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Malex Minute 077

Malex and Friends meet an interesting new person who doesn’t seem to understand Snufflefungus at all. Give it a listen and let us know what you think!

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts: An Astounding New System of Belief

Recently, I have come to believe that the world is made out a particular kind of cheese. This cheese is called Dirt. It tastes horrible, and it will kill you if you eat too much of it, but it is cheese nonetheless. It also seems likely to assume that this curd of a planet came from a gigantic space cow, which squirted it out along with the rest of the milky whey.

You may disparage my remarks as being wildly unscientific, but that wouldn’t be very open-minded of you. So there.

Anyway, on the subject of the actual Malex Minute, I’ve been having a great difficulty with it lately. Over the past two weeks, I actually had two people inform me that they’ve stopped liking the Malex Minute. One person even went so far as to tell me that the Malex Minute just wasn’t funny anymore.

As you might guess, this has been difficult news for me to digest. All the work I put into this beast means that I feel very attached to it. If somebody doesn’t like it, that’s hard for me to swallow.

In response, my brothers and I worked even harder this week to produce an episode that you would love.

Please feel free to let me know if you got even a tiny little spark of enjoyment out of this week’s episode. It would help to balance out the bitterness.

ttyl

——Alex Markley

“Why are you still reading? This is the end!”

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Malex: Hey everybody! Welcome to the new and improved Malex Minute!

Linus: It’s exactly the way it used to be, only I’m even grumpier.

Malex: Really? I can’t imagine why…

Linus: Well, I changed from being fat to being dark-haired and handsome, and my woman dumped me!

Malex: And why is that?

Linus: I have no idea! How am I supposed to know! Women are a mystery, and I’m too beautiful to have to figure them out!

Malex: And your rampant narcissism has absolutely nothing to do with it, right?

Linus: Nothing whatsoever!

~~ Knock on the door.

Malex: Where is Snufflefungus? Don’t we usually have him answer the door so he can scare away door-to-door salesmen?

Linus: I’ll have you know, the correct term is sales-personages.

Malex: Did the political-correctness bug bite you too?

Linus: Yes. Yes it did. My vision is tinted liberal, and I’m thinking about enacting some socialized medicine or something.

Malex: Have fun with that.

~~ Another knock on the door.

Malex: (Opens door.) Oh uh… Sorry about that, what can I do for you?

Mike: Actually, I just came over to say hi! My name’s Mike, and I– Whoa, what’s that?!

Linus: Snufflefungus, where were you! We expected you to answer the door!

Mike: What did you do to your dog?! He ain’t got no legs, but he seems happy anyway!

Malex: What?

Mike: I don’t know, it just seems wrong somehow…

Snufflefungus: What do you mean, mister? What dog are you talking about?

Mike: (Really astounded.) Oh, man your dog talks! That’s awesome!

Linus: Are you alright in the mind?

Mike: I wanna buy your dog man! How much for your dog!

Snufflefungus: Malex, what is he talking about?

Malex: Mike, Snufflefungus is not for sale.

Linus: Also, he’s not a dog, he’s an alien.

Mike: Oh come on, I’ll make an offer you can’t refuse! Seriously, I can make an offer you won’t be able to refuse!

Malex: Um…

Mike: Here, you can have whatever’s in my pockets! It’ll blow you away!

Snufflefungus: Really? Am I really worth all that?!

Mike: Let’s see here, I’ve got um… Let’s see um… I’ve got uh, 35 cents and an empty cigarette pack!

Snufflefungus: (Disappointed.) Oh…

Mike: That’s not nearly as impressive as I thought it would be, uh… But I guess my wallet’s been suffering from a case of the running on empty, if you know what I mean! (Laughs inappropriately.) Yeah, you know what I mean?!

Malex: Actually, I don’t know anything about what you apparently mean. Snufflefungus is not for sale.

Mike: But… Your dog is so awesome! Do you have any idea what I would do with a talking dog?!

Malex: No, we don’t. And I’m pretty sure you don’t either.

Mike: Actually, you’re right. But it would be awesome!

Linus: Besides, Snufflefungus is not a dog. What part of your hideously malformed brain is so stuck that it fails to register this comparatively simple fact?!

Mike: (Laughs.) Man, you know too many words!

Linus: Well that answers my question while simultaneously revealing my only weakness: People who are too stupid to receive the full brunt of my verbal blows.

Snufflefungus: It’s alright, Linus. You’ll always have me!

Linus: How comforting.

Malex: Mike, I must ask… Why did you knock on our door?

Mike: I just moved in! I’m a new neighbor! I’m here to meet people and introduce myself, you know what I mean?!

Linus: Actually, I don’t, considering the fact that none of the houses on our street have been for sale in years.

Mike: Oh yeah! Well, I’m from the next street over!

Linus: There either.

Mike: The other direction!

Linus: All four directions.

Mike: Alright, you got me. I’m here for other reasons.

Malex: And those would be…

Mike: (Conspiratorial.) Dude I can hook you up, man! You looking for unhindered passage out of the country? I got that!

Snufflefungus: Ooh!

Linus: What are you even talking about?! Passage out of the country?!

Mike: Keep your voice down, man! It’s not pretty, but it’ll get you over the border in any direction you want. I’ve got bus tickets to Canada, Mexico, Cuba, Michigan… You name it, I gots it!

Malex: But, we can leave the country any time we want. We’re citizens.

Mike: Aw, that’s all propaganda! The same people’s want you to believe that as killed Kennedy!

Malex: I’m horrified by how much sense that sentence made, considering the overall poor quality of its construction and grammar…

Mike: I never wasn’t one for them schools and learning and stuff, you know what I mean?!

Snufflefungus: Who is Can-edy?

Linus: He’s terribly, terribly dead.

Malex: That’s pretty much the only thing most people can agree on.

Snufflefungus: Everybody agrees that Can-edy is dead?

Mike: I don’t! I think his brain was stolen and cloned by aliens to create super-Kennedy, who plots to assassinate other presidents to this very day!

Linus: Aha! So you do understand the concept of aliens! Snufflefungus here is an alien! Not a dog!

Mike: (Laughs inappropriately.) Is he crazy or something?! That’s hilarious!

Linus: Yes. I’m stark, raving mad.

Mike: So, back to my business proposition! I’m arranging simple, no-questions-asked passage out of the country. I hear Michigan is very nice this time of year…

Malex: You couldn’t have heard that. It’s a lie. Besides, Michigan is part of this country.

Mike: What? Are you serious?

Linus: I’m afraid so, Michelle.

Mike: Well then I’m gonna have to mark these down.

Snufflefungus: Malex, can I buy some? I’ve always wanted to leave the country illegally!

Malex: (Snaps.) But it’s not illegal! We’re free to come and go as we please! That’s the whole point!

Mike: Man, you’re crazy too!

Snufflefungus: Mister, one ticket to Michigan, please!

Mike: Sure! That’ll be 3500… Um uh, well uh… What do you got?

Snufflefungus: Lemme go get my piggy!

Malex: Wait a minute, is that a two-way ticket?

Mike: No… Why would you want to come back to the country if you just worked so hard to sneak out, you know?

Malex: Snufflefungus, you may not buy anything from this man.

Snufflefungus: Aw… Well, okay. Mister Mike, would you like to pet Piggy? He’s friendly!

Malex: Snufflefungus, put Piggy away.

Mike: No business, eh? Well that’s okay, I’ll be back later!

Linus: I hope very much that that doesn’t turn out to be true.

Malex: Well look at the time, folks! I guess that’s it for this episode. Thanks for listening, and I hope you’ll join us next week on the Malex Minute! Quick, lock the door.

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Alex Markley, Gabriel Markley, and Peter Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to ERH for use of the Door Knock sound effect.

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

NameSizeAction
Episode Audio4.22 MB Download Now - 4.22 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration76.93 KB Download Now - 76.93 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

Okay then!

Okay, Mike sounds like a cross between Yogi Bear and ... yeah. Can we get him to use one of his own bus tickets?

Mike: Oh yeah! Well, I'm from the next street over!

Linus: There either.

Mike: The other direction!

Linus: All four directions.

Mike: Alright, you got me. I'm here for other reasons.

Malex: And those would be...

This is very funny. I love quick nonsense.

Malex: ...Besides, Michigan is part of this country.

Are you sure?

Linus: Besides, Snufflefungus is not a dog. What part of your hideously malformed brain is so stuck that it fails to register this comparatively simple fact?!

Mike: (Laughs.) Man, you know too many words!

Linus: Well that answers my question while simultaneously revealing my only weakness: People who are too stupid to receive the full brunt of my verbal blows.

How frustrating!

I think this episode is very funny. I like the fast patter. I like the verbal mayhem. All parts were acted a bit better than usual, I think. Excellent work!

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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Funny!

Linus: ... Women are a mystery, and I'm too beautiful to have to figure them out!

Whoa!

Linus: ...My vision is tinted liberal, and I'm thinking about enacting some socialized medicine or something.

Mike: ...It's not pretty, but it'll get you over the border in any direction you want. I've got bus tickets to Canada, Mexico, Cuba, Michigan...

Mike: I never wasn't one for them schools and learning and stuff, you know what I mean?!

Mike: Aw, that's all propaganda! The same people's want you to believe that as killed Kennedy!

Ah, ah! Not being very politically correct now are we?

Snufflefungus: Who is Can-edy?

Linus: He's terribly, terribly dead.

Nope. Not at all. X-D

Snuffy was so cute this episode!

Snufflefungus: Aw... Well, okay. Mister Mike, would you like to pet Piggy? He's friendly!

Malex: Snufflefungus, put Piggy away.

<3 <3 <3

Snuffy has to be the cutest, legless happy dog there ever was!

------------------------------

One phrase. Three simple words.

Jesus - A real person

Is - Present tense; living

God - The embodiment of the Sovereign

Everything looks perfect from far away.

...

What part of your hideously malformed brain is so stuck that it fails to register this comparatively simple fact?!

Ohs my gosh...

I'm going to quote that forever and for infinity.

------------------------------

Si on continue à vivre comme ça

Faire comme ça

Dans un monde parfait l'humanité

------------------------------

Gone

Alex's picture

Characters

No characters in the Malex Minute are intended to directly represent people in the real world. Any similarity is entirely coincidental.

--Alex Markley

"Something tells me there's a monster in my soup."

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

Alex's picture

:-D!!!

I'm so glad you guys like this episode... I was worried there for a minute... :-P

--Alex Markley

"Something tells me there's a monster in my soup."

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

Mariel 7's picture

Mike

Mike sounds like a cross between Yogi Bear and ... yeah.

To me, it sounds like the "yeah" is some Jewish/Yiddish guy X-D

PS. Mike looks kinda like he's from Sesame Street or something ... maybe THAT'S his street ... 0_0 :-O X-|

-----------------------

"Gentlemen, Ladies, and bald-headed babies. All you MMN-ites with a touch of the crazies :-P " - Father Edwards

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

Peter's picture

*lol*

"Mike looks kinda like he's from Sesame Street or something ..." -Mariel 7

Hey... I guess you're right! He looks kinda like Ernie. o_o This was not intentional, btw. *lol* :D

-------

This bliss is not ignorance - my intellect has rested its case; the jury has reached its verdict; my emotions are now free.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Alex's picture

Hehe...

As funny as Mike looks, I think Snuffy is funnier by far. Just look at his face! I think this is very nearly the funniest Snuffy picture I've ever seen. :-D

--Alex Markley

"Something tells me there's a monster in my soup."

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

Lilly's picture

Lol

"Besides, Michigan is part of this country."

Not in Ohio.

------------------------------

The world is round!

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

!!!!

Yaaaay Michigan!!!

*gets killed*

------------------------------

Si on continue à vivre comme ça

Faire comme ça

Dans un monde parfait l'humanité

------------------------------

Gone

Alex's picture

Hehe...

Well, a good chunk of my family is from Michigan, so any ribbing is purely good-natured.

Of course, Ohio is genuinely better.

--Alex Markley

"Something tells me there's a monster in my soup."

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

Peter's picture

*lol*

...

The waving orange splicky will remain silent on the issue.

-------

This bliss is not ignorance - my intellect has rested its case; the jury has reached its verdict; my emotions are now free.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Lilly's picture

But,

New England just wins. Its the best place in the entire country, Especially the cliffs in Maine <3

------------------------------

The world is round!

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

You don't understand

But...but...Ohio is the center of the world.

------------------------------

I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Lilly's picture

Bah

Before i moved Ohio was just "one of those middley

states." ;-) Sry SM

------------------------------

The world is round!

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

*laughing hysterically*

This is definitely the funniest Malex Minute that I have heard in a while! I mean, they are all very entertaining, but this one especially tickled my funny bone!! X-D X-D :-O X-D X-D :-O X-D X-D :-O 0_0

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

Alex's picture

:-D

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! And it's good to see you on the site again too. ;)

--Alex Markley

"Something tells me there's a monster in my soup."

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

Peter's picture

Yeah...

It's really great to get reactions like that once in a while... XD

-------

This bliss is not ignorance - my intellect has rested its case; the jury has reached its verdict; my emotions are now free.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

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