Woo! We actually had this episode recorded and produced pretty early today. That is to say, it was recorded Wednesday, and it was finished fairly early on Thursday.

Which may lead one to wonder why it’s being released at 1:30 in the morning. And what a good question that is! The answer? It’s these darn ‘Malex’s Thoughts…’

I’m not really sure when I started thinking (ha) that it would be a good idea to bundle a snapshot of my thoughts with the Malex Minute on a weekly basis, but I’m pretty sure I was being stupid.

After all, it’s so vague! What should I actually write about? I can’t very well talk about the episode, since some people like to read before they listen. (Yes, I had a complaint.) I also can’t talk about the majority of my day/week, since it primarily revolved around writing decentralization code for MalexMedia.Net to improve service reliability. (And anybody that actually wants to hear about that must surely have a life as boring as mine.)

And anyway, who ever said I have any good thoughts? Or at least, the kind people might be interested in reading about?

I must have missed the memo.

So I’ve been trying to come up with some ‘good’ thoughts for the better part of a day now.

Hmm…

As if it weren’t bad enough that I only churn out about three production-quality thoughts per year, the rest of ’em are so fragmented as to be barely usable. I get a snippet of music here, a snapshot of code there, a sudden, frightened glance at something I forgot to do well over a year ago, and a headdesk about something coming up. Not a one of them has the decency to form into a complete thought – let alone an English sentence – before it whirls away and is replaced.

Somebody should look into that sort of issue. I’m sure I’m not the only guy whose mind plays these sorts of tricks. So what we need is some sort of mind-focusing ray. It would shoot down from the ceiling into an array of receptors mounted on a helmet on your head. And instead of filtering out the random thoughts you don’t have time to finish, it would actually speed up the power of your mind! That way, you would have time to follow every stray thought to its logical conclusion!

People like you and I, we could invent cold fusion over lunch. And still have time to poke at the world hunger problem before dessert.

…

So while smarter people work on that problem, I’m going to finish this sucker up and hit ‘Submit’ so I can go to sleep.

ttyl!

——Alex Markley

~~ Introduction

Malex: Hey everybody, welcome to the Malex Minute! I’m Malex, and I’m hosting the show again today. As usual.

Snufflefungus: I’m here too!

Malex: Yes, Snufflefungus, you are. As you may or may not remember, ladies and gentlemen, there have been a number of recent reports of children going missing all over Ohioville. Well, just last episode, we were called in to investigate one such case.

Snufflefungus: And you’ll never guess what we found!

Malex: That’s right, the missing boy had a sheep pen in his room. He brought a sheep home from school about three weeks beforehand–

Snufflefungus: And now he and the sheep have both vanished into thin air!

Malex: I don’t think that’s possible Snuffy. They’ve got to be somewhere…

Snufflefungus: No, I really think they vanished into thin air. I can feel it in my little Snuffy-bones.

Malex: Ah. Well, another weird thing is that Linus somewhat randomly decided to head out to “get some work done…” I really don’t know what he’s up to or why. Hopefully we’ll see him back at the house later.

Snufflefungus: Yeah, Linus is my best friend. It would be too bad if he never came back.

Malex: Snuffy! Don’t borrow trouble.

Snufflefungus: Yeah, you’re probably right. I can’t afford the interest.

Malex: So now we’re just arriving in Centrally-Located Park to investigate the sheep farm which suddenly appeared here.

Snufflefungus: It seems suspicious to me!

Malex: Well we’ll see, it’s… Holy whoa, look at all the sheep!

~~ Sheep noises.

Snufflefungus: Malex, look! There’s Linus over there!

Malex: And he’s with somebody… What?! He’s with Jeffrey!

Linus: … And I’m thinking we can sell these without– Malex!

Malex: Linus! What are you doing?

Linus: Er, doing? What do you mean? And what are all these sheep doing here in the middle of Centrally-Located Park?

Malex: I haven’t the faintest. That’s what we’re here to investigate.

Snufflefungus: What is Jeffrey doing here?

Jeffrey: I love the little sheepies man.

Snufflefungus: Is that the reason why Jeffrey is here? Or is Jeffrey the reason why the sheep are here? (Dramatic.) Or… Are we the reason that Jeffrey is here?

Linus: I don’t know, I just ran into Jeffrey by a complete and utter, freak coincidence.

Jeffrey: Does that mean our meeting is over, Liny-dude?

Linus: Shut up. Ignore him…

Malex: (Drawn out.) Right…

Linus: Anyway, I was just going home! Care to join me?

Malex: Well, I was going to see if I could do some more investigating, but…

Snufflefungus: I just remembered! I have an experiment going at home, and we have to get back right now! Can we go back now? Can we? Huh? Please?

Malex: And what happens if we’re not back in time?

Snufflefungus: (Cheerfully.) Boom!

Linus: Well that’s just grand.

Malex: Fine, we’ll head back to the house now.

Snufflefungus: Just… Walk fastly.

~~ Cut to Malex’s house.

Snufflefungus: I checked on my invention! It’s doing fine, but I have to wait another minute.

Linus: When are you ever going to tell us what it is?

Snufflefungus: Oh, probably never.

Malex: Hey look! We got an email with some questions for Snufflefungus!

Linus: Why can’t they ever be questions for me?

Malex: Because you’re pretty hateful most of the time.

Linus: (Challenging.) What about it?

Snufflefungus: May I have my questions now?

Linus: You still don’t get it.

Snufflefungus: I don’t know why you won’t ever let me have my questions…

Malex: These questions are from Gregory and his girlfriend Hilary from Coos Bay Oregon. The first one is this: “What does Snuffy eat?”

Snufflefungus: Oh, I like eating everything! All sorts of things… Like cheeseburgers, ice cream, grass… You name it, I’ll eat it! (Despise.) Except dish soap! I hate dish soap…

Malex: For the next question, they want to know how old you are, Snuffy.

Snufflefungus: What? No comment.

Linus: Now that’s comedy.

Malex: The third question is, why don’t you have an evil twin?

Snufflefungus: Oh, I do.

Linus: Really?! Can I meet this guy?

Malex: For the fourth question, Snuffy, what causes you to be so happy?

Snufflefungus: Well, it all started when I was just a little baby Snuffy. I just loved to sit and watch the other Snufflefungi going about their business. But when my mommy would come and cuddle me, I always felt–

Linus: When did this become the Snufflefungus Hour? Move on to the next question!

Malex: Well… Okay… Snufflefungus, for your fifth and final question: Why do you hate dish soap so?

Snufflefungus: What? How did they know?!

Linus: Whoa man, that’s terribly creepy.

Malex: It almost sounds like something is going on behind the scenes that we just don’t know about.

Linus: Isn’t there always?

Snufflefungus: Well, I should go check on my invention.

Linus: You better not let that thing explode…

Malex: So anyway, what were you up to all day, Linus?

Linus: What do you mean?

Malex: I mean, what did you do while you were gone all day?

Linus: What’s it to you?

Malex: I have a right to ask!

Linus: Who died and made you president?

Malex: I don’t have to be president. I have the right to know where my own laptop was all afternoon!

Linus: Fine, I was out waxing puppies! Ya’ happy?

Malex: Not in the least.

Snufflefungus: Hi guys! Bye guys!

Malex: What?! Where are you going now?

Snufflefungus: I gotta go set something up! See ya’, bye!

Malex: I never know what’s going on.

Linus: Maybe you should get that looked at.

Malex: Ladies and Gentlemen, looks like we’re out of time for this episode. Thank you very much for listening, and we hope you’ll all join us again next week to find out what happens next on the Malex Minute!

~~ End

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Alex Markley, Gabriel Markley, and Peter Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Aisling

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to everyone for their help and support.