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Malex Minute 058

Malex and friends start off talking about Easter, but then they get an urgent call for… Ultra-Snuffy?! Lots of laughs, so give it a listen and let us know what you think!

Episode Audio

Malex's Thoughts

Is it a sin to like Aqua Teen Hunger Force as much as I do? I just discovered it recently, and I’ve only seen a few episodes. But from where I sit, it seems to have all the elements I generally tend to like in a comedy fiction.

It’s pretty crazy through and through, the main characters being an anthropomorphized side of french fries, a disgruntled milkshake, and an unsuccessful attempt at a meatball. And if I didn’t know any better, I would swear that Meatwad (the aforementioned meatball) is a direct copy of the Snufflefungus. And before you go spreading any rumors, the reverse is equally impossible. Fo’ real, yo. (Seriously, I had never ever seen ATHF until two weeks ago – well over a year after Snufflefungus had been well-established in my mind.)

As for the show itself, it even has a similar format to the Malex Minute. Specifically, it’s designed to fit short, fifteen minute time slots (which, given today’s television, translates to about five minutes of actual content) and the stories are very random and unconnected. There was even a loose crime-fighting element in there originally. (Which, as you can clearly see, runs through the Malex Minute like blood runs through through human veins. Only, you know, less red and fluid-like.)

Of course, as much fun as I think ATHF is, I think the Malex Minute is better. But as the Executive Producer of the Malex Minute, what other position can I hold? (Hint: None.)

It’s not all roses though. Besides being subjectively and vaguely inferior to the Malex Minute, ATHF has more than its fair share of rough spots. It’s got enough swearing and innuendo to make it unsuitable for children. And, while violence doesn’t tend to upset me any, I can see how ATHF might cross a few boundaries for some people. So it’s far too vulgar, but what entertainment isn’t these days? (Hint: It begins with an ‘M…’)

I’m planning on seeing the brand-spanking new ATHF movie tonight with a buddy or two. It should be good fun. Unless, of course, they (the creative minds behind the television show) decide to “kick it up a notch” to celebrate their new level of freedom from generally accepted moral constraints. That would be nicely uncomfortable, but what can you expect anymore? (Hint: Expect the world to burst into flames. Flames of doom. Or something like that.)

A funny thing related to the ATHF movie is the Boston Bomb scare from January. If you don’t recall, a good chunk of the city of Boston, MA was shut down on January 31st following the discovery of unidentified bomb-like devices scattered throughout.

The thing is, they weren’t bombs, they were advertisements. They didn’t even look like bombs. They were cheap LED- and battery-powered light-up displays in the shape of a minor character from ATHF.

But that didn’t stop the Boston authorities from going wild. No sir, they responded quickly, with an intelligence and decisiveness which can only be found in governmental institutions. They started taking the devices down. And when none of the devices exploded on the bomb squad, they exploded one of the devices with one of their own bombs. Just to be safe.

In all honesty, with all my ribbing, I don’t disrespect the way the authorities handled the situation. In point of fact, I really and truly disrespect the way the media handled the situation.

I’ve watched some recorded videos of the live coverage which was being broadcast that day, and those dumbbells were still reporting the devices as “bombs or hoax devices” for hours after they had been correctly identified as advertisements.

And as a direct result, the city was thrown into such a fervor, the fallout was many thousands of times bigger than it needed to be.

So, the moral of the story? Just let the ‘authorities’ do what you’re paying them to do, and have the darn media put a sock in it.


——Alex Markley


~~ Introduction

Malex: Hey everybody, welcome to the Malex Minute! I’m Malex, and my friends Linus and Snuffy are hosting the show with me! Hope everybody had a good Easter?

Snufflefungus: I sure did.

Linus: Easter? Kid stuff man. That stuff is for kids.

Snufflefungus: But I like candy, and I’m not a kid. I mean, I am a kid, but I’ll always like candy!

Malex: Easter’s not about candy anyway…

Linus: Oh?

Malex: No. Haven’t you seen the Passion of the Christ?

Snufflefungus: What does that have to do with candy?

Malex: Nothing! Easter is when we celebrate Jesus coming back from the dead.

Snufflefungus: Wait, I’m confused.

Malex: Never mind, we have a show to do.

Linus: No no, keep talking. It’s funny.

Snufflefungus: Well alls I know is I like candy.

Linus: Well you’ve been carrying that marshmallow bird thing around all week. What are you doing, waiting for it to get stale before you eat it?

Snufflefungus: No! His name is Peep, and I will cherish him forever and ever!

Malex: Snuffy… You know that Peep is a type of candy, not the name of a friend.

Snufflefungus: Why can’t it be both?!

Linus: Just eat it. Everything will be different in the morning.

Malex: Moving right along, does anybody know where this red phone came from? It’s like it appeared on the wall overnight. And it’s about Snuffy’s height, too…

Snufflefungus: It’s mine.

Linus: What the heck is it for?

Snufflefungus: It’s my direct line to… Secrets. That I cannot reveal.

Malex: Alright then, well I got an anonymous tip earlier–

~~ Red Phone Rings.

Malex: What?

Snufflefungus: That’s mine, I’ll get it!

Linus: Hmm, secrets, huh…?

Snufflefungus: What? Yes sir. Right away, Mister President.

~~ Hangs up Red Phone.

Snufflefungus: Well guys, gotta go! Bye!

Malex: Man, this is three weeks in a row now that one of my main characters has bailed out on me!

Linus: It’s because you’re unpopular.

Malex: Great, thanks. Well as I was saying before that darn phone interrupted, I got an anonymous tip earlier about a really odd, sheep-related disturbance on the other end of town. I think it would make sense to go investigate it.

Linus: Well heck, I’ll go with ya’! Sounds like good fun.

Malex: I thought I was ‘unpopular.’

Linus: Sure you are, but I don’t mind being seen with you… If you try not to be too obnoxious.

~~ Scene change.

Snufflefungus: So whats seems to be the problem, Mr. President, sir?

President Anchorman: Oh, thank goodness you’re here, Mr. Fungus!

Snufflefungus: Shh! Don’t call me that! My Ultra-Belt turns me into Ultra-Snuffy!

President Anchorman: Well, who ever you are, the town is in desperate need of a superhero!

Snufflefungus: Shh! Don’t call me that either! ‘Superhero’ is a trademark owned jointly by Marvel and DC. So if they hear us use it, they’ll sue the pants off us! I’m an ultra-hero instead.

President Anchorman: Oh, it’s all fish and beans to me. So what was I saying?

Snufflefungus: You said the town is in desperate need of an ultra-hero.

President Anchorman: Oh, that’s right. There have been a number of reports about disturbances in the sewers. One lady said she heard that rock music wafting up from her latrine!

Snufflefungus: Well, it sounds like a job for… Ultra-Snuffy!

~~ Scene change.

Snufflefungus: Boy, it sure is spooky down here.

~~ Strange tribal chanting echoing from off down the tunnels.

Snufflefungus: I want my Mommy… No! Ultra-Snuffy is brave! Ultra-Snuffy is strong! Ultra-Snuffy will get to the bottom of this!

Snufflefungus: Now, I’ll just sneak forward so I can see.

Snufflefungus: What’s going on here? It looks like there are strange, small, green, gooey creatures dancing around that throne! Huh? Is that Poddy sitting on the throne?!

Poddy: Hey, who’s that over there? Get over here!

Snufflefungus: Arrgh! My cover’s been blown!

Poddy: I remember you! You’re Snufflefungus, one of that stupid Malex’s stupid lackeys. You’re stupid, that’s what you are. Anyway, what’re you doing here?

Snufflefungus: What are you talking about? I’m not Snufflefungus, I’m Ultra-Snuffy! And I’ve come to investigate some strange disturbances down here.

Gooey Native: Should we eat him, oh great Noisy One?

Snufflefungus: I will not tolerate disturbances of the peace! Ultra-Snuffy will fight for truth, justice, and the Ohiovillain way! And that means, you know, keeping the peace.

Poddy: Peace? Ha! I don’t see anything ‘ultra’ about you, so I’ll just ignore everything you say. Get him boys!

Gooey Native: Attack!

Snufflefungus: Aha! Observe my ultraness! Observe it and weep!

~~ Fighting sound effects.

Gooey Native: Run for your lives! (Scream.)

Poddy: Whoa… did you… did that… I mean I had no idea you were actually ultra!

Snufflefungus: Yes, yes I am. I am Ultra-Snuffy! And if you don’t stop disturbing the peace, I’ll have to get all Ultra on you too!

Poddy: Sure, sure. I can quit terrorizing people in their most vulnerable moments. Anyway, uh, can I borrow your belt for a few minutes?

Snufflefungus: No! You be good. Ultra-Snuffy must now leave!

~~ End

The Man in the Moon: What are you howling at?!


Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Alex Markley, Gabriel Markley, and Peter Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

Episode Audio3.35 MB Download Now - 3.35 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Episode Illustration136.3 KB Download Now - 136.3 KB View Now - Episode Illustration



Is it just me, or is (Ultra)Snuffy, especially cute in this episode? :-* :-* :-*

This episode struck me as much more amusing than the last one.

And I must say, the sound effects for this one were incredible! Good job, guys!


"From the great Gales of Ireland,

Are the men that God made mad,

For all their wars are merry,

And all their songs are sad." - G. K. Chesterton

Everything looks perfect from far away.

-Posidon's Hot Poker-

Yes, this week was much more entertaining than the last! I have a good feeling about later weeks as well!

The only problem with this week was that Snuffy's story completely overtook the investigation... When will we learn about the missing children!


.::Duex Ex Machina!::.

Almost All Annoying Artists Always Act Atrociously, Authorizing Abominable Alliterations And Administering Awful Antics.

- Christoph Jenkins

.::Duex Ex Machina!::.

Almost All Annoying Artists Alternate Across Acting Atrociously , Authorizing Abominable Alliterations, And Administering Awful Antics.

- Christoph Jenkins

Alex's picture


So glad you guys liked this episode. I know last week was a tad lame, so we (I and my partners in crime) are working harder to keep it funny.

"When will we learn about the missing children!" --Christoph Jenkins

Quite soon, my friend. Quite soon. :-D


--Alex Markley

"Y'all live long and prosper, ya hear?"

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

Getting all ultra

Just exactly what does "getting all ultra" entail, Snuffy?

The illustration is awesome. And I must say that for reasons I do not fully comprehend, President Anchorman is one of my favorite characters. Aside from the three main ones, of course.


I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Lilly's picture




My hero! My hero!-Motf

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City

Peter's picture


"The illustration is awesome." -SangMing

Thank you ever so. :)


To decipher this top secret message, stream the two ASCII binary equivalents of "#I!`a$*A (Fb#! 8@" and "$DAD%#h! d/mI! *P" through a boolean OR operation, and convert back to text.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy (Contradictionary - Party)

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