In this episode, Snufflefungus’s mind does strange things. Also, Malex tries to talk about some irrelevant news. Or does he…? Give it a listen and let us know what you think.
It’s always interesting to think about dream sequences, and they’re quite fun to write. However, when Snufflefungus is involved in such a dream sequence, the very phrase takes on a wholly different meaning.
Not that it isn’t harmless and ‘cute’ and fun… It’s just so alien to those of us with rational minds that we must cease – we must abort our respective trains of thought and flee screaming into the hills.
After all, who could have guessed that Snufflefungus, in the deepest part of his inner consciousness, thinks of Linus as some sort of horrific, extracanonical Eighth Dwarf?
Not me, I assure you.
By the way, I disclaim all responsibility for the ‘song’ which accompanies this episode. Its lyrics were composed in a bubbling fervor. The kind of fervor which can only be accomplished by mixing extremely late hours with sugary coffee.
Also, the tune very probably constitutes a blatant
copyright violation parody. That’s what it’s called.
Hope you enjoy the episode!
Snufflefungus: Welcome to the Malex Minute everybody! I’m Malex, and I’m hosting the show today!
Linus: Don’t you all think bookshelves are nice? Linus, don’t you? Don’t you?!
Malex: What are you talking about?! I hate bookshelves!
Snufflefungus: Now, now Linus, you’ve gotta be nice to Snufflefungus!
Linus: It’s okay, he’s still my best friend even if he is always mean to me.
Malex: I don’t need to be nice to Snufflefungus, you freaking hippie.
Linus: Hippie! Noun! A person of unconventional appearance and manner, who typically wears long hair and a beard and is associated with a subculture involving the use of recreational drugs and a rejection of traditional thinking!
Malex: Yeah, look it up. Your picture’s right there, ya’ freakin’ hippie.
Snufflefungus: Linus, shut up. Please. Before this comes to blows.
Linus: Oh look! Mister bookshelf has returned from work!
Malex: And all the little bookshelves are crowding around to greet their father!
Snufflefungus: Look at all the happiness, man!
Malex: Duck! It’s coming this way!
Linus: Let’s sing about it!
~~ The Smiling Bookshelves Song.
Linus: Wake up! Snufflefungus, wake up please!
Snufflefungus: What? What happened?!
Malex: (Grunts as if recovering from a severe neurological trauma.) You were dreaming into our heads.
Snufflefungus: Oh! Sorry!
Linus: I want you to make absolutely sure that never happens again.
Snufflefungus: So, did everybody like sharing my dreaming times?
Malex: Why did you recast all of us? Are you still subconsciously wishing you were the host of the show?
Snufflefungus: I dunno!
Linus: And seriously. What the heck was up with those bookshelves?!
Snufflefungus: They were happy! And my friends!
Linus: (Yells.) It’s like a freaking Disney cartoon in your head!
Snufflefungus: And it never stops!
Malex: Oh my…
Linus: Malex, this has got to be reason enough to sell him to the circus.
Linus: But I have a buyer lined up already!
Linus: The auction has closed! There’s a high bidder! The arrangements are made! (To Snufflefungus.) There’s free ice cream!
Snufflefungus: Sign me up!
Malex: (Shouts.) No!
Linus: Fine. Everything I’ve said was a lie. But I’m not sorry!
Snufflefungus: Aw, Linus, you’re such a good best friend!
Linus: Arrgh, the affection overwhelms me!
Malex: Well, what do you know. Anyway, I have some news to talk about…
Malex: Yes. See–
Linus: News, eh?
Malex: Right, see–
Snufflefungus: Linus, you shouldn’t interrupt people.
Malex: So recently–
Linus: What?! You little fur-thing! I didn’t interrupt him, you did!
Malex: (Silence…) So anyway–
Snufflefungus: (Quietly/timidly.) I think we both interrupted him together…
Malex: May I please say one thing?
Linus: Whenever you’re ready.
Malex: You’re too kind. Anyway, I assume you’re all familiar with crop circles? And watch as I steadfastly refuse to wait for a response to that rhetorical question. Recently, a new batch of crop circles has begun appearing all over the world.
Malex: Oh no you don’t! These crop circles are interesting for one specific reason: They are all apparently formed by burning – as opposed to crushing – the crops involved. And instead of geometric patterns and fractals, these crop circles appear to represent chocolate-chip cookies!
Linus: And this is interesting why?
Malex: It just seems odd to me. That’s all.
Linus: You know, as horrified as I am to find out what goes on inside Snufflefungus’s tortured little brain, your mind is a far more terrifying prospect.
Malex: I’ll take that as a compliment, despite it being an obvious, cliched, and downright pathetic attempt at an insult.
Linus: What? Cliched?! I’ll have you know I searched my entire memory of our interactions to this date, and I positively confirmed that this exchange is entirely unique!
Malex: Oh yeah?!
Malex: Well maybe the original exchange just went so badly for you that the memory erased itself!
Linus: What?! Why you! … Wait! That could happen, couldn’t it?!
Linus: Wait, what were we just saying?
Snufflefungus: You were explaining to the audience why you like ponies!
Linus: Well, they’re just so fuzzy and cute! (Roars.) What?!
Malex: Ladies and Gentlemen, that’s it for today’s episode. Thanks so much for listening today, and we hope that you’ll join us again next week on the Malex Minute!
Smile, bookshelves, smile! Because the happiness is everywhere today!
Smile, bookshelves, smile! ’Cause we’re so happy that we don’t know what to say!
Oozing through the walls and hanging in the air.
Evaporating all your troubles and your cares.
Smile, bookshelves, smile! Because the happiness makes everything seem grey.
Smile, bookshelves, smile! Because the happiness is really here to stay!
Someday you’ll get over this infection!
And with it leave behind your ill complexion!
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Alex Markley, Gabriel Markley, and Peter Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.