Malex and friends speculate about the possible repercussions of last week’s run-in with the Big Men With Clubs. Meanwhile, Snufflefungus turns to other, wilder speculation… Give it a listen and let us know what you think.
Fortunately, none of the wonderful disasters we mentioned happened, at least not to us. We got our camera safe and sound.
And the results continue to astound me!
Well? Isn’t it neat?
I think so.
Results like these have helped to convince us that placing the burden of a new weekly production on the shoulders of tools such as these is ultimately the correct way of burning your chickens before they’re hatched.
What I’m trying to say, with my mutilated metaphors and tortured grammar is: We’ve given this beast a name.
It’ll probably be some time before we start releasing any new and astounding media, but when we do, you may rest assured… It will be astounding.
“Does he ever run out of those?”
“Nope, he’s full of ’em.”
“He’s full of something…”
Malex: Welcome to the Malex Minute everybody!
Linus: It’s not too late to turn back! Find something more interesting to listen to!
Snufflefungus: I’m pretty sure Penny Arcade is still accepting applications for readers!
Malex: Snuffy! Linus! Sorry Ladies and Gentlemen, my co-hosts are still disturbed by the phone call we got last week.
Snufflefungus: No we’re not!
Linus: It was just after the end of the last episode.
Malex: Yeah, right after that rumbling boom.
Snufflefungus: Watch as I facilitate another flashback with my amazing tele-powers!
Johnny John Johnson: Malex! You fiend! Did you really think you could defeat me by sending the Big Men With Clubs to beat out my soul?
Malex: I was kinda hoping, yeah.
Johnny John Johnson: Well you’re an infidel!
Malex: Okay, that’s fun…
Johnny John Johnson: Do you like that? I made it up myself!
Malex: No, I don’t think you did. Anyway, what happened?
Johnny John Johnson: Those thugs tried to come and beat the soul out of me, only to discover… (Epic.) That I have no soul!
Malex: I figured as much.
Johnny John Johnson: Apparently they never encountered somebody without a soul before, because their entire organization imploded from the inside out.
Malex: So no chance of sending them after me again?
Johnny John Johnson: Nope. But don’t think for a moment that I’ve given up! You’ll still pay for all the years of torment you’ve visited upon my weary soul!
Malex: Um, I didn’t do any of that. Besides, I thought you didn’t have a soul.
Johnny John Johnson: It’s a figure of speech, you infidel.
Malex: Right. I’m hanging up now.
Johnny John Johnson: Goodbye!
~~ End Flashback.
Snufflefungus: There! Another flashback helpfully delivered by yours truly!
Linus: Did Johnny John Johnson seem a little more cheerful in the flashback than he did in real life?
Malex: I’m not sure. It was a subtle difference.
Snufflefungus: I have a cheerfulness filter in my brain!
Linus: I’ll see about that! Snuffy, the orphanage burned down. The children will have to eat their toys to survive the winter.
Snufflefungus: Were you talking? I didn’t hear anything.
Malex: Wow, what a feature!
Snufflefungus: Oh, Malex!
Malex: What’s that, Snuffy?
Snufflefungus: Well, Linus has been acting awfully strange lately.
Linus: Um, I’m right here.
Malex: How’s that, Snuffy?
Snufflefungus: Like, sometimes, when you’re not around, he’ll shoo me out of the server room. He says it’s so he can do stuff, but I’m not sure I believe him.
Linus: Hello? I can hear you talking.
Snufflefungus: I just think it’s a little bit suspicious.
Malex: Linus, surely you understand why Snuffy might be a little bit suspicious of you, since you went on your criminal streak. (Back during Quarter Five. ——Alex)
Linus: Well… But… I’ve reformed since then!
Malex: True, but it’s going to be a while before everybody trusts you the same.
Linus: But… But… Can’t it just be for personal reasons?
Snufflefungus: Linus, you don’t have any personal life!
Malex: Snuffy, don’t be mean.
Snufflefungus: (Genuinely confused.) Wait, that was mean? How was that mean?
Linus: So, you’re saying I’m a shallow character? I don’t have any depth?! Any soul?!
Snufflefungus: Isn’t that the whole point of the word ‘artificial’ in ‘artificial intelligence?’
Linus: Hey now, them’s fightin’ words!
Malex: Linus, settle down, I don’t think he really meant anything by it.
Snufflefungus: No, I don’t think I did. I’m pretty confused.
Malex: So, Linus, are you trying to tell us that you have personal reasons for being in the server room alone?
Snufflefungus: I bet I know! He’s making phone calls over the inner-net!
Linus: What?! No!
Snufflefungus: He’s trying to develop a social life! It’s okay Linus. I’ll still be your best friend even if you never have a social life to speak of!
Linus: Well I never!
Malex: Okay, that’s enough wild and hurtful speculation, Snuffy.
Linus: I should hope so.
Snufflefungus: Sorry, Linus. I didn’t mean to hurt your cold, artificial feelings.
Malex: Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for listening, and I hope you’ll join us next week on the Malex Minute!
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Alex Markley, with input from Peter Markley and Gabriel Markley.
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.