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Malex Minute 070

Malex’s terror of orangutans: well-founded or the result of an unhinged mind? Give this week’s episode a listen to find out for yourself! Oh, and don’t forget to let us know what you think.

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

This Malex Minute episode is unique in that it is the only episode I have ever written while attending an incredibly loud (and poorly mixed) concert.

See, this week was the July 4th, which we Yankees celebrate as our Independence Day.

This year I was one of the half-million people who celebrated by cramming themselves into downtown Columbus, Ohio to attend Red, White & Boom on the 3rd.

Red, White & Boom claims to be the largest fireworks display in the Midwest, and it very well might be. In addition to the fireworks themselves, there are a number of random festivities packed in during the afternoon, such as a parade and a concert or two.

In short, it’s usually a madhouse.

Now, nobody in their right mind would bring a laptop to such an event, let alone try to get work done on it. However, it’s been well-established for years now that I’m not in my right mind.

Even I wouldn’t usually have attempted something so ludicrous, but I had promised my brother that I would have the Malex Minute script done by the 4th, and it wasn’t until I was leaving for the festivities on the 3rd that I remembered.

Oops.

So if you’re listening to this week’s episode and wondering why it is the way it is, just remember that I’m a maniac.

ttyl!

——Alex Markley

“Why do I quote myself every week?”

Transcript

~~ Introduction

Malex: Hey everybody, welcome to the Malex Minute! I’m Malex, and I’ll be your host today, along with Snufflefungus–

Snufflefungus: (Said like two words.) Howdy!

Malex: –and Linus!

Linus: Ladies and Gentlemen, Malex’s thin veneer of sanity has finally worn through.

Malex: What?

Snufflefungus: It’s those Orangutans… They hurt his mind.

Linus: It doesn’t take much to hurt Malex’s mind. It’s so small and fragile…

Malex: I think I should be offended.

Linus: In fact, it was only yesterday that Malex finally lost it.

Snufflefungus: Let’s do a flashback!

~~ Flashback.

Malex: (Screams.)

Snufflefungus: What? What is it, Malex?

Malex: I just saw an Orangutan staring at me through the window!

Linus: Well don’t look back. I’m pretty sure they believe that they can’t see you if you can’t see them. They’ll never know you’re here.

Malex: Oh no. I’m pretty sure they know I’m here.

~~ End Flashback.

Malex: How did you do that?

Snufflefungus: So as you can see, the encounter with the Orangutan at the zoo has damaged Malex’s mind.

Malex: Guys, I really did see an Orangutan.

Snufflefungus: Yeah, at the zoo!

Malex: Yes, and I saw one just outside the window! It was creepy as all get-out!

Linus: The flaw in your logic is that it can’t be here and in the zoo at the same time.

Malex: Well it must have escaped!

Linus: It couldn’t have!

Malex: That moose did.

Linus: Ow! Why do you have to remind me about that!

Malex: Because it’s hilarious. Anyway, are you feeling any better yet?

Linus: Sure! I haven’t been in pain hardly at all… It’s just that every time I round a corner I’m terrified I’ll encounter another of those demon moose things.

Malex: (Drawn out.) Oh really? Well then I guess you know how I feel!

Snufflefungus: Uh, Malex?

Malex: And you can stop teasing me too. I’ve had about enough–

Snufflefungus: Malex?

Malex: What?

Snufflefungus: I see Orangutans outside the window.

Malex: What did I just say about teasing?! A little bit of friendly ribbing is one thing, but you guys have been going on about this for two weeks solid!

Linus: Malex?

Malex: (Anger.) What?!

Linus: He’s not kidding.

Malex: (Disbelief.) What?

Snufflefungus: It actually looks like we’re under siege.

Linus: Yeah, there are a lot of Orangutans out there, and it looks like they form a completely unbroken circle around the house.

Malex: (Screams again.)

Snufflefungus: Well what do you know? As soon as you looked out the window, they all pointed at you!

Linus: Okay, Malex. I can no longer deny that the Orangutans seem to like you a lot, but–

Malex: Like me?! They don’t like me, they hate me.

Snufflefungus: How could they hate you?

Malex: I don’t know, but they’ve been terrorizing me since I was a kid. Nobody would ever believe me, but they stalked me for like a year when I was nine.

~~ Silence…

Snufflefungus: Okay… I’m slightly creeped out.

Linus: That’s like something out of a really bad movie.

Malex: I know! But it’s true!

Snufflefungus: So what did you do to offend them?

Malex: I dunno.

Linus: More to the point, what did you do to make them leave?

Malex: I dunno…

Linus: Well that’s really not useful.

Malex: (Freaking out.) It’s not useful, it’s traumatizing!

Snufflefungus: I’m so sorry, Malex.

Linus: So what do we do now?

Malex: I dunno, uh… Hey, maybe if we ignore them, they’ll go away.

Linus: Sure, that makes sense.

Malex: Well fellas, uh, get comfy. It’s going to be a long winter.

Linus: I’ve never ridden out a siege before. Should be fun.

Snufflefungus: Malex, what happens if the Orangutans cut the power?

Malex: What? That won’t happen.

Snufflefungus: But what if it does?

Malex: Well I guess the stuff in the freezer will go bad. I’m not leaving the house just because… (Trails off in thought.)

Linus: Aren’t the Big Men With Clubs frozen solid in a chest freezer in the basement?

Malex: Yeah. Well, we’ll just have to hope the Orangutans aren’t smart enough to cut the power–

~~ Power outage cuts everything suddenly.

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writer: Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

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Episode Audio2.55 MB Download Now - 2.55 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration244.84 KB Download Now - 244.84 KB View Now - Episode Illustration

Comments

Orangutans? Why orangutans?

Okay, I'm intrigued. What is the dark secret in Malex's past that causes orangutans to stare and point at him whenever they see him? Why have they sought him out at his home, and what dreadful fate have they got in mind for our hero? Tune in next week for more exciting surprises! X-D

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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Ohh!

The big man with clubs... i froze him!! *stands proudly while twirling LNG*

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If this imaginary night wind would ever cease to cast it's wrath upon the innocent, shalt they not break free from their invisible cages?

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Gone

Peter's picture

*lol*

Yeah, back in episode 018! XD

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Can you truthfully and conclusively answer, "No," to this question?

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy, Contradictionary - Party

*nodsnods*

Yeah, that was teh best episode ever XD

Random materialization ish teh spiff-ness

------------------------------

If this imaginary night wind would ever cease to cast it's wrath upon the innocent, shalt they not break free from their invisible cages?

------------------------------

Gone

Mariel 7's picture

yup

yes, GFG, yes it is X-D

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"That would cause so many time quandries that the whole Earth would probably just drop into a lower orbit and fry everything on the planet."

"Hmm. I see your point"

- Artemis Fowl: the lost colony, by Eoin Colfer

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

My lack of skills

Random materialization

*stands sadly with downcast eyes, scuffing toe*

I wish I could do that. :-((

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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Lilly's picture

I dont

Can you imagine all the things that could go wrong! what if half of you randomly materalized elsewhere! :-(|

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"Everything is not ok! You have Quartz's feet on your head!"-Aisling

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

Hehe

Yeah... that is rather painful...

*coughs*

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If this imaginary night wind would ever cease to cast it's wrath upon the innocent, shalt they not break free from their invisible cages?

------------------------------

Gone

I guess you're right

Yeah! I never thought of that. You could put somebody's eye out!

------------------------------

I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Lilly's picture

AHH!

Oh SangMing thats horrible :-(|

------------------------------

"Everything is not ok! You have Quartz's feet on your head!"-Aisling

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

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