The third and final part of our Quarter Five quarter finale! It’s exciting! It’s epic! It’s hilarious! Give it a listen, and let us know what you think!
So, we managed to survive all the way through our fifth quarter! Year one is most definitely a thing of the past, and we’re ready and on the ball to jump head-first into Quarter Six!
Actually, that’s a lie. I’ve been so focused on getting this finale out the door, my team and I haven’t made any hard decisions about Quarter Six.
If we boil it down, we have two major things which could each go one of two ways. One of which is this: should we dive right into another quest-like story arc? Or should things go back to pseudo-normal for a while before we do anything drastic?
Comments are officially welcome.
And, well, those are all the thoughts I have for now!
“Now that’ll confuse ’em!”
Malex: (Over the walkie-talkie.) Guys, we need to find that Crystal Orb or whatever it is. If it really is the source of all Jeffrey’s powers, taking it might collapse this reality and allow us to save all the missing children!
Linus: So Jeffrey, what can you tell us about this crystal orb thing?
Jeffrey: Not a thing, man.
Snufflefungus: But I thought you said it was the source of all your power! How can you turn around and say you don’t know anything about it?
Jeffrey: I didn’t say that, man. I know everything about it.
Linus: Then why can’t you tell us?
Jeffrey: It’s a secret, man. Surely you of all people can understand that, Liny-dude.
Linus: When I wanted a secret kept, you couldn’t keep your mouth shut. Now you suddenly respect the idea of verbal discretion?!
Jeffrey: Hey, man, it’s all good…
Snufflefungus: (Tattling.) Malex, Malex, Jeffrey won’t tell us where the crystal orb is!
Malex: Jeffrey, is this true? I demand to know where the crystal orb is!
Jeffrey: Over my cremated remains, dude…
Malex: Jeffrey, if you don’t tell me where that crystal orb is… (Dramatic.) I won’t let you be my arch nemesis any more!
Jeffrey: Okay, okay man, whatever you say. It’s in the castle. You can just follow the signs, man.
Snufflefungus: Thank you, Mr. Jeffrey!
~~ They meet up at the castle.
Linus: Okay, he said follow the signs… Oh look, there’s one!
Snufflefungus: And there’s another!
Malex: What? I would have sworn those weren’t there before. (Sound familiar? Check Episode 017 out! ——Your Friendly Neighborhood Alex Markley)
Snufflefungus: Let’s follow them!
Malex: But they’re pointing in different directions.
Linus: Oh my…
Malex: We’ll have to split up! I’ll take this one, you two take that one.
~~ They split up.
Malex: Hmm. This is the part of the castle I was in before. What’s this strange glow? It seems to be coming from that room up ahead!
Mr. Eyebrows: Malex! What an unpleasant surprise! (Laughs at his own joke.)
Malex: Aha! So, there’s the crystal orb!
Squeaky: Yup! But we have it, and we won’t be giving it to you!
Malex: Oh yeah? Well we’ll see about that!
Mr. Eyebrows: You know what? I don’t think we will!
Squeaky: (Laughs manically for a really long time.)
Mr. Eyebrows: Are you done?
Squeaky: Uh, sure.
Mr. Eyebrows: Can we go now?
Malex: Guys, my friends and I are just going to follow you until you give us the orb.
Mr. Eyebrows: Not if we lock down the castle you won’t!
Squeaky: (Begins to laugh manically again.)
Mr. Eyebrows: Don’t you even start.
Squeaky: Sorry sir…
~~ They pull a switch, and are ejected from the castle, which immediately locks down and secures all exits.
Malex: They ejected themselves from the castle! And they have the crystal orb, too! I had better find Linus and Snuffy right away!
~~ Scene change.
Linus: So any bets on where this crystal orb is exactly?
Snufflefungus: It’s hard to say… This is a pretty big castle and… (In sort of a trance.) What’s that smell?
Linus: Hmm? I don’t smell a thing.
~~ One of the walls slide away to reveal a platter of cookies and a suit of armor with an axe.
Snufflefungus: Ooh! Cookies! On a platter in a secret alcove, no less!
Linus: With a strange-looking, axe-wielding suit of armor beside it… Snuffy, what are you doing?! We’re supposed to be looking for the crystal orb!
Snufflefungus: I can’t help it. They’re cookies!
~~ The suit of armor comes to life and starts to advance towards Linus with axe held high.
Linus: Um, Snuffy, The suit of armor just came to life and is walking towards me!
Snufflefungus: And I’m too wrapped up in the cookies to care.
Linus: Snuffy, help!
~~ Loud clanging sound as the armor swings the axe into the wall.
Snufflefungus: (Eating.) Hmm. Mm. This is so good. Huh? Linus, why are you hiding behind my platter of cookies?
Linus: To get away from the horrible axe-wielding thing over there!
Snufflefungus: What? (Yelps.)
~~ Armor takes out the platter of cookies with its axe.
Snufflefungus: You terrible armor bad guy! You destroyed my platter of cookies! Now you shall pay. Pay the price of… Ultra!
~~ Snuffy throws the suit of armor through the wall.
Malex: (Just arriving.) Hey guys, I– Hey, why is there a huge hole in the wall?
Snufflefungus: It smashed my cookies all over the place! Just look at them! I can’t eat them that way!
Linus: Dude, you’re pretty much just going to have to get over it.
Malex: Well, I found where the orb used to be…
Linus: Uh, “used to be?”
Malex: Yeah, Mr. Eyebrows and Squeaky escaped, and they locked down the castle behind them! We’ve got to find a way to get out of here!
Snufflefungus: Oh no, did you check the front door?!
Malex: I did! And it’s completely sealed.
Snufflefungus: What are we going to do?!
Linus: How about using the huge hole in the wall that Snuffy made when he tossed that bad guy through it?
Malex: Oh, right.
~~ They leave the castle, and head back to the carnival.
Malex: There they are, up on the carousel!
Child: Aw, but we want to ride on the carousel!
Jeffrey: You should have thought of that before you became a child, man. Stupid kids should go like dunk clowns or something.
Linus: Let’s get ’em!
Mr. Eyebrows: So, Squeaky, is the crystal orb installed and hidden inside the carousel– Hey, how did you guys escape so quickly?!
Snufflefungus: (Dramatic.) I threw that dastardly cookie-crushing demon through the wall! (Starkly changing to cheerful.) And then we climbed through the hole! It was Linus’s idea because he’s so smart. And he’s my best friend, except for Malex, who is also my best friend too!
Malex: Mr. Eyebrows, I demand that you give us the crystal orb! You have no right to imprison these children like this!
Mr. Eyebrows: Ah, let’s see you try and stop me!
Linus: You darn–
Mr. Eyebrows: Reserve your epithets; it gets better. Jeffrey, start the carousel!
Jeffrey: Sure thing, man… Here you go! (Grunts.)
~~ Carousel starts going faster and faster, making a whooshing sound.
Linus: Can I yell at you now, or do you still have something more up your sleeve?
Mr. Eyebrows: Nah, that was it.
Linus: Good! You darned eyebrow-toting so-and-so! I’m going to knock your block off! I’m gonna sync your disks! I’m gonna blue your screen!
Mr. Eyebrows: Aw, you’re so cute! You’ve never been able to stand up to the likes of me, so what makes you think– Oof!
~~ Linus starts beating on Mr. Eyebrows.
Mr. Eyebrows: (Surprise and pain.) Oh! Ow! Ooh! Ah!
Malex: Looks like Linus is going to keep him busy for a while. Come on Snuffy, let’s grab that orb!
~~ Squeaky swings a metal pipe at them.
Squeaky: Darn! Just missed!
Malex: Hey! Be careful where you swing that pipe! You could hurt someone!
Squeaky: Ya’ think?!
Snufflefungus: (Intimidating.) Squeaky, don’t make me get Ultra on you…
Squeaky: I’d like to see you try, snuffle-stupid pom-pom!
Snufflefungus: Okay, that’s it!
Squeaky: Oh! Oh no! (Yelps.)
~~ Squeaky flies off the carousel.
Malex: Wow, you sure took care of him…
Snufflefungus: So destroy the crystal orb already!
Malex: Uh, wait, wait, wait…
Snufflefungus: What’s wrong?
Malex: I have an idea!
Malex: I’ve changed my mind, I don’t want to destroy it. I want to dismantle it instead!
Snufflefungus: But why?
Malex: Just help me! How do I get it out of this thing?
Snufflefungus: Press that button!
Malex: You mean the one that says, “Do Not Press,” in bold red letters?
Snufflefungus: Yeah, what could go wrong!
Linus: Press it already! I’m running out of interesting punches!
Malex: Fine, fine.
~~ Malex presses the button.
Jeffrey: Oh no man, my beautiful alternate reality!
Squeaky: The sky is falling, everybody! The sky is falling!
Malex: Finally! Now everything can return to normal!
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Gabriel Markley, Peter Markley, and Alex Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Sound Design and Music: Alex Markley
Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.