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Malex Minute 074

Malex’s house is invaded by the Big Men With Clubs! Whatever shall we do?! Give it a listen and let us know what you think.

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

Another week, another Malex Minute. But really, would you have it any other way? I know I wouldn’t!

Despite the skepticism of my partners in crime, we have been hard at work developing a new production to post on MalexMedia.Net on a semi-regular basis. (If not a completely regular basis or an utterly, erratically irregular basis.)

The results so far have been amusing, but we’ll need to become more proficient with our tools before we achieve the level of technical excellence that I demand from a Malex Media Network™ production.

To that end, we’re working ’round the clock to familiarize ourselves with this professional-grade equipment.

I’m even reading a book! (Aren’t you proud?)

Anyhow, depending on how things go tonight and tomorrow, I should be posting some pictures in my blog. You know, just to spice things up.

Until then, ttyl!

——Alex Markley

“This can only end in tears.”

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Malex: Welcome to the Malex Minute, Ladies and Gents! I’m Malex, and I’ll be your host today. These are my co-hosts, Linus and Snuffy!

Snufflefungus: Malex, aren’t you worried about the Big Men With Clubs at all?

Linus: Yeah, they called to confirm the appointment, like, five minutes ago. They’re supposed to be here any moment now!

Malex: (Chuckles.) Oh, I’m not worried anymore. I’ve got it all figured out!

Snufflefungus: Really?! That’s so great! So, can piggy and me go play in the pepper?

Malex: Oh. Please, please don’t.

Linus: Why not? You humans are funniest when you’re sick from sneezing your brains out!

Malex: I’m so glad I entertain you. Weren’t you supposed to be over there reforming or something?

Linus: I got bored.

~~ Doorbell rings.

Linus: Oh no! There are the Big Men With Clubs!

Snufflefungus: Quick! Hide!

Malex: (Opens the door.)

Big Men With Clubs 1: Look! There he is!

Malex: Good afternoon, Gentlemen!

Big Men With Clubs 2: Quick! Let’s beat the soul out of him!

Malex: Before you do, I should point something out.

Big Men With Clubs 1: Can you make it quick?

Malex: Well, the moron who hired you used my credit card.

Big Men With Clubs 2: So?

Malex: So I reported it stolen, and canceled the charge. You’re not getting a cent from this job.

Big Men With Clubs 1: Are you serious?

Malex: Yup.

Big Men With Clubs 2: You can’t do that! He can’t do that, can he?

Big Men With Clubs 1: I’m pretty sure he can…

Big Men With Clubs 2: So did we come all the way over here for nothing?!

Malex: Not at all! I was planning to pay you to beat up Johnny John Johnson and take his soul. That is, if you’d like to get back at the moron who sent you on this wild goose chase.

Big Men With Clubs 1: Wait, you’d do that?

Malex: Sure! Anything for you guys!

Big Men With Clubs 2: Wow, man. You’re cool! You’re really, super cool! You know what? I’m gonna put you on our special, “Never beat with clubs” list!

Malex: Well hey man, I appreciate that.

Big Men With Clubs 1: We’re going to rush over there and beat that guy up. If we hurry, we can get there before closing time.

Big Men With Clubs 2: See you later!

Malex: Good-bye! (Closes door.)

Linus: Malex, you just out-smarted Johnny John Johnson!

Snufflefungus: How does it feel?

Malex: Pretty good, Snuffy… Pretty darn good.

Linus: Wow…

Malex: So anyway Ladies and Gentlemen, I know you’ve all been quite concerned about the general lack of a Wednesday production here at MalexMedia.Net™ ever since the TUAoMaI reprintings quit. So, we’ve been hard at work developing something new!

Snufflefungus: We have?

Malex: To that end, we’ve purchased a brand-new camera to film some entertaining and original shenanigans!

Linus: Talk about overkill. On the order of hiring a professional film crew to capture the essence of your eight-year-old daughter’s school play.

Snufflefungus: Malex’s eight-year-old daughter is in a school play?!

Malex: No, Snuffy. I don’t have an eight-year-old daughter.

Linus: Her performance was so terrible, he disowned her.

Snufflefungus: Malex! How could you?!

Malex: Snuffy, I never had a daughter! I’m not even married! Linus… Get a different life.

Snufflefungus: Oh okay… For a moment there, I was afraid all of my memories were false again.

Linus: When did you ever have false memories?

Snufflefungus: I still don’t know for sure…

Malex: So anyway, we are hard at work bringing you a new Malex Media Network™ production. We just can’t release any actual information about it yet.

Linus: Mostly because we don’t know anything about it yet ourselves.

Snufflefungus: I was pretty sure that was the case…

~~ (Distant rumbling.)

Snufflefungus: What in the world was that?!

Malex: I’m pretty sure they just discovered that Johnny John Johnson doesn’t have a soul to beat out.

Linus: Oh my!

Snufflefungus: Isn’t that, like, really bad?

Linus: What are the long-term ramifications?

Malex: I have no idea…

Linus: Well whatever the consequences are, they can’t be good.

Malex: Nope, they sure can’t! Well Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you so much for listening, and we hope you’ll join us again next week on the Malex Minute!

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Alex Markley, with input from Peter Markley and Gabriel Markley.

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to partymix for use of the Door Bell sound effect.

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

NameSizeAction
Episode Audio2.73 MB Download Now - 2.73 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration185.84 KB Download Now - 185.84 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

Wonderful!

Whew! That's quite a load off my mind. I was afraid the big with clubs would do serious damage to our heroes. The BMWCs remind me of the two goons sent to do Jackie Chan in at his hotel in First Strike.

This episode was very funny. I especially liked this part:

Linus: Talk about overkill. On the order of hiring a professional film crew to capture the essence of your eight-year-old daughter's school play.

Snufflefungus: Malex's eight-year-old daughter is in a school play?!

Malex: No, Snuffy. I don't have an eight-year-old daughter.

Linus: Her performance was so terrible, he disowned her.

Snufflefungus: Malex! How could you?!

Malex: Snuffy, I never had a daughter! I'm not even married! Linus... Get a different life.

Snufflefungus: Oh okay... For a moment there, I was afraid all of my memories were false again.

Linus: When did you ever have false memories?

Snufflefungus: I still don't know for sure...

I'm looking forward to seeing some of your film projects on the site. (I've already seen some and I happen to know they're quite good.)

Idea: Do you suppose we could impose on Malice and Slushpunk to post a couple of their adventures?

------------------------------

I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

!!!!

Malex: Linus... Get a different life.

!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!

(^ favorite line EVER)

------------------------------

Windows NT crashed.

I am the Blue Screen of Death.

No one hears your screams.

------------------------------

Gone

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