In this crazy Malex Minute episode, Malex and Ultra-Snuffy learn a valuable lesson: Never go up against the Principal. Seriously, he’s one scary guy. Anyway, it’s hilarious, so you’d better give it a listen and let us know what you think!
Not many thoughts today folks. It’s too late for thinking anyway.
Most everybody should know by now that I love music. A lot. What you may not know is that I’m a big fan of practically all kinds of music. Not just the Electronica that I myself compose. In fact, I’m a total sucker for a good Rock song. (As in, I was inconsolable when DC Talk broke up. Simply inconsolable. And kudos if you even know who they were.)
Since I publish so much of my own Electronic music, one might think me to be biased against publishing Analog music. Well no sir, that is not the case. I’ve been hoping for some good new Analog music to come my way so I could have the honor of publishing it.
Well it has, and the honor is all mine. Nathan Lundquist (aka HonkeyDorey) has joined the Malex Media Network team as an artist and contributed two new songs! One is called Angelina and the other is called Follow the Star.
They’re both rock of the very highest caliber. In fact, Angelina has been running through my head non-stop ever since I first heard it.
Now you might not think this is a big deal, but I’m really really excited about all this. Being able to publish some amazingly good analog music has been one of my long-term goals for the Malex Media Network now for years. Seeing it come to pass is brilliant.
Enjoy this week’s Malex Minute! I’m told it’s a blast…
Malex: Hey everybody, welcome to the Malex Minute! I’m Malex, and this is Snufflefungus–
Snufflefungus: No! No. I am Ultra-Snuffy.
Malex: Ah yes, I forgot.
Snufflefungus: It’s an easy mistake to make. Snufflefungus is very similar to me.
Malex: Oh, you know him?
Snufflefungus: Why yes! I know Snufflefungus. He’s a very nice guy. He’s pretty awesome overall.
Malex: Really. (Almost like a question, but not really.)
Snufflefungus: Yes, yes… And cute too. Do you know him?
Malex: Um, yes. Yes I do.
Snufflefungus: That’s nice. (Awkward, vulnerable.) So… Do you think Snufflefungus is a nice guy?
Malex: Uh yeah, yeah. He’s great.
Snufflefungus: You sure?
~~ Awkward silence.
Snufflefungus: So, have you noticed that we can talk in italics now?
Malex: Oh yeah, isn’t it great? I was up all night the other day improving our XML system.
Snufflefungus: Nice, nice.
Malex: And now we can speak in italics.
Snufflefungus: That’s so cool…
Malex: So anyway, back to business, Ladies and Gentlemen. Previously on the Malex Minute, we discovered that children were going missing all over Ohioville. After a great deal of investigation–
Snufflefungus: And anonymous tips!
Malex: –we discovered that the children are being lured away through some horrible portal.
Snufflefungus: Hmm, ‘horrible portal.’ That rhymes…
Malex: Anyway, these poor children are being lured away by sheep that we suspect are being distributed at the local school!
Snufflefungus: And Linus and Jeffrey have something to do with it.
Malex: Yeah, you’re probably right.
Snufflefungus: ’Cause Linus wanted a robot body, so he’s been dealing sheep to pay for it.
Malex: So anyway, Snuffy and I came up here to the school and demanded to see the principal, but he’s making us wait outside his office.
Snufflefungus: He’s probably organizing a cover-story as we speak!
Malex: Could be…
Malex: You know, these chairs are really small.
Snufflefungus: Really? I hadn’t noticed.
Malex: Yup, yup…
Assistant: (Opens door.) Um, hello? You can come in now…
Malex: Ah, thank you.
Snufflefungus: It’s about time, too!
Assistant: Sorry for the delay. (Closes door.)
Principal: What do you want?!
Malex: Well, I–
Principal: Can’t you see I’m a busy man?!
Snufflefungus: Well we–
Principal: You’re a bunch of blithering nitwits, aren’t you?! Spit it out!
Malex: You’ve got illegal sheep dealing going on at this school! The kids are buying them in droves!
Principal: What are you talking about?! This is a tightly-run operation here! No sheep dealing going on under my nose!
Assistant: But, sir? What about that one guy who comes in every day with a new flock?
Malex: That’s what I thought! The kids are buying sheep here, and before anybody knows it they’re gone!
Principal: I don’t know what you’re talking about!
Snufflefungus: Yes you do! I can see the guilt all over your face!
Assistant: That’s actually a dab of mustard.
Principal: You shut your stinking mouth!
Malex: So you claim to know nothing at all about the sheep that are being sold at your school.
Principal: That’s exactly what I claim! And if you want to fight about it, I’ll punch your head in until it’s… Until it’s… uh, um… Until it’s not working right anymore!
Snufflefungus: You may punch his head in, but after that, you’re going to have to deal with Ultra-Snuffy!
Malex: Well I don’t precisely want to fight about it, that’s okay. But uh, but I still don’t believe you, and I will be back. Soon. (Opens door.)
Assistant: Thanks for coming! Come again soon!
Principal: You stupid moron person! Shut your stinking mouth!
Assistant: (Door has closed, so muffled.) Sorry…
Malex: That crazy principal has clearly been paid off to be quiet.
Malex: Whoa! Hello, Anonymous. So, what’s up?
Anonymous: Oh, you know, spiritual warfare and things. Actually, I’m here to warn you about the conflict you’re about to enter.
Snufflefungus: Haven’t we already entered it?
Anonymous: Oh sure. It’s just about to get a lot worse.
Malex: (Sarcastic.) Oh great…
Anonymous: I would have come talk to you sooner, but I just now quit brawling with some hot-shot demon.
Snufflefungus: Did you win?
Anonymous: We called a draw.
Malex: A draw?
Anonymous: Sure. You would too if you had been wrestling for over a month straight.
Snufflefungus: Even Ultra-Snuffy is impressed.
Malex: Yeah, seriously.
Anonymous: Anyway, this conflict is about to get pretty serious. Everything – even your friendships – will be tested to the max.
Anonymous: Yes. But you’re made of some pretty stern stuff when you set your mind to it, so you should be okay. Just do what you know is right and don’t back down. You’ll be fine.
Malex: Thanks. That uh, that helps. Although, can you tell me anything about the nature of the conflict?
Anonymous: Not really. Although I can tell you this: The mastermind behind this whole disaster is someone you know, but haven’t seen or heard from in a very long time.
Snufflefungus: I wonder who it could be?
~~ Scene change.
Mr. Eyebrows: Breakin’ out the good stuff tonight! Yeah!
Squeaky: Uh, Mr. Eyebrows sir? Are you sure you want to open that bottle of spirits? It’s from all the way back during the crusades!
Mr. Eyebrows: That’s the whole point! They’ve had time to age! We’ve got a lot to celebrate, so I’m gonna get drunk on souls!
Squeaky: Well, uh, if you’re sure.
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Alex Markley, Gabriel Markley, and Peter Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.