Looks like we’re late again with this one! Sorry to anyone who was actually waiting with bated breath, but this here delay wasn’t our fault!

Well, I mean, it was our fault, but not in the usual way.

See, we actually had the script written somewhat on time, and we even recorded it. Sadly, we ran into a problem with the super super super nice Audio Technica ATH-M40fs studio headphones that we use to mix and master every Malex Minute episode. If you load the info page on them, you’ll notice that these headphones are supposedly ‘field-serviceable,’ meaning that you can replace parts and repair these suckers at a moment’s notice.

Yeah, we had to do that today, only without the benefit of any spare parts…

See, somebody broke the cable, which caused the headphones to not work anymore, which caused a general flurry of problems and mini-delays. We managed to fix the headphones eventually, but the nice 11-foot cable is now a good two or three feet shorter.

All in all though, everything about this episode turned out great. From a sound and music perspective, this episode was the most ambitious we’ve done in quite a while.

Many of the sound effects were borrowed from the wonderful library over at The Freesound Project (see the credits for details), but the tumbling sound effect was done here in our studio. (I love foley art, and I wish I had more time to dedicate to the practice.)

If you’re wondering how we managed to capture such a great tumbling sound, it’s because we weren’t afraid to cause some tumbling. No, none of us actually volunteered, I had Quartz drop a box of shoes down the stairs while I recorded it with my condenser mic.

That was fun.

If you want to download a copy of the tumbling sound, it should be appearing in my Freesound profile shortly.

Even more impressive than the sound is the music in this week’s episode. To celebrate putting my music studio back together, I composed one theme for each of the two areas, including a low-intensity and a high-intensity (conflict) variation of each. You won’t hear the high-intensity versions of the themes until next week, but I did compose them. In fact, the castle/Mr. Eyebrows theme may well form the basis for a track that will ultimately go on my upcoming Drum & Bass EP.

And oh yeah, did I mention that all of this music composition, programming, recording, and mastering was done this afternoon?

That’s right, rock on.

Anyhow, I need to go solve some problems and get some other work done. Hope you enjoy this week’s episode!

ttyl!

——Alex Markley

“For the world is hollow, and I have swallowed a fly.”

~~ Introduction

Snufflefungus: Linus, are you awake?

Linus: (Grunts.) Sure… I just have to conserve my battery life, since these crooked cops won’t let me plug in. And after they broke me to pieces, too…

Malex: Well, cheer up. We came to get you out of that cell.

Linus: And how are you going to manage that?

Snufflefungus: We picked up my Ultra-Belt, and then we went to the store, and then we bought some walkie-talkies! Here, you wanna see?!

Malex: I also bought a brand-new laptop with wireless networking. See if you can transfer yourself in here.

Linus: Ugh, this operating system is really horrible! I want the one you made! (See TUAoMaI 1x10 to refresh your memory. ——Amazin’ Alex)

Malex: Uh, well, I didn’t have time to install that; I’ll do it later! In the mean-time, you’d better get all the way in here so we can jet.

Linus: All done, but you should know that I hate it in here.

Snufflefungus: But why? All operating systems are pretty much the same, right?

Malex: Before this develops into blows, I say we’d better head down to that screaming portal of sheepy doom.

Snufflefungus: Why?

Linus: To save the children, of course!

Snufflefungus: Oh yeah! Of course!

~~ Portal sound.

Snufflefungus: Whoa! The trip through the portal made me feel woozy.

Malex: Yeah, that sort of thing is always a bundle of fun…

Linus: Ha ha! I love being able to transform into a humanoid form whenever we’re in one of Jeffrey’s alternate realities! Why I feel light as a feather! As free as a bird! As graceful as a–

Snufflefungus: Linus! Watch where you’re going!

Linus: (Screams and tumbles down a steep, rocky incline.)

Malex: Oh, dear. Linus just fell down a steep, rocky incline. Hey, is that a carnival over there?

Snufflefungus: It sure looks like it.

Linus: A little help please?

Malex: Oh, sure thing. In addition to multiple abrasions and a laceration or two, it looks like your arm is dislocated. The good news is I think I can just pop it back in.

Linus: It better not hurt! (Yelps the last word as Malex pops his arm into place.)

Snufflefungus: That sounded painful!

Malex: Uh, so where are we, anyway?

Linus: It looks like some sort of carnival or something.

Snufflefungus: (Creeped out.) You got the ‘or something’ part right…

Malex: Dang, look at all the children!

Linus: Dang, look at all the sheep!

~~ Sheep noises.

Snufflefungus: Why is it so warm here?

Linus: I think it’s because we’re on an island in the middle of a sea of lava.

Malex: Uh, what is a carnival doing in the middle of a sea of lava? Wait, how could you possibly know that we’re in the middle of a sea of lava?

Snufflefungus: Yeah, how do you know that?! We could be a little bit to one side!

Linus: Does this answer your question?

Malex: Oh, you found a map. And it’s labeled very literally, too. Hmm… “Sea of Lava?”

Snufflefungus: So what now?

~~ A child runs by giggling between hiccups/snorts and snarfing a mountain of cotton candy.

Child: Cotton (Snarf.) candy! (Giggles and snorts simultaneously.)

Malex: Hey, you there! Young child!

Child: Hiya, dipstick!

Linus: Human child creature, you are in danger! You must help us to free yourself and your childish brethren to escape this horrible prison!

Child: Why bother? You look broken. You’d better have some of my nylon candy!

Snufflefungus: What? But I thought you just said it was cotton candy.

Child: But it’s double flavor!

Malex: Child, don’t you feel you should be getting home?

Child: But why should I? In my child-like foolishness, I have become completely distracted from the reality of the situation and the priorities in my life. All I care about is that there are rides here! And free candy!

Malex: That’s all you care about?

Child: And that your head looks festering! (Runs away giggling and snorting.)

Linus: And we’re saving these children… why?

Malex: Because it’s the right thing to do!

Snufflefungus: So what’s the plan?

Malex: Well, the map shows Mr. Eyebrow’s castle over there. I’ll go spy on Mr. Eyebrows and see what I can find out. You two see what you can find out about the lay of the land here in the carnival.

~~ Time passes.

Malex: Boy, Mr. Eyebrows sure knows how to make a castle creepy… Ah, Finally. Here’s the front door. I wonder why it’s standing open… Trap or foolish oversight? Hmm…

~~ Scene change.

Snufflefungus: Hey Malex, we’ve just discovered a clown-dunking booth! Do you copy? Over!

Linus: Would you quit that?! You’ve called him on the radio every five seconds since we split up!

Malex: (Over walkie-talkie.) Yes, I copy, Snufflefungus. I’ve just arrived at the castle, and I’m considering the wisdom of waltzing right in through the front door.

Snufflefungus: Wow! Those children look like they’re having so much fun…

Linus: Snuffy, focus! We’re on a mission, remember?

Snufflefungus: Oh, yeah. Sorry. Oh look, a dart booth!

Linus: Really?!

Malex: I’ve decided it’s not a trap. Knowing these guys, it’s almost certainly an oversight, so I’m heading in.

~~ Scene change.

Malex: So this is the castle. I guess the outside isn’t so creepy after all. Ooh, I think I hear something!

Mr. Eyebrows: (Muffled by door.) Actually, I like that Captain Mush cereal a lot better, but we don’t have it around very often… You should make a note to stock up on it next time you’re at the grocery store.

Squeaky: (Muffled by door.) Whatever you say, sir.

Mr. Eyebrows: So, down to business. Is everything completed?

Squeaky: Well, the portal’s locked so no one can leave, and, uh… The crystal orb is in place and it’s secure.

Mr. Eyebrows: How secure? We don’t want anyone tampering with it…

Squeaky: Oh, it’s very secure. Very, very secure indeed. Nobody’s going to find it. Especially not with Jeffery down there keeping all the kids distracted.

Mr. Eyebrows: Well done, Squeaky! As your reward, you are granted the privilege of bringing me dessert.

Squeaky: Thank you, sir!

Malex: Crystal Orb?

Squeaky: What was that?

Mr. Eyebrows: I don’t know, let me see…

~~ Scene change.

Linus: Wow! I got a bullseye!

Snufflefungus: My turn!

Malex: (Over walkie-talkie.) Hey guys, uh, I’m just leaving the castle. Uh… I caught a conversation between Mr. Eyebrows and that associate of his, but I had to run before they caught me.

Snufflefungus: That’s nice, Malex. Oh I got a bullseye too!

Malex: Guys… What are you doing?

Linus: Um, uh… N– Nothing! I mean we’re, um…

Snufflefungus: We’re playing darts!

Malex: Guys, I need you to focus! I can’t do this without you.

Snufflefungus: (Gasps.) Ultra-Snuffy feels ashamed. Come on Linus. We’ve got a job to do!

Linus: Fine. Say, look at that large crowd of kids by the carousel.

Snufflefungus: What about– Hey, is that Jeffrey?

Jeffrey: Take a ride on my carousel, man.

Linus: Not on your life, buster.

Malex: Hey guys, um… Have you seen anything like a crystal orb around here somewhere? They mentioned it earlier.

Jeffrey: Oh, um… Does he mean the source of all my powers?

Linus: We haven’t seen it, but I think Jeffrey has.

Snufflefungus: It’s the source of all his powers!

Malex: It is? Well hey, maybe if we find it and destroy it, this alternate reality will collapse, and everything will return to normal!

Snufflefungus: I bet you’re right!

Linus: It’s worth a shot!

Narrator: Ladies and Gentlemen, thanks for joining us this episode. We hope to see you next week for the final installment of this exciting three-part quarter finale!

~~ End

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Gabriel Markley, Peter Markley, and Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Sound Design and Music: Alex Markley

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Aisling

Thanks to IneQuation for use of the Walkie-Talkie Static sound effect.

Thanks to Brotherprovisional for use of the Back Crack 2 sound effect.

Thanks to anbo for use of the Pop Low Mid Normal sound effect.

Thanks to everyone for their help and support.