In today’s episode, Icepunk randomly shows up! Do we really need to say any more? Give it a listen and let us know what you think.
Ah, Icepunk. Whatever would we do without your amazing talent… for breaking things. And hurting people’s minds.
Icepunk’s cameo this week (not really a cameo since he practically stars in the episode) is prompted because John Morgan is actually back in town. At least, he is for another two days.
It’s also quite interesting because this all coincides (quite coincidentally, I assure you) with the re-release of TUAoMaI 01x52 – the final episode of the Malex and Icepunk book series.
For those of you who don’t know what all of this is about, allow me to give you a quick rundown: 1) Icepunk and Malex take a chemistry class together, and Icepunk burns Malex with acid. 2) In an entirely separate incident, Icepunk nearly loses his hand to a rabid lawnmower. 3) Being adolescents, Malex and Icepunk think these things are the funniest things that have ever happened, so they get together and 4) write a book which has nothing to do with either incident. 5) Despite having left the story on a cliffhanger, Malex and Icepunk quit writing. They cite ‘general busyness’ as a principle cause, but nobody really believes them. 6) Eventually, Malex teams up with his brothers to create the Malex Minute, and 7) Icepunk joins the army.
Now, Icepunk has finished boot camp and MP training, and he’s being deployed this Saturday.
So this episode marks the beginning of an era of great change for us. TUAoMaI episodes are no longer being re-released on a weekly basis, so I feel a great pressure to move forward. Icepunk won’t be around (he won’t even be within visiting distance!) so I can’t consult with him, hang out with him, or rely on him to shake things up. At least, not for a while.
So yeah. A time of great change.
Can’t say I like it…
“Hey, you see that guy over there?”
“The one in the business suit? Looks like he’s having a meeting over lunch?”
“Sure. Why, do you know him?”
“Nope, never seen him before.”
“Let’s go sing him the Happy Birthday song!”
Malex: Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen, to the Malex Minute! I’m Malex, and I’ll be your host today. You know, after that whole ordeal with the Orangutans and the Big Men With Clubs, I’m looking forward to a nice, relaxing week. Where nothing bad happens, and my heart rate has a chance to–
Snufflefungus: Malex! Did you just hear a window break?
Linus: I did. Let’s go find out what’s going on!
Malex: Oh dear.
~~ Our heroes sneak to the kitchen.
Snufflefungus: (Whispers.) I think I hear somebody using the peanut butter. My peanut butter!
Malex: Aha! There you– What?! Icepunk? What are you doing here?
Icepunk: What does it look like I’m doing? I’m making a sandwich while cleverly hiding from the cops!
Snufflefungus: Making a sandwich with my peanut butter!
Icepunk: Sorry little dude, I need the protein. Linus! Why, I haven’t seen you looking that ugly since that one time. (All the way back during The Unlikely Adventures of Malex and Icepunk 01x28 – “Another Case.” ——Alex, Keeper of Archives)
Linus: Nice to see you too, Icepunk.
Malex: Icepunk, I can’t help but notice that you flung yourself through my kitchen window instead of coming through the door.
Icepunk: What?! Doors aren’t for sissies anymore?! What will they think of next!
Malex: Also, why is there a crashed alien spaceship in the backyard?
Icepunk: What better to outrun the cops in, my dear?
Malex: Never call me that again. Besides, isn’t fleeing the authorities both morally bankrupt and incredibly stupid?
Icepunk: (Simulating radio crackle.) Hold on, I can’t hear you! You’re breaking up! (More crackling.) You’re going to have to call back to get a better connection! (Busy signal.)
Malex: Icepunk… Icepunk!
Icepunk: (Uncharacteristically bubbly.) Hi! This is Icepunk! Sorry I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you leave a message I’ll delete it and never call you again! Bye!
Malex: Fine! Do what you like! Flee from the authorities if you want; see if I care.
Icepunk: You know, the last time I heard that, my hair caught fire… Maybe this isn’t such a good idea. But what else am I supposed to do? Turn myself in?
Snufflefungus: You could always turn yourself inside out!
Linus: He does have a point, Malex.
Malex: What?! We don’t even know what he did yet!
Icepunk: Well, you really don’t want to know. Really, really don’t.
Malex: Right. Sure.
Malex: (Verbal nod.) … It’s a parking ticket thing, isn’t it.
Icepunk: (overly defensive) Shut up! You don’t know anything!
Snufflefungus: What? You need a ticket to park?
Malex: Only at a parking garage.
Snufflefungus: What?! You need a ticket to park in your own garage?!
Linus: No, you only need a ticket to park in other people’s garages.
Snufflefungus: You can buy a ticket that lets you park in any garage you like?
Linus: Sure! And I’ll let you have mine for fifty bucks!
Snufflefungus: Ooh! Lemme get my piggy bank!
Icepunk: Uh, since when does the furball have a car?
Snufflefungus: I don’t!
Malex: Then it’s probably a bad idea…
Snufflefungus: Oh, okay. Piggy, you’re safe for now…
Icepunk: So, can we get back to me now? You’re threatening my narcissism. What am I supposed to do?!
Linus: Well I’m out of appropriate ideas.
Icepunk: Malex, I don’t know why you keep him around. He’s almost as useless as this old man I’ve been dragging around with me for the past six months!
Linus: Uh… An old man?
Icepunk: Yes. He has a lead on the secret to immortality! We’re going to find it… together. Unfortunately, his brain seems to have been damaged in the crash.
Old Man: I’m an old man!
Malex: Yes. Yes, we know. Icepunk, how do you always get yourself into situations like this?
Icepunk: Well, it all started when I was little. I was a happy child way back then–
Malex: I withdraw the question. More pertinently, when are you leaving?
Icepunk: That depends, how much caffeine and protein do you have?
Linus: (Woe.) Oh, it looks like our supply will barely last the day!
Snufflefungus: Whatever shall we do?
Icepunk: Why don’t you just buy more?
Malex: I don’t think you understand. We want you to leave.
Icepunk: Fine, fine! I see how it is!
Malex: No, I mean– it’s not that. I mean, it’s just that you rain down so much pain!
Icepunk: Sure, whatever. Come on, old man. Let’s blow this joint.
Old Man: I’m an old man!
~~ Glass breaks. (Glass breaking sound happens while old man is speaking.)
Malex: Ah. He just left through the dining room window.
Snufflefungus: Why didn’t he just go back through the kitchen window?
Linus: One never knows with Icepunk. One never knows.
Malex: Well, that’s about all I can handle for today. Thanks for listening Ladies and Gentlemen, and hope you join us again next week for more Malex Minute!
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Alex Markley and John Morgan. with input from Peter Markley and Gabriel Markley.
Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by John Morgan as Icepunk!
Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.