Yes, I actually got a chance to see Ratatouille before it was released. In fact, I saw it last week and wrote/recorded this episode that same evening.

Then I left for the Pastor’s Conference.

That was a pretty interesting experience. I’ve done a number of these similar conferences before, but this was this first one I did with the amazing SermonMP3s.com brand to back me up. I spoke to a lot of pastors, generated some interest in the SermonMP3s.com service, and will hopefully be signing up a number of new clients in the weeks to come.

For those of you who are in the know with regards to the Malex Minute, you may be surprised at the lack of what we call a ‘tail’ hidden in this episode.

In fact, one of us (I won’t mention any names) came up with (what I thought was) a pretty funny tail, and we recorded it for inclusion before I left for the Pastor’s Conference.

However, somebody on this end told somebody else about the tail, and there was some concern that we may have inadvertently created one form of innuendo or another. So, since I was out of town and we couldn’t do any re-recording, I had the whole segment cut from the production.

Now, I can almost hear somebody piping up, saying, “Malex, don’t you think that’s overkill?”

Of course, the answer is, “No.” Otherwise, I wouldn’t have made the call. In my opinion, the only thing more important than quality entertainment is family-friendly quality entertainment, and the last thing I want is for somebody to get the wrong idea from a poorly-thought-out joke and use it as an excuse to reject our work.

That would just be a shame.

Anyway, I have now returned to Ohio, so life can return to normal. Many thanks to the guys who supported the production in my absence. Their continual efforts are really what make this possible, and I’m grateful.

Oh, and by the way. It appears I’ve become an incredibly boring person, because I don’t think I have anything else to say.

ttyl!

——Alex Markley

“The Mandlebrot set eyed Julia suspiciously. It knew it could never defeat its opponent, but it knew it would have to try!”

~~ Introduction

Malex: What a week it has been!

Linus: Really? Whatever do you mean?

Snufflefungus: I’m in great suspense!

Malex: Well, I spent the last five days in Missouri. I went to the Great Commission Association of Churches Pastors’ and Leaders’ Conference, I watched one of my best buddies graduate from Army Boot Camp, and to top it all off, I signed up my first new client in almost six months.

Snufflefungus: I’m so sorry, Malex. As your friends, we will support you through this time of trial.

Linus: Snuffy, those were all good things.

Snufflefungus: They were? Wow!

Malex: Yes, those were all good things. I just need a little bit of time to unwind.

Snufflefungus: Can we unwind by going to the zoo?

Malex: Oh, don’t tell me you guys really still want to go to the zoo…

Linus: Yup. I’m actually still looking forward to it.

Snufflefungus: I am too!

Malex: Well, we can’t go to the zoo today. Maybe, uh, next time.

Linus: Why don’t you want to go to the zoo, Malex?

Malex: What? I want to go to the zoo just like everybody else.

Linus: No you don’t! You’ve been avoiding it for a whole week!

Snufflefungus: Malex, is Linus right? Are you afraid of going to the zoo?

Malex: Uh, not afraid as such… It’s, you know, complicated.

Linus: (Drawn out.) Okay… I’m waiting for an explanation.

Malex: One is not forthcoming.

Snufflefungus: I think Malex is afraid of the Orangutans.

Malex: (Shocked.) What? No!

Snufflefungus: It’s the only logical explanation.

Linus: You have to admit, he has a compelling argument.

Malex: I can’t believe I’m listening to this. I’m going to change the subject now.

Linus: What? That’s tantamount to staging a coup.

Malex: This is my show!

Linus: So change the subject already! See if I care!

Malex: Well, for one thing, we got an email from a girl who calls herself “Roses Are Pizza.”

Snufflefungus: Roses are pizza? How unique! How surreal!

Linus: How incorrect!

Malex: Anyway, she asked a lot of questions I don’t know the answers to.

Snufflefungus: Like what?

Malex: Like how old you guys are.

Snufflefungus: Still not telling.

Linus: My age is really complicated.

Malex: See? It’s, like, a closely guarded secret with you guys.

Snufflefungus: How old are you, Malex?

Malex: I, well… I mean I’m… Uh, I don’t really know!

Linus: Tears.

Snufflefungus: You don’t know how old you are?

Malex: Uh, yeah. Rather disconcerting, eh?

Linus: Yes, yes. What else did she say?

Malex: Well, she said she liked it when we reviewed movies, and wondered what our next one would be.

Snufflefungus: What will our next movie review be?

Malex: Actually, I thought I’d review Ratatouille, the new movie from Pixar!

Linus: But that’s not out until next week.

Malex: Dude, I’m a movie reviewer. I saw it last week.

Linus: What? Without me?!

Snufflefungus: But Linus, you decided not to go!

Linus: I did?

Malex: Yeah, it was somewhat random.

Linus: Oh yeah…

Malex: Anyway, I thought the film was–

Snufflefungus: I thought the movie should have been called Mouse-a-too-ee!

Malex: What? Why?

Snufflefungus: Why would they name a movie about mice Rat-a-too-ee? It’s not even a real sentence!

Malex: It’s a movie about rats.

Snufflefungus: (Gasps.) Suddenly everything makes sense!

Malex: Good, because I’d like to move on.

Snufflefungus: Except the title! That still doesn’t make sense.

Malex: What? The title… Ratatouille is the name of a food. A French food.

Snufflefungus: Nothing makes sense anymore.

Linus: The world weeps with you.

Malex: Anyway, I thought the movie was incredibly original. For example, when was the last time you saw a movie about rodents that didn’t have a cat as the cheap antagonist?

Snufflefungus: But… Ratatouille didn’t have any cats at all in it.

Malex: Exactly my point!

Snufflefungus: Really?

Malex: As with all of Pixar’s movies, Ratatouille is a veritable feast for the eyes. I don’t doubt that they pushed the limits of their render farm once again with this film.

Linus: Can you not use the phrase ‘render farm?’ It’s so derogatory.

Malex: The sound and music were also both particularly amazing. In short, the film was a work of art.

Snufflefungus: I’m still confused.

Malex: Now, Brad Bird, the director and screenwriter for Ratatouille, is one of my favorite directors. He was previously responsible for the Iron Giant and The Incredibles, both of which were astounding and entertaining. In fact, The Incredibles remains one of my favorite movies of all time.

Linus: I’m sensing a major conditional here…

Malex: (Drawn out.) Well… I wasn’t terribly impressed with Ratatouille when taken as a whole.

Snufflefungus: Really?

Malex: It almost seemed as though the movie’s primary antagonist was supposed to be the idea of preconceptions in general.

Linus: Seriously?

Malex: Yeah. Now, they also took weak stabs at various and sundry other things, like the morality of stealing and the always-popular “be true to yourself” mantra, but it didn’t really add up to an entertaining film altogether.

Snufflefungus: But… I liked the flying mousey.

Malex: Well don’t get me wrong, every individual scene was powerful, interesting, or funny in its own way. It’s just that the movie itself ended up feeling like less than the sum of its parts.

Linus: That’s really harsh, dude.

Malex: It’s not easy for me to say, either. I’ve been a Pixar fan-boy since Luxo Jr. and this is the first time I didn’t absolutely love one of their feature films.

Snufflefungus: I liked it a lot! It had a lot of movie in it! And mouseys! And no cats!

Malex: You’re right, Snufflefungus. The movie had a lot of subtleties about it, and I may very well change my opinion after a second or third viewing. It’s just that I’ve come to expect more from Pixar.

Linus: Yeah, after you cried like a baby during Cars…

Malex: Well, there’s always WALL-E to look forward to!

Linus: Yeah, maybe you’ll cry during that one, too!

Snufflefungus: Wait, you won’t always be able to look forward to it, since it comes out next year!

Malex: You know what, ladies and gentlemen, I guess that’s all we have time for this week. Hope you enjoyed the episode, and will join us again next week for more Malex Minute!

~~ End

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writer: Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to everyone for their help and support.