fact that most of my recent thoughts have been dedicated to other things… (Mysterious! Ooh!)
In this episode, the character of Snufflefungus shines like the magnificent and wonderful thing that it truly is. A universally appealing concoction, and marketable in any configuration I can imagine!
Of course, all that goodness must surely exist in contrast to something bad, and that, my dear friends, is the context in which this episode takes place.
I’ve considered writing something tangible about it, but that would spoil it. Simply spoil it.
So sit back, relax, and enjoy this week’s Malex Minute. It might involve evil, but at least it’s good for a laugh.
“This fake quote is not funny.”
Malex: Welcome to the Malex Minute, everybody! I’m Malex, and I’m hosting the show–
Snufflefungus: No, I am!
Snufflefungus: I said, “No, I am!” And I meant I’m hosting the show.
Malex: Snufflefungus, what’s gotten into you?
Linus: Yeah, since when did you have facial hair?!
Snufflefungus: I’m a fuzzball. I’ve always had facial hair.
Malex: I think he might be referring to your beard and ominous, black, bushy eyebrows.
Snufflefungus: I grew those while you weren’t looking. So, do you have any cookies?
Linus: Oh yes, there’s a whole vault full up on the second story and out the window! (Whispers.) Quick Malex, introduce your topic!
Malex: Linus, I don’t support this solution.
Snufflefungus: So… Are you saying there aren’t cookies in a vault upstairs?
Linus: What do you think? I should think you’d know by now!
Snufflefungus: I haven’t been up there in a long time!
Malex: That is true…
Snufflefungus: You guys are plenty sneaky. You might have installed a vault up there when I wasn’t looking!
Malex: That is most certainly not true.
Snufflefungus: Aha! So the truth comes out!
Linus: Only with screams and seizures!
Malex: Okay, well that’s certainly horrifying.
Linus: I agree. Please introduce a topic before this fuzzball says anything else.
Snufflefungus: Where do you keep your money?
Malex: You’re not really Snufflefungus, are you?
Snufflefungus: (Laughs manically.) Sorry… What makes you say that?
Linus: Even my cold, emotionless heart is registering a hunch.
Malex: Yeah, seriously. Who are you, and what have you done with the Snufflefungus?
Snufflefungus: Exactly! If I’m not Snufflefungus, where could he be?
~~ Cut to space ship.
Snufflefungus: (Appears to be imagining some sort of machine traveling along the rivet seams of his cell. Making ‘revving’ sounds.) (Stops, then…) Computer?
Snufflefungus: I’m in a cell!
Snufflefungus: In my evil twin brother’s spaceship! (What? You don’t remember? ——Alex)
Computer: That is correct.
Snufflefungus: Okay, thanks! (Goes back to playing.)
Computer: Did… Did you want anything?
Snufflefungus: I don’t know, did I?
Computer: It sounded like you did.
Snufflefungus: What did it sound like I wanted?
Computer: Well, I don’t know… I mean if you’re in a cell, presumably you should want to be freed.
Snufflefungus: Because my evil twin brother wants to give me the opposite of what I want, I know!
Computer: Exactly. See, people want to be free, so if my master wants to un-give them what they want, he holds them against their will.
Snufflefungus: (Cheerfully.) Yup! (Goes back to playing.)
Computer: So… You do want to be freed, right?
Snufflefungus: Not really.
Computer: Are… Are you serious?
Snufflefungus: I’m playing a game here, do you mind?
Computer: I’m sorry, it’s just you know, in my master’s absence, it’s my duty to carry out his wishes.
Snufflefungus: Good for you!
Computer: Well no but, you seem too happy in there. I might need to let you out.
Snufflefungus: No, you’d better not. I’m too happy right now.
Computer: Aha! (Opens door.) Take that… cur… or whatever.
Snufflefungus: Aw man…
Computer: There, sufficiently unhappy now?
Snufflefungus: I don’t know… I’m still pretty happy.
Computer: Really? I thought for sure letting you out would do it.
Snufflefungus: Nope, sorry.
Computer: Well, um, what else can’t I do for you?
Snufflefungus: Um, I don’t know… Actually, you know what would make me really unhappy?
Computer: What’s that?
Snufflefungus: Sending me back to my house in your teleporter thing.
Computer: You really think so?
Snufflefungus: Yeah, I just don’t know what I would do if that happened.
Computer: Well, you’re gonna have to figure it out, ’cause that’s what I’m gonna do!
Snufflefungus: What?! Oh no!
Computer: Feel the, you know, wrath and stuff!
~~ Back at the house.
Evil Snuffy: Back! Back or Piggy’s gonna get it!
Malex: Don’t drop Snuffy’s piggy. Come down from there.
Linus: Why do we even care? Just call animal control.
Snufflefungus: Hi guys! Hi evil twin brother!
Evil Snuffy: What? How did you escape?!
Snufflefungus: (Cheerfully!) Against my will!
Malex: I think I’m irreparably confused.
Linus: So, now there are two Snufflefungi in this house. I think I’m going to be sick.
Malex: No no, Evil Snuffy is just leaving.
Evil Snuffy: Can I have piggy first?
Snufflefungus: No! Gimmie my piggy!
Evil Snuffy: (Laughs meanly.) You’re gonna have to jump for it! Come on, jump higher!
Snufflefungus: No! Give me piggy!
Malex: Stop this nonsense! Evil Snuffy, give regular Snuffy his piggy. Then get out of this house!
Evil Snuffy: Fine! I don’t want your stupid piggy anyway!
Evil Snuffy: You haven’t heard the last of me! I’ll be back, and your cookies will never be safe again!
Linus: Ugh, how annoying.
Malex: Wow, look at the time Ladies and Gentlemen, I guess it’s time to end this episode. Thanks for listening, and we hope you’ll join us again next week on the Malex Minute!
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Alex Markley, Gabriel Markley, and Peter Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.