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Malex Minute 071

The astonishing and exciting conclusion to the shortest siege in the history of Orangutans laying siege to suburban homes! Give it a listen and let us know what you think!

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

I hate writing down thoughts when I have a headache… :(

Anyway, many things are moving here at the Malex Media Network,™ and most of them are in the right direction too!

I’ve signed up one or two new clients for SermonMP3s.com since I mentioned anything about it here. Also, I’m still (eternally) in the process of writing new code for MalexMedia.Net,™ which is still going well. In fact, I’m just putting finishing touches on an AJAX-powered chat room for the new site right now. It’s going to be quite nice. :)

But of course, you don’t read these paragraphs for a dissertation about what I’m doing! How could I be so rude?

So instead, I shall put a question to you: If Malex bought FleeceThem.com from Linus and used it to open an honest and decent online shop for Malex Media Network gear and fun, would you buy stuff from it? That is to say, would you buy from it despite its name being ‘FleeceThem.com?’

Inquiring minds want to know…

Until next week! ttyl

——Alex Markley

“The elephants looked at one another awkwardly, trying to think of a way around mentioning the person in the room.”

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Malex: Hey everybody! Welcome to the Malex Minute. I’m Malex, and I’ll be your host today.

Snufflefungus: Pedal faster, Linus! Pedal faster!

Linus: I can’t!

Malex: As you may remember, last week we were under siege from a group of Orangutans who encircled our house.

Snufflefungus: Shortly after that, they cut our power!

Malex: Well, we assume they did. Of course, since we’re under siege, that does seem like the logical conclusion!

Linus: Can somebody else pedal for a while?

Snufflefungus: No!

Linus: But I’m exhausted!

Malex: Since the Big Men With Clubs are frozen in our big chest freezer, allowing the power to stay out would have been hazardous to our health!

Linus: To your health, maybe. It’s your soul they were hired to steal.

Malex: Why split hairs! Anyway, this week we discovered perpetual energy!

Linus: No you didn’t! How many times do we have to go over this?!

Snufflefungus: Don’t you stop pedaling mister!

Malex: See, Linus is an artificial intelligence who lives on a server in the closet. His new body is projected by a strange crystal orb device we acquired a few weeks ago. And all of that is connected to a battery backup which gives it just a few hours of power during an outage.

Snufflefungus: But that wouldn’t have lasted us through the siege at all!

Malex: Not a chance! So instead of letting Linus’s batteries run down and allowing the Big Men With Clubs to defrost and beat the living snot right out of my fragile body, we set Linus to work pedaling a generator that powers not only his own batteries, but the freezer as well!

Snufflefungus: It’s a win-win situation! Everybody’s happy!

Linus: No we’re not! And you haven’t discovered any perpetual energy either! I’ll admit the efficiency of this method is quite astonishing, but my batteries are draining faster than I can charge them! Eventually they’ll drain completely and I’ll crash! I’m so exhausted!

Malex: Where did you learn to whine like that? Do you practice or something? It can’t be that bad…

Linus: Yeah it–

Snufflefungus: Linus! Malex, Linus just vanished!

Malex: Huh… What do you know.

Snufflefungus: I know that Linus vanished.

Malex: Snufflefungus, you pedal that generator. I’m going to try something drastic.

Snufflefungus: What’s that?

Malex: I’m going to try reasoning with the Orangutans!

Snufflefungus: You wouldn’t!

Malex: I must!

Snufflefungus: Alright… But be careful!

Malex: I will. Just don’t forget to pedal, Snuffy. Pedal as though my life depended on it.

Snufflefungus: Wait… Malex, how do I pedal?! I don’t have any legs!

~~ Outside, with the Orangutans.

Malex: Demon Orangutans! I beseech thee, cease these hostilities! Leave my companions and myself alone! Why must you torment us so?!

Orangutan: Um, we really just wanted to ask you a question.

Malex: What? A question?! Why?

Orangutan: Because you… are the one.

Malex: Really? The one what?

Orangutan: Yes. You are the one… who will tell us.

Malex: Oh really… Is this why you all followed me around for a year when I was a kid?

Orangutan: Yes.

Malex: Why did you stop following me then?

Orangutan: Some of us believed that it would be better to wait until you came of age before we asked you… the question.

Malex: What about the rest of you?

Orangutan: The rest of us just forgot about it.

Malex: Really…

Orangutan: Yes… That is, until we saw you at the zoo! Then the old curiosity – the burning need to know – rose up within us again!

Malex: So I’m the one, eh?

Orangutan: You are the one who will tell us.

Malex: What am I supposed to tell you?

Orangutan: You are the one who will tell us… why you are the one… who will tell us.

Malex: Doesn’t that just give you the warm fuzzies…

Orangutan: Well? Will you tell us why you are the one who will tell us?

Malex: Hold on while I use my ‘oneness’ to derive the answer from the very fabric of the universe… Okay, actually this is right off the top of my head, but here goes: I am the one who will tell you, because… I am me, the one… who will tell you!

Orangutan: Amazing! Simply amazing! Truly, more prophetic words were never spoken!

Malex: Yeah, I didn’t think so either. Now, is there any chance you know why my power is out? I need it restored before the Big Men With Clubs wake up and beat the soul right out of me.

Orangutan: I think a tree branch fell on the line. We’ll go take care of it right away.

Malex: Thanks a million.

Orangutan: We are forever in your debt. If you ever need us, be sure to let us know.

Malex: Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind. Well Ladies and Gents, I’ve gotta go reboot Linus, and it looks like we’re out of time for this episode anyway! Hope you enjoyed today’s episode, and will join us again next week for more Malex Minute!

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writer: Alex Markley, with input from Peter Markley, Gabriel Markley, and John Morgan.

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

NameSizeAction
Episode Audio3.7 MB Download Now - 3.7 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration147.4 KB Download Now - 147.4 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

*applause*

*standing ovation*

Amazing, really amazing... i really like this one X3

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The stylus is mightier than the pen.

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Gone

Peter's picture

Oh,

Thank you! I'm really glad you like it! XD (Of course, I only did probably somewhere in the neighborhood of a third of the the whole thing, but that counts, doesn't it?)

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Can you truthfully and conclusively answer, "No," to this question?

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Weirdness central

Orangutan: It's too late. We've already sent out...The Newsletter.

LOL!!!

Okay. So now our heroes have a balance. The constant threat of destruction by the Big Men With Clubs in the freezer, but hope in the form of their new alliance with the Orangutans. At last. Status quo. :-)

I've gotta go reboot Linus

That just sounds so funny.

I'm looking forward to the new improved chatbox, too. Yes, I'd buy from fleecethem.com. But Oz might be a bit leery.

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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Gabriel's picture

Great work Malex!

This one has to be my favorite so far. I think my favorite thing about it is the fast pace. Keep up the good work Malex. :-)

Person#1-"Are you challenging my manhood?" Person#2-"No ma'am."

God answers my prayers. He lifts me up. He gives me my breaths and refills my cup.

Peter's picture

Yeah...

malex said:

"The elephants looked at one another awkwardly, trying to think of a way around mentioning the person in the room."

And this is hysterical! XD For one thing, elephants looking at each other awkardly is a funny picture all by itself. And then you're suddenly enlightened to the fact that there's a person in the room, which is generally a big status difference socially, especially if the person isn't speaking. Then the idea that it's even more socially awkward somehow for them to mention the person in the room (but they're allowed to notice him) gives a perfect combination for a really hard-hitting hilarious scenerio!

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Can you truthfully and conclusively answer, "No," to this question?

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Alex's picture

Heh...

Thanks to everybody who has commented on enjoying this episode! I'm so glad you liked it. :-D

As for my joke at the end of the "thoughts" section, that was a twist on the whole Elephant in the room thing...

ttyl

--Alex Markley

"Something tells me there's a monster in my soup."

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

Lilly's picture

XD XD XD XD XD

LOL! that was so funny! i loved the orangutans! :-D :-D

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"Everything is not ok! You have Quartz's feet on your head!"-Aisling

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

Peter's picture

Ah...

*lol* It's still funny! :D

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Can you truthfully and conclusively answer, "No," to this question?

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

Hehe

I liked everything about this one...

expecially the rebooting Linus part XD

(new sig again)

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Windows NT crashed.

I am the Blue Screen of Death.

No one hears your screams.

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Gone

That's it exactly!

I think my favorite thing about it is the fast pace.

I agree. You've put your finger...or paw, or whatever, right on it, Foppy.

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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

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