It feels like only yesterday* that we were recording the first Malex Minute episode, and now we’re already waving goodbye to the first year! It almost seems a shame to me, that is until I look over some of the stuff we have planned for year two. (I’ll give you a hint. It’s awesome.)

In fact, Malex Minute 053 is already in the can and awaiting release. For those of you familiar with our chronically procrastinatory nature, such news may come as a shock. What horrible trauma must have taken place to jar the irresponsibility out of our thick skulls?

Actually, the explanation is quite simple, and it doesn’t involve any radical cranial adjustments.** The fact is that Linus the Laptop – or at least the one who is his voice – had his wisdom teeth extracted from his jaws today. Which makes him a bad candidate for voice acting in the near future. And a little loopy.

We’re now hoping that Fopsworth’s wisdom teeth were the sole source of our procrastinatory ways, and that removing them has lifted the curse. Of course this will never happen, but this is America isn’t it? A man can dream!

No matter, my mind continues returning to Malex Minute’s birthday. In some ways, Malex Minute 053 seems like just another episode. But I know that’s not true. In one week’s time, the Malex Minute will become the MMN’s™ longest-running production.

It almost gives me chills, actually. I remember the day I let everyone down. Especially myself.

I wrote: “Tomorrow, [the TUAoMaI project] releases the final episode of [Malex and Icepunk] season one to the public, and a new season is not forthcoming. … I don’t feel compelled to discuss our reasons for putting the project on hold, but suffice it to say that the creators are unanimous in the decision, and both of us have moved on to more promising things.”

More promising things… That’s a laugh and a half. We left our beloved characters in the lurch! Malex, Icepunk, Linus the Laptop: they were all captured! We had promised a second season and it never came.

John and I had a good thing going, and we dropped the ball. It was disappointing, but it wasn’t the end of the story. We learned many things, we picked up the pieces, and we moved on.

Interestingly, in that same article I said: “Also worth noting is the fact that Malex and Icepunk are not in any way dead. They, as well as their universe and the improbable creatures that populate it, will undoubtedly live on forever…”

I had no way of knowing what would come next. My mind was on too many different things at the time. But it was barely six months later that I wrote: “Brace yourself, the insanity is returning… (The introductory episode of the Malex Minute.)”

And boy were we off like a shot.

So stick around and see what happens this year! I can’t promise never to disappoint you guys like that again, but I will promise this: Episode 053 is coming out next Friday, it’s hilarious, and I’ll be unveiling something at the same time which will knock your proverbial socks off.

See you then, and in the meantime enjoy Malex Minute 052!

ttyl

——Alex Markley

* - Lies.

** - More lies.

~~ Introduction

Malex: Hey all, Malex here yet again!

Snufflefungus: And I’m the Snufflefungus!

Linus: And I… can’t do this. I just can’t…

Malex: That’s Linus the Laptop, and he just doesn’t believe in happiness.

Snufflefungus: I know happiness exists because I’m happy!

Linus: Oh, happiness exists… It’s that thing that happens to stupid people sometimes!

Snufflefungus: Wait, did you call me–

Malex: (Rapidly changes subject.) Well I can hardly believe it, Ladies and Gentlemen! The Malex Minute has been around for almost a whole year!

Linus: Almost? How is that anything special?

Malex: Well, this is the last episode in our first year. Next episode will officially begin year two.

Linus: So celebrate then.

Malex: Other people like to put off troubles. You like to put off celebrating.

Linus: Who says I like it?

Malex: I stand corrected…

Snufflefungus: I like celebrating.

Malex: Yes, Snufflefungus, I know.

Snufflefungus: In fact, let’s celebrate my newest invention! (Plunks it on the table.)

Linus: What… is it?

Snufflefungus: You can’t tell?

Malex: It looks very… Is it a paperweight?

Linus: Quite frankly, it looks like one of those stupid human ‘modern art’ pieces.

Snufflefungus: (The one sad line.) Well if you guys are going to make fun of it, I’m not going to share it with you!

Linus: Good!

Malex: Shut up Linus! I’m sorry, Snufflefungus. I just can’t imagine what it does. Please tell us.

Snufflefungus: (Happy again, but we already knew that.) Okay, It’s a corncob shredder!

Linus: What?

Snufflefungus: It’s for all those top-secret corn-on-the-cob documents!

Malex: But, Snuffy, I don’t have any documents stored on corncobs.

Snufflefungus: You don’t?

Malex: No…

Linus: And nobody else does either. Way to go, champ, you’ve wasted all your time.

Snufflefungus: Oh well! I’m sure some good will come of it!

Malex: Right. So here we’re coming up on the beginning of Malex Minute Year Two, and I’m really excited.

Linus: Dare I ask why?

Malex: Well we’re experimenting with a number of new ideas for the Malex Minute. Several changes have already been made, and next week we’ll see the launch of something new and amazing!

Snufflefungus: What kind of changes have we already seen?

Malex: Well I’ve already started writing commentary on individual episodes, and we’re now attaching illustrations to each episode too. You should actually be seeing a nice illustration attached to this episode right now if you’re looking on the website.

Linus: I don’t know if I would go so far as to say that it’s nice…

Snufflefungus: I think it’s nice! I wonder who drew it?

Malex: Quartz, our lead graphic designer did it. Even better, he’ll be illustrating future episodes as well!

Snufflefungus: He sounds like an incredibly talented and all-around great guy! I’d love to meet him some time…

Malex: Um, I mean… Well…

Linus: Who needs the forth wall? Mr. Snufflefungus, tear down this wall!

Snufflefungus: What? I’m very confused.

Linus: Malex, I can’t stand it anymore!

Malex: What? Why? Snufflefungus isn’t that stupid…

Linus: No, I mean yes! Er, he isn’t that stupid. It’s not him I can’t stand no more.

Snufflefungus: There were too many negatives in that sentence, I couldn’t follow it.

Malex: Linus, what can you not stand, er… no more?

Linus: This stupid laptop body!

Malex: But Linus, we’ve made plenty of modifications to it just for you.

Linus: Yeah, I know…

Malex: I added anti-gravity gliders to it, you have full control over the lid, you can go and do pretty much anything you want!

Linus: Uh, not really.

Snufflefungus: What can’t you do?

Linus: How about open a door? Drive a car? I’m stuck in a laptop for crying out loud!

Malex: Well, what’s the solution, Linus? Do you want a robot body? What would make you happy?

Linus: (Mutters.) Well, we could import one from an alien planet…

Malex: Import an extra-terrestrial robot?

Linus: Sure!

Malex: What’s wrong with a terrestrial one?

Linus: I don’t think so.

Snufflefungus: Rejected!

Malex: Okay then, how much would this imported robot cost us?

Linus: About a hundred-thousand (Sounds like gesundheit.)

Malex: That sounds like a lot.

Snufflefungus: We can help you Linus! I’ll sell candy door-to-door!

Linus: It’s not really a lot of money anyway. There’s quite a difference between (Gesundheit.) and American dollars.

Malex: About how much does it work out to in USD?

Linus: Oh… About 2.5 Million.

Malex: Oh. Quite a difference indeed.

Snufflefungus: I’ll need to order a lot of candy bars…

Linus: So what do you say? Are you with me?!

Malex: Not really. That’s a lot of money.

Linus: Meh, I didn’t think so. I’ve still got my own plan.

Snufflefungus: Oh, you have your own plan? Then I don’t need to help either.

Linus: Right.

Malex: Well it looks like we’re out of time, Ladies and Gentlemen. Thanks for listening, and we hope you’ll join us next week on the Malex Minute!

~~ End

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Alex Markley and Gabriel Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Aisling

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to everyone for their help and support.